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Thread: How does anxiety related to your dominant instinct manifest itself for you, and how do you alleviate it?

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    Default How does anxiety related to your dominant instinct manifest itself for you, and how do you alleviate it?

    I think this paragraph in this article is very true:

    "Concerns of the 'blindspot' instinct counterweight those of dominant one. When one is feeling anxious, depressed, or frustrated due to inability to satisfy the needs of the primary instinct, temporarily devoting one's attention and efforts to the third instinct may alleviate anxiety and compulsive behaviors prompted by fixation on the primary instinct."

    But I also noticed that the anxiety/fixation is not the same for everyone with the same primary instinct. For example, my so/sp friend compulsively stresses out about his career success, while I (so/sx) compulsively stress out about finding a good romantic partner (this sounds more sx-first, but trust me, I stress out about it in an so/sx way--like are people thinking that I'm a loser for not having a boyfriend?).

    The quoted paragraph rings very true for us, as I feel better when I clean up my room and he feels better when he has an intimate conversation with a friend. Similarly, when one of my sx/sp friends was having trouble finding a friend/boyfriend with whom to merge, she found solace in her church community and became a lot more mentally healthy.

    So, what is your instinctual stacking, and what is the fear that echoes in your mind--the one that you cannot dismiss, that makes other people think you're silly for worrying about so much? Does engaging in your last instinct help alleviate the anxiety from fixating on that fear? What are specific ways in which you engage in your last instinct to distract yourself?

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    Taking into account enneatype is crucial here. Frustrations from core fear and fixation can manifest in the first instinct/blind spot dichotomy. I stress about having a relationship 24/7 but also career. It's the "you're not worth anything, nobody loves you, you're miserable" in my head.

    The blind spot is the actual void in one's life, not the first instinct, especially SX. In my case, I'd rather need a separate and cozy home with a warm bed and food for me. A boy- or girlfriend: that's just a mess, a sacrifice, no matter how much I crave the intensity, it distracts me from meeting my goals and becoming excellent. Self-pres and is what provided all the good stuff

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    i can't say i deal with my first instinct, by engaging in my blindspot. i usually over-indulge in sx stuff instead. also i had times, when all three instincts became a problem for me, and that's when things get really tough.
    however my first and last instinct do affect each other directly. if one of them is particularly neurotic or neglected then the other is just as bad.
    Last edited by lynn; 01-26-2019 at 01:26 AM. Reason: typo

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    You can't alleviate it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Economist View Post
    When one is feeling anxious
    Hey man, i'm sx/so i have no fears. The only time i've known fear is when i saw it in the eyes of my opponent.

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    6w5 so/sp/sx

    I worry alot about what people think about me, whether or not I truly belong. If I do or say something wrong, I am still in good standing with you? How do I compare to others? Will I be successful in my career or just a failure? Will I amount to anything? (disintegration to 3 concerns)

    I'm not in a sexual relationship now, but how I engage my last instinct SX, is to completely immerse myself in something I'm passionate about like a hobby or a really good book. I guess it makes me temporarily forget my worries about things.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Quote Originally Posted by chips and underwear View Post
    6w5 so/sp/sx

    I worry alot about what people think about me, whether or not I truly belong. If I do or say something wrong, I am still in good standing with you? How do I compare to others? Will I be successful in my career or just a failure? Will I amount to anything? (disintegration to 3 concerns)

    I'm not in a sexual relationship now, but how I engage my last instinct SX, is to completely immerse myself in something I'm passionate about like a hobby or a really good book. I guess it makes me temporarily forget my worries about things.
    Hm, that sounds more like So/Sx to me, especially how you engage your secondary instinct.

    Being single or preferring to be single does not always mean Sx last. There can be other factors contributing to this.

    I am So/Sx and I am single, and I want to be, but there are other factors as to why...
    They are mostly relating to Type 5 anxieties (and attachment style stuff). You can check what I have recently posted in the Type 5 thread to get an idea of that. You'll probably be able to relate.

    Also, when the first instinct is not being satisfied adequately, all the other instincts either take a backseat or spiral out of control.
    The second instinct typically takes a backseat, but does its thing on a lower intensity in the background. Like you immersing yourself in certain hobbies and passions.
    Whereas the blindspot often times is being even more neglected, or just handled very poorly.
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    Well when i put SX first i became anxious. Because I'm really an Sp/so. Sx is my last.

    When i put Sx on my first - depression.

    Sx as first doesn't really work well for me

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    Quote Originally Posted by idontgiveaf View Post
    When i put Sx on my first - depression.

    Sx as first doesn't really work well for me
    Sorry to say that, but that pretty much sounds like unhealthy SX first problems.
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    So/sp not really because i sometimes wanna take a break from people.. So sp/so is really the best for me because I'm the most independent person i know

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    Quote Originally Posted by Medusa View Post
    Sorry to say that, but that pretty much sounds like unhealthy SX first problems.
    I'm not SX. I don't put romance on my first priority in life..

    I'm bad at one on one. I prefer atleast three people in a group.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Economist View Post
    I think this paragraph in this article is very true:

    "Concerns of the 'blindspot' instinct counterweight those of dominant one. When one is feeling anxious, depressed, or frustrated due to inability to satisfy the needs of the primary instinct, temporarily devoting one's attention and efforts to the third instinct may alleviate anxiety and compulsive behaviors prompted by fixation on the primary instinct."

    But I also noticed that the anxiety/fixation is not the same for everyone with the same primary instinct. For example, my so/sp friend compulsively stresses out about his career success, while I (so/sx) compulsively stress out about finding a good romantic partner (this sounds more sx-first, but trust me, I stress out about it in an so/sx way--like are people thinking that I'm a loser for not having a boyfriend?).

    The quoted paragraph rings very true for us, as I feel better when I clean up my room and he feels better when he has an intimate conversation with a friend. Similarly, when one of my sx/sp friends was having trouble finding a friend/boyfriend with whom to merge, she found solace in her church community and became a lot more mentally healthy.

    So, what is your instinctual stacking, and what is the fear that echoes in your mind--the one that you cannot dismiss, that makes other people think you're silly for worrying about so much? Does engaging in your last instinct help alleviate the anxiety from fixating on that fear? What are specific ways in which you engage in your last instinct to distract yourself?
    I have found that focusing on the last instinct only "helps" for so long.
    The (illusionary) positive effect is very short-lived, especially if you combine it with sorely neglecting the needs of your first instinct.

    It can work when your first and last instinct work in tandem for a short while, in order to become more healthy.
    But if you only focus on your last instinct and ignore the first, you'll quickly run into problems.

    Personally, when I am having stress with SO stuff, focusing on diet and exercise might help for a very short amount of time, and only in the sense that it distracts me from my problems. I do not get any genuine enjoyment from SP stuff, at all. My patience with it runs out very quickly. It can work if I keep attending social functions and engaging with friends. Then, the SP occupation is a back burner. (Also, I have noticed that whenever I start to slip into a sudden weird obsession with SP things, that I am starting to get unhealthy.)

    Once I am past a certain point, and the health of the SO instinct deteriorates further, my SP blindspot usually goes totally out of control. Suddenly I'll eat very terribly or I don't eat enough or I eat too much; and this is a bit disgusting, but I also stop showering as frequently, or changing my clothes, or doing anything that "preserves" the self really. It is like I entirely neglect myself. The blindspot goes out of control.

    The first instinct goes out of control, too. In combination with my 5 fix, I isolate myself almost completely. Apart from going online to talk with people, and interacting a bit with my family members who I live with, I don't talk to any other human being. I don't step a foot outside unless I am forced to and I need to. I cut off all kinds of social contact. The outside world stops existing for me. I turn more and more inward. I try to find solace in certain intellectual pursuits, like Socionics or the Enneagram, something that keeps my mind occupied while everything around me crumbles. My family members will ask "Why do you let yourself go like that?". My friends probably wonder where the heck I have gone or what has happened to me... I stop paying any attention to the outside world. I feel like never going outside again. And as my health gets worse and worse, I start becoming more and more afraid of going outside, to the point of almost getting a panic attack when I am forced into a specific social situation or feel very awkward in it. Etc Etc.

    So how do you alleviate the stress of your first instinct?

    Do anything that actually helps your first instinct directly.

    Focusing on any other instinct might distract you for a while, and in distraction we humans find temporarily stress release, but that way the problems of our first instinct often times do not get solved.

    For me, being SO first, that means developing more self-esteem, realizing that the outside world is fine and not threatening, and putting myself into social situations again. Over time, as I realize that everything's okay, that people are not gonna bite my head off, I'll be able to relax. I'll have better interactions with other people again, and this will boost my confidence and satisfaction with my social instinct, etc etc.

    P.S: The interesting thing is, what I have just described could also apply to unhealthy Sp/Sx people. So/Sx and Sp/Sx have opposite ideals, but when they become unhealthy, they are almost identical; for both of them, the SO and SP instincts typically go out of control, as I described above. The SX won't work too well either, but at least it doesn't go crazy. The same principle applies to the other "Quasi-Identical" stackings: So/Sp and Sx/Sp, Sx/So and Sp/So. They will all act almost identically when becoming very unhealthy, but for different reasons.
    Last edited by Olimpia; 07-29-2017 at 03:07 PM.
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    This is so true @Economist I tend to go out more and hang out with my friends when my Sx is messed up, especially when I'm having trouble with my boyfriend. It actually helps alleviate some tension and shows me a new way of living (which I can't keep up with, though, because after I get back with my boyfriend it's Sx/sp mode again).
    My Sx/so boyfriend does the same with his blindspot. When he's stressed, he takes a lot of time being alone and doing his own little impersonal hobbies and just keeping to himself, in general.

    C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479

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    My anxiety revolves around being attractive to people I find attractive. When I am in a relationship this anxiety grows x1000 because I have let them in and I have to stay attractive for them now, else I have failed and I have no power. I want to have sexual power and be able to "control" with my sexuality. Because deep down I feel like sex is the only thing that is real and raw and what we were made for (and the only way to have power because I have seen desire ruin relationships and split up families for a few examples). I want to be a goddess that my victims worship, blindsided by my sexuality.
    I am very territorial and can be with friends, too. I merge with people I like unknowingly and if someone is a potential threat to this I tend to get jealous. But I dont show it. The most I will do is like stare at them.

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