Under the influence of insomnia and boredom, I stole FDG’s thread. His simplistic writing style, too. At this point my conscious created scenarios that caused great guilt, so I did not have the heart to steal his extensive collection of socionics knowledge and his logic. I apologize if these descriptions are lacking those qualities.
Naturally, I started off with the two types I have had the least interaction with. I am impractical and lack sense. These could be more in-depth, but I find the brusque versions more artistic. Lazy? I deny that allegation.
The ISTp’s behavior is foreign territory. They say what they think, do what they want to do, and don't give a damn what you think about it. You are enamored by this at first but soon learn that it is best to admire the ISTp from afar. Remember that episode from the Wonder Years where Kevin bought his crush a ginormous teddy bear and walked all the way to her house to give it to her, only to be scowled at and have the door slammed in his face? He had thought she had liked him too. He was left to walk home, crushed by the weight of rejection. That's the position your NiFe is going to be in once the initial fascination the ISTp has with it wears off. The ISTp returns your smiles with blank stares. You talk about feelings and the ISTp starts to look constipated. You steer the conversation toward more intellectual matters but you, being the sultan of superfluous information, will likely say something the ISTp finds utterly stupid or irrelevant. They will likely subtly or not so subtly let you know, kicking you right in the hidden agenda. “Why don't you just say what you mean instead of giving me this big hypothetical situation or metaphor, and Christ! are you capable of making decisions at all?”, the ISTp wonders. At this point, you are intimidated. The ISTp will think you’re taking things too personally, and you most likely are. If you could stop being so damn sensitive for just a moment, you can have a civil conversation with the ISTp. However, you will not likely be interested in talking about the same subject, or if you are, you will be interested in entirely different aspects of those subjects.
At first you tap dance Danny Kaye-style all over the place trying to please the ESTj before you realize your efforts are futile; you are dancing on a land mine, and while you should be calculating your steps to avoid setting off a bomb, you instead choose to frolic, pirouette and grand plie. Your fancy peacocking does not impress the ESTj and will inevitably cause a blow-up. The ESTj wants proficiency. When things go wrong you will be able to tell by the tone of the ESTjs voice. (it will be yelling) and by the expression on the ESTjs face (the capillaries will have burst). If INFps are the grave yards where practical ideas go to die, then ESTjs are the dying grounds where patience goes to take its last breaths. The ESTj believes that good enough isn’t. Unless something is of great interest to you, you believe that good enough is and will likely half-ass it. While the ESTj is tight with their wallets, they will lavishly spend 3 quarters of an hour driving home a point that could have been conveyed in one quarter. As far as you’re concerned, this is the worst way you've ever spent quarters. You frequently lose your point in conversation or may not even have much of a point to begin with. When you speak the ESTj will likely think you’re inebriated, exaggerating, or lying. This is not to say that there are not appreciable qualities about the ESTj. ESTjs have produced things INFps enjoy. It was probably an ESTj who invented kissing. Granted, it was for the most unromantic reason ever—to taste the mouth of their spouses to make sure they weren’t sneaking into the liquor barrels while they were off at work. However, it ended up being something that the INFps have spent decades writing poetry about.
In the beginning you'll likely feel attraction to your identical. Alas, you have found someone who understands that occasionally it is healthy to desire a five dollar vanilla latte or it can be practical to spend a whole month's budget for groceries on gorgeous (albeit inedible) items to hang on your wall or to wear. Someone who won't laugh at your aspirations that will likely lead to an empty bank account. If your identical has similar talents and interests as you, you may feel they are a threat to your domain and fantasize of disposing of them. Or perhaps it develops into a beneficiary type situation where you believe you could gain from your identical but your identical views you like having cabbage soup for dinner, fish for pets, and other things that induce a series of zzzzzz's. Most likely, you will get along and this can be a pleasant relationship once you get past the After you! No, no after you! stage where the conversations of, "What do you think?" "I don't know, what do you think?" and one of you steps up and becomes the decision maker.
You are delighted when you discover you have found someone with whom you can have wonderful philosophical discussions about, like, what it all means, man. You speculate about ideas and the INTj attempts to make sense of them, providing you with explanations and greater understanding. In conversation you like to flit all over the place while the INTj prefers to stick to a subject. When you attempt to change the conversation the INTj is likely to ignore it and say, "Shall we continue beating a dead horse?". If you wanted to know this much about a subject you would have read a book. Neither of you are likely to be very connected to your surroundings and neither of you will hold each other down so you'll be two helium balloons floating aimlessly upward where you'll likely come undone in stressful situations such as encounters with power lines and tree branches. (I intended that to be a metaphor of some sort, I'm sure, although I'm not quite sure what it is. )
When another flight of boredom strikes, I'll write descriptions for the other types and elaborate on the above ones. These are the disorganized late night ramblings of one INFp, I do not claim to speak on behalf of the other INFps. (hopefully you other INFps contribute your own so we can get a more balanced view here) Nevertheless, if you’re offended by what I have typed, feel free to take your rage out on them because I’m off to California for the week. No parties, do the dishes and make sure the toilet finishes flushing. Sometimes the handle sticks down, and you have to pull it up. Otherwise the water pump runs all the time and it'll wear out.