The example was material, but it still represents the attitude many EIIs have, which is that they have the right to independently determine exactly what others' words and actions mean FOR them, and from that point on, to dictate how others are obligated to treat them and silently punish those who disappoint. It seems like a shortcoming of having contact rather than inert Ne. Ultimately, the right answer is usually to try and be more fair, or cut the person loose if you feel that you can't be, based on what both parties separately regard as fairness. I recently had to cut an ILE loose because I realized that the values I was measuring her against would never be hers, and should never be hers. They were my values, and though they were perfect for me, expecting her to recognize and uphold them would be like trying to squeeze someone into clothes that were too small.
And for all of this, EIIs don't always regulate their own behavior. Even here, I've seen EIIs become icy and defensive when their own hostility or rudeness was pointed out.
Sorry, I'm not trying to accuse you or lump this all on you, I just felt like bringing it up because it's something I see all the time and it's almost never openly discussed. Maybe that's because everyone is painfully aware and my Se-polr is too stupid to realize, lol.