i think very few people understand that feeling of that you would be too “soft” on yourself for believing you deserve love. most people are angry at others for not giving them the love they deserve. they may feel deeply insecure but some part of them believes that to be treated okay is within their right.
fours have rejected their deserving from the very beginning. paradoxically, instead of believing that love will be given, they demand it (b/c they need it, even if they don't feel they deserve it). they become prickly, aloof, or "bad", attempt to care for all of their own needs in a self-sufficient vacuum of love, or become extraordinary to wrest attention all the while secretly feeling like they have nothing to offer. the envy never ends b/c there is always something that they can't do, and without the accoutrements, all they have to offer is themselves- which is terrifying.
just speaking for myself, although E4 is a vulnerable type, I experience a lot of difficulty around real vulnerability. self-loathing, public displays of self-flagellation, maybe-- but all of that is a cover up for the kind of simplicity or genuine vulnerability that would make connection possible. vulnerability involves allowing yourself to be nothing. i have read literature about the three needing to reconnect with their hidden "simple self," but I feel the same is true for four. it is scary (or maybe not even possible, on most days) to show your simple self, the one that is not enough. this would probably be true for most people regarding letting go of their defenses. but without connecting with the simple self you will never know, if someone finds you to be enough.