Friendly yet sometimes oblivious
I brought this guy up in chat and decided a thread might be better.
My initial pondering: What type/s is/are super friendly and chatty and yet can be oblivious to social boundaries and norms?
For awhile I was thinking this guy (nickname Friendly) is ESE, but there are some things that are off about it. Like not being savvy to interpersonal feelings and boundaries.
Ok, anecdotal descriptions to give a broader picture:
- Generous to a fault. If he sees someone in need and has capacity to provide then he'll more than likely try to fix the problem. Unless it's inappropriate (in his mind) or inadvisable/impractical. Or unless he has a conflicting obligation to someone he feels loyalty toward.
- Speaking of loyal, he's very much that. Partly a cultural thing, but he's very supportive of his family, especially mother and sisters. When he has a friend he cares about, he'll prioritize them, too, and be very concerned about their happiness. Example: One time we had a conversation wherein he said something slightly less than flattering about his best bud. I didn't think it was that bad at all, but he got agitated until he finally got up, went over to his friend (who was in a completely different conversation across the room), gave him a drink, hugged him, said "I love you, buddy," then came back to continue our conversation, still looking guilty.
- Offended my ESI friend at a party. According to her they were talking one-on-one and at one point he told her she needed to ask him more questions. That's not really something you suggest to EXIs, lol...
- His first meeting with my ILI friend, at one point he enthusiastically hugged her and lifted her up. She yelped aloud in surprise and then felt embarrassed by the yelp and then got annoyed at him for making her embarrass herself by yelping. I get the feeling she was more upset about people looking at her than the hug itself. But anyway, I consider this a prime example of him stepping over social boundaries.
- Has butted heads with another friend over group leadership and process. This other friend is some sort of rational, probably a Gamma based on general life values, but I'm not sure. He's a bit controlling and not super compassionate. He's a good organizer but has distinct ideas of how things should go and doesn't like disruptions. When Friendly is in groups, often Friendly will take a leader role, or at least make suggestions and provide energy toward making whatever it is happen. Apparently there have been times when Organizer is running something and various individuals have done things that mess with his flow, like talk too much during discussion time. Friendly will openly oppose Organizer when he tries to shut down the disruption, saying things like, "Oh, let her talk. I'm interested in what she's saying!" and later privately has confronted him saying, "You are too controlling and anal."
- My first meeting with him he struck me as somewhat serious and, once I asked some questions, long-windedly talkative and somewhat dry. My second encounter he acted much more energetic, which is a little more typical. Also, in my second encounter, he showed his almost-aggressor caregiver-y side: I mentioned to someone near me that my hands were cold and I wished I had a cup of warm water to hold. He called a waiter over and asked them if they could bring me a cup of hot water. (This ties into the meeting needs bit above.)
- Honest and open to a fault.
- Enjoys approaching and talking with random people, or people who catch his attention. He'll ask them somewhat personal questions, too, like how their day is going.
- Unafraid to initiate in social situations. Or, if afraid, doesn't often let it stop him.
- While he often doesn't perceive social boundaries, he does care about them. And when he realizes he's crossed a line it bothers him. So it seems he's developed his own makeshift internal structure about how it's best to deal with people, but he's aware that it's not a very stable structure, if that makes sense.
- Hands on when it comes to objects. Enjoys fixing vehicles and even household things. Expresses his emotions physically, like hopping/bouncing up and down when excited. "Heart on his sleeve" as Organizer says. Even when he's quiet and withdrawn, there's a lot that comes out on his face and body language.
- Creative, particularly when it comes to the physical world. Like for awhile he added motors to bicycles, at first to solve his own need, then he realized there was a market for them so he made and sold them. This winter he made his own motor-powered snow bicycle.
- A bit of a nerd, too. He knows a lot about arcade and video games and has confessed to being addicted to certain animes.
- Has a monthly meetup where he and others go out and give sandwiches and supplies and conversation to the homeless.
- Doesn't eat lamb because even though he grew up on a farm and has killed animals for food, lambs are just too cute.
- He's not super intuitive or introspective. Many times he'll say a declarative statement, e.g. "Of course I'd move to Mars!" and then after I ask a few followup questions, e.g. "Would you miss the trees? What about the varieties of food?", he'll get thoughtful and ask if he can retract his original statement, lol. Or he'll say an idea or an opinion and I'll subtly encourage him to keep talking and a few minutes later he's at a different opinion - which points toward verbal processor as well.
- While not always accurately observant of others' actual feelings, he does express a value of taking on others' perspectives. For example, I think one time I commented that someone did something that wasn't nice. He took on a sort of teacherly tone and said something about how maybe this person was just having a bad day and we don't know what's going on with them so we should be gracious. I wentand moved on, lol.
- Loves puns, but sometimes my more witty, dry humor seems to go right past him.
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Originally Posted by Tigerfadder
I only hug cats and babies. I get hugged. 
by my SEE 
Outsiders would say I hate it. I do. [I don't.] [[I do]] [[[I don't]]] 
