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Thread: Delta advice on how to get along with Betas

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    Default Delta advice on how to get along with Betas



    what works for you?
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Very interesting topic! My take on it would be non-resistant: "tap into your demonstrative as much as possible".

    For instance, I would channel my inner Hamlet:



    EII needs to bring out their Nostradamus
    LSE gotta be more resolute
    SLI has to excavate their officer uniform and algebra books.

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    I know. Just leave us alone!
    LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”

    Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”

    LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”

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    Not be so sensitive.
    Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.

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    Betas and Deltas can get along fine... especially if they're of the same temperament (NF, ST).

    Btw, how are you not an INTj or something... you remind me of Sergey Brin.

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    Sadly I don't understand well spoken english. It seem interesting !

    I need to go, I go to the home of an INFp friend for a chat-skype with an ENFj girl

    In my experience it's quite easy to go well with your group (being humanitarian or the other one I don't remember the name for LSE, SLE, LSI and SLI. Pragmatist ?).
    At this moment I never experienced conflit with LSI or SLE but at the same time idk that much what to say to them (especially SLE). As an INFj it's sometime hard to make ESTp not feeling bad about something (accidentally making them disclose stuff they don't wan't perhaps, I don't know, or perhaps they feel uncouscioulsy "observed" by Fi ???? idk), but at least superficially it's not that "impossible relationship" (gf of the INFp friend is ESTp, we sometime speak together). Staying cool is possible.

    As EII, I go along easier with LSI & EIE than IEI & SLE (for the last 2 one, it's more like individual-by-individual, some will be impossible to relate to, while other not, but it's more "steady" with J beta...)

    Ne seem well apreciated by Beta (Ne jokes are appreciated but don't enter into too much into Ne reasonning or they will destroy the reasonning lol), more than Te, more than Si then more than Fi (in order). They can take some Fi analyze if there is kinda philosophical question/answer behind that. (All what I said is very limited by my experience, it can be different). Demonstration of weakness DON4T WORK. Share your victory more than your weakness, not in a pretentious way of course. Aside when you need advice and when the person is trusting you (ie good friends).

    Actually I find "extinguishment" relationship a very good one, because the two part have some interest to the other, and the two part seem to pinpoint each time some almost uncouscious reasonning/conclusion behind what you say in the same orientation you have (feeling, intuition, thinking or sensing) : so it can be great for personnal awareness of the two part.

    It's a bit like quasi identical relationship, aside the fact that when the quasi indentical person give his "opinion" in his term, he show some of your unconscious "motive/reasoning" or whatever a bit like extinguishment but in a far more negative aspect for you, leaving easily the impression that the other person is "unconsciously destroying you". Hopefully it don't appear that much with the INFp friend I spoke about , but Ive known another INFp guy where this posed problems.

    And don't be socially an idiot (this advice work even in your own quadra). I know that deprecative/negative joke is often used by delta, this is not the kind of stuff you wan't to say in public when you first meet a beta, or even someone. Silence is still better than this kind of shit.

    Last but not the least : useless violence, rage is seen as a weakness for beta too. Ive seen one time a delta who losed his shit while in a party, figthing with a guy, no one know why, and he will no longer be invited to the of party of the INFp guy who organized the party (not the one he tried to kick in the ass). Perhap's weakness isn't the right word, he probably simply didn't comply to the emotionnal atmosphere of the party. Idk.
    Last edited by noaydi; 01-21-2017 at 01:22 AM.

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    don't be so sensitive and just avoid them

    i didn't realize this was mbti forum now
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    don't be so sensitive and just avoid them

    i didn't realize this was mbti forum now
    I liked this but you should just understand that not avoiding them make you aware of many many things outside yourself (in the way they relate to things we are thinking "not good" or "not usefull" or "immature" for example). + imo there are some "kind of relationship" where you can be really friend
    Sry for being a socionic wanabee, Ive a mbti (stage 1) background :'(

    Enneagram being stage -1. The only seemingly valid stuff seems to be instinct...

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    If working with:
    Quasi-Identicals (SLE-LSE, EIE-IEE, IEI-EII, LSI-SLI):
    Appreciate you have different time frames in mind and differences in emphasis. If working together on a project, it is good to have a general plan to prevent independently getting the same result twice, but via different means, when it would have been better to co-operate. Often in such cases, one will emphasise something of being of great importance to begin with, with the other not really appreciating the significance, only for them to later realise the something was of great importance.

    Super-Egos (SLE-IEE, IEI-SLI, EIE-LSE, LSI-EII)
    I think with such relations, each individual understand and respects the ability of the other. Sharing the same temperament, they can readily understand why they do things in a particular order. But they will find that the other clashes rather significantly in terms of values. It is perhaps best not to interfere on matters more in tune with their natural ability and interests (superficially, practical vs. intuitive matters).

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    It often goes something like this:

    *An issue comes up*
    INFj: Yeah, well maybe that is also right. How do we know that that isn't right as well? Maybe this is wrong and that is right, we can't be so sure. Let's consider that as well. It's not so simple, it's a bit more complicated than that. Let's keep an open mind.
    Me: YOU'RE BEING TOO OPEN-MINDED, STOP BEING SO OPEN-MINDED
    INFj: ...

    I don't actually say those things out loud, but that's what it feels like. It's the difference between Ne and Ni. Ni gets quite impatient, and just wants to decide on THIS and go with it. While Ne just wants to keep considering some other options. It can never just decide on one thing. It can be quite irritating, especially in a state of more urgency or emergency where it just needs to decide on something and go with it. It's the difference between Decisive vs judicious. Mobilized vs relaxed.
    Last edited by Singu; 01-21-2017 at 10:15 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
    It often goes something like this:

    *An issue comes up*
    INFj: Yeah, well maybe that is also right. How do we know that that isn't right as well? Maybe this is wrong and that is right, we can't be so sure. Let's consider that as well. It's not so simple, it's a bit more complicated than that. Let's keep an open mind.
    Me: YOU'RE BEING TOO OPEN-MINDED, STOP BEING SO OPEN-MINDED
    INFj: ...

    I don't actually say those things out loud, but that's what it feels like. It's the difference between Nr and Ni. Ni gets quite impatient, and just wants to decide on THIS and go with it. While Ne just wants to keep considering some other options. It can never just decide on one thing. It can be quite irritating, especially in state of more urgency and emergency where it just needs to decide on something and go with it. It's the difference between Decisive vs judicious. Mobilized vs relaxed.
    pretty much thumbs up for this. although when they do that brain storming thing usually it means they are looking for a Te answer to tell them what the right thing is to do. -----> extremely frustrating to work beside because they are also so delicate towards ANY kind of Se response (ie: get it DONE)

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    Lol I love Starfall's reply. My str8 girl identical. <3

    Yeah there is a lot of one-sided hate towards beta on the forum , historically. Dolphin and a few others have also noticed this. Lots of long rants about how betas were the devil incarnate and the delta was always the innocent & responsible one or something. I was like oh please. It just wasn't deltas doing it either, but became a trend to bully betas. So that's why I created the SJW group 'betas are people too.' If you prick us, do we not bleed!!!

    I'm less hopeful though that you can teach people to get along with betas by just lightening up and trying to join in on the witty banter or something because... um what if the other person just hates doing that? It's just too gay for them or something, and they just cannot do it. Annoying yes, but that's the way some people are. Fe polr k0rpsey is the opposite of Fe valuing me. You say to do it like it's easy... and it is, for me. I am the reason witty banter exists in the first place... but a lot of deltas are just stuffy and lack that sense of humor. Perhaps the problem is a lot of beta's witty banter also has a lot of serious crushing criticisms and character assassinations mixed in that hurts people's delta feelings or something. It's really complicated... anyways I do think you are right, just kind of lightening up is helpful but I realize you can't really force or even ask somebody to do that, they will just be gay when they are good and ready and you can only gently coax them to come out of the closet.

    And I don't want somebody to half love me or anything like that. Is there even a way to go halfsies with Fe? Go over the top or go home. I figure you either go deep down in the craziness with me- or you just be honest and say you don't like me and hate my guts and wish I was dead. Because it's more honest, and it's not like I can't handle that even though it's meaaaaan. You are on the right track, but I don't see deltas really getting on the Fe groove very often. I wish it was more often, of course - as they probably wish I was more Fi like them. I also wish for a billion dollars. Probably not going to get it. Anyways I appreciate you trying to do the moral thing or something.
    Last edited by Shazaam; 01-22-2017 at 03:37 AM.

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    I think Betas can sometimes be somewhat immature... I feel like I have to suppress my annoying Beta side sometimes (I'm suppressing it right now). It often comes out when there are other crazy Betas around, but I'm not sure if I really like that. But still, overall the Delta atmosphere is too low-key.

    Betas are often scapegoated, because they are the society's rebels. But sometimes they bring it on themselves with their abrasive behavior. Actually, that's not super type related, but it could be.

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    Following this video, I guess that making the difference between what's public, public face vs what's private, and the difference between work/serious vs play/'this is dull LET'S SHOUT IT'S FUN' would probably clarify a lot of things for Deltas.
    Reason is a whore.

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