Tonight, I received a reminder from my best friend. Originally, I wrote a long post giving backstory and context for the text, but ultimately decided I didn’t want to go into that much identifying detail. I don’t want to betray her confidence by posting too much here.
Basically, my 8w9 best friend was worried that I would be putting myself in a compromising social situation with someone who has made unwanted advances. I was invited to go to a party with him and others. I wanted to go mainly because I’m bored and feeling isolated from my usual social circles. I knew I would have to guard myself in several ways (stay sober, have my own transportation to and from the event, etc.) but I felt prepared and felt the pros outweighed the cons.
I told her about my plans. I picked up on her disapproval. I decided to cancel my plans to go. After awhile, I checked back in with her and we texted back and forth. Ultimately, she said,
“I just want you to know that you don’t have to make compromises or sacrifices to feel connected to others. And this situation, sounds like that’s exactly what you’re doing.”
This is so important for twos to hear. I totally get her concern for me. I have been guilty of putting others’ needs before my own or ignoring my needs altogether. In this situation, I’m still milling over whether I was compromising or sacrificing. I don’t believe I was. I enjoy the company of who I’d go to the party with. But they have issues I have to be mindful of.
I was struck by how quickly I dissolved my plans when greeted with disapproval from someone I admire so much. I know it was the right call, but I have to be conscientious of doing things because I want to do them. Not because I want approval or to avoid disapproval.
As an 8, she doesn’t want anyone to take advantage of me. She eventually said, “I trust you, I don’t trust others. If you feel like you can handle it then you should go. I’m just being an overprotective asshole. I should trust that you can take care of yourself.”
I thought this was an interesting situation that 2s and 8s could relate to. Personally, 8s have been some of my favorite people and I think the relationships between 2s and 8s are mutually beneficial.