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Thread: SEE/ESFp and ILI/INTp Duality? (Aggressor-Victim)

  1. #241
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    Didn’t mean to make it seem like relationships were “just” cost/benefit. I was just trying to make a point how people don’t like stepping outside their comfort zone due to the elevated risk of their partner being too different from themselves. Poor Fe POLR me Haha

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    Quote Originally Posted by faceonfire View Post
    Earlier this year I had an experience pursuing an ILI for the first time. I'm still unsure why I'm meant to be into them romantically lmao.

    The dynamic was pretty stereotypical. I honed in on her and made moves right away, reading her body language to judge how close I could get. The first night we met we were already cuddling and shit. I checked in with her frequently to be sure she was comfortable. At first it was going great. She was quirky, intelligent, and a total fucking nerd. Something about it's adorable to me. But then her shit Se and Fe caught up.

    I tried to get her out into the world a lot, which didn't go well. We'd make plans and she'd just... not show up. Getting her moving was really hard. Because she didn't express much emotionally, I started getting the strangest mixed signals. We were really touchy and had some intimate moments, and I was trying to move closer and closer. She'd be very receptive to all my advances and let me take the lead, but wouldn't give indications she enjoyed our time together. I ended up feeling burned because she seemed to feel nothing, despite all my effort. Eventually I got properly turned down, and I can't lie, it pissed me off. Vindictiveness isn't always a good thing.

    Whenever we were together I'd roast her to hell and back. Our dynamic was constantly putting the other down, which was pretty fun. She'd give me wandering predictions about my future and advise me to be cautious with my plans. I did appreciate her insight and forethought. She also could absorb information and explain things to me in straightforward terms, which made conversations good. No passion, no energy, but very smart and sober. She was always thinking about her future and making plans also, which I greatly appreciated. I need people who are going places. I do miss having her as a conversation partner.

    Fucking weirdo.
    It happens. I think neuroticism plays a bigger part in relationship dynamics. Socionics is more a "all things being equal" theory, which isn't always relevant. People still need to work on themselves before they can form positive relationships imo.

  3. #243
    End's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faceonfire View Post
    Earlier this year I had an experience pursuing an ILI for the first time. I'm still unsure why I'm meant to be into them romantically lmao.
    @faceonfire how long did that relationship last? That's more data I'm seeking to gather. I would also point out that the "kuudere" thing I mentioned is pretty true. However, the thing to remember is that while we may seem to be emotionless that's a damned dirty lie. We're actually pretty damn emotional, but we think that showing strong feelings to anyone outside direct family and those we'd trust with our lives is a very dumb thing to do (and pointless as if you're that close to us you ought to "get" us). You probably didn't notice her emoting at you because a "faint smile" from us is basically a beaming grin of endless joy from pretty much anyone else.

    For instance, I only get a bit of moisture in my eyes when I have to bury a close family member. Most outsiders would see that as me being an emotionless asshole who cares not for his own family. However, my family knows the truth (thankfully). They know I cared deeply for them even if I'm not bawling my eyes out like they are. It's hard to truly explain in text but let's just say that the person who's not shedding a tear may be the one who's hurt more deeply than those who are crying a river into existence.

    This is probably a good reason I both pity and despise sociopaths so much. They know nothing of what real tears are, and they never will even as their act fools everyone else around them.

    Quote Originally Posted by voider View Post
    If I were in a relationship with someone and having problems, I wouldn't be thinking, oh crap, I could have found a better person, I should leave this person immediately and go look for that one (like, what you'd do with an awful lunch or something).
    This is a big problem with modern relationships because they've been taught that Limerence=Love. The former is a thing that lasts between 3 months to a year tops. I can expand on what it is and why it's a thing but quick and dirty version: It's infatuation. Infatuation is temporary, but love, love can only form once you really start to see the flaws in your lover (i.e. once infatuation fades away). That's when many people erroneously back out. They never were as great as you thought they were, but maybe, maybe that's a good thing. Maybe those flaws and foibles will make them more endearing, more human, more lovable to you in the true sense.

    Infatuation is intoxication, but love, love is the sober realization that there was truly something more behind that. I hope I'm making some sort of sense to everyone on this...

  4. #244
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    @End yeah, I've read about limerence. I always saw it as a problem with me that that period lasts literally only a week at most for me, lol. So I can't really get into a relationship with someone who's not compatible because I see a lot of things going wrong already. I say I saw it as a problem because I've always wanted and I still do want a close relationship, and I thought that was what was keeping me from having one. But that wouldn't be a relationship, that would be a lie. I was talking more about the latter, about realizing that you actually want to put effort into something, to actually fix it.

  5. #245
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    i used to be in and out of relationships a lot but right now I’ve been single for a significant amount of time and im happy to keep it that way
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.
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