Enneagram type 4

**Aylen** · 04-04-2015, 08:40 PM

**Velvet** · 04-05-2015, 07:12 PM

**Aylen** · 04-05-2015, 07:25 PM

**Amber** · 04-05-2015, 07:29 PM

**yeves** · 04-14-2015, 08:47 PM

**Aylen** · 04-16-2015, 06:17 PM

**Aylen** · 04-17-2015, 02:59 PM

possibly so/sx 4

Have you ever wanted to be someone you're not?
But you look into the world and you see what you've got
There's nothin' there but brains and guts
Finally open the door and then it shuts

Look to the center and I'll think you'll find
The people that are gettin', they are blind
You changed the channel and there's nothin' there
You weren't born pretty and it isn't fair

Here's to the losers
The substance abusers
To the rejects
All the imperfects

'Cause I think we're beautiful
'Cause I think we're beautiful
'Cause I think we're beautiful
No matter what anyone says
I think we're beautiful
The most beautiful in the world

You try for jobs but they say you're strange
You're sportin' a style that they call pain
So you get in trouble and your brain is gone
You're cryin' out, man, but the words are wrong

Here's to the losers
The substance abusers
To the rejects
All the imperfects

'Cause I think we're beautiful
'Cause I think we're beautiful
'Cause I think we're beautiful
No matter what anyone says
I think we're beautiful
The most beautiful in the world

I know you're tired of being put down
And all the crap that's said in town
But you're the person that matters most
I raise my glass and make a toast

Here's to the losers
The substance abusers
To the rejects
All the imperfects

To the retarded
And the broken hearted
To the starving masses
And the lower classes

'Cause I think we're beautiful

**Aylen** · 04-18-2015, 01:42 PM

One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives.

**Aylen** · 04-18-2015, 08:06 PM

CHIMERA

1
a capitalized : a fire-breathing she-monster in Greek mythology having a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail
b : an imaginary monster compounded of incongruous parts
2
: an illusion or fabrication of the mind; especially : an unrealizable dream <a fancy, a chimera in my brain, troubles me in my prayer — John Donne>

**Amber** · 04-18-2015, 11:54 PM

**Mactheknife** · 05-06-2015, 07:20 AM

**Aylen** · 05-13-2015, 06:51 PM

Inspired by a comment made to me elsewhere. Some other enneagram related sites are irritating with their passive aggressive anti-4 cliques. I'd rather be here.

Problems with Hostility and Despair

Like Twos and Threes, the other two personality types of the Feeling Center, Fours have a problem with hostility. They direct their hostility at themselves because like the Twos and Threes, Fours have rejected their real self in favor of an idealized self-image. However, because of their self-awareness, Fours are always becoming conscious of all of the ways in which they are not like their idealized self. They come to disdain many of their real qualities which they see as barriers to becoming the self of their imagination. Angry with themselves for being defective, Fours inhibit and punish themselves in the many ways which we will see.

Of course, Fours also experience hostility toward others. They can become enraged if others question or dismiss their self-image or moods, but they tend to express this by "dropping" people, suddenly and without explanation. The creativity of Fours can also be employed in sarcastic, withering remarks directed at those who have wounded their "sensitivities." Fours also can experience intense hostility at the very people they have idealized. When others fail to live up to Fours’ hopes of the "good parent," they may relive the original pain they felt at not being able to connect with their parents, but project this onto the new love interest. They may dramatically express the rage and emotionality that they could not with their own parents, but usually withdraw quickly before the intensity of their feelings overwhelms them or does further damage to their relationships. More often, Fours will simmer and seethe in silence.

On a deep, unconscious level Fours are hostile toward their parents because they feel that their parents did not nurture them properly. Fours feel that they were not welcomed into the world; they feel out of place, unwanted—and they are deeply enraged at their parents for doing this to them. However, their rage at their parents is so deep that Fours cannot allow themselves to express it. They fear their own anger, and so withhold it, trying to come to terms with it themselves.

As awareness of their hostility and negative feelings gradually wears them out, average to unhealthy Fours sink ever more deeply into self-doubt, depression, and despair. They spend most of their time searching for the courage to go on living despite the overwhelming sense that the essential flaw in themselves is so deep that it cannot be healed. Indeed, the feeling of hopelessness is the current against which they must constantly swim. And if the undertow of hopelessness is too strong, unhealthy Fours either succumb to an emotional breakdown, or commit suicide because they despair of ever breaking free of it.

As soon as Fours devote themselves to a search for self by withdrawing from life, they are going in the wrong direction. No matter how necessary this search may seem to them, they must become convinced that the direct search for self is a temptation which eventually leads to despair.

On the other hand, what makes healthy Fours healthy is not that they have freed themselves once and for all from the turbulence of their emotions, but that they have found a way to ride that current to some further destination. Healthy Fours have learned to sustain their identities without exclusive reference to their feelings. By overcoming the temptation to withdraw from life to search for themselves, they will not only save themselves from their own destructiveness, they will be able to bring something beautiful and good into existence. If they learn to live this way, Fours can be among the most life-enhancing of the personality types bringing good out of evil, hope from hopelessness, meaning from absurdity, and saving what appeared to be lost.

**Aylen** · 05-15-2015, 06:04 PM

This is from my "human design" chart.

Apparently I am "tribal". I can be an emotional rollercoaster.

When we look at someone with a defined emotional center we know right away that this is a person whose body chemistry continually cycles them through a binary experience of emotions.

It is variously defined as experiencing high and low, up and down, hope and pain. If you are not emotionally defined then it is simply impossible for you to grasp what this is really like. If you are emotionally defined it is possible that you might grasp what it is like – but it’s not necessarily the case that you will. Someone whose emotional definition is the result of a completely unconscious channel, might not ever be aware of their wave.

Anyone who has the solar plexus defined can NOT rely on their feelings of the moment. However, once they have gone through the entirety of their emotional wave they MUST make decisions based on how it makes them feel.

As noted in the introduction, authority is not a “separate dynamic”. It’s not a little control center sitting off to the side carefully observing and analyzing the present with a full awareness of everything that happened in the past and carefully considering all possible future outcomes in the light of sometimes competing goals. Every person is a complex amalgam of various states of being that are the result of internal and external sensory data AND the relationship that each person is continually building between the internal and external.

As we saw when looking at centers, the solar plexus always operates in a wave and that works from hope to pain in some variation, but the shape of the wave differs depending on the defined circuitry.
Let's recap the wave variations:

Collective The abstract, collective wave, operating in the gates 41, 30, 35, and 36, is a crash wave; climbing up, then moving along a plateau, to be followed by a crash down. This wave when it’s in the hope part of the cycle is kind of saying “ohhhhh great!” But in the pain cycle it’s saying “Oh is that all?” This is reflected in the 35-36 channel of “Been there, done that”.
Tribal The tribal wave of the 19, 49, 37, and 40, is very reliable in its cyclical nature of moving up and down like a roller coaster. Here the dynamics of hope and pain play out more like “"It's a .....benign....catastrophe!" There’s often the sense that one is, indeed needed and wanted, but it’s followed by the feeling that one is rejected and doesn’t belong.
Individual The emotional individual (the 39/55, 12/22) goes along almost flat; people don’t even know that they are emotional. Then they either go straight up like a rocket or straight down. When they are up things are just fabulous, but when they are down they really feel like they will never, ever be up again. The pain and despair can be all encompassing and they see no light at the end of the tunnel.

**Aylen** · 06-02-2015, 12:52 PM

Love this show and he is one of my favorite characters. 458 tritype.

**summerprincess** · 06-25-2015, 01:38 AM

**Aylen** · 07-30-2015, 09:09 PM

IEE, 479, so/sx?

**huiheiwufhawriuhg** · 07-31-2015, 03:09 PM

I think this song is pretty much 4w5 sx/sp

**Aylen** · 07-31-2015, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by Fay

I think this song is pretty much 4w5 sx/sp

I love NIN but I think that song might be more sx/so? I am going by tone/melody more than words since I did not look them up. Of course it is subjective but this one feels more 4w5 sx/sp to me. I know these lyrics by heart.

**Aylen** · 08-08-2015, 06:12 PM

https://oceanmoonshine9.wordpress.com/four-stacks/

The Instinctual Stackings of Enneatype Four

Self-pres/Social

This subtype is the least volatile and fiery of the type Four stackings. They can resemble type One in terms of their efficiency and practicality. Although their focus will be more on the emotional aesthetic, these Fours do have a considerable practical side. Less flashy than some of the subtypes of Four, they nevertheless have a quiet charm and developed sense of style. They are likely to value their possessions, to perhaps collect items of personal emotional significance. They may, for instance, have shelves and shelves of books and have a place for each book. This subtype can also resemble type Six in terms of having a great deal of anxiety. This anxiety often revolves around self-pres concerns such as those surrounding health issues and mortality. Their strong self-pres instinct also lends a degree of independence to this subtype. As the sexual instinct is least pronounced, this subtype of Four is prone to romanticize intimacy without actually pursuing real relationships. When healthy, these Fours can be very productive; when less healthy they might suffer from boughts of melancholy or self pity. The strong self-pres instinct however often helps these individuals to recognize how their state of mind is impacting their health and well being. This enables them to become action oriented.

Self/Sexual

This subtype also cares very much about their surroundings and their possessions. They feel as if these things help to express who they are. There is more of a passionate sense about them as compared to the self/soc. They have more of a sensual relationship with their environment. These Fours are much more tortured by their difficulty with respect to maintaining close relationships. The self-preservational instinct tends to be in conflict with the sexual instinct, causing this subtype to habitually analyze their relationships to the point where they find it difficult to be present to them. When unhealthy, these Fours can become very disdainful of the social environment. They also start to envy the ease with which others seem to form relationships and maintain friendships. When Fours of this subtype are healthy, they find that they can form relationships without feeling as though they are sacrificing authenticity. They no longer feel that they have to automatically define themselves as “different from others,” as outside the group. They are able to see the ways in which their emotionality might cloud their better judgment and to use that insight to establish equilibrium.

Social/Self-pres

This subtype can mimic type One when it comes to social values. They can be harsh critics of the current mores. They have romantic ideals of what the world should be like; reality always falls short. Ironically, this type can be the most withdrawn of the Fours. Social anxiety combines with the Four’s shame issues to make this type feel that the pressure associated with “fitting in” is just not worth it. They are also the most likely of the Fours to intellectualize their emotions and in this way resemble type Five.
The social instinct tends to give the personality a focus on being included, fitting in, or finding a way to make a valued contribution. This agenda conflicts with the Four’s sense of being “different from” or “other than.” The Four’s need to establish a separate identity conflicts with the social instinct’s drive towards inclusion. The social Four often deals with this dilemma by defining themselves as being outside the social system. By defining themselves always in terms of the system, even if it is to establish distance, this Four stays essentially tied to it. Fours with the social/self-pres stacking tend to acutely feel a sense of social shame at not quite belonging.
When this subtype is reasonably healthy, they are often gifted critics of the prevailing culture. They develop true insight into social dynamics and have an eye for the nuances and subtleties of social interactions. Many Four writers are soc/self.

Social/Sexual

This is overall the “lightest” type Four when it comes to social interaction. They are likely to utilize charm and humor. This type is more scattered and can be down right disorganized. They can drift through life always feeling like an outsider, yet they usually have friends. They can alternate from being the life of the party to withdrawing. Intimates will know of their insecurities and dark moody side while acquaintances will see a softer, friendlier side. This subtype’s energy is geared towards people, but they never feel as though they really fit in. They are often quite creative, talented people who have many interests, but they frequently lack the energy to actually accomplish what they would like. They can drift and withdraw very easily. When healthy and with the right support from friends (and perhaps a little push) they tap into their instinctual energy. When they do this, they begin to see how much they can accomplish. A positive connection to others helps them stay focused.

Sexual/Self-pres

This is a very volatile type. They are driven to form connections but have very high demands of their partners. When their powerful fantasies don’t match reality, they become very restless. They take the fire and passion of the sexual instinct and turn it inward. This can cause both brooding and fiery outbursts. Dramatic mood swings are very likely with this type. This subtype of Four could be considered the most classic Four, because of the way they seem to embody the archetype of the tortured artist, although not all Fours of this subtype are artists. Stereotype aside, this subtype does tend to bring their emotions into focus more readily then the other subtypes of Four. What is under the surface with the self-pres/sexual is now bubbling to the surface. This subtype can resemble type Seven because of their drama, passion for experience and tendency to suffer from frustration when life seems dull. Like type Seven, they can seem to throw themselves into experience.
When healthy, this subtype learns to balance the need for passion with the less obvious need for groundedness which can come from solid and focused relationships with others and with their creative outlets.

Sexual/Social

This subtype is able to connect with others and with life itself, but always with an undertone of volatility and a tendency to dramatize. They are the most involved and connected of the subtypes of Four. They can go from relationship to relationship, seemingly tortured by each one. They are the most driven of the subtypes of Four to express themselves publicly and type Four celebrities are commonly found with this stacking. This subtype has a real difficulty remaining grounded, partly due to the undeveloped self-pres instinct. Although they can appear almost Eight-like at times with their lust for life and desire for passionate experience, they lack the focus of the Eight and the instinctual energy that would keep them grounded. Sometimes alcohol or substance abuse can be a problem. These Fours become more healthy when they learn to control their impulsivenss and focus their energies.

**woofwoofl** · 08-18-2015, 02:32 AM

**woofwoofl** · 08-18-2015, 02:37 AM

**Aylen** · 08-22-2015, 03:03 AM

From an article silke posted.

Enneagram Talk Styles

TYPE 4: LAMENTS/SAD STORIES
Longing, lamenting, extolling, yearning, regretful sighs, poetic turns of phrase, self-expression
Self-talk: ‘I’m feeling …’

Each type brings its particular art to a conversation and can add to it by natural talent. Each type also has a conversation stopper; this is how we end up blocking a healthy conversation. We can do this unconsciously when experiencing discomfort or anxiety due to our fixations.

4. Art - Originality; Stopper - Imagination (Originality is vitality, creativity and eccentricities)

However, we also need conversation stoppers to help set reasonable limits, establish personal boundaries, and protect us from unhealthy conversations (which are boundary violating). When stoppers they are used to relate to others, they are poisonous, and lend to poor quality conversations.

4. We need imagination to give us a broader perspective.

Types Myths and Facts

Type 4 Myth: Fours are dominated by their feelings and can't be counted upon.
Fact: Fours often stay steady despite their strong feelings and accomplish a great deal with dedication as long as they are moved by the activity. They even have a knack for making the ordinary extraordinary.

How to Help Other Enneagram Types

Type 4
-Encourage me to keep my attention on what is positive in the present.
-Honor my feelings and my idealism.
-Reveal your real feelings and true reactions.
-Let me see that you really understand me instead of trying to change me.

What Each Type Avoids "At All Costs"

4 = the ordinary and mundane

What Each Type Seeks

4 = uniqueness, originality

How Each Type Creates Conflict:

Type 4: Becomes temperamental and 'hard to get'.

How Each Type Manipulates:

Type 4: By being temperamental - and making others "walk on eggshells".

Essence, Passions and Fixations

Type 4
Point four: the interiorized image point
Essence: Joy
Holy idea: Origin
Holy path: Equanimity
Chief feature: Melancholy
Passion: Envy
Idealization: ‘I am elite’
Talking style: Lamentation
Trap: Authenticity
Defense mechanism: Introjection
Avoidance: Feeling Lost
Dichotomy: Analytic/disoriented

Short Descriptions of Each Type

Type 4
Riso & Hudson: Artist: intuitive, reserved type
Daniels & Price: Romantic
Vollmar: Afflicted Person
Margaret Frings Keyes: Life-program of Extraordinariness; Shadow of Sentimentality (moods)
Naranjo, pp. 26, 29, 31, and throughout: Ruling passion of Envy; tendency to fixate cognitively in Melancholy; chief feature Dissatisfaction.

Naranjo's headline descriptions for each type

Type 4: Envy and Depressive Masochistic Character

Maitri's headline descriptions for each type

Type 4: Ego-Melancholy

Releases and Affirmations

4 "I now release all feelings of hopelessness and despair."
4 "I now affirm that I open myself up to people and the world."

Health Levels

For Type 4
Healthy Levels - Self-Renewal: Inspiration. Able to model creativity and intuitive power.
Unhealthy levels - Clinical depression: Suicidal behavior. Held back by moodiness and self-consciousness.

Motivations of Type

Type 4
Underlying motive: Expression, Individuality; Strives for: Creativity, Uniqueness
When healthy: Objective, Principled; When stressed: Clingy, Envious

Points of Stress and Relief

For Type 4
Stress direction is Type 2. The stressed Artist or Afflicted Person might become moody and unpredictable; might try to get affection through service and love through manipulation; might become passive-aggressive.
Relief direction is Type 1. The relaxed Artist or Afflicted Person might a structure, a security, and a base of reality.
Baffled by Type 8 (Leader or Boss).

In addition to the above motion of stress and relief, Vollmar emphasizes the dynamic nature of the Enneagram in solving life's problems by moving between types ordinally (1, 2, ... 8, 9, 1, ...)

"Enneagram Points 4 and 5 occupy themselves with the material that is to be altered. At point 4, laborious work is usually required. At point 5, what is achieved has to be organized toward the goal."

No matter what is your Enneagram type, Vollmar (p.21) says that you can work through an issue by remembering yourself and being aware, and then moving through the point of the Enneagram:
[...]
Enneagram Point 4:
"The exercise of self-remembering [Zen meditation] causes more difficulties than expected. You realize that you are almost never conscious of yourself, which annoys you."
"You move into the field of the emotions, where Enneagram Point 5 also belongs. Here you suffer from the rigidity of your emotions "
The Emotional Hostage can help you make progress here.
[...]

Enneagram Types and Personality Disorders

For Type 4
Avoidant Personality Disorder (DSM 662) may begin at Level 5.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (DSM 658) may begin at Level 6.
Borderline Personality Disorder (DSM 650) may begin at Level 7.

Under negative psychological circumstances, types may display the following addictive tendencies:

■Type 4 The Individualist
Over-indulgence in rich foods, sweets, alcohol to alter mood, to socialize, and for emotional consolation. Lack of physical activity. Bulimia. Depressants. Tobacco, prescription drugs, or heroin for social anxiety. Cosmetic surgery to erase rejected features.

Enneagram Defense Systems

4) Fours use introjection to avoid ordinariness and maintain a self image of being authentic. Positive introjection is an attempt to overcome the feeling of deficiency by seeking value from an idealized experience, work or relationship and internalizing this through the emotional center. This also leads to negative introjection: Fours tend blame themselves for whatever goes wrong in personal relationships. Their experience of loss or abandonment can take form inside as a self-rejecting voice (a negative introject) which leads to pervasive feelings of unworthiness.

Emotion-based character structure - Types 2, 3, & 4
Priority: Relational needs for contact and approval, establishing personal identity through connecting and being seen.
Benefit: Flexibility and skill in relationship, achieving success by attuning to and meeting social expectations, access to empathy and the vast potential of the human heart.
Neurotic Style: Hysterical process - building up emotional energy and then discharging it unconsciously into the environment.
Basic defense: Emotional intelligence enables the creation of an "image self" in order to gain recognition and approval from others. This helps to overcome internal feelings of deficiency or emptiness. Personal wants and needs are replaced by meeting the expectations of others.
Variations of style: helpful (2), successful (3), or authentic (4).
Key phrase: Substitution of value. (Value is not in me, but I can find value in the approval and eyes of others).
Primary emotional layer: Sadness (related to the loss of self).
Life challenge: Balancing self and other, autonomy and dependence.

The Missing Piece

Type Four needs most to learn from Two to love themselves and others unconditionally.

**Aylen** · 08-23-2015, 02:10 AM

4-ish sx/sp/sx-ish

**Aylen** · 09-10-2015, 07:44 PM

**Skepsis** · 09-10-2015, 10:02 PM

I feel that sensors that are fours are very different. They're more into aestheticism and expressing/experiencing sensual pleasures and making them an important part of their intimate relations. Their passion is fueled by beauty in the flesh, in objects, and even the ordinary.

**Aylen** · 09-10-2015, 10:18 PM

Originally Posted by TJay

I feel that sensors that are fours are very different. They're more into aestheticism and expressing/experiencing sensual pleasures and making them an important part of their intimate relations. Their passion is fueled by beauty in the flesh, in objects, and even the ordinary.

I agree sensors would experience it differently just by being a sensor. I actually do not know any core 4 sensors irl so I have no idea how they would relate their 4 traits to their cognitive functions.

Self/Sexual

This subtype also cares very much about their surroundings and their possessions. They feel as if these things help to express who they are. There is more of a passionate sense about them as compared to the self/soc. They have more of a sensual relationship with their environment. These Fours are much more tortured by their difficulty with respect to maintaining close relationships. The self-preservational instinct tends to be in conflict with the sexual instinct, causing this subtype to habitually analyze their relationships to the point where they find it difficult to be present to them. When unhealthy, these Fours can become very disdainful of the social environment. They also start to envy the ease with which others seem to form relationships and maintain friendships. When Fours of this subtype are healthy, they find that they can form relationships without feeling as though they are sacrificing authenticity. They no longer feel that they have to automatically define themselves as “different from others,” as outside the group. They are able to see the ways in which their emotionality might cloud their better judgment and to use that insight to establish equilibrium.

**Aylen** · 09-11-2015, 02:17 PM

More on 4 from Beatrice.

http://beatricechestnut.com/book/

Fours
Self-Preservation Four: “Tenacity” (countertype)
The Self-Preservation Four is long-suffering. As the countertype of the Fours, SP Fours are stoic in the face of their inner pain and they don’t share it with others as much as the other two Fours. This is a person who learns to tolerate pain and to do without as a way of earning love. Instead of dwelling in envy, SP Fours act out their envy by working hard to get what others have and they lack. More masochistic than melodramatic, these Fours demand a lot of themselves, have a strong need to endure, and have a passion for effort.

Social Four: “Shame”
The Social Four suffers more, feels more shame, and is more sensitive than the other two Fours. Envy fuels a focus on shame and suffering as they employ a strategy of seducing others into meeting their needs through an intensification of pain and suffering. They experience a sense of comfort in feeling melancholy. Envy also manifests in lamenting too much, taking on the victim role, and focusing on a sense of their own inferiority. Social Fours don’t compete with others as much as they compare themselves to others and find themselves lacking.

Sexual Four: “Competition”
Sexual Fours make others suffer as an unconscious way of trying to rid themselves of painful feelings of deficiency. In denying their suffering and being more shameless than shameful, they express their needs more and can be demanding of others. In seeking to be the best, they express envy in its manifestation as competition. They express “an envy that wants,” unconsciously turning their pain at inner lack into feelings of anger about not getting what they need from others

The Point Four Archetype:The Type, Subtypes, and Growth Path

Man only likes to count his troubles; he doesn’t calculate his happiness.

—Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy.

—Franz Kafka

Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house so that new joy can find space to enter.

—Rumi

TYPE FOUR REPRESENTS THE ARCHETYPE of the person who experiences an inner sense of lack and a craving for that which is missing, and yet can’t allow for the attainment of what might provide satisfaction. This archetype’s drive is to focus on what is lacking as a step to regaining wholeness and connection, but through an over-focus on the experience of a flawed self they become convinced of an inner deficiency that prevents fulfillment. While this entails an understandable frustration with regard to deprivation, an overidentification with the frustrated, deprived state leads to an inability to take in that which would provide fulfillment.

This Four archetype can also be found in Jung’s concept of the “shadow,” defined as “the inferior parts of the personality.”¹ While Type Threes overidentify with the persona, or the positive aspects of ourselves we highlight in the “public face” we show to the world, Type Fours overidentify with those parts of ourselves we’d rather others don’t see. Although Fours may also recast their sense of deficiency as being “special” or “unique” as a way of valuing themselves on a surface level, they identify with a deficient self more than an idealized self.

The Four archetype also represents the archetype of the tragic artist who suffers in the service of artistic self-expression. It suggests an idealistic vision of the value of emotions, especially the way in which authentic emotions are usefully expressed through art in a mode that inspires, moves, and unites people.

The Four’s resonance with the Shadow can also be seen in the fact that they have a natural gift for understanding the deeper emotional level of experience and seeing the beauty in darker emotions that other types would rather not feel, much less acknowledge. This can make them feel dangerous to others on an unconscious level, as Fours may raise the issue of authentic emotions that others would often rather not deal with.

Type Fours are thus the prototype for that part in all of us that feels dissatisfied with who we are. We all have the capacity to feel bad about what we see as our flaws, and to grieve and long for what we see as lacking in our lives. We can all become depressed in the face of feeling inadequate when we don’t fit the idealized image of what we believe we have to be to get the love we want. This archetype thus represents the tendency we all have to develop an “inferiority complex,” which makes it difficult to feel good about ourselves and take in what is good from the outside.

The natural strengths of Type Fours include their large capacity for emotional sensitivity and depth, their ability to sense what is going on between people on the emotional level, their natural feel for aesthetics and creativity, and their idealistic and romantic sensibility. Relatively unafraid of intense feelings, Fours value the expression of authentic emotion and can support others with great care, respect, and sensitivity when they are experiencing painful emotions. Fours are highly empathic and can see the beauty and power in painful feelings that other types habitually avoid.

Fours’ “superpower” is that they are naturally emotionally intuitive. Fours’ regular contact with their own emotional terrain gives them a lot of comfort and strength in being with intense feelings and empowering others to feel and accept their emotions. Although it would be wrong to think that all Fours are artists or all artists are Fours, they do have an artistic impulse that enables them to see and respond to the poetry in life, and to highlight for others the way everyday experiences can be viewed and communicated in creative and even transcendent ways.

As with all the archetypal personalities, however, Type Fours’ gifts and strengths also represent their “fatal flaw” or “Achilles heel:” they can overdo their focus on pain and suffering, sometimes as a way of avoiding a deeper or different kind of pain. While they have a gift for emotional sensitivity, they can become attached to their feelings in a way that can prevent them from thinking objectively or taking action. They can see what’s missing so clearly that they may be blind to what is good or hopeful in a situation, often to their own detriment. However, when they can wake up to the ways in which they dwell in suffering or dramatize their emotions as a way of distracting themselves from their deeper need for love, they can express a special kind of wisdom that is informed by deep emotional truth.

The Type Four Archetype in Homer’s Odyssey:
Hades and The Sirens

When Odysseus asks the goddess Circe to help him on his journey home, Circe tells Odysseus he must go to Hades and perform blood rituals so he can speak with the spirit of Tiresias, who will give him further guidance. In return for Odysseus’s blood sacrifice, the blind prophet tells him his future, good and bad to the very end:

Glorious Odysseus, what you are after is sweet homecoming, but the god will make it hard for you…But even so and still you might come back, after much suffering, if you can contain your own desire,…Death will come to you from the sea, in some altogether unwarlike way, and it will end you in the ebbing time of a sleek old age. Your people all about you will be prosperous. ²

Odysseus hears from other spirits in the Land of the Dead, but their common message is a litany of regret for their choices in life and envy for those still living. Hades thus represents “the land of what might have been, a place we are all destined to visit at one time or another.” However, Hades also conveys a message about the role of longing and regret in human life. We can potentially get stuck in a “Hades” of our own making if we don’t just visit our internal spaces of grief, but live our whole lives around “the aching sense of loss and failed dreams.”³ After this visit to the underworld, Odysseus can more mindfully choose life, having spoken with the ghosts of his past who symbolize the cravings and unfulfilled longings of the psyche—his shadow aspects—that he must make peace with and let go of to move ahead in his journey home.⁴

The next destination further reveals the nature of longing. After leaving Hades, Odysseus and his crew sail past the Sirens’ Island. The Sirens can feel the unique anguish of each individual. They enchant whomever comes their way, seducing travelers with their melody so they have no prospect of getting home. They sing to Odysseus that they know all the pains he suffered in the Trojan War. And they promise him wisdom if he will listen to his heart’s content. They will reveal to him the meaning underlying his own suffering. “What song could be sweeter? Who wouldn’t die to listen?”⁵

Odysseus makes a voluntary personal decision to listen to the Sirens’ song and know the depth of human longing and temptation. He knows in advance he will encounter these temptresses. He knows their exquisite singing draws sailors to their deaths, dashed against the rocks. First, he protects his men by fitting wax into their ears. But he also orders them to tie him to the mast and ignore his impassioned pleas until they have passed the danger.

Only careful planning saves Odysseus from his own irresistible longing for this experience. Otherwise, the temptation to explore unfathomable emotional depth would have ended, as it so often does, in total self-destruction.

Hades and the Sirens are a dark passage of the Odyssey reflecting the pain and wisdom of Type Four. Longing, envy, and regret are seductive emotions from which some can never escape. But these emotions also bring us the unvarnished truth about our own needs and pains if we are brave enough to receive it. And facing these important emotions is an important part of the journey home to the true self.

The Type Four Personality Structure

LOCATED AT THE LOWER-RIGHT CORNER of the Enneagram symbol, Fours belong to the “heart-based” triad associated with the core emotion of sadness or grief. While Type Twos are in conflict with their sadness and Threes underdo grief, habitually numbing out their feelings so they don’t get in the way of their goals, fours overdo an attachment to grief. The three heart types also share a central concern with image—a self-consciousness about how they might appear in the eyes of others. While all three types in this triad have a formative, underlying need to be “seen,” they each act this out differently based on the ideals they try to fulfill in order to be recognized and appreciated by others.

The sadness at the core of the heart type personalities reflects their feeling of not being loved for who they are and their grief over having lost touch with their real selves because they’ve disowned who they really are and created a specific image to try to get the love (or approval) they need. All three heart types have core issues related to unmet needs to be deeply seen, accepted, and loved for who they are. Their respective coping strategies are designed to gain approval from other people in three distinct ways as a substitute for the love they seek but fear or believe they can’t get as they are. While Twos strive to have a likable, pleasing image, and Threes create an image of achievement and success, Fours present themselves as unique and special.

In many ways, Type Fours are the most comfortable of all the types with the experience of emotions. They value connections with others based on authentic feelings. A Type Four’s relationship to their emotions is both primary and complicated, as the Four coping strategy involves an attachment to some emotions as a protection against the experience of others. As Naranjo points out, while Type Threes identify with an idealized image of the self, Fours identify with that part of the psyche that “fails to fit the idealized image, and is always striving to achieve the unattainable.”⁶ As part of the “heart triad,” of which Type Three is the “core point,” Type Four individuals express a version of the Type Three passion of vanity in wanting to be seen and loved by others; but Fours’ desire for admiration leads to a sense of failure because of an inner sense of “scarcity and worthlessness.”⁷

The Early Coping Strategy: Type Four
Most Fours report having suffered some sort of actual or perceived loss of love early in life. Things usually started out well, but at some specific point in time the Four child experienced some sort of abandonment or deprivation, and to make sense of this loss—and to achieve some sense of control in light of it—the young Four unconsciously became convinced that they somehow caused it. While this is almost never true in reality, it gives the Four child a feeling that they can do something to regain what was lost through their own efforts, even while their mistaken sense that something about them caused the rejection persists as a inner sense of unredeemable deficiency.

To cope with the pain of this loss, Fours adopt a strategy of focusing on and longing for that which was lost, and at the same time making themselves “bad” as a way of explaining and controlling it. They dream of finding an idealized, special love connection that will make up for or reverse their loss. But because they can’t help feeling hopeless about ever regaining what they lost—both as a natural response to feeling deprived and a defense against being disappointed again—they often get stuck in feelings of grief, melancholy, and shame, which makes it difficult or impossible for them to really open up to receiving the love they long for.

The memory of something valuable that was lost also causes Fours to dwell on the past and continue to mourn what they once had. As Naranjo explains, “unlike other people who forget and resign themselves, [Type Fours] harbor a keen sense of ‘lost paradise.’”⁸Fours thus end up seeing themselves as “not good enough” to be loved as a way of defending against opening up to the possibility of love, because allowing themselves to hope for love leaves them vulnerable to the worst kind of pain: the re-experience of that early loss, and the confirmation of their worthlessness that goes with it. They dwell in painful feelings of hopelessness and melancholy to protect themselves from the sadness and shame that comes from believing they are essentially unlovable and so will never get the love they need and want.

At the same time, Fours can’t help yearning for an ideal or special kind of love and recognition that will prove they are worthy after all. Looking for an idealized love connection that will redeem their inner sense of lack quells the sense of shame they may feel as a result of the sense that their inadequacy somehow caused their initial experience of loss. But even while they fantasize about being loved as a way to soothe themselves, they thwart their attempts to receive love in the real world because they are so convinced that they aren’t worthy of actually being loved. They tend to pursue unattainable people and engage in “push-pull” patterns in relationships: they idealize and move toward the perfect partner in fantasy, but reject the possibility of connection in actuality when they perceive the reality of it as too mundane or flawed.

Overidentification with feelings of hopelessness and melancholy, together with the search for confirmation that they are special or superior, distracts Fours from the real way out of their particular defensive trap: actively taking the risk of hoping for real love and opening up to receive it. While they long for the love and acceptance they need, Fours habitually prevent themselves from realizing their quest for love because their false self (personality) firmly believes they can’t get what they are looking for.

All of the Enneagram personality types put up defensive obstacles to attaining what they need out of a fear of repeating the experience of the early pain of not getting it. Fours do this by harboring negative beliefs about themselves and over-identifying with feelings related to loss or abandonment, closing themselves off from the possibility of finding satisfying and nurturing relationships. Allowing for the possibility of being loved for who they are feels like a dangerous setup for further loss and further shame-inducing experiences.

For non-Fours, the Four coping strategy can seem counterintuitive, as it rests on feeling bad about yourself as a way to avoid feeling worse about yourself. As Naranjo points out, this is a strategy of “seeking happiness through pain.” By hiding out in suffering, by having a need to suffer, Fours distract themselves from the inner work they would need to do to open up to receiving what they really want—what they incorrectly, but defensively, believe they can’t have.

There is a lot more information in the book on every type

I actually found myself becoming very upset while reading the chapters on fours and totally tried to deny a lot of it at first but then a friend told me to read it again and not take it as an attack. That helped. It is weird that I can see this stuff in myself but to see it all written out I only saw it as negative and not positive at first.

**Aylen** · 09-11-2015, 07:50 PM

I am thinking sx/sp 458 (in that order).

**Aylen** · 10-02-2015, 07:59 PM

Core Value Tendency: FOURS are attracted to and value originality, authenticity, individuality, and artistic expression. They desire to be sensitive, refined persons, seeking to make the world more beautiful. They value the inner journey and are on the quest for the Holy Grail, their real self. Honoring your uniqueness and deeply connecting to others and to the world is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps FOURS aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that they are already original. They already are in possession of what they are searching for. The treasure is buried in the field of their inner self. They are already connected to their source, the ground of their being and so are already connected to their real self and to the real selves of others. They realize they belong in this world and are not missing anything essential.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the FOURS’ objective paradigm is equanimity, the experience of inner balance and outer harmony. A person in the state of equanimity feels complete and fulfilled in the present moment. Each moment they have everything they need to be perfectly happy. Events are responded to in a realistic appropriate manner without exaggeration or dramatization.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The attitudes and actions that flow from an acceptance of one’s authentic inner nature and from a state of equanimity are an exquisite sensitivity, appreciation and respect for all that is. FOURS have an intuitive aesthetic sense and an innate sense for quality; that is, they have good taste and class. Their sensibilities put them in touch with their own and others’ moods, being especially attuned to pain and suffering. FOURS have a highly active imagination and fantasy life. They are romantic, nostalgic, and poetic. FOURS like to ritualize human experiences, making the ordinary extraordinary and the extraordinary ordinary. They can see the universe in a grain of sand and can turn a grain of sand into a pearl. FOURS easily attune themselves to the mood and spirit of their surroundings.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When FOURS exaggerate their sensitive qualities and uniqueness, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am special and unique. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are defective and faulty, and to prevent themselves from being abandoned, they seek to be special. To survive they believe they must be highly individual and make a lasting impression on people so they won’t be forgotten. They believe they must outclass their opponents. Their habit of attention goes to what is missing instead of to what is there.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Constantly comparing themselves to others and consistently coming up short, FOURS experience the passion of envy. Others appear to have what they are missing: spontaneity, relationships, happiness, etc. FOURS feel melancholy, apart from the main, misunderstood. Their suffering makes them special

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as abandoning, and feeling envious of others’ qualities and possessions, FOURS are driven to make themselves special and uncommon. They become dramatic, moody, misunderstood, tragic romantics, pushing themselves to live at the edges of experience. Fantasies become more satisfying than real life. Relationships are passionately engaged in and just as intensely pushed away. Seeking connections, FOURS fear abandonment, and become aloof and feel alienated.

What is Avoided: Because they want to be special, FOURS avoid being ordinary. Being common, just like everyone else, is the worst thing FOURS can imagine. Living within the middle range of experience, without extreme highs and lows, is boring and deadening.

Defensive Maneuvers: FOURS steer away from being ordinary through uncommon experiences and expressions. No one feels as deeply as they do, no one experiences life in the same way they do. Mere words are not enough to express their responses; they need poetry, music, dance, painting, some kind of artistic sublimation to capture their experience.

Childhood Development: FOURS often felt abandoned or unwanted by a parent or caretaker. They believed this was because there was something wrong with them or they weren’t good enough. So they tried to make themselves into special persons that would be noticed and not left behind. If they made a strong emotional impact, others wouldn’t leave them. FOURS thought of themselves as living at the extremes, at the edges, instead of in the middle with everyone else. Very early on they felt different from others, as though they were delivered to the wrong planet.

Non-Resourceful State: When FOURS are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they exaggerate their moods, feel more misunderstood and hurt, and become aristocrats in exile. They turn their anger on themselves and get more depressed. FOURS get stuck in their feelings instead of letting them energize them into constructive action. Denying their own needs and helping others instead of dealing with their own pain, they become suffering servants.

Resourceful State: When FOURS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they seek and find wholeness within them. They get connected to their real feelings vs abandoning themselves then looking for fulfillment from someone else. They stay in the present and realize that right now they have all they need to be perfectly happy. They aren’t missing anything. They re-own their goodness. Taking an action oriented, problem-centered approach, they stay with the facts and don’t exaggerate their emotional response or amplify the stimuli. They maintain their equanimity. They believe they are already original, connected, and belong. They understand they are home and already have what they are looking for. I am and so I am both unique and universal replaces I am special therefore I am somebody.

http://www.enneagramspectrum.com/enneagram-styles/

**PistolShrimp** · 10-03-2015, 02:38 AM

**Aylen** · 10-12-2015, 08:56 AM

“It is precisely the sort of thing I am always trying to do in my writing – to present my unhappy reader with a wide-ranged chaos – of actions and reactions, thoughts, memories and feelings – in the vain hope that at the end he will see that the whole thing represents only one moment, one feeling, one person. A raging, trumpeting jungle of associations, and then I announce at the end of it, with a gesture of despair, 'This is I!”

**yeves** · 10-28-2015, 02:55 AM

sexual 4 in sexy bitter-sweet suffering pose

**Aylen** · 11-08-2015, 07:35 AM

**Aylen** · 11-11-2015, 07:57 AM

Of course, Fours also experience hostility toward others. They can become enraged if others question or dismiss their self-image or moods, but they tend to express this by “dropping” people, suddenly and without explanation. The creativity of Fours can also be employed in sarcastic, withering remarks directed at those who have wounded their “sensitivities.” Fours also can experience intense hostility at the very people they have idealized. When others fail to live up to Fours’ hopes of the “good parent,” they may relive the original pain they felt at not being able to connect with their parents, but project this onto the new love interest. They may dramatically express the rage and emotionality that they could not with their own parents, but usually withdraw quickly before the intensity of their feelings overwhelms them or does further damage to their relationships. More often, Fours will simmer and seethe in silence.

On a deep, unconscious level Fours are hostile toward their parents because they feel that their parents did not nurture them properly. Fours feel that they were not welcomed into the world; they feel out of place, unwanted—and they are deeply enraged at their parents for doing this to them. However, their rage at their parents is so deep that Fours cannot allow themselves to express it. They fear their own anger, and so withhold it, trying to come to terms with it themselves.

As awareness of their hostility and negative feelings gradually wears them out, average to unhealthy Fours sink ever more deeply into self-doubt, depression, and despair. They spend most of their time searching for the courage to go on living despite the overwhelming sense that the essential flaw in themselves is so deep that it cannot be healed. Indeed, the feeling of hopelessness is the current against which they must constantly swim. And if the undertow of hopelessness is too strong, unhealthy Fours either succumb to an emotional breakdown, or commit suicide because they despair of ever breaking free of it.

As soon as Fours devote themselves to a search for self by withdrawing from life, they are going in the wrong direction. No matter how necessary this search may seem to them, they must become convinced that the direct search for self is a temptation which eventually leads to despair.

On the other hand, what makes healthy Fours healthy is not that they have freed themselves once and for all from the turbulence of their emotions, but that they have found a way to ride that current to some further destination. Healthy Fours have learned to sustain their identities without exclusive reference to their feelings. By overcoming the temptation to withdraw from life to search for themselves, they will not only save themselves from their own destructiveness, they will be able to bring something beautiful and good into existence. If they learn to live this way, Fours can be among the most life-enhancing of the personality types bringing good out of evil, hope from hopelessness, meaning from absurdity, and saving what appeared to be lost.

- See more at: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/t....fl0byoHm.dpuf

**Aylen** · 11-13-2015, 12:27 AM

Bo Laursen 1 year ago
This talk on Type 4 is not meant for the general population. This is meant for the mature spiritual Voyager who does not mind anymore having the Ego busted and the cover blown on the fixation running. He/She does not identify themselves a Type 4 anymore and so don't mind what is being revealed here. Make sure to listen to Gangaji's talk 13 min into the talk.
Reply

At 4:22 he talks about Japan being a 4 culture, Geishas, how Japan highly regards unrequited love as an emotion. He talks about the cherry blossom which is my favorite tree. All things I have been drawn to since childhood. I thought "Romeo and Juliet" was the most romantic love story I had ever read until I was 14. Then I moved on to "Tristan and Isolde". I have not watched the whole thing but I am 20 minutes into it and this is the best information on E4 I have ever heard, so far. He talks about the instincts. He also mentions some other types in comparison to 4. Masochism as an attachment to emotional pain...

**Aylen** · 11-14-2015, 02:50 AM

Victor Shklovsky 1893-1934
from “Art as Technique” 1917 essay

If we start to examine the general laws of perception, we see that as perception becomes habitual, it becomes automatic. Thus, for example, all of our habits retreat into the area of the unconscious automatic…[Art] exists that one may recover the sensation of life; it exists to make one feel things, to make the stone stony. The purpose of art is to impart the sensation of things as they are perceived and not as they are known. The technique of art is to make an object “unfamiliar,” to make forms difficult, to increase the difficulty and length of perception because the process of perception is an aesthetic end in itself and must be prolonged. Art is a way of experiencing the artfulness of an object; the object is not important.

http://www.shmoop.com/formalism/vikt...ky-quotes.html

**Aylen** · 11-22-2015, 07:42 AM

“There are some wounds that one can heal only by deepening them and making them worse.”
― Villiers de L'Isle-Adam

**huiheiwufhawriuhg** · 11-22-2015, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by Ellyan

Of course, Fours also experience hostility toward others. They can become enraged if others question or dismiss their self-image or moods, but they tend to express this by “dropping” people, suddenly and without explanation. The creativity of Fours can also be employed in sarcastic, withering remarks directed at those who have wounded their “sensitivities.” Fours also can experience intense hostility at the very people they have idealized. When others fail to live up to Fours’ hopes of the “good parent,” they may relive the original pain they felt at not being able to connect with their parents, but project this onto the new love interest. They may dramatically express the rage and emotionality that they could not with their own parents, but usually withdraw quickly before the intensity of their feelings overwhelms them or does further damage to their relationships. More often, Fours will simmer and seethe in silence.

On a deep, unconscious level Fours are hostile toward their parents because they feel that their parents did not nurture them properly. Fours feel that they were not welcomed into the world; they feel out of place, unwanted—and they are deeply enraged at their parents for doing this to them. However, their rage at their parents is so deep that Fours cannot allow themselves to express it. They fear their own anger, and so withhold it, trying to come to terms with it themselves.

As awareness of their hostility and negative feelings gradually wears them out, average to unhealthy Fours sink ever more deeply into self-doubt, depression, and despair. They spend most of their time searching for the courage to go on living despite the overwhelming sense that the essential flaw in themselves is so deep that it cannot be healed. Indeed, the feeling of hopelessness is the current against which they must constantly swim. And if the undertow of hopelessness is too strong, unhealthy Fours either succumb to an emotional breakdown, or commit suicide because they despair of ever breaking free of it.

As soon as Fours devote themselves to a search for self by withdrawing from life, they are going in the wrong direction. No matter how necessary this search may seem to them, they must become convinced that the direct search for self is a temptation which eventually leads to despair.

On the other hand, what makes healthy Fours healthy is not that they have freed themselves once and for all from the turbulence of their emotions, but that they have found a way to ride that current to some further destination. Healthy Fours have learned to sustain their identities without exclusive reference to their feelings. By overcoming the temptation to withdraw from life to search for themselves, they will not only save themselves from their own destructiveness, they will be able to bring something beautiful and good into existence. If they learn to live this way, Fours can be among the most life-enhancing of the personality types bringing good out of evil, hope from hopelessness, meaning from absurdity, and saving what appeared to be lost.

- See more at: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/t....fl0byoHm.dpuf

I don't know whether I should feel bad about the fact that I relate to absolutely everything there, or not...

**huiheiwufhawriuhg** · 11-22-2015, 08:02 PM

There is one idea of the type four that I very much dislike. In some ways, there are viewed as the type who suffer and feel through romance and love. The one who needs relationships to be drawn into emotional ecstasy just to be able to go through all flavors and tastes of the bittersweet feelings of affection...

I never needed anyone else to create my misery... I can create my own.

To be honest, relationships, love and overall the idea of emotional dependency on some else, seems like the right opposite of finding the true identity. You can't be or find your true self if you allow others to disturb or formulate the sense of your ego. It seems dishonest and inauthentic to me.

**Default** · 01-09-2016, 04:35 PM

Thread: Enneagram type 4

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the rain was there to wash away my tears / I wanted to be them but instead I destroyed myself

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