Hopefully last thread on this...

[ApeironStella]

Okay, so, I am still a bit unsure? I don't really think I have 3 in my tritype, as I get really pissed when I actually come across another 3 rather than like it. It feels...wrong? Sure, I might be constantly confused about who the heck I am supposed to be, but I still know what is not me and it does not feel right to act like what I don't truly feel like? I am questioning 964 now, as 6-fix sounds pretty likely-ish now? Most likely 6w5, I am assuming? Gah.

[flames]

6w7 > 6w5, 2 > 4

[ApeironStella]

6w7 > 6w5, 2 > 4

2 feels suffocating, actually? I resent being expected to help others, as well as people who flaunts what they did for others all the time. Growing up around a 3w2 who does that quite a lot, as well as just having to talk with an unhealthy 2w3 aunt of mine, I find myself feeling disgusted by that more than anything? I don't mind helping others now and then, if I have energy for that and feel like it but I would simply want to move away when someone expects me to help. With a 4w5 ILI I met, I simply ended up "noping out" since I realized that I don't have the energy or tools to be able to help her out. I am more haunted by feeling expected to do so while I would like to just do my own thing and not deal with others.

[Chae]

4's identity search seems to apply here. 2's identity is already defined by other's wishes, 3's identity is defined by what gets them credit/ the environment, they want to be on top. 4 really puts the most thought into who they are. The struggle is real. 3 might doubt that as well once they ask themselves who they are without expectations of others, yet 4 does all of that on their own pretty much.

I tried to visualize it, X represents the identity of the type in relation to others aka "O".

E2:

OOOOO
OOXOO
OOOOO


E3:



X
OOO
OOOOO
OOOOOO



E4:

OOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX
OOOOO

[ApeironStella]

4's identity search seems to apply here. 2's identity is already defined by other's wishes, 3's identity is defined by what gets them credit/ the environment, they want to be on top. 4 really puts the most thought into who they are. The struggle is real. 3 might doubt that as well once they ask themselves who they are without expectations of others, yet 4 does all of that on their own pretty much.

I tried to visualize it, X represents the identity of the type in relation to others aka "O".

E2:

OOOOO
OOXOO
OOOOO


E3:



X
OOO
OOOOO
OOOOOO



E4:

OOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOX
OOOOO

4 does seem to apply here. I never really identified with what was seen as 'winning type', in fact the 'weirdness' came up during chat while said aunt was visiting. Apperantly there was a child-theater-show we went together with my father while I was around 4-5 years old and the actor/actress of the play was saying that how 'good children' would drink their milk and go to bed at 9 pm when their parents would say. And I responded with "I don't do that. I go to bed when I feel sleepy,not when my parents say." It actually is a prett common theme in my life, if someone irl assumes something about me that I know isn't true, I don't shy away from refusing it, even if that wouldn't be the best for my 'image'. My image seems to be always a lot more constructed around being weird and an outsider (despite 9 and 6 desiring to fit in, which also ended up with countless times thinking myself not as weird and just as myself, to which people would end up saying that no, I was really weird.

I actually had a phase during highschool in which I openly acted 'weird' but it mostly calmed down by now, now I just go with "I am just me, whoever that happens to be [and who is I am trying to find/figure out.]

It was a bit confusing also because of wanting to fit in yet finding myself unable to case. Which, leads me to 964?

Edit: In fact, my 3 father still brought up our family being on 'top of the society we were part of at all times' and that's something that never sounded true to me/fitting. It always felt somehow 'off', to make such a hierarchy out of people, and by what were we even such a 'high and mighty' bunch of people anyway.

Also, regardless of typing stuff, three main things I can see that always stuck with me from a young age: feeling I don't fit and obsessively trying to understand why/always trying to figure out WHO and WHAT I am, being worried of losing people I care about/getting really paranoid about that at times so trying to play down things and sometimes accepting things I don't really accept, trying to find explanations to things but finding that I never can be too sure with things and always keep asking 'why' until there is no humanly known explanation left and finding myself always worried with that/seeking an answer yet having a sense of 'we can't find an answer to that/I don't believe we can' kind of negativity towards the search despite wishing for reverse.

[ApeironStella]

6w7 > 6w5, 2 > 4

After reading a good 6w5 vs 6w7, 6w7 sounds actually more likely, yeah. From what I understood, 6w7 is more of 'constantly uncertain until there is danger, and when there is danger they calm down and stabilize to take care of it'. As well as, I do have a trying to act more amicable and leaning more towards being open to others' interpretations. I also seem to have a "fearing abandonment when someone I am attached to talks about how special someone else they met is, unless they voice that I still have same important place in their life and it is not replacement. I calm down instantly and keep acting 'pleasant and open to hear other out'.

Addition: this seems to fit eerily, my blog description on my old tumblr blog was "a constant work in progress".

https://youtu.be/KV_0365m8kw

A desire to fit in yet also being uncomfortable when they finally seem to do and ramping up differences.