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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    Hey you little so-lasts..

    So I've been wondering.. just how little importance/value do you place on friendship groups/circles/organizations.. etc? What does being so-last truly look like/manifest in for you? I have a close friend who is sp/sx and it's almost terrifying to me how he genuinely doesn't need friendships outside of girls he dates.. He has zero interest in making same-sex friends because to him he doesn't see the point.. it's actually kind of repulsive to me because I don't relate to it at all.. We're really only good friends cause we used to date! LOL

    I'm just wondering if this is also due to introversion and how an extraverted so-last would come across? How do you guys survive... hahaha
    i'm extremely introverted and definitely a loner. in the past, friends i've made are usually due to being thrust into each other's company. some people in this thread mentioned that they don't keep up with friends well, which contributes to being a loner. that applies to me, but i'm not sure it's the main explanation. it takes a lot of "energy" for me to be social, and i get drained easily. really, having to interact with people at work 40 hours a week exhausts me, and i just long to be alone. the only time i seem to really have time for people is for close immediate family and if someone enters my life romantically, i flip entirely, and am able to spend all my time with that person. but i think it's because i merge with them, and somehow this doesn't drain my "energy." so, perhaps i am kind of like the friend you mention, but it's not necessarily because i don't need friends. it's mainly that with work in my life and all of those horrible superficial interactions, i just need so badly to be alone, safe from people "violating" me. i feel hugely violated and exposed (in a misrepresented way) and tortured really at work, and it takes the rest of my time to recover. after a day of work, i just shut myself up in my apartment for safety. sometimes i cry and shake. sometimes i just want to kill myself after a day of work.

    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    As one of the few remaining Elite True Sx/Sps on here
    oh dear. i hope you're not being serious...

    Quote Originally Posted by silke View Post
    Reposting this from the enneagram workshop notes. It sounds like quite a few responses are falling into the pit of literal interpretation of how the instincts were named e.g. "SO/Social" = social extraversion = lots of friends / hanging out in groups etc., which is not the case
    well, some of us are legitimate loners... probably a lot of us. i personally seem to change my stack depending on interpretations (mine) rather frequently.

    i'll keep the things in the rest of your quote i particularly relate to--or perhaps, don't relate to, in some cases.

    ~ acceptance, interested in who others really are [acknowledgement of others]
    ~ awareness of the other -- compared with sx awareness of the energy between two people, soc brings awareness of the other as themselves, as a person in their own right -- and of how one's self and the other are affecting each other
    i'm not interested in most people, but when i am interested in someone i go digging until i find their core/soul. i generally see others as individual, independent beings in their own right. i think that it's important to never forget that, because losing sight of it has resulted in some of the most terrible atrocities humans have committed against one another. i've always (as long as i remember) had an awareness of this. oppression of another on the grounds of a supposed "group" they are reduced to has long been something that bothers me, and something i fear. i don't like reducing individuals to characteristics of any "group" because that denies them their humanity. still, i live most of my life with myself and ignore most people, unable to take any interest in them. when i am interested, my interest becomes pretty intense and obsessive. i want to see *everything* inside them.

    ~ soc brings a certain humility because of the sense of interdependence. less overestimating the relative importance of one individual self
    this oddly seems to contradict the previous thing... but i don't really feel interdependent. in fact, i view being interdependent as something dangerous. i don't really believe anyone will bail me out. i kind of know i'm on my own and that no one will save me, despite my fantasies when i was in my twenties. i think the world is largely cruel. i also resent people who have a sense of interdependence. i see them as threats trying to sap what little strength i have from me. i hate them for wanting to take and for giving nothing. if i could, i would run far away from these sorts of people with their goddamn sense of "community." this isn't to say, i don't have any inclinations towards "community." i'm just rather touchy about this. usually the people that go on and on about "helping each other out" just want others to burn away their light in service. i despise people like that. not only do i see them as weak (both in character and in nature) but i see them as unethical.

    ~ cited a study in which the biggest factor for longevity was friendship
    i really like long-term friendships. but i'm not good at maintaining them, even though i remember everyone. if i'm with someone romantically (or otherwise devoted) i never want to end the friendship part of it. even if we stop keeping up, they remain in my mind and i will think of them, as though they are there.

    ~ bonds between species (e.g. humans and pets) are examples of soc instinct
    i'm incredibly interested in other species and finding the "person" inside of an individual i meet of another species. it's the most fascinating sort of "digging" for me. i long to connect with that which is "alien" and so i will search a lot. i'm fascinated by just about every animal i meet. i don't really grow bored of this. i want to read their minds and their hearts (their "souls"). i want to understand. i want to answer questions about what unites and separates "us." it's a deep well with no bottom.

    ~ one way of looking at all the major spiritual teachings are as an expansion of the soc instinct; ultimately, including all life within the soc instinct's movement toward win-win
    i'm really fond of win-wins and naturally look for that kind of solution. i can compromise rather well, although this is largely because i don't really know what i want most of the time. it's so difficult for me to make a decision sometimes that a compromise actually allows for an actual decision and course of action. so it's actually pretty selfish in a way. but i also know that there are so many ways to solve every problem, and i'm good at thinking of all the ways (which contributes to my difficulty making decisions), and so there are ways to solve a problem that benefit all parties more often than not. and that's rather ideal, and makes everything else easier (the consequences).


    SOC areas:

    ~ reading people and adapting behavior
    i am fairly adept (i think) at reading people if i actually try to. usually i'm so self-absorbed i don't notice others. but if i pay attention, i'm a good reader. i also do readily adapt my behavior without really trying or thinking about it. (not knowing what i even want makes it fairly easy. however, i also do it when i know that it's not what i want in work situations because i feel i have no power and no choice. and that hurts a lot--having to adapt against my own nature.)

    ➙ sp wants other stuff to adapt to the self; soc is willing to adapt self in light of others' needs
    as an example, suppose you feel the room is too hot and you see a thermostat on the wall. sp just turns down the thermostat, but soc gauges others' temperature - if everyone else in the room is dressed lightly, soc does not turn down the thermostat.
    hmm. i actually don't really want either of these. i *hate* having to adapt my own nature and hurt myself for other's needs. i do it at work because i don't want to fall to living on the streets, which i wouldn't be able to survive. i don't value their needs generally and think most of them are pathetic wasteful self-entitled little shits. being higher up on a hierarchy does not earn my respect. i expect a real leader and think social hierarchies are stupid and often wrong. however, if i actually care about someone, it isn't difficult to sacrifice my small needs. i don't need a lot. i'm not high maintenance.

    ~ contribution and participation.
    ➙we're wired to contribute. regardless of stack, self-esteem suffers when we feel we have nothing to contribute or what we contribute isn't wanted or doesn't matter.
    ➙ valuing each others' contributions falls in the soc area as well.
    i hate participation and have always been rather contrary. nothing annoys me more than conformity.

    When soc is the blind spot:
    ~ opportunities to be with others are seen in terms of "what will it cost me". Can be a feeling of not caring, of being excessively selfish.
    ~ talking to self, may be really talking to self even when ostensibly talking to others, interrupting
    ~ always a feeling of not having made one's contribution even when one actually is contributing[/I]
    bah. now i'm back to wanting so last in my stacking.

    eta: wow, this is all quite hateful and ugly.
    Last edited by inumbra; 09-14-2015 at 03:21 AM.

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