This thread moved away from this train of thought, in a really poignant direction (@DavidH and @Adam Strange's posts) that I love, but I just wanted to bring it back to here for a bit since I currently strongly relate to it.
One of my close friends, an LSE, constantly asks me for advice, yet constantly is dismissive of my suggestions. Like, even if we are talking about math, where you can and should draw from logic to support your argument, he'll just say, "That doesn't feel right to me" and go do something else, as if I'm so obviously wrong that there's nothing to prove. He asks me to check the statistical arguments in his papers (a huge, tedious favor to ask of anyone) but doesn't believe me when I point out an error. When he goes on exhausting rambles about his research, I'm one of the few people who put in the time to listen the whole time, and he always has some counterargument against my suggestions, whereas if someone else suggests something, he's always deferential and quick to thank them. I've put up with this for so long, thinking that maybe I just have bad suggestions, and just being flattered that he always asks me for advice despite rarely taking it, but today another such incident prompted me to complain to a mutual friend about it, and she pointed out that it has often been the case that he treats my suggestions better when someone else is the one making them. And I'm just really mad at him now!!!!! Just stop asking for my help if you think my opinion is so rubbish!!!!!! And that's just advice on more Te stuff--fine, maybe he shouldn't listen to me on that--but he also doesn't listen to me about how to make himself happier or when I warn against working with a certain dramatic colleague. Yet on and on with asking for ever more advice that he ultimately doesn't use! It makes me feel incredibly unappreciated and taken for granted.
Sorry to bring negativity into what has been a really touching thread. I guess I wrote about "How not to appreciate EIIs," so please do the opposite.
Let me try to be more constructive...
In response to the specific situation of advice-giving, I think the greatest possible reward is definitely just if the person follows my advice, it turns out well, and they tell me how it went. If for some reason you like hearing our advice but not taking it, I think it would help me to still feel appreciated if you said something like, "When you listen, it makes me feel calm in a way that few others can make me feel." Like, put the emphasis on how this interaction was useful to you, even though you're going to go ahead and not follow our advice. It's like, I just want to be useful to you, and when you don't follow my advice, I subconsciously feel like you think it was a useless interaction/that I'm useless.
Maybe it depends on the EII's love language too?
@Zero, why do LIEs (and apparently at least my LSE friend) like gathering advice if not to use it?![]()



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