That's why I keep saying I think it is more likely to be 5w4, haha. I only let my emotions in a controlled setting- Ie I despise it when people come to me seeking a certain emotional reaction but I can knowingly jump into some roleplay in which I would feel depressed by the end of it- it is a place for me to experience emotions and study human behaviour better to get more in touch with emotions. So, that's kinda my confusion reason as one of my lessons was learning to how tolerate my emotions and slowly letting myself reconnect by emotions via using characters as a template to direct them towards. I still do shut them down in an emergency situation, but I would say that I am getting more in touch with them in general?
And yes, it is pretty gut-based response for her I suppose, but since it was around the time right after I was feeling tired of my father's emotional needs/demands and thought her as my safe place, I suppose she kind of unconscinously burned that. I already was feeling like all human connections were fake and based on misunderstandings we think are understanding because we don't realize how much two versions of story differ, how our usage of words differ in meaning etc. so since it was a response during that time I was really frustrated by human connections, it kinda felt like a nail in coffin. Which is funny, because I know that she actually would probably die to protect me and is quite protective. It is quite gut based as you said, but she also has this silently makes her work properly and almost always has a motivation for doing things in her mind- not much of what she does during her interactions with people is random, but she has more of straightforward and honest method of speaking so no one really can blame her with anything. This is something I learned from her, actually. I spent my whole school life by finding loopholes in the system and learning how to learn fast- how to learn core of a subject so I can do it later with some revising before a question or test- and I did it in such a non-problematic way that I don't think any of my teachers really hated me or thought that I had something against them? I would be checking the lecture now and then and doodle or think about something, make some origami or whatever papercraft I was interested in at the time and also keep half tuning in and out to class so if teacher called me out, I would be able to response and then do not bad in tests. I would also be extremely polite while speaking so they really didn't have much ammo against me. I would be pretty honest to my parents about that I do that and that's because I could still keep up with class that way and got bored with slow tempo of the lesson, which was something I did ever since 1st grade so they weren't even surprised. Any sort of trying to establish dominance towards me would end with refusing to do the thing even if it would be towards my unfavour, so I think they simply decided to let me do my thing as I was already honest about things anyway.
Now that I think about it, I always make sure that no one has any ammo to blame me with. I give enough more than chances to people, I try to correct my behaviour if there is anything wrong with it, I try to keep being open to any suggestions on developing myself further and when you have such an attitude, no one can blame or guilt-trip you easily, so I am safe. More than just morality thing, there is also that safety reason.
So that's why I would say 5w4?
Edit: Also, if I keep a cheerful attitude, they also wouldn't realize how I really don't feel as close to them, is a part of my thought process for acting so cheerful with them- as if it could pass like closeness. I think they don't exactly realize as I wasn't really the most affectionate child to begin with.