what are these like?
what are these like?
My SLE's best friend is ILE. I can't really write that well now because my tablet is fidgeting but I'll try to remember to when I'm near my computer next weekend.
My dad is SLE and my boyfriend is ILE. The dynamic is different than between friends or romantic partners, but it seems like a decent relation. They aren't super close or anything, but they do joke around easily during family get-togethers and have similar interests in technology (ILE in robotics, SLE in computer security). I think they could work on projects together and get things done as the Business relation suggests if such a situation presented itself. I could see the SLE getting irritated with the ILE for being too flighty/passive and the ILE getting irritated at the SLE for being too brusque/short-sighted at times if the relationship were closer.
Okay, so here is my view of an SLE/ILE friendship. This is a couple of guys that have known each other since they were 5 and in cub scouts together. Friends close to 20 years.
The SLE is more the leader, but in little ways, like, if they're going out or anything the SLE is always the one to drive, to keep everyone together, get everyone home (he's not controlling, it seems like he gets this leader role more by default). He can be pretty harsh on the ILE at times, demanding – almost like the SLE tries to keep him in line. Little things, like, if they are driving and SLE gets a phone call and ILE is goofing off and being loud SLE will yell, “Shut the fuck up! I'm on the phone,” pretty harshly and ILE will pipe down. Or once they were staying at a friend-of-a-friend's, which was a really nice and extravagant house and I remember the SLE yelling at the ILE, “Don't touch anything! I swear if you break something I'll fuck you up.” Somehow he has a sense of authority over the ILE but he only uses it when necessary. For whatever reason, this doesn't seem to bother the ILE at all. He just takes it. Maybe because overall their relationship is diplomatic.
Another time, I got a call in the middle of the night from the SLE saying how he had just choked out ILE and he felt really bad. They were drunk at a friend's and SLE was playing a game on his phone and chilling out for the night. ILE passed by him and smacked him in the face (he does stupid stuff like this sometimes). SLE said his innate reaction was to pin him. Well, after a few seconds he felt bad, got off of him and tried to apologize but ILE was upset and ran out of the house. SLE went outside but couldn't find him. So the next morning SLE woke up really early and went out searching for him. He found him sleeping in a car. He apologized and ILE was like “what for?” because he didn't remember, so SLE told him how he had pinned and choked him and ILE was like, “No problem man, sounds like I deserved it.” Turns out he was upset about some girl drama and that's why he slept in the car, not because of their fight.
Sometimes ILE has a tendency to “go in a cave” and in those times SLE will leave him alone but then after a bit he'll drag him out of the house. Not as often, it'll switch and SLE will “go in a cave” and the ILE will be the one dragging the SLE out. At other times they'll just play League of Legends online with each other.
I know they were roommates right out of highschool and SLE says of all the roommates he's had since then the ILE was by far the best. The SLE thinks that the ILE is disgustingly dirty when left to his own devices, but says when they lived together, as long as he would ask ILE to clean up after himself he would do it no problem.
They are both pretty goofy and easy going, but also energetic and impulsive - find it really easy to just hang out or do stupid stuff together. They have a tendency to amp each other up. I've seen them get into a dispute about who is the better dancer and then have a subsequent dance-off. There is a slight competitiveness in their relationship but only in silly things that don't really matter, e.g. the dance-off.
Honestly, they have a really good relationship. There is a lot of mutual respect between them and I can't imagine them ever getting into an actual fight (an emotional one), even though they have occasionally physically fought (this is just a boy thing though, no). I've seen people say bad things about the ILE and the SLE become instantly protective. Also, when both sets of parents divorced they wanted their parents to date and get married so that they could be brothers
The only thing I've ever really heard the SLE seriously complain about with the ILE is that he thinks that the ILE is not ambitious enough. He thinks that he'll end up just delivering pizzas and playing video games for the rest of his life. This bothers/worries the SLE because he wants the ILE to have a good life.
That's about all I can think of right now.
I hate to be the negative one, and I'm sure this comes from knowing/being too close to particularly unhealthy representatives of the type, but still no one has mentioned that these two can bring out the worst in each other. Competitiveness over others' affections and full indulgence of Fi-polr (almost like a competition to see who could care less about Fi) come to mind.
Yes. They don't always understand my innate need to troll mentally. They can save me in situations where some control is needed but don't actually understand/approve their method (I usually try to get my way merely by being goofy which is very laborious). I'm much more scattered and they would beat me in performance hands down.
Yeah depends on the SLE. If they are an Fe whore SLE-Se who is constantly trying to gain power then it gets pretty heated between me and the SLE pretty quickly. For them it might just be (possibly) joking around, but for me it gets serious. If they've reached the point where they realize everyone doesn't love them, but that's ok that everyone doesn't love them, then I can become quite close with them. That they need to earn love and respect, and not just try to take it or assume it. For those SLEs I go to battle for. I accept meltdowns if they happen (which usually aren't directed at me) and usually just walk away if I find them being over the top. I would say SLE's act as "activity partners" just as much as ESE's do. I love playing sports with SLEs and we can become quite competitive (usually in a good way) with one another. We push each other to be better. I make sure that their Ti is "correct" and they that we're actually doing something with it, that we're moving and getting stuff done with it. I can also normally see problems that will arise and help us to avoid them.
Alcohol a lot of the time doesn't fit my relationships with Beta ST's very well. They become more aggressive and closed minded, and I become more relaxed, until I'm not (if they start trying to pick a fight or something).
The ambition thing I think rings true of their view of me.
I agree with the ILE/SLE pairing being like a second "activity" experience. ILEs are probably my favourite alpha personality, if not my favorite personality in the socion altogether (though of course this depends on the person), but I can't say I've ever been in a romantic pairing with one. I remember once my ILE coworker noticed an earring that I was wearing, saying, "Whoa, you look so cool!.... This would make for a great RPG character design!" lol. I also don't have any SLE female friends, so ILE girls are the closest people who can relate to me on an emotional level in nifferworld.
Two of my close friends are SLE, and just like others here have said, the relationship works fairly well on a friends basis! We connect over playing various games together, like similar shows and movies as well. It's a very dynamic duo for going out and doing things. I usually lose in all the games, but I don't mind since I love to play and they love to win.
Sometimes it bugs me that they just don't value peace and harmony at all. Due to this, it is impossible to get our music taste to line up. Whatever he likes, I don't, and vice versa. Haha.
The occasional aggressiveness and hot-temperedness I can brush off easily, no problem. We tend to come along as long as I don't challenge their physical superiority. Also, I am not even close to being stupid enough to do so.
I think the lack of conflicts in this relationship comes not from power balance but from the fact that both really understand each other in a frank discussion. There's no need to get physical, since understanding is reached by discussing. And those times, that agreement doesn't happen, I give a freebie. It simply doesn't happen often enough for me to care, since they are quite open to accept my ideas, or nudging. I think on some level this is based on both being able to suggest each other with the strong ignoring function.
Overall, big thumbs up for this relation for a lasting friendship! It's a real bromance!
This is really interesting that you both mention this because I was describing how an activity relationship works to my SLE not too long ago and he was like, "That sounds like me and ILE. Is he my activity relationship?" I have been thinking about his comment ever since.
I have noticed that when working on the same projects together the SLE will push ILE in a persistent way, like nag, make demands, requests etc, and ILE tries to deflect through Ne. ETA: once I even overheard SLE threaten ILE like 'otherwise i will quit!" or smth like that.
"Inasmuch as it is nothing but pure communicability, every face, even the most noble and beautiful, is always suspended on the edge of an abyss"