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Thread: SEE/ESFp and ILI/INTp Duality? (Aggressor-Victim)

  1. #241
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    Didn’t mean to make it seem like relationships were “just” cost/benefit. I was just trying to make a point how people don’t like stepping outside their comfort zone due to the elevated risk of their partner being too different from themselves. Poor Fe POLR me Haha

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    MegaDoodoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faceonfire View Post
    Earlier this year I had an experience pursuing an ILI for the first time. I'm still unsure why I'm meant to be into them romantically lmao.

    The dynamic was pretty stereotypical. I honed in on her and made moves right away, reading her body language to judge how close I could get. The first night we met we were already cuddling and shit. I checked in with her frequently to be sure she was comfortable. At first it was going great. She was quirky, intelligent, and a total fucking nerd. Something about it's adorable to me. But then her shit Se and Fe caught up.

    I tried to get her out into the world a lot, which didn't go well. We'd make plans and she'd just... not show up. Getting her moving was really hard. Because she didn't express much emotionally, I started getting the strangest mixed signals. We were really touchy and had some intimate moments, and I was trying to move closer and closer. She'd be very receptive to all my advances and let me take the lead, but wouldn't give indications she enjoyed our time together. I ended up feeling burned because she seemed to feel nothing, despite all my effort. Eventually I got properly turned down, and I can't lie, it pissed me off. Vindictiveness isn't always a good thing.

    Whenever we were together I'd roast her to hell and back. Our dynamic was constantly putting the other down, which was pretty fun. She'd give me wandering predictions about my future and advise me to be cautious with my plans. I did appreciate her insight and forethought. She also could absorb information and explain things to me in straightforward terms, which made conversations good. No passion, no energy, but very smart and sober. She was always thinking about her future and making plans also, which I greatly appreciated. I need people who are going places. I do miss having her as a conversation partner.

    Fucking weirdo.
    It happens. I think neuroticism plays a bigger part in relationship dynamics. Socionics is more a "all things being equal" theory, which isn't always relevant. People still need to work on themselves before they can form positive relationships imo.

  3. #243
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    Quote Originally Posted by faceonfire View Post
    Earlier this year I had an experience pursuing an ILI for the first time. I'm still unsure why I'm meant to be into them romantically lmao.
    @faceonfire how long did that relationship last? That's more data I'm seeking to gather. I would also point out that the "kuudere" thing I mentioned is pretty true. However, the thing to remember is that while we may seem to be emotionless that's a damned dirty lie. We're actually pretty damn emotional, but we think that showing strong feelings to anyone outside direct family and those we'd trust with our lives is a very dumb thing to do (and pointless as if you're that close to us you ought to "get" us). You probably didn't notice her emoting at you because a "faint smile" from us is basically a beaming grin of endless joy from pretty much anyone else.

    For instance, I only get a bit of moisture in my eyes when I have to bury a close family member. Most outsiders would see that as me being an emotionless asshole who cares not for his own family. However, my family knows the truth (thankfully). They know I cared deeply for them even if I'm not bawling my eyes out like they are. It's hard to truly explain in text but let's just say that the person who's not shedding a tear may be the one who's hurt more deeply than those who are crying a river into existence.

    This is probably a good reason I both pity and despise sociopaths so much. They know nothing of what real tears are, and they never will even as their act fools everyone else around them.

    Quote Originally Posted by voider View Post
    If I were in a relationship with someone and having problems, I wouldn't be thinking, oh crap, I could have found a better person, I should leave this person immediately and go look for that one (like, what you'd do with an awful lunch or something).
    This is a big problem with modern relationships because they've been taught that Limerence=Love. The former is a thing that lasts between 3 months to a year tops. I can expand on what it is and why it's a thing but quick and dirty version: It's infatuation. Infatuation is temporary, but love, love can only form once you really start to see the flaws in your lover (i.e. once infatuation fades away). That's when many people erroneously back out. They never were as great as you thought they were, but maybe, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe those flaws and foibles will make them more endearing, more human, more lovable to you in the true sense.

    Infatuation is intoxication, but love, love is the sober realization that there was truly something more behind that. I hope I'm making some sort of sense to everyone on this...

  4. #244
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    @End yeah, I've read about limerence. I always saw it as a problem with me that that period lasts literally only a week at most for me, lol. So I can't really get into a relationship with someone who's not compatible because I see a lot of things going wrong already. I say I saw it as a problem because I've always wanted and I still do want a close relationship, and I thought that was what was keeping me from having one. But that wouldn't be a relationship, that would be a lie. I was talking more about the latter, about realizing that you actually want to put effort into something, to actually fix it.

  5. #245
    on a magic carpet ride fresh meat's Avatar
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    i used to be in and out of relationships a lot but right now I’ve been single for a significant amount of time and im happy to keep it that way
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
    7w6 3w4 9w8

  6. #246
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    I’ve been single for a few years now and I miss the stability, companionship, and mutual support of a long term relationship.

  7. #247
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    Quote Originally Posted by fresh meat View Post
    i used to be in and out of relationships a lot but right now I’ve been single for a significant amount of time and im happy to keep it that way
    You're probably burnt out. I get it from both ends mind you. Men (like me) are sick and tired of girls who think a masters degree and a high-paying job excuses a total lack of feminine tact and beauty both from without and within (who also, being Christian so this matters, can't even pass a witch test to boot).

    Girls are, likewise, sick of flabby effeminate feminist soyboys who clearly cannot protect an ant or lead a faltering force into victory if their life literally depended on it! Like it or not, men and women are different and they are also projecting. Men are trying to become the women they want and women are trying to become the men they desire. Any wonder everyone's frustrated as all hell right now? Women find men who are dumber, more feminine, and earn less than they do about as attractive as the average man finds a 50 year old used up whore who weighs 300 pounds. Given these facts, I totally get why you're happier being single.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I’ve been single for a few years now and I miss the stability, companionship, and mutual support of a long term relationship.
    Same here dude. It is quite sad that modernity has so thoroughly poisoned the dating well such that even after a few months with a partner that you're pretty sure will work out it's like something just snaps and your self-preservation instinct kicks in telling you that you had best run away now while ya still can.

    You may not be an sp focused type like I am but lemme tell ya as one. You do not question that shit. It says you run, you run. I'm still breathing with hardly a scar on my body where many others aren't because of that sentiment. I've come to find out years later the crazy shit my prospective partners were into that I didn't even suspect at the time. Hell yeah did I make the right call! This reinforces my theory on dominants. They got good instincts, and the world just keeps on proving that point for them.

  8. #248
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    I’m still not over my IEI ex. We clicked so well and I’ve never met someone so similar yet so different. It was magic until reality got in the way.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
    7w6 3w4 9w8

  9. #249

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    I dated an ILI once and it was a very good relationship. I could tell she had the victim thing going on, like wanting to be physically taken was why our relationship even started. And I had the whole infantile thing going, and even though she knew nothing about socionics, I ended up becoming more aggressor for her and she filled the care giver role ridiculously well, I sucked with my pseudo role tho lol. These things weren't so conscious to us, it's almost like we were secretly requesting that from each other and things morphed in that direction because those behaviors got rewarded the most.

    She always told me she was very different with other people than she was with me, in the sense that she showed more of her emotions around me because she felt like she didn't have to say anything to me and I could still understand her. I could never see her as cold or anything but she insisted she could be that way, which would have shocked me to see. She often thought that maybe she was an F because she was quite deeply emotional, but when we watched TV shows she would usually make very T comments with what she would have done in the character's situation, sometimes scarily T lol (I would have just killed him, he's a risk to the whole group). We both knew about MBTI so we theorized and speculated over that and how people work constantly, did it while watching TV shows and while going out to eat, trying to understand other people and ourselves, we were like two INXX aliens trying to understand reality, it felt very kindred, like you are just as curious and confused about the world as I am lol. She had the ability to see through me and would comment that what she saw was like some other thing she saw, like she was making abstract connections to a symbol, it scared the hell out of me that she could see so far into what I was hiding, like the Fi being so subjective and personally yours but so revealed to someone else, all the flattering and unflattering, I was used to having the selfish pleasure of it being the other way around but being able to hide myself. When we both engaged our Fi, it was like this melting process, like we were slowly being glued together. Relaxing into mush lol.

    One thing I noticed in the relationship was that from the moment we started really dating she had fantasies of us growing old together, with battle scars from all the times we fought but our love survived. She actually wanted us to have a rough patch so we could have something to overcome, but we got along too well lol. I thought the fantasy was sweet but it was very very "grand finale", but the relationship sort of seemed like she was pursuing that end, and it sort of felt like the track was set and we had to just go down it. I imagine it was her Ni that locked on in that sort of way to that idea, and her Ni was picturing a different future than my Ni so I had to break up with her even though she was essentially the perfect girlfriend, always wanted to pay for everything, cooked and wanted to feed you, bought all your favorite foods/drinks and put on your favorite show, crawled into your lap like a cat, and all that was required was that you show up and let her roll you into a blanket burrito .

    I initially wrote all that to say that I don't think ILIs are super cold or heartless but hey she was awesome.

  10. #250
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    @Lord Pixel, I’ve had a great ILI friend since junior high and even though through most of that time he seemed like a Murderbot, I got occasional glimpses into his character which told me that his Fi was better than mine.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 09-27-2019 at 12:42 PM.

  11. #251
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    Today I've met a girl with whom I had a nice conversation. It happens once a year on average. The content wasn't particularly interesting in itself : the positive things were mostly nonverbal.

    Later on, I was lying on my couch, mostly daydreaming. I remembered about that conversation and I thought :"I guess I should think about my next move ?". But even thinking about the best case scenario couldn't motivate me. The romance, the sex, the children, the family life, all that seemed like a lot of trouble. Even though I have a positive view of every single one of those things.

    She isn't SEE but probably ESI. And I can tell nothing is going to happen.

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