Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
I think there's a difference between making life easier and comfortable for EIIs
and
actually having them feel like you appreciate and value them
Let me bring an example. I have an SLE colleague (my conflictor) with whom I don't have any problems and have never had, but I have naturally kept distance from him from the beginning. There were times when we were on business trip together, we talked an talked and talked about politics and people and relations and every topic he was interested in having a monologue or hearing an opinion on. It was in general interesting. Then later on, in the group of colleagues, I saw him quoting me, in front of me. But he had forgotten I had said those exact sentences. He remembered the content but not that I told them. He generated some origins for the quote he was making. He had found my ideas very interesting, the metaphors I brought extremely appealing but obviously it had taken him time to process what I said and the moment he came to the conclusion that it was a "wow" what he was thinking about, he no more remembered who in the first place gave him that idea. What he said was things like "a friend of mine said the other day...." and after going in the quote he added "oh it was actually this person (another colleague who is SEI) I think who said it". I was not mad. I was having pity for his disability to remember and be fair in using people's ideas and that was the climax in my brain to understand what it means to be a friend of your conflictor. In my mind, I was even laughing at him, and I was proud that my quotes are entering his monologues now. He even once quoted me in front of me saying "I had this great idea the other day that popped into my mind". As I know him, I don't take him seriously, I don't think he knows and lies. I just "know" that he cannot appreciate me, that's why I keep distance, still as friends because colleagues should be friends and he is a respectable guy except in these matters (lol).

My dual, on the other hand, is also a colleague and we are very close to each other. He is most of the time asking for my opinion about things. I am the first one he comes to in most situations and I edit most of his stuff for him and so on. Does he appreciate? Does he take my advices? Hmmmm, I am not sure. I don't even care. For me, it is important that he understands and regularly expresses his awareness of my role in our friendship and my efforts / ideas. He somehow does that perfectly. He might randomly take my advice (most of the time it seems like he isn't taking them), but I don't expect him to take it. As mentioned in a post above, he mentions when he remembers, why he didn't take it or why he took it. That gives me the ultimate satisfaction. Sometimes I get mad why he is so silent when I am showering him with analysis of the situation or some ideas. But when he sees me mad he says come on, I am thinking about what you are saying, it is a very interesting point and I had never looked at it from that angle. Later on, after he processes, we talk about it again and it satisfies me how much he thought about what I said (and that he remembers it). Can it be a matter of memory? In this case Si? Perhaps at least partially.