Do ESEs have any control over their anger and anxiety?

[Zero]

I know 3 ESEs and all of them seem to get anxious and mad very quickly. Like going from 0 to 100 in about 2 minutes, and they raise their voice pretty easily also. When they talk about the problem they have on their mind, they use so many expressions and change their voice tone so much, they speak around the issue over and over again, never suggesting a solution to the problem. And when I try to cut their talk and give them a solution, or tell them why they are wrong, they try to emotionally manipulate me, so that I continue listening to them talking about their anxieties, and a lot of times they play the role of victim, while the problem lies somewhere else.
It is very difficult to calm them when they raise their voice and start talking things they later regret.
Maybe the ESEs I know are not very healthy, do the other ESEs have more control over their emotions or is it just their functional stacking being incompatible with me?

[ConcreteButterfly]

As alpha types ESEs don't naturally keep their emotions private, the desire to contain oneself is a gamma/delta thing
And ESEs have strong caregiving tendencies and need to have an outlet for it otherwise they can easily get depressed or anxious
Going from 0 to 100 quickly is pretty much the definition of strong Fe, as Fe dominant types ESEs can easily emotionally dominate over others, however remember their mobilizing function is Ne which means what they truly want is external harmony and unity. Break that unity and that's when ESEs most destructive emotions come out. As an LIE you have Ne demonstrative, so you'll tend to undervalue Ne in favor of decisive action (Se) but this is the absolute worse thing to do around ESEs
ESEs can be the most grounded stable people on earth as long as Ne is preserved, and they're not in the position to preserve it themselves

[Exodus]

Assuming they are ESE (your description does seem like how an LIE might plausibly view an angry ESE or EIE), this shouldn't happen often but if it does, they are just expecting that you will listen and empathize with how they feel. If you do that they will be more receptive to hearing solutions. If you're going to just interrupt them and say something like "no you are wrong and stupid for feeling that way" they won't respond very well.

[Raver]

Unhealthy ESEs tend to behave in the manner you have stated OP. There are only two ways of dealing with it, one of which like concrete butterfly stated is to use in an assertive manner in stating that their point is valuable, but so is yours so you don't submit to their rhetoric, but you're not making them submit to your point of view either. You tell them that you understand their point of view and that they are correct, but that they must also look at it from the other perspective as well to fully understand the issue as there are always two sides in every issue.

This might work in getting them to understand the issue beyond their limited perspective of them being completely right and the other person being completely wrong. However, this doesn't always work and in the case they are being angry at you and trying to draw you in for an argument, you just tell them that you're not interested in an argument (without being rude) and just leave the room. It is cold and you have to be calm when you do this and they will get very angry at you in the moment, but I find they'll either drop it or approach you calmly later on about it most of the time.

[Eliza Thomason]

My ex was like this and yup it usually came around to somehow being my fault. But that's an unhealthy ESE. I know healthy ESE's and they don't go nuts ever. Yes, they like to express their feelings, and I like to listen. I do think it's the only unhealthy ones that cannot keep it in check.

[Beautiful sky]

Yes they can say things in a way that will make vibrations of what they feel about things in your own person.

[wacey]

Fe in the dominate position would make negative emotional states most controlled (note I say controlled and not absent) and even more-so as the ESE/EIE ages. This sounds, as the op story describes, as ineffective emotional coping skills and therefore unhealthy exemplars. Perhaps they grew up out of quadra?

Maybe the Fe is because they want you to react? Dom Fe is about immediate reciprocation unlike the creative Fe.

[Zero]

Unhealthy ESEs tend to behave in the manner you have stated OP. There are only two ways of dealing with it, one of which like concrete butterfly stated is to use in an assertive manner in stating that their point is valuable, but so is yours so you don't submit to their rhetoric, but you're not making them submit to your point of view either. You tell them that you understand their point of view and that they are correct, but that they must also look at it from the other perspective as well to fully understand the issue as there are always two sides in every issue.

This might work in getting them to understand the issue beyond their limited perspective of them being completely right and the other person being completely wrong. However, this doesn't always work and in the case they are being angry at you and trying to draw you in for an argument, you just tell them that you're not interested in an argument (without being rude) and just leave the room. It is cold and you have to be calm when you do this and they will get very angry at you in the moment, but I find they'll either drop it or approach you calmly later on about it most of the time.

But how can I tell someone they are right while what I will suggest is 180 degrees away from their perspective and they make absolutely no sense?

[Raver]

But how can I tell someone they are right while what I will suggest is 180 degrees away from their perspective and they make absolutely no sense?

I never said it will be easy. Super-ego relations can be quite difficult to make work. Dealing with an unhealthy ESE is hard for most people, let alone someone who is their super-ego. It's not impossible though, but it will require a good amount of effort.

[Shazaam]

They don't mean to play the victim, they are just that naturally sensitive. I have realized this, because I kind of treat them the way some LIEs treat me... and so I try to remember (key word being try) to approach them with the attitude of like 'hmm I wish this asshole str8 business man type of person had more bedside manners...' In their own way that's how they are thinking of me, so I have to try to be softer. I even had an ese once hatefully throw something at me and scream 'STOP THINKING THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE!' I actually was not thinking that at all- but that is often how your supervisor makes you feel...

Though it does seem a bit ridiculous that ESEs want bedside manners for virtually every little thing , at all times - in such a campy way. Softening my tone, and being more alpha-ish when I'm around them... I try to do it. Because to most people I seem pretty soft and harmless I suppose although to the ESE mindset I can be a viscous bully. Again, this is them not playing any victim- it's just them really being that sensitive. And to improve a relationship with one, you have to kinda go out of your way to being all super soft and kind- and I find only their duals can really pull this off so well. (cute intj nerds)

(I didn't do so hot practicing what I preach today and got in a huge fight with an ese because I so easily trample over them. =/) But as the lookalike to SEI- I do believe in kindness and compassion for everypony. Even if ESEs need more of it than everybody else. =D

[Shazaam]

But how can I tell someone they are right while what I will suggest is 180 degrees away from their perspective and they make absolutely no sense?

You just do it. You already know what you have to do I think, based on your snarky tongue-sticking-out smiley face... you just find is too emotional and simplistic and female baby ESFJ-ish or something... cuz yeah esfj brain is about 'we're in this together' not about right or wrong. But I guess the relationship has to feel important to you for you to try?

This kinda reminds me of a person I know who is like 'I won't kiss anybody's ass for a better job.' Because she doesn't see the value of being nice to people- she often views it as 'emotional manipulation.' From the ESFj's perspective- it's probably just simple kindness and respect.

(and it would actually be in that person's best interest to just get over themselves and 'kiss the Oprah's ass' but they won't. And they are still unemployed and eating burger king etc.)

[Yuma]

I don't get mad easily, but I can get worried about whatever pretty quickly.