This question is obviously for SP lasts but other can also come and discuss. =)
How does SP last manifest for you?
This question is obviously for SP lasts but other can also come and discuss. =)
SP last - Im so unneurotic I could live underneath trash and still be happy.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
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Last edited by dot; 02-17-2020 at 12:34 PM.
the main way I've seen it manifest in me is in me going through phases where I take things too far and then end it completely. it's always worked out, the only problem is that I always have to find some new extreme.
4w3-5w6-8w7
- Too much energy to handle for my body
- Few hours of sleep
- I'm not interested in finances even though I know they're vital
- So I can spend too much
- In the past I did that especially for making myself "attractive", long story short the beauty industry is a scam
- No overall steadiness
- I lack a grounded feel, too explosive and moody
- "Doing something for my own health? Why even?"
- Relying on the SP of others. My parents are SP/SX and SP/SO, guess where my stacking's coming from
- I injure myself quickly
- I don't care about an early death. Can't imagine myself to be old. If I get past 50, why not, but I'm not keen. If I join Club 27 by chance I don't mind. I don't plan to kill myself but fostering my will to survive "properly" like the average person isn't an option either. I'll just keep setting myself ablaze and anticipate death as it comes. Of course, this is completely unacceptable in the eyes of others. But I'm not them and am as irresponsible as I please with an eye on consequences, so. I don't want the pain of aging but I need to deal with it.
- Wanting an intense, fulfilling relationship where my needs are met, but not wanting to settle down
- Rejecting marriage and childbirth
- I could live in hotels basically. It's weird, as if I was born to be a celebrity. I'd do a perfect job. I'm an animal in a human shell, and thirsty for applause and expression. Long way to go.
- Oscillating between obsessive self-care and complete inertia
- According to mom, I'm like a dictator. I take everything stable apart.
- Since I'm not confident is SP on the go, I look for it in abundance. I.e. I stay at home, don't involve myself anywhere.
- I attract all sorts of questionable SP/SX people.
- Overt idealism. The hard reality of life is difficult to handle for me.
- I'm an alien, not from here.
- Overpowering everything, pushing too far, not bound to anything or anyone. Thick skin? Never heard of it. My SX radar is far too sensitive.
- Don't want to own a house.
- I don't want to deal with details like the bills, the water conduit, the bank accounts, taxes... I need someone else for that, or want to avoid all of it in the first place. It's so mundane and forced to me.
- I forget to eat.
- I wear my heart on the sleeve, I am not very guarded.
- Normal customs like drinking together don't appeal to me.
- I like the extreme feelings and social acclaim of having a partner but the planning, the budget, the casual obligatory sex, the moving in, the providing - I don't want it.
- I'm sadistic as fuck. No mercy for anything.
- I feel like I'd depend on someone to help me get through the day, but I really want them unconditionally. I guess it would go vice versa that I provide them with emotional labor. Key word mutual masturbation.
- My social activism is aimed at destroying society at its deepest foundations. I can hardly utter opinions without being seen as the public enemy.
- Apparently, and now brace yourselves, the job suited best for my strengths and motivations is "assassin".
- Hangriness.
- I sit uncomfortably for a long time.
- My hygiene habits are far too exaggerated beyond necessity.
- The first thing about a room I notice is not how dangerous it is to me.
- I arrive too late to classes because I don't think about preparing food/clothes beforehand.
- Pleasing someone else sometimes makes me forget myself and what I need to feel good.
- I still can't cook the way it's supposed to be. I try, but no practise makes up for it, nor talent.
- My room could use more organization.
- Dressing to feel good? Just for social and attraction reasons.
- So well. I could just float on a cloud forever without eating or sleeping, watching over the world and the stars from far away.
My fear of death goes back and forth. I used to not be afraid of it and when I was younger I'd tell myself I'd definitely die young, and hot. But after bad drug experiences and introducing weird thoughts I am. I don't believe in that you can become another person. You are your soul and you can never escape yourself. So thats what I'm afraid of, being trapped in myself just floating alone in the universe, lonely. Im scared of losing contact with other people because sx. Im also scared of growing old and unattractive and people I love around me dying.
So Im not scared of the experience of my physical body dying, but what happens after, and because Im a 4 I expect the worst outcome possible for me because I have such bad luck.
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