@Kim, we once discussed sx/so, and you did not see how I could be this (same as what you are). I do agree with you that you and I are different, yet for me, I see us as differing expressions of the same stacking. I have been meaning to explain this, but have not yet found the original article that made it so clear to me. However I just found an excerpt quoted below that does explain it partly. So I will start this thread so you can see that, and also so that others who see themselves as a variants of sx/so can see if they find themselves here better.
I know that the following link is too simplistic of an explanation for stalkings. While it certainly describes some to a "t", it also leaves many people out of any one of those categories. Here: http://theenneagram.blogspot.com/200...stackings.html
The tests I have taken and the longer explanations I have read make me sue that according to the Enneagram theory, I am sx/so. Yet my fit to any of the types in the above article is not great - I am one of he "left out". So I wanted you to see another explanation of sx/so stacking that did have a place for me that fits. As you can see, the three differnt sx/so's come across quite differently, so much so that you would think they are all different stackings. So then you can see how three very different people can be sx/so. Also @AdamStrange, who is sx/so, (and I agree) - I would be interested in your thought on this too.:
Fireside sx/so - strong sx, weak soc and weaker sp. - pulls from sp/sx shadow to intensify sx. exhibitionism, wild abandon, most 'on fire' of all stacks or stack ranges.
Flirter sx/so - strong sx, moderate soc, weak sp. - highly sociable and extroverted per type, flirtatious interaction style, more coy than firesiders but more risque than coolsiders.
Coolside sx/so - strong sx, strong soc, weak sp. - pulls from so/sp secondary, political activist streak, 'cooled' by soc with some intellectual reserve, channels sx into social causes.
Kim and Adam, I woudl be interested in which of those you think you are. Kim, I am pretty sure you might be "Fireside". Correct me if I am wrong! You are like a flame. A flame of life. ..I wonder which you are, Adam? I am pretty sure I am "Coolside"... while also not personally being a political activist, especially since I think politics are all fixed, and politicians uninspiring. But substitute something else for politics (And I can explain how I personally do this! But I don't want to bore people, and I think it might!). Also, I think the first link seems to be describing "Firesides" only when defining sx-first....
I think I am Coolside but I lean to "Flirter" when socializing IRL, yet its something I have learned to consciously cool down and put a veil over because I do not want my intentions to be misunderstood, and when I am just "being myself", they sometimes are. (I writing I have time to think about what comes out of me, and how it might be misunderstood, so I can rethink it, and edit).
An example that sticks out in my life follows. Years ago when I began my first position as a teacher, our school was a "new" organization in an old school, the result of summertime district massive re-organization. We had a brand-new first time principal who had previously been district administration. I was brand-new to teaching along with another, the rest were transfers from other schools and as well as a group of veterans. To break ice before the start of the schoolyear, there was a happy hour event at a local spot for all the staff. All of us were a bit awkward and everyone checking everyone out. The principal was there, as was her husband - who was a principal in a neighboring district. There was all that wariness about new colleagues, no one much talking to the principal, and no one at all talking to her husband, who was observing a bit awkwardly. There were hesitations to be the conversation-starter, and none of the "starters" were getting too far yet. And I would not be the one to address the group - only be the responder to the one who is addressing the group. But in order to start socializing, I went for the one-on-one, which is my normal social approach, particularly directed to one not talking at all, to draw out what it interesting about them. So, completely oblivious to how this might look to others, I tried to engage the principals husband to talk about himself, with smiles and encouraging questions, attempting to get to some interesting talk from my interlocuter, probably with lots of positive encouraging responses. I was notably the youngest there, just out of college, so a generation gap there, and people don't know me, so maybe misunderstood - but while I was talking, the principal - my new boss - says loudly, "Hey! That's my husband!" -- silencing ALL, turning all heads to me,which i hate, and I am sure I who went completely white and then completely red, completely humiliated, because to flirt with anyone's husband - much less my boss's! - would be the last thing I would do adn teh accusation - in front of all - shocked me.
(in the above incident, with all looking at me, I do recall the more mature staff - mostly female - having some looks of curiosity observing my startled reaction, also "knowing" looks - like "she deserved it, she was flirting with the boss' husband", the boss looking at me triumphant as if she had caught me in something, and the husband looking pleased to be "flirted" with - I wasn't flirting! - and keenly observant of my emotional reaction to being confused. I was definitely no good at standing up for myself and hated being started at by the group so my next move was to seek for any other conversation to comment on...
Yes, so I was just socializing like I normally did. Which sometimes did make people think I was seeking relationship or something when I was not.
So incidents like this made me put a "veil" over this way, to "subdue" it. When I socialize now I am constantly subduing, and I have had practice. I'm older now, with gray hairs to prove it. However, I abhor the idea of being considered a "cougar" - I do not need a young male's attention to feel young - not only do I not care about feeling young I hate the idea of that motive - it feels like using people, which I abhor - so I still have reason to subdue, so as not to be misunderstood in that way. (I actually hate being misunderstood, so, I strive to make my actions clear socially). Another defense against this assumption which I practice is to immediately establish and validate the person's relationship, or mine, talking about his wife, i.e., and engaging their wife if she is there - and I tend to talk to the wife instead, to be safe (and really in the same way I would have talked to the husband) or I talked about "my husband". (Which was harder to do when i was single for so long before I remarried, and so I sort of stopped socializing at that time).
So, these are the "veils" that I put on my sx/so very much cool down and subdue the expected traits I'm bolding with red here, which is quoted for sx-first in that first link I gave:
intense, assertive, aggressive, impulsive, focused, idealistic, and relationship and adrenaline "junkies".
(I can definitely own "intense, impulsive, focused, idealistic and relationship -focused").
There are other longer explanations of aspects of sx/so that I have read that I can't locate right not though..