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Thread: Sx-First dating Sx-second

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    suedehead's Avatar
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    Default Sx-First dating Sx-second

    Do they usually compliment eachother, or do Sx/??'s end up wanting more?

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    It may be safe to say that both may end up wanting more since they have different preoccupations... or even two sx firsts together may end up wanting more. Especially if they have a 1, 4 or 7 fix.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Olly From Wally World View Post
    It may be safe to say that both may end up wanting more since they have different preoccupations... or even two sx firsts together may end up wanting more. Especially if they have a 1, 4 or 7 fix.
    hahaha. says the 741.

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suedehead View Post
    Do they usually compliment eachother
    no

    Quote Originally Posted by suedehead View Post
    or do Sx/??'s end up wanting more?
    yes

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Wanting more in what way?

    “My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.”​ —C.G. Jung
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Wanting more in what way?
    Intensity, merging, energy, etc.

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suedehead View Post
    Intensity, merging, energy, etc.
    ugh these words have been thrown around so often they've lost all meaning

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    I think it depends on how large the amount of experienced solitude manifests in the sx-seconds. As in touching for example.
    "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools." ―Thucydides

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    How would you describe wanting more from an sx second?
    It depends on the sx-second

    sp/sx: Something's always held too much in reserve. They tease me with the possibility of some internal spark of reactivity and impactful experience that lies within, but it's actively quelled. My impulse is to dig deeper and immerse myself in what experiences they have to share, but it's always cut short and leaves me high and dry.
    so/sx: They're usually fun to be around and chat with for a short amount of time, but after a while it gets to be too draining. It's like their minds race too quickly for me to settle into what really makes them tick. "Check out this cool thing I can talk about" can only go on for so long until I just run out of energy to care.

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    My deepest and most mind-blowing relationships were with Sx first folks, but I think if I'm really "in love", I can provide enough relational energy to keep things interesting with some other stack, too. I don't know what that translates into on a longer-term ...For instance, I've never actually lived with someone belonging in another stack, so I cannot tell if there's not enough communication, too many selfishly held barriers etc. My current bf is so/sp and if there are things standing in the way of complete happiness, they have to do with his being a fluctuating and sometimes inconsistent Se base rather than with the stack imo. But well, I guess I'm not as addicted to intensity as I was in my early 20s anymore lol. At least I'm not as turned on by complicated and near-dangerous relationships at this point.
    Last edited by Amber; 11-29-2014 at 02:42 PM.

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    I know of an sx first/sx second couple who are adorable and happy together. An sx-second may be more keep to yourself or about the group than an sx first, so it may or may not affect things. The guy even questioned being sx last at one point. Some people have said that opposite variant stackings can be a good match. I am not sure if I would want to date someone with the same variants as me... but you never know unless you have tried it.

    it really depends, I've heard some sx people say that they wouldn't want to date an sx-second or sx last because they can't give them what they need.

    The only guy I ever dated was an sx-dom and it didn't end well, due to my lack of sx and experience in relationships. Also, I didn't quite have what he needed. I myself am not sure what kind of stacking would be a good partner for me to date...
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    essentially...

    me: *is traumatized & Too Much 24/7*

    sx-second: *stays but stares like they’re watching a car accident bc they started dating me thinking i was cute & special*
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



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    Quote Originally Posted by flames View Post
    essentially...

    me: *is traumatized & Too Much 24/7*

    sx-second: *stays but stares like they’re watching a car accident bc they started dating me thinking i was cute & special*
    IMO... SX first is either anxious or fearful attachment style. SX second is secure and SX blind spot is avoidant.

    I find non secure people to be too suffocating and dependent on their partners, they also come with a lot of baggage and mental issues stemming from how they were raised by their own parents. I'm secure myself, my parents have a 35 year old successful mariage and are kinda like good friends of mine rather than parents. Dad is like a beta-provider stereotype and mom hates conflict and coercive aggressive ppl so they seem to fit well together. It seems me and my bro were raised well, we are both secure aka comfortable both alone and in relationships where intimacy is required, provided I actually have feelings for the other person.

    Relationship styles: https://www.attachmentproject.com/bl...chment-styles/

    Last edited by SGF; 04-14-2021 at 06:54 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    IMO... SX first is either anxious or fearful attachment style. SX second is secure and SX blind spot is avoidant.
    Do you mean this in a categorical way? In my experience, it seems like attachment style can impact the overall health of one's instincts, but I don't know if it would always neatly correlate with their placement. I definitely agree in general that there's often a connection--but I have fearful attachment for example, and I'm still an so/sx (and I've known some other people like this too). I guess maybe it'd flavor how that sx can be demonstrated(?), making it more likely that that someone who does have insecure attachment would end up being sx-first or -last as a result. I'm not sure though :)

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    Quote Originally Posted by aciaradh View Post
    Do you mean this in a categorical way? In my experience, it seems like attachment style can impact the overall health of one's instincts, but I don't know if it would always neatly correlate with their placement. I definitely agree in general that there's often a connection--but I have fearful attachment for example, and I'm still an so/sx (and I've known some other people like this too). I guess maybe it'd flavor how that sx can be demonstrated(?), making it more likely that that someone who does have insecure attachment would end up being sx-first or -last as a result. I'm not sure though
    SX basically means being an intimacy junkie that is codependent and feels inadequate when alone. Its not exactly as gr8 as ppl often make it out to be. I'm SO first and I struggled with social anxiety early on due to being socially hyper-aware.

    The enneagram is in it's entirety about unhealthy behavior. Your type for example is determined by fears and motivations. Instinctual subtype is not different.

    EDIT: I could see a possibility of SX being secure, but that would mean feeling ok and adequate when not in a relationship and that isn't SX. They absolutely need their partner and put extra effort in being attractive and intense for this purpose.
    Last edited by SGF; 04-14-2021 at 08:10 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    SX basically means being an intimacy junkie that is codependent and feels inadequate when alone. Its not exactly as gr8 as ppl often make it out to be.
    yea, I would honestly rather be dead sometimes LOL. so over glamorized. esp. sx/so, the stacking of no internal or external peace. o_o

    my attachment style is primarily anxious that sometimes dips into fearful territory.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
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    The Ultimate Aeon of Will RaptorWizard's Avatar
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    All of this sexual maturity and adult topics stuff could be a generalization, but to be ready to explode, or reverse engine prime calculations, and send the earth hurling like a meteor out of a spaghetti balls meal could be quite the catch!!

    I guess essentially, sexual second is more of a fun loving or goofball thing, but sexual first is all fire and ice.
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    Quote Originally Posted by aciaradh View Post
    Do you mean this in a categorical way? In my experience, it seems like attachment style can impact the overall health of one's instincts, but I don't know if it would always neatly correlate with their placement. I definitely agree in general that there's often a connection--but I have fearful attachment for example, and I'm still an so/sx (and I've known some other people like this too). I guess maybe it'd flavor how that sx can be demonstrated(?), making it more likely that that someone who does have insecure attachment would end up being sx-first or -last as a result. I'm not sure though
    It depends on where you put instincts and how you limit them.
    I also think all 4 attachment styles are toxic and annoying. Yes, all of them, including the secure one.
    Defining sx as needing a lover is exactly why sx gets romanticized, most people want a lover. It's the social norm to long for a lover and it makes sense to have one for safety reasons.
    ...
    I had more to write but my mind went blank, dayum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    SX basically means being an intimacy junkie that is codependent and feels inadequate when alone. Its not exactly as gr8 as ppl often make it out to be. I'm SO first and I struggled with social anxiety early on due to being socially hyper-aware.
    I've had both of these issues my whole life, lol.
    But I also don't think I'm self preservation blind. So I think it can vary among instinctual variants.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fatgurl View Post
    I've had both of these issues my whole life, lol.
    But I also don't think I'm self preservation blind. So I think it can vary among instinctual variants.
    SO firsts are also hyper aware of their own status and social standing as well as what is going on out in the social world up to global scale geopolitics (at least for me this is the case). This happens even tho one might be introverted. I know some SO blind extroverts who just don't care about this stuff at all and even avoid groups simply out of disinterest.. whereas I even as a 1D Fe LSI do enjoy being part of a group, the teamwork and going after goals with other people.

    In regards to SX, I'm generally fine without a partner even for extended periods. Naturally I find one to one and intimacy gr8 and have been through a few, but long lasting relationships that with the exception of 1 have ended amicably. while I may try in the beginning of a potential relationship to be intimate, IF my partner however repeatedly irritates me or proves to over time manifest in ways that are off-putting.. I will distance myself and eventually just cut ties completely. So for me intimacy depends a lot on the initial interaction and reciprocity... but I don't exactly go out of my way to seek a partner. Relationships just seem to happen to me at random.

    A lot of ppl for example are interested in socionics due to duality and relationships. I mainly got into it because I wanted to change careers and had no clear idea what would be more suited to my personality. Relationships weren't even on the radar, total disinterest in duality tbh, not even sure it actually works.
    Last edited by SGF; 04-16-2021 at 10:43 PM.

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