But not only that either. It's really fucking hard to describe. Like never having an interest in cooking ever, yet suddenly feeling an obligation to cook or tend to details that were never attended to before. To try and get out the head and more in tune with the moment. Like a constant awareness that you'll never live in the moment, while feeling like you must, like some sort of obligation that will never be fulfilled, yet are somehow optimistic that it will happen someday and eager to make it work.