Superego? Help please :(

[Shytan]

Superego

[GuavaDrunk]

Bluntly put, are you really going to do something other than date him? Probably not, so might as well date him, get hurt and have an interesting life. [/handwaving]

[Number 9 large]

Okay. So I'm in denial about ITR and Socionics in general, and I need brutal forward advice. So i recently crushed on an LSI and noticed he felt the same way. For the past two to three months we've spent a lot of time together, gone out, had sex etc etc. And so he's asked me to be his girlfriend. I'm kind of in a fix because my ex(an IEE) loves me so and we had dated for two years and the depth of connection was magical. However, I think I'm in love with the LSI. Superego relations seem doomed, and I do know for a fact that I can't give the LSI the Fe he needs. I keep trying to convince myself it might work, but will we both end up getting hurt? I'm already in too deep, but actually getting into a serious relationship would potentially cause more harm? I keep telling myself hey, LSIs like to fix things, and superego relations cause a lot of conflict, so he'll keep coming back. We always tell each other when we have issues with each other but I can't seem to have a wholesome emotional connection with him Also, he's Sp/sx and I'm Sx/sp and I'm scared after the 'honeymoon' phase is over he'll revert to his Sp ways and I'll be left thirsty for that connection.

You don't even know of socionics is even a real thing lmao. There's nothing scientific about this theory. You should probably give it a shot, nothing in life is certain until you do it.

[DavidH]

You're having sex with him currently. Your views on Socionics do not trump existing reality.

[Number 9 large]

You're having sex with him currently. Your views on Socionics do not trump existing reality.

True that, even if it were true, doesn't mean that you typed him (or yourself) even correctly.
Besides there are many non-duality relations (again, if duality even exists...) that work until the day you die. And trust me, rejecting him now while you are in love with him will only leave you wanting and thinking ''what if...?''. Just say yes, dive into the deep, it's normal to have doubt, but the doubt will go away when you do it anyway. Even if your gut feeling will turn out to be right, so what? You learned from the experience, and nothing can hurt you as much as regret of the things we didn't do.

[Myst]

Okay. So I'm in denial about ITR and Socionics in general, and I need brutal forward advice. So i recently crushed on an LSI and noticed he felt the same way. For the past two to three months we've spent a lot of time together, gone out, had sex etc etc. And so he's asked me to be his girlfriend. I'm kind of in a fix because my ex(an IEE) loves me so and we had dated for two years and the depth of connection was magical. However, I think I'm in love with the LSI. Superego relations seem doomed, and I do know for a fact that I can't give the LSI the Fe he needs. I keep trying to convince myself it might work, but will we both end up getting hurt? I'm already in too deep, but actually getting into a serious relationship would potentially cause more harm? I keep telling myself hey, LSIs like to fix things, and superego relations cause a lot of conflict, so he'll keep coming back. We always tell each other when we have issues with each other but I can't seem to have a wholesome emotional connection with him Also, he's Sp/sx and I'm Sx/sp and I'm scared after the 'honeymoon' phase is over he'll revert to his Sp ways and I'll be left thirsty for that connection.

What does it mean that you "can't give the LSI the Fe he needs". Please translate this bit into everyday words, no Socionics language. I can see you try to somehow link this to how you "can't seem to have a wholesome emotional connection with him" but say more on this?

Yah I like to fix things and tried to fix things in my superego relationship before. It only ended when I realized it didn't work and WHY it didn't work. I ended it then, it was for the better for both of us long term.

[Myst]

You don't even know of socionics is even a real thing lmao. There's nothing scientific about this theory. You should probably give it a shot, nothing in life is certain until you do it.

Your own observations of things are real. Just the question is what interpretation of a "logical map" is best for the observations to draw the correct conclusions to apply them then.

[Shytan]

What does it mean that you "can't give the LSI the Fe he needs". Please translate this bit into everyday words, no Socionics language. I can see you try to somehow link this to how you "can't seem to have a wholesome emotional connection with him" but say more on this?

Yah I like to fix things and tried to fix things in my superego relationship before. It only ended when I realized it didn't work and WHY it didn't work. I ended it then, it was for the better for both of us long term.

I see how much he cheers up around our Fe dom friends, they kind of bring him out of his cocoon, make him happy. I try to do that but I can't really do much.
Why couldn't your relationship with your superego work?

[Sanguine Miasma]

I think it is quite OK if you can handle it.


Usually, super ego types tend to point each other's weaknesses in kind of playful manner but they can also solve them (not optimally preferred way, though).

If types are correct etc. which is usually big IF.

[Myst]

I see how much he cheers up around our Fe dom friends, they kind of bring him out of his cocoon, make him happy. I try to do that but I can't really do much.
Why couldn't your relationship with your superego work?

Yeah that would be Fe.

Why it didn't work... Well, initially it was actually pretty cool while we were just getting to know each other, some nice positivity consistently provided by him was enough to affect me over time enough to get interested. But when the relationship started to get deeper, problems did come up. The first problem was that he started finding me too cold/distant and I guess it was because with us going beyond that first stage of positivity, he couldn't continue affecting me in the right way for long, just sometimes. Anyway, he would get stressed out over that and complain and I found the complaints to be unfair accusations so then we'd have a never-ending argument, it was impossible to get anywhere from those arguments. Still this wasn't the dealbreaker, I guess it was at least not a completely unemotional/indifferent relationship this way lol. But on the whole he just was not making me feel involved enough for long enough so the relationship was lacking overall, I just didn't get conscious of that fast enough. I was too busy trying to help him in some things, anyway. I was way too committed really. However, soon enough I did realize that we just saw the world fundamentally differently, that is, I realized he was not someone who could work with me for shared goals, his approach was too different and that was the dealbreaker. It was only after I broke up with him that I figured it wouldn't have got any better emotionally either. So I can understand if you have concerns over that. Just for me that was not the main dealbreaker, the Ne/Se differences got in the way faster than that. Maybe this also depends on the particular LSI as to what they'll focus on the most.

[Myst]

I think it is quite OK if you can handle it.

Usually, super ego types tend to point each other's weaknesses in kind of playful manner but they can also solve them (not optimally preferred way, though).

If types are correct etc. which is usually big IF.

Eh in my experience this "not optimally preferred way" is an understatement. Way too far from optimal. It can sometimes work, yeah, but it's very far from how duality relationships are. Not that those are perfect lol this world isn't perfect.

[Sanguine Miasma]

It is true that rational types tend to be more exacting in their ways.

[Cosmic Teapot]

Generally speaking, when it comes to relationships it's either a "fuck yes" or a no. You can't let your judgment and feelings be clouded by a theory. After all, it's not just about your feelings, it's also about him. So when you continue to sit on your butt, contemplating about the relevance of categories that some people made up to make sense of people, you will not just waste your time but his time, too. And about mistakes: when you fail, fail fast. I wish you the best and good luck.

[Shytan]

Yeah that would be Fe.

Why it didn't work... Well, initially it was actually pretty cool while we were just getting to know each other, some nice positivity consistently provided by him was enough to affect me over time enough to get interested. But when the relationship started to get deeper, problems did come up. The first problem was that he started finding me too cold/distant and I guess it was because with us going beyond that first stage of positivity, he couldn't continue affecting me in the right way for long, just sometimes. Anyway, he would get stressed out over that and complain and I found the complaints to be unfair accusations so then we'd have a never-ending argument, it was impossible to get anywhere from those arguments. Still this wasn't the dealbreaker, I guess it was at least not a completely unemotional/indifferent relationship this way lol. But on the whole he just was not making me feel involved enough for long enough so the relationship was lacking overall, I just didn't get conscious of that fast enough. I was too busy trying to help him in some things, anyway. I was way too committed really. However, soon enough I did realize that we just saw the world fundamentally differently, that is, I realized he was not someone who could work with me for shared goals, his approach was too different and that was the dealbreaker. It was only after I broke up with him that I figured it wouldn't have got any better emotionally either. So I can understand if you have concerns over that. Just for me that was not the main dealbreaker, the Ne/Se differences got in the way faster than that. Maybe this also depends on the particular LSI as to what they'll focus on the most.

Well this is exactly what I should be scared of. Superego relations are perfect on a superficial level, and I don't want to do something I'll regret, especially since it would also mean me losing the IEE, who I'm great long term with. I had to break up with him because I had a crush on the LSI and didn't want to cheat on him.
I'm honestly depressed.

[Myst]

Well this is exactly what I should be scared of. Superego relations are perfect on a superficial level, and I don't want to do something I'll regret, especially since it would also mean me losing the IEE, who I'm great long term with. I had to break up with him because I had a crush on the LSI and didn't want to cheat on him.
I'm honestly depressed.

Well let me be honest but it doesn't look like the IEE was all that great if you started crushing on others. To me it just looks like you are trying to choose between two non-optimal relationships. OK if you decide for some reason that you want to pick one of these guys instead of entirely moving on from both then be aware that there is no perfect choice here, especially as you also are deciding based on a limited amount of information, so no point in regretting it later, I mean, don't blame yourself. Also, when you decide, just be willing to accept consequences, that at least helps me with not regretting it later.
Good luck

[Simo]

Okay. So I'm in denial about ITR and Socionics in general

if you were actually in denial, you wouldn't have asked this question.

anyway I am not relationship expert so I won't tell you what to do. however, I want to point out that socionics ITR predict which areas a relationship would be positive or negative, knowing this you can improve your relationship either it was with a dual or a conflictor (dual relations will be the easiest to improve but it doesn't guarantee success)

In the end you have your free will to make any relationship work so don't let a theory decide the fate of your relationships, personally I like people who are not my duals and I won't end our relationship just because socionics think that is the right thing to do (still I think socionics did a good job predicting some possible problems with some relations, so you would be wise to expect such problems & plan for them)

[Myst]

if you were actually in denial, you wouldn't have asked this question.

anyway I am not relationship expert so I won't tell you what to do. however, I want to point out that socionics ITR predict which areas a relationship would be positive or negative, knowing this you can improve your relationship either it was with a dual or a conflictor (dual relations will be the easiest to improve but it doesn't guarantee success)

In the end you have your free will to make any relationship work so don't let a theory decide the fate of your relationships, personally I like people who are not my duals and I won't end our relationship just because socionics think that is the right thing to do (still I think socionics did a good job predicting some possible problems with some relations, so you would be wise to expect such problems & plan for them)

Lol no you don't have free will to make any relationship to work. That's simply impossible, you can't and shouldn't try to be a chameleon to that degree.

[Simo]

Lol no you don't have free will to make any relationship to work. That's simply impossible, you can't and shouldn't try to be a chameleon to that degree.

Yeah that sounds too optimistic & unrealistic < how did I write that?

What I meant is socionics can say a relationship will not work but that is not a fate that you can't change, instead you can capitalize on your awareness of socionics ITR & free will to make unlikely relationship work still your efforts may not guarantee success