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Queen of the Damned
I remember a time when my list was less than 50 people. 2008, I think, and everyone on it was someone I felt bonded to, irl. I used to read all their posts and comment and keep track of what they had going on. Never missed a birthday... I left fb for a few years but didn't deactivate. Now and then I would drop in and apologize for missing birthdays, and not keeping up with them. Like everyone on my list would "like" my random post and comment how much I was missed and asked how I had been. I would tell them all the horrors I was going through, blah blah blah. Then my phone would start ringing and we would finish catching up that way.
During this time I also left the group I was part of because I broke up with one of the leaders (who I was living with and it was messy) and got together with another group member. I was no longer one of them and only stayed in touch with those I was closest to and rarely. The comments and likes declined but I was fine with that because it meant I didn't have to be responsible for replying to every single post or comment. Then new people joined the group and started adding me by default since they would read a couple of digests of something that was published about my experience in the group. I was "cool" to have me on their page. I was a bit of rebel and had stirred things up a bit before leaving. I also spoke up about things I didn't like in the group and choose sides of unpopular people, who weren't afraid to point out contradictions and hive mentality. Seems the unspoken rule was that you did not question the authority of the gurus and I did and my closest friends did too.
What the new people didn't get was I had actually had meetups with most of the people they linked to me through. At first the invites would trickle in and then all at once the group must have have had a growth spurt because I would log in every few months to dozens of friend invites from people who were already friends with like like half my friend's list. I no longer felt comfortable posting my life to them and deleted everything personal. At some point I did pair down my list but new people kept adding me. I think some lost interest in waiting and would remove their invites if I hadn't logged in, in months, so I wonder now what was going through their heads. They probably felt rejected.
Then I noticed that the people who always read and commented on my posts had huge friend's lists and probably rarely saw my random posts anymore. That is when I stopped feeling responsible to read all their posts. It was hard enough for me to keep up with a feed that is so random and chaotic so how was I supposed to expect them to. Nothing personal.
I logged in last week to find out that two of my best friends (in my teens) had close family members die. I felt like I walked in the room in the middle of a conversation, and was clueless, since they had made many posts and had many comments already. It was too much to read and I felt really bad. I mean for one I find it hard to "like" posts where they are basically pouring out their heartbreak, in that way, without any positive insight or anything for me to actually like. I am sure you guys have seen it. "My brother died this morning. I am devastated." and below it 50 likes. WTF? I sent them private messages and sent hugs and hearts on their posts. I felt shallow for for putting hearts and hugs on a post about someone dying because we were close and I shared many, first time, experiences with both these girls. Yet, they "liked" my little hugs and hearts, That is why I sent them private messages.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
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