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DavidH, I find yours to be an amazing post. It never occurred to me that someone would spend huge amounts of time going over conversations in their heads, because I almost never do this, and when I do, I don't spend much time on it and I don't stress about it. (My thoughts on convos usually go "This person said precisely X. What are their motivations for saying X and what will this mean in the future?) However, your post explains very well a great deal of the behavior that I see in EII's.
Caring about others, wanting to be helpful, wanting to be appreciated.
I have been going to lunch occasionally with an EII (semi-dual) secretary for five years, and she is terrific. She does an amazing job, sets a great example of professionalism and good taste, thinks clearly if not as legally-creatively as I might like (which is actually good, I guess), and gives terrific advice which I almost always take. I always let her know that I appreciate her advice (because I really do). Professionally, she and I are an almost perfect match, but I have exactly zero hots for her, which is Infantile-Victim, I guess.
The last time we were at lunch, we were talking about socionics types, and I described her dual, the LSE, as being a lot like me (a self-involved guy who could be an unfeeling asshole, but better than me because he has the benefit of being respectable and is able to perfect things around him), and she said those traits sounded exactly like her husband.
I thought this was pretty good, because it means she is with a dual and I happen to believe that dual relationships are a good thing. But then she said, "He never considers things from my standpoint. He won't listen to what I have to say. He only wants what he wants, and my wants aren't important to him."
And then she started crying. At lunch.