I don't get dual relationships (duality)

[sbbds]

There are feelings but also the organic nature of relationships. Seems kinda illusory to treat ppl or interpersonal relations as if transaction because ppl are ppl, they breathe, get old, dream, have feelings, have physical and psychological needs, etc. They are organic living entities with an independent mind and unique life path. If each one is more conscious and concerned about what they have to offer and give to this potential SO more than what they can take and how worthy or not is this other person, there would be more chance to successfully relating and less frustration.

Really well said, nice Ragdoll Cat!

I don't think my relationship problems are due to my having inadequate feelings, or any great tendency to make the relationship transactional, or any desire on my part to "own" the other person or to control them. Rather, I think the root of my problems is that I have some narcissistic tendencies and I have the undesired prejudice that my partner will make my life great.

When I step back, I'd say that I do feel that my life is better when I have a partner (or when I'm around duals), but a partner can't fix what is wrong with my life. Only I can do that.

However, my assertion that people who initially get together to collaborate on projects or their lives will have roughly equal social and psychological "value" still stands. Humans cooperate best when they are roughly equal, but an individual's feelings can and do heavily weight the numbers, and if, for example, someone gets cancer and their objective numbers drop, that doesn't mean that their subjective value will change. We get attached to people. We care.

I don't really see you as narcissistic or entitled, but I agree on the rest and am glad you know that.

It's interesting because I've been reflecting on the same things recently myself. I think people need to ask themselves if they're already doing everything in their power to improve their lives by themselves already, and have gotten all the basics down. I think waiting for a dual to give you basics is unreasonable. You need to find out how to do it all yourself first, or at least try, and then that's when life tends to bless you with people who make it a bit easier.