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Queen of the Damned
After talking to @Deer Woman about this, I was able to reflect on my past. I can trace back how I fit dominant subtype all the way to my childhood. I attributed it to sx first (and some alcohol consumption, in the past), only, until she and I talked. It didn't change much when I moved from a hick town to NYC. Now I live in a town with absolutely nothing to do on weekends except bars. I think we have only one actual club and I don't go to bars/clubs anymore. They are dangerous territory for me. 
My Lilith and Mars placements are the psychopath combination. @Deer Woman
I am bringing astrology into this because I also attributed my differences to other IEI to astrology. I was told by an astrologer I had a split personality chart because I had two very distinct personalities present that didn't intersect. I don't know what that means, exactly, but the essence of it made sense. FTR, in western astrology I am, Scorpio rising. Not that it means much but I still find it interesting.
Wherever I go I become "known". It is not intentional. It is often word of mouth and people want to meet me. I am not even bragging. I feel weird saying this publicly. When I was a child I thought I might be famous one day and thought it would be cool. By my late teens I thought I might be famous one day if I didn't put a stop to it. I imagined a life without privacy and it terrified me. I never wanted to be famous because of privacy issues. I never tried to publish my work for the same reason. I am a very private person in many ways. I just wanted to live a somewhat quiet life with someone I love. No pets, no babies, no one but us. I lived that kind of life for awhile and I was pretty content with it.
I often, unintentionally, dominate group interactions with my base function. This often gave me higher status in a group and more attention than I wanted. I don't like to be talked about, especially when I find out people said some pretty bad things about me that were not true at all but that is what happens when you are "known" and probably sx first too. Some people hated me and others loved me.
I didn't even know that is what I was doing, at the time. I was kind of expressing myself from a bubble even though I had awareness of what others wanted and was able to respond to them quickly without losing others. For the past couple years I have taken to self monitoring more. I always feel like I am saying too much or not letting others speak as much as they would like to. It makes me self conscious when I realize I am doing this. It was Olly who really made me start to evaluate what I was doing by some comments he made while we were talking. He may also be dominant subtype as we would talk over each other but by the end of the conversation I think we both felt we said what we had to say.
It makes some people think I am an extrovert and I am definitely not. People drain me. I don't like social interactions. I would rather stay home. I also have experience with an EIE-Ni sx/so ex who would always be in competition with me for the spotlight. It felt like he was always pushing me off the stage, so to speak. Being an extrovert he needed to feed off the group. I did not so sometimes I would just let him have the room but I could steal the spotlight back easily when I would get irritated with him. People have described us quite differently though. I have been told I have a big presence that can heal the group (in metaphysical groups) quite a few times. People said he could suck the energy right out of the room. I imagine this is how more sensitive introverts saw him. I felt it too when he would take over.
What I got from my conversations with DW is that you are not changing into another type and your cognitive style is still intact. The way the subtypes would present would still be within the realm of your socionics type cognitive abilities. I may have this wrong but that is what I took from it. I could never lead an army and I wouldn't want to. I sucked at running a company and didn't want the responsibility. Another dominant socionics type might thrive doing those things. I do know how to delegate tasks to people using my creative function to get them to respond and not using it when I know they are not likely to respond to it.
I do shift to harmonizing in the situations mentioned in op. I also think I am more harmonizing when I am feeling more relaxed and going with the flow instead of sharing. I relate to most of what the op says about dominant subtype. I probably wouldn't comment on food but if I did it would be some offhand comment since I am not interested in food. For better or worse Ni is my life and I bring it with me wherever I go. Not everyone will notice, respond or like it but that is pretty much what they get with me. I can do Fe too obviously. I can use all the functions as tools, when I have to. I also notice things but not respond for my own reasons. If I do it is because no one else notice. I am also oblivious to things when I completely zone out. Usually when I am alone but mostly I am aware of what is going on even if I am refusing to respond to it.
It also depends on the group. In a group of Deltas I am more likely to drift into my own world unless they do something to engage me.. I am still taking in what they say and I might interject a comment and they are sort of shocked that I was even following the conversation because I was literally looking off into nothing. In a beta group I feel more in my element, if I know them. If I do not know the people I do observe and wait until I know who is who and what is happening. I don't like to dive right into a new group. I don't even like groups. I would rather have a small group of my friends, at my house, if I am going to socialize at all. When my friends and family visit, it usually ends up with them sitting around asking me to interpret their dreams or something related.
I will probably delete this post since it feels too personal to be in a public section of the forum. I don't want to come off as arrogant even though arrogance is my dragon. I have posted about our personal "dragons" before. Similar to shadow but different.
Last edited by Aylen; 09-12-2017 at 11:24 PM.
Reason: scorpio correction. I spaced.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
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