How much to rely on Feelings of Attraction to identify Duals and Duality?

[Aramas]

How much should someone rely on a sense of attraction to someone else to identify a potential dual relationship? Why or why not? What does attraction to one's dual feel like, if one is able to feel it at all? Are there any cardinal signs of duality one should look for? If the feeling of attraction isn't a reliable indicator for a dual relationship, what should one look for? And if duality is a relationship with less than stellar attraction, what is there to provoke partners to continue deepening their relationship and getting closer on both an emotional and a physical level?

Details, personal experiences, and theory welcome. I might be asking a bit much by wanting others to tell me how they experience attraction in a dual relationship, but I thought it would be useful to ask. Oh yeah, here's another: how does the feeling or sensation of attraction to one's dual change over time? And why? Or why doesn't it?

I'm especially looking for responses that go beyond the the well-known articles that are already on the site.

[Rebelondeck]

Physical attraction is a primal urge as is the need for safety and security; they are not intellectual needs. As long as one feels that s\he has these needs fulfilled then compatibility would never be a consideration. However physical attraction usually diminishes over time and security has risk to it so there is need for alternate glue, which is where compatibility becomes key. Unfortunately, this intellectual analysis (getting to really know one another) is often done after commitments or contracts have been made. Many will remain slaves to their own animalistic natures or their contracts; some, after they've been burned enough, will smarten up; and the remaining minority are just plain lucky. Human nature is not that complicated but we certainly make things complicated......

a.k.a. I/O

[squark]

Attraction and duality have nothing to do with each other.

[Adam Strange]

Attraction and duality have nothing to do with each other.

This is true for me.

Types that I have found to be immediately sexually attractive are
LSI (Mirage)
IEI (Supervision)
LII (Extinguishment)
and to a lesser extent,
ILI (Mirror)

Types which I find to be intellectually attractive are
EII (Semi-dual) and
SLI (Supervision)

But, as Sorrowofyoungwerther said, ESI duals seem to have less (serious) friction and more staying power.

[inabox]

This is true for me.

Types that I have found to be immediately sexually attractive are
LSI (Mirage)
IEI (Supervision)
LII (Extinguishment)
and to a lesser extent,
ILI (Mirror)

Types which I find to be intellectually attractive are
EII (Semi-dual) and
SLI (Supervision)

But, as Sorrowofyoungwerther said, ESI duals seem to have less (serious) friction and more staying power.

What about IEEs?

[rat200Turbo]

To know if you're attracted to someone, what you need... is to take the: "Attraction indication test". Basically it's 50 questions which by the end of it you will know whether you can get an erection or not. I mean, generally speaking - whether you can still get an erection. And it will give you official confirmation of whether you are attracted to someone else at that point. No questions about it... no doubts. Just google it, you'll find it.

[wacey]

To know if you're attracted to someone, what you need... is to take the: "Attraction indication test". Basically it's 50 questions which by the end of it you will know whether you can get an erection or not. I mean, generally speaking - whether you can still get an erection. And it will give you official confirmation of whether you are attracted to someone else at that point. No questions about it... no doubts. Just google it, you'll find it.

gross, no.

[rat200Turbo]

No, what do you mean? It's just simple questions like: "Do you feel a sense of warmth in life"... etc.

[Persephone]

I guess I need to grow a pair of balls to test this theory

[mclane]

How much should someone rely on a sense of attraction to someone else to identify a potential dual relationship?

Not a good indicator because especially in the first stages, a conflictor is much more attractive than a dual. But when a dual kicks in, it kicks in.

What does attraction to one's dual feel like?

It feels like you have an understanding without words.

And if duality is a relationship with less than stellar attraction, what is there to provoke partners to continue deepening their relationship and getting closer on both an emotional and a physical level?

When a duality is working (not of all them work), as time passes by you become more and more enchanted by everything your dual does.

[Exodus]

How much should someone rely on a sense of attraction to someone else to identify a potential dual relationship? Why or why not? What does attraction to one's dual feel like, if one is able to feel it at all? Are there any cardinal signs of duality one should look for? If the feeling of attraction isn't a reliable indicator for a dual relationship, what should one look for? And if duality is a relationship with less than stellar attraction, what is there to provoke partners to continue deepening their relationship and getting closer on both an emotional and a physical level?

Details, personal experiences, and theory welcome. I might be asking a bit much by wanting others to tell me how they experience attraction in a dual relationship, but I thought it would be useful to ask. Oh yeah, here's another: how does the feeling or sensation of attraction to one's dual change over time? And why? Or why doesn't it?

I'm especially looking for responses that go beyond the the well-known articles that are already on the site.

You ask a lot of questions

Basically yes, you should be attracted to your dual's personality. But think of it in terms of IM elements: let's say you have in the super-id block. You should feel some kind of positive reaction in response to someone using , say caring for your physical needs, exuding a sense of comfort with their surroundings, etc. If you pay attention to your reactions you will probably notice this. Likewise you should have a negative reaction to Super-ego information. People try to use their ego functions "on" others to manage this aspect of reality for them; this is what you are experiencing the reaction to.

Not a good indicator because especially in the first stages, a conflictor is much more attractive than a dual.

Hell no.

And this idea that duals are not attracted to each other initially doesn't really hold water in my experience. They may overlook each other but it depends on their level of social adjustment.

As for how it changes over time, it really just depends on the quality of the particular relationship. If you get along with them, it should become better at closer distances. But not all duals get along.

[rat200Turbo]

Yeah that's not serious

[Aramas]

You ask a lot of questions

Asking questions is one of the best ways to learn things if you can ask good questions. There are stupid questions. It also helps if people are willing to give thoughtful replies. I think my questions are okay. So far, the responses seem 50/50 because they're based on an unwillingness to give a substantive reply based on the questions themselves, or because they try to simplify and agglomerate all of what I asked into one or two answers.

I ask these questions because I'm curious about how people know someone is a dual or not. And how this factors in to their own types. According to socionics dogma, there should be a recognizable difference in terms of the ease of the relationship. Oddly, the supposed best relationship is often overlooked. I've read the reasons for this happening, that extroverts don't take their introvert partners seriously and introverts are scared of their extroverted partners, or something like that. I don't really disregard anyone I'm attracted to based on sociability. I also don't really get scared of anyone or think they're better than I am. The only times I'm really afraid of a desirable individual is when they're attractive and probably not of the right orientation. The people I tend to be most attracted to are guys capable of beating my face in, or guys who have a working class, blue collar, or grunge vibe (punks, skinheads). So for me, socionics doesn't have too much of a relationship to people I'm attracted to. As far as ease of relating to someone, there is a friend I've known for a couple years who is something of an outsider intellectual with a cannabis habit I get along with well enough. We're both not that socially connected, but he has higher quality relationships than I do. There's one other guy I've known since childhood who has always been blue collar but also is an atheist and likes video games. We get along well enough, and I hang out with him sometimes. One would think that being on a university campus would make it easier to find like-minded people, but that doesn't appear to be the case. I found my intellectual friend on a hookup app, and the other I've known since childhood with a large break in between because I was socially a cripple at that age.

But none of the people I've met have been really all that special in any sense of the term. People come and people go. That's basically all there's been to it. I tried to have a romantic relationship with the outsider intellectual guy, but he admittedly pisses me off at times. Sometimes I do the same to him, so we go months without talking at times. I'm usually too crass for him, so I have had to learn how to control that to get along with him. He tends to challenge me intellectually, and I hate giving up an argument even when I'm backed into a corner. There are a few times when I've had to admit that he was right. He was the one who told me who would be president when everyone was laughing at our now president-elect during the primaries. I really really really didn't want to go along with that back then lol. In addition to that, there wasn't really enough magnetism to hold us together on a romantic level.


Now you know my questions and can perhaps guess my motivations for asking them, assuming you're good at reading rambling thoughts.

[Kim]

I find that attraction is more related to enneagram than to Socionics. I can be attracted to any Socionics types for different reason, but during my current dating spree I have realized that I am madly attracted to sx/sp (also sp/sx) and 8s (especially Socionics introverts). FWIW.

[Aramas]

I find that attraction is more related to enneagram than to Socionics. I can be attracted to any Socionics types for different reason, but during my current dating spree I have realized that I am madly attracted to sx/sp (also sp/sx) and 8s (especially Socionics introverts). FWIW.

Yeah eights tend to rock my socks. I like sx/sp and sp/so usually. I knew an sx/sp once and wanted to jump bones but that never panned out. It was probably for the better. Sevens get an honorable mention at least. 8w9 sp/so -- the strong silent type.

[Exodus]

@Aramas no they aren't bad questions. To answer them more directly: the way you feel about someone is only a somewhat reliable indicator of their type. It can be very off. The way to recognize their type is by looking at their behavior objectively. The other questions don't have clear-cut answers which is why I didn't answer them.

[Kim]

Yeah eights tend to rock my socks. I like sx/sp and sp/so usually. I knew an sx/sp once and wanted to jump bones but that never panned out. It was probably for the better. Sevens get an honorable mention at least. 8w9 sp/so -- the strong silent type.

I will go for 8w9 sx/sp introvert.

[Aramas]

@Aramas no they aren't bad questions. To answer them more directly: the way you feel about someone is only a somewhat reliable indicator of their type. It can be very off. The way to recognize their type is by looking at their behavior objectively. The other questions don't have clear-cut answers which is why I didn't answer them.

Usually I tend to type people by objective behavior. No one's perfect. If anything, I will change my self-typing before typing someone else incorrectly. I guess the core of it is that, with most of my relationships, if not all of them, there doesn't seem to be much glue holding them together. I could take or leave most people it seems, and I often choose to hang out for activity's sake and temporarily having company than any other reason. So what good is duality? I think my problem with typing myself is that I don't seem to have or be able to obtain an objective perspective like I can when I'm watching other people.

[Aramas]

I will go for 8w9 sx/sp introvert.

How does type eight look in an introvert? Seems unusual but potentially attractive.

[Chae]

Attraction and duality have nothing to do with each other.

Nope. Attraction can be part of duality but doesn't have to, as much as attraction can happen between any constellation. So under circumstances, they may very well relate/coincide.

[Kim]

I think I'm with an 8w9 Sx/sp. He's definitely ISTj. He's protective, intense, somewhat passive aggressive with people he loves more aggressive with those he doesnt. Won't tolerate any unfairness from anyone. Big appetite, likes to save and hoard resources. Cares about the underdog. Likes power and control while pretending not to. Refuses to be controlled in any way. Speeds, addicted to adrenaline. Works out intensely. Loves deeply.

When he is mad he won't come out and say it...does passive aggressive stuff instead. Ignores people instead. Physically you can sense their strength...kind of a gentle giant. The eyes say it all. Will tolerate more than an extroverted 8 but will boil over and rage .....it just takes longer. Won't ever question his own moods, desires, attitudes. Confidence in what he feels. Not at all introspective ....denies lingering in thought. Trusts he is right in his gut and knows best. Will be discreetly controlling in love. Selects a partner who is emotionally am open book and forthcoming about their moods. Seems to enjoy reactions and moods from others. Is not interested as much in those who don't react and respond easily.

Excuse me while I retype my current romantic interest from ILI to LSI...(I could be a socionics renegade).

[Chae]

How much should someone rely on a sense of attraction to someone else to identify a potential dual relationship? Why or why not? What does attraction to one's dual feel like, if one is able to feel it at all? Are there any cardinal signs of duality one should look for? If the feeling of attraction isn't a reliable indicator for a dual relationship, what should one look for? And if duality is a relationship with less than stellar attraction, what is there to provoke partners to continue deepening their relationship and getting closer on both an emotional and a physical level?

Details, personal experiences, and theory welcome. I might be asking a bit much by wanting others to tell me how they experience attraction in a dual relationship, but I thought it would be useful to ask. Oh yeah, here's another: how does the feeling or sensation of attraction to one's dual change over time? And why? Or why doesn't it?

I'm especially looking for responses that go beyond the the well-known articles that are already on the site.

Theory-wise... I would suggest that we figure out all types of attraction we want to talk about, how we define (modes of) attraction in the first place

[Aramas]

Excuse me while I retype my current romantic interest from ILI to LSI...(I could be a socionics renegade).

That's one of the words I use to describe myself: Renegade, vagabond, wanderer, laze, lout, those words sound like me. I'm a slacker. xD

[squark]

Nope. Attraction can be part of duality but doesn't have to, as much as attraction can happen between any constellation. So under circumstances, they may very well relate/coincide.

One does not cause the other any more than it prevents the other. They are independent factors.

[golden]

I have a pretty easy time getting attracted to T types, to a lesser extent S types, and it falls off after that but with exceptions aplenty. I have sometimes found my duals a little unreachable, because looking over my life history, they have often shown up as people I find very attractive or whom I'm very comfortable with, but in either case something about them is slightly elusive. I feel similarly about Alpha Ti types.

I have wondered if the feeling of not being able to pin things down arises because duals actually do appreciate my strengths, and I'm not so used to that. I've spent a lot of time trying to please people who want something else from me. Being valued for what I am feels vulnerable. I feel like I should be trying, doing, controlling, but those approaches are counterproductive, and maybe almost impossible, if someone really does like me more or less as I am.

Also, I find that my duality relationships work a lot better if I slow down and quiet myself. That might be true for any relationship, but it seems for example that with activity partners this isn't so necessary. I tend to soothe myself by working, and that can prevent me from letting my dual soothe me.

[Aramas]

I have a pretty easy time getting attracted to T types, to a lesser extent S types, and it falls off after that but with exceptions aplenty. I have sometimes found my duals a little unreachable, because looking over my life history, they have often shown up as people I find very attractive or very comfortable with, but in either case something about them is slightly elusive. I feel similarly about Alpha Ti types.

My own attraction tends to be toward the SFs. I'm really into SEIs, SEEs, and ESIs. I was interested in an ESE once. That was no dice and there was no cigar in that relationship. From the ST club, I'm usually interested in SLEs and SLIs. LSIs seem attractive at first but it never works out in my own experience. Of the intuitives, I'm most attracted to IEEs and least attracted to EIEs.

[Aramas]

If you don't mind me asking what happened with the ESE?

Severe mental illness that was there long before I showed up.

[Exodus]

I have a pretty easy time getting attracted to T types, to a lesser extent S types, and it falls off after that but with exceptions aplenty. I have sometimes found my duals a little unreachable, because looking over my life history, they have often shown up as people I find very attractive or very comfortable with, but in either case something about them is slightly elusive. I feel similarly about Alpha Ti types.

I have wondered if the feeling of not being able to pin things down arises because duals actually do appreciate my strengths, and I'm not so used to that. I've spent a lot of time trying to please people who want something else from me. Being valued for what I am feels vulnerable. I feel like I should be trying, doing, controlling, but those approaches are counterproductive, and maybe almost impossible, if someone really does like me more or less as I am.

Also, I find that my duality relationships work a lot better if I slow down and quiet myself. That might be true for any relationship, but it seems for example that with activity partners this isn't so necessary. I tend to soothe myself by working, and that can prevent me from letting my dual soothe me.

I think I know what you mean. With duals (and to a lesser extent with other complementary types) it seems like you have to surrender some autonomy and sort of let go to make the relationship work. It can feel a bit strange if you're not used to it or if you don't understand what's going on.

[Chae]

One does not cause the other any more than it prevents the other. They are independent factors.

If you see it that way, yes that's true

[Myst]

How much should someone rely on a sense of attraction to someone else to identify a potential dual relationship? Why or why not? What does attraction to one's dual feel like, if one is able to feel it at all? Are there any cardinal signs of duality one should look for? If the feeling of attraction isn't a reliable indicator for a dual relationship, what should one look for? And if duality is a relationship with less than stellar attraction, what is there to provoke partners to continue deepening their relationship and getting closer on both an emotional and a physical level?

Details, personal experiences, and theory welcome. I might be asking a bit much by wanting others to tell me how they experience attraction in a dual relationship, but I thought it would be useful to ask. Oh yeah, here's another: how does the feeling or sensation of attraction to one's dual change over time? And why? Or why doesn't it?

I'm especially looking for responses that go beyond the the well-known articles that are already on the site.

I don't know... the one male dual I ever met that I was interested in where I'm 100% sure about their type at the same time, it was a different kind of attraction right away than with anyone else before or after. I can't say if this was due to them being sx/sp too, or also due to duality. In terms of the "quality" of the attraction, it's one of the best experiences I had, but I can't declare it as the obvious winner since it's hard to compare it to another case which was not my dual but also very attractive, it was very different in experience and everything. (That other case was also Ni creative, my Mirage)

I don't know of any signs to look for on first meet, unfortunately. Later of course it becomes obvious who's got my superid in their ego but that takes time.

[Myst]

I think I'm with an 8w9 Sx/sp. He's definitely ISTj. He's protective, intense, somewhat passive aggressive with people he loves more aggressive with those he doesnt. Won't tolerate any unfairness from anyone. Big appetite, likes to save and hoard resources but incredibly selfless with those that he loves. Cares about the underdog. Likes power and control while pretending not to. Refuses to be controlled in any way. Speeds, addicted to adrenaline. Works out intensely. Loves deeply.secretly emotional.

When he is mad he won't come out and say it...does passive aggressive stuff instead. Ignores people instead. Physically you can sense their strength...kind of a gentle giant. The eyes say it all. Will tolerate more than an extroverted 8 but will boil over and rage .....it just takes longer. Won't ever question his own moods, desires, attitudes. Confidence in what he feels. Not at all introspective ....denies lingering in thought. Trusts he is right in his gut and knows best. Will be discreetly controlling in love. Selects a partner who is emotionally am open book and forthcoming about their moods. Seems to enjoy reactions and moods from others. Is not interested as much in those who don't react and respond easily.

The last two sentences make me think extratim. Also, not at all introspective. SLE-Ti? Anyway you know him best. Just noticed these.

[Chae]

To me, the sense of attraction is rather absent (which relieves my possessed SX which always works overtime) - I can be myself instead, a process that is greatly liberating. Attraction is always tension and pressure, something completely unsettling. That's not the case here. It doesn't feel like a twitter feud aka many of my other interactions. I don't have to draw everything out of the person like a vampire, that happens on its own through my mere presence. My strengths are needed and appreciated so my e3-complex of approval is satisfied through everything I just do. I realized that I'd rather feel free than be consumed by attraction so that is the feeling I am sensitive to, it has a constant realness to it and it miraculously doesn't fade. It feels like home.

[Persephone]

Duality does not always work, the reason is because people are different, their background changes from a person to another and there is also a thing that is commonly called chemistry. Duals can be different, also there are some points that have to be considered and which are misunderstood or just skipped. I mean here subjective (emotional) and objective (social) value and balance between both.

[Tigerfadder]

Attraction and duality have nothing to do with each other.

I feel attraction towards my dual. It is more than just coz I know Socionics.

[Saoirse]

Through talking with my EII friends (my other friends are not so interested in typology ), I've found that people of one type can be attracted to different functions and hence, different types. Two of them love the expression of Ne, while another adores Fe. Personally, I am wildly attracted to Te, so I spend a lot more time with our dual/activity partner/benefactor (LSE/SLI/ILI) than they do.

I have 3 dual friends, and I do find quite a bit of accuracy in the Socionics.com description of dual relations, in particular the part about the extrovert initially not finding the introvert particularly exciting. I, on the other hand, liked them all tons pretty much immediately. They're not my usual physical types, but I mysteriously find their appearances appealing. I guess I just get a strong sense of trustworthiness from their looks, as well as some nobility.

1. LSE so/sp: we met in the first year of grad school, and I thought he was great--so hard-working, ambitious, smart, and funny--since the beginning, but we only started really becoming friends a year after meeting, and we only became very close friends two years after meeting. Now we have a friendship like that of Liz and Jack on 30 Rock. We are a great team: we both applied for and were rejected by a certain fellowship two years in a row, but after we edited each other's essays the third year we applied, we both got it! I trust him not to sugarcoat things, as my other close friends are wont to do. I trust him to think critically in my interest and direct me toward acting in my interest; my other close friends seem less likely to get to the root of the problem, or too likely to trust me to take care of myself, like they don't think in my interest unless I explicitly ask them something. Sometimes I notice things and don't know what to do about them--I tell him, and he takes action (e.g., once I noticed the birthday girl was about to pay for her own dinner, and I wasn't sure if I should say something, and my LSE friend just spoke up immediately after I whispered it to him). Also, the fellowship caused a lot of financial confusion for us, which he took care of, thankfully.

2. LSE so/sx: we met in the second year of grad school. She is in a slightly different program, so this was the first time we took classes together. She wasn't very integrated into my program's community yet because of that, but she stuck out to me pretty early on. She struck me as very knowledgeable and well-spoken, but also humble and socially astute. I liked that her research interests benefit society! Though we didn't talk much for most of the first semester, I had a huge girl crush on her and even did a sketch of her when I was bored in class one day (I kept telling my friends she has the bearing of a queen). We finally became friends when she got more integrated into my program's community and I was pretty public about my admiration of her. I think we cemented our friendship when we went to 1's improv show together and talked about our personal lives. Overall, though, she is a bit too active for me. I don't have the energy to run around to bars and the opera and biking, etc., all the time! I think this has caused my attraction toward her to die down a bit.

3. LSE sp/sx: we met on an online dating website. When we first met, I was like, his face is not particularly compelling, but he is tall, well-built, and wholesome-looking, so maybe. Then we talked and I found out he is hella smart and competent and philosophical, so stronger maybe. I found him a bit too cynical/argumentative for our first couple meetings, but I felt like I could learn/grow a lot from spending time with him, so I kept agreeing to meet up again, and now I like him a lot. He's so insightful and perceptive! Most sentences I say are carefully chosen and loaded with implicit meanings that most people do not pick up on, but he picks up on more of them. Though he doesn't care much for status, he somehow ends up with a lot of it, and he is SO confident in his work (I strongly lack confidence in my work). It's too complicated to work out between us romantically, but he's the first close friend I've made outside of the context of school/work (I feel like it's really hard to make real friends in the post-grad world)!

I will conclude by saying my attraction toward these people was not biased by Socionics. I was mostly just into MBTI throughout, so I didn't know about EII and LSE being hypothesized to be the best match in some sense. Additionally, I mistyped all of them at first (IEE, EIE, and ILI, respectively), so there's no way I could have been like "yes, this person is my dual, so I must like them!"

[Shazaam]

Attraction has less to do with looks (although looks matter of course don't get me wrong lmao) and more like you share the same head space as the person... you're on the same page as far as fantasy/erotic sex life go and your worldview. Dorkishly optimistic people tend to attract dorkishly optimistic people, people with a grimdark 'dog eat dog' view of the world tend to attract each other. And all the nuances in between. Values and perspectives and shared mental erotic fantasies. Now this assumes that both people are kind of in a reasonably good head space about stuff. By good I don't necessarily mean ethically good just good as in you are not cuckoo for cocoa puffs mentally ill. If you are like mentally sick then there is the sort of imbalance where 'opposites start attracting' and then you will be like a typical codependent healer type person attracted to a very sadistic and unhealthy person. Which actually is still the same point of attraction after all.

Attraction is also like an exciting fiery dance or something, that's where the 'opposite attract' part comes in because one person leads and the other follows and so that's where you get differences and people being like 'omg I love that I'm so shy and he's outgoing because I don't have to pressure myself to be involved and I can just rely on my hubby to do that stuff while I passively heal ppl in the background like I always wanted!!!!!11' If left unchecked though- this can create a lot of problems too. What seems really balancing can actually be really deadly and unhealthy - especially for the introverted partner. This dance really just means that a person who is really a lot like you actually underneathe- has a naturally more physical/sensing view of the world. That you could develop yourself if you really wanted to but you get off on being a bottom.

Now for an actual relationship to work well because of this- there has to be a lot of right moving parts. And some of it is probably just blind luck really- but mostly, a combination of shared values, the same erotic sex life- you feel COMFORTABLE around each other yet the same time that comfort isn't friendzoned. Like often we hear how something is good for you is 'both relaxing and energizing at the same time' and it sort of feels exactly like that- and then you develop something that is psychologically good for your own advancement. What trips people the most is not really understanding how all of this is working I think or being too obsessed with the 'dance part' so much that they forget to live their own lives- their tops just do all the work. The dark side of the duality is a shorter life span for the introverted and passive partner, because the extroverted duel really does just do everything. Yes of course it is so relaxing and freeing to have a tank in the party when u don't want to do it- but I mean you have to develop your own body too and stuff... and I have seen so many introverts kill themselves. They are just so finally glad to find an extro that loves them and will baby them and take care of them that they forget to improve their selves.

[LuckyOne]

Now that I'm sure of my sociotype I can say that duality makes all the sense in the world. I still think people put way too much emphasis on it to a dangerous degree, because really, this "savior" concept has to go. I don't think is healthy for an adult to need someone in the sense many posters here defend one needs their dual. There's this idea that a person needs their dual to be functional in those functions he has no big grasp on that's way overdone.

I personally experience attraction to my duals, but not in a romantic or sexual way at all. I love their presence because they have this magically soothing power, they are probably the only people that I can have around when I'm raging without me feeling like attacking them. We click really well mentally and there's an inherent respect for each other. And even though we look extremely different to outsiders we somehow seem to always understand each other even if we have met recently.

[Olimpia]

Your Imago is the kind of person you are the most attracted to.
Your Imago can include traits of your Dual, or not.

So no, just because you are intensely attracted to someone (especially if it is "love at first sight") doesn't mean they are actually your Dual.
I'd argue that most likely, they aren't your Dual.

Based on my observations and personal experience, there are two layers when it comes to attraction and pair bonding:
the conscious and unconscious layer.

The conscious layer is about what you consciously believe are good or ideal mate qualities. Many peoples' ideal mate qualities, those they put on paper or make a list about, are often either closely resembling their Dual and/or themselves, aka an Identity partner.

The unconscious layer is about your unconscious ideals for a mate. Those "ideals" can, and usually do, include negative traits, even traits that might clash with your personality. This unconscious layer can be easily summarized as your Imago: the unconscious image of your ideal mate.

Ideally, your conscious and unconscious attraction layers are compatible with each other. Even more ideally, your Imago resembles your Dual close enough, so that you end up being attracted to your Dual when you meet one. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. I'd say, this is actually not too often the case. (That is partly why Duality is not as common as it "should" be, imo.)

Generally, I have found that most people fall for someone who resembles their Imago more or less closely and is not their Dual. However, they keep the expectations of their partner being like their Dual (or Identity partner). Once infatuation has faded away, and the rose-coloured glasses have fallen off, the power struggle begins. You see your partner for who they truly are. Personality differences and clashes will become more apparent now. If you happened to fall for your Dual, consider yourself lucky. Most often than not, your relationship will fall apart – for they aren't "measuring up" to what you believe they would be (aka like your Dual or Identity partner), and the search continues. Or, you try to make it work as best as you can, but most likely certain things will fall short, and you will consciously have to re-evaluate your expectations, and accept your partner for the kind of person that they are.

Of course not every Duality relationship will last, and there are Non-Duality relationships that do last.
It is a delicate balance between finding someone who matches your expectations and unconscious desires, and compromising on certain expectations.
The point is, when you fall for someone who is close to your Imago, compatible on non-Socionics related levels, and who is your Dual, you won't have to compromise on any of your ideal relationship expectations. The more "incompatible" your personality types are, the more you will have to compromise and accept your partner's shortcomings.

The question remains, how can you tell someone is your Dual when they don't necessarily trigger too many attraction signals in your brain.
Well, you will have to go the regular route of typing many people (correctly). You will come across some Duals that way, and then you know what kind of things you have to look for.

On a relationship basis, as I mentioned before, with a Dual you are attracted to and who is a good match with you outside of Socionics as well, you won't have to limit or alter your expectations of an ideal partner. Because your Dual will fulfill that role completely. In that context, the after-infatuation phase will be much easier and less troublesome with your Dual than with any other type(s).

At last, you might want to forego people with whom you have intense immediate attraction early on (which is typically Imago-attraction), and rather aim for those people with whom you see they are fulfilling your conscious expectations, and the attraction is there but not as strong. Potentially, someone like that could turn out to be your Dual. And some time into the relationship, when infatuation doesn't matter anymore anyway, you will truly love them and be satisfied, because they meet your requirements/expectations more than a random Imago person did/would. (This piece of advice works best for people for whom their Imago is considerably different from their Dual or Identity partner, and they want to find the most ideal partner.)

[Myst]

Through talking with my EII friends (my other friends are not so interested in typology ), I've found that people of one type can be attracted to different functions and hence, different types. Two of them love the expression of Ne, while another adores Fe. Personally, I am wildly attracted to Te, so I spend a lot more time with our dual/activity partner/benefactor (LSE/SLI/ILI) than they do.

(...)

I will conclude by saying my attraction toward these people was not biased by Socionics. I was mostly just into MBTI throughout, so I didn't know about EII and LSE being hypothesized to be the best match in some sense. Additionally, I mistyped all of them at first (IEE, EIE, and ILI, respectively), so there's no way I could have been like "yes, this person is my dual, so I must like them!"

Devil's advocate - what if the original typings were the correct ones?

[Saoirse]

Devil's advocate - what if the original typings were the correct ones?

Trying to understand Socionics through examples is definitely fraught with the perils of mistyping! I will admit I mainly now think they are LSE as it is what they got on the Sociotype.com test--and then I retroactively noticed past indicators of LSEness, as well as new indicators that reinforced my new, possibly biased beliefs. I think enneagram/instincts also heavily complicate typing (or at least hinder my personal ability to type accurately).

I'm quite confident the first one is not actually an IEE; I thought he was IEE very early in my study of cognitive functions, when I didn't understand them as well (though I don't claim to understand them perfectly now). In retrospect, the characteristics I found most attractive in him were much more indicative of Te leading than Ne leading (though he obviously has good relationships with his Ne and Fi, considering my mistype).

The second one, I think her so/sx instinct is what made me think she is Fe lead... It doesn't feel like she is Se seeking though, and she seems to be good enough at it on her own, so I feel that she is more likely to have Se as her demonstrative than her mobilizing.

The third one feels more Ni PoLR than Ni lead (it doesn't reflect well on my typing ability that I can't confidently distinguish between these two very different relationships with Ni, but alas ).

I've heard that tests are not totally reliable, and I mostly agree, but I've found the Sociotype.com test to be a very consistent predictor of whom I like spending time with the most, as well as the ways in which we interact. Even if the test is incorrect in typing these people as true LSEs, "Sociotype.com LSE" is still a useful concept for me, as I do get along mysteriously well with all of them.