On the more personal note:
The recent double down has been that the partner wants to move into a house with 2 other couples. The e1 girl has problems dealing with people and all the changes and upheavals that come when you add more people to the mix.
The houses the partner keeps looking at are out of the county, nowhere near bus lines. The e1 girl doesn't have her license nor a car and relies on buses to get around town. She's concerned that she won't be able to get to her new job, her other appointments, etc, having to rely on two cars/drivers in the whole household. The partner says not to worry about it.
The costs of rent and utilities will increase significantly, as in the e1 girl's share will eat up over half of her 28hr/week paycheck. The partner says not to worry about the costs increase.
The partner complains about not having any privacy in their two bedroom three people apt. But thinks that there will be pleeeenty of privacy for eeeeveryone of 6 people in a small 3 bedroom home. The e1 is already having problems with lack of a safe place to recoup from stresses...and the partner recently blew up at her for not giving the partner some privacy time in their shared bedroom.
The apt they live in now is an utter pigsty. Noone wants to do their chores. (I prefer to use a public toilet than theirs, as at least the public toilet gets cleaned. And i don't dare eat anything from there for fear of food poisoning.) The apt the other half of the group lives in is even worse. Yet the partner strongly believes that all that will change once they all move in together into a house. The e1 is a little upset that none of her other possible friends want to visit her at her home. (I don't blame them.)
The e1 is somewhat concerned about all this, mostly because a number of people she trusts say that it's a bad idea. The e1 has offered the idea of each couple getting an apt each in the same complex, so they can all hang out together, but without all the problems the house would bring. But the partner refuses to consider alternatives, and refuses to address the potential problems. The e1 is torn between a) what other people have warned about it, b) her own concerns, and c) her desperate internal need to change herself to suit the partner's wants. Yes, the internal conflict is definitely bleeding out, and causing problems in the relationship. Also, there's a ticking clock as their current lease ends in february, and they have to give notice by the 9th.
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Galen, your last paragraph is good advice. i've tried to get her to do that, which has helped her realize that she doesn't want to do the house thing. (Frankly, I think she would do much better just getting her own place and leaving that whole situation.) But even though she admits she's desperately unhappy in the relationship, she can't leave the partner. (Remember, this is her best and pretty much only intimate friend. She's bonded to her like ...soul-mates-gone-wrong. And she's really scared to be on her own.) When i've asked her what she wants in her ideal relationship, she just responds with the partner's name, and better communication.
I see her doing this constantly. It's part of why this is so heartbreaking to witness.
