How do IEIs/INFps behave when attracted to someone?

**Animal** · 08-26-2006, 03:43 AM

Okay, take this with a grain of salt since I may not actually be INFp anymore... but, if it were me, things to look for:

- immediately gets this goofy grin when you show up, like instantly
- laughs at most or all of your jokes (doesn't just do the smile and half-laugh thing, and doesn't hold laughs back)
- (once I'm comfortable) touching - light punching, pushing, pulling your arm, etc. and I also kind of tend to let the ESTp have her way with me. In the past, one's played with my ears, jumped me from behind, stuff like that. If he doesn't outright push you away, it's a sign of interest.

Aside from that... I tend to try and convince myself that I don't actually have an interest in someone.

**FDG** · 08-26-2006, 03:52 AM

Originally Posted by Baby

Okay, take this with a grain of salt since I may not actually be INFp anymore... but, if it were me, things to look for:

- immediately gets this goofy grin when you show up, like instantly
- laughs at most or all of your jokes (doesn't just do the smile and half-laugh thing, and doesn't hold laughs back)
- (once I'm comfortable) touching - light punching, pushing, pulling your arm, etc. and I also kind of tend to let the ESTp have her way with me. In the past, one's played with my ears, jumped me from behind, stuff like that. If he doesn't outright push you away, it's a sign of interest.

Aside from that... I tend to try and convince myself that I don't actually have an interest in someone.

Ewww, this is so INFp that you shouldn't really think you aren't

I have observed them all 100%. Butt slapping too but since you're a male we aren't allowed to do it without looking like sexual maniacs even if we are

Maybe I'm the one that's giving the initial "mixed signal" to him, without realizing it when I'm doing it. My goal is to not do that at all this year, and to see how things turn out differently.

Yeah INFps tell us what do you perceive as mixed signals so that we can avoid sending them.

**oyburger** · 08-26-2006, 04:17 AM

Originally Posted by FDG

Ewww, this is so INFp that you shouldn't really think you aren't

I've got to agree, you are most assuredly INFp.

**ScarlettLux** · 08-26-2006, 05:43 AM

Usually when I am very attracted/interested in somebody, I will either pay a lot of attention to them or no attention at all, depending on how comfortable or confident I feel around them .. if you know what I mean.

If you get to know me as a friend first, and then I start developing feelings, it is VERY obvious. I will constantly try and be close to that person. That's a thing I noticed about INFps.. say if you're walking ... they will try and always walk beside/near you. I always do that and I notice other INFps doing that too to their object of affection.

With ESTps ... yes, I do let them "have their way" with me.. I find everything they say/do extremely hilarious. I will have a very shy smile and I will attempt to hide the fact I like them but not very effectively.

Also, if I am NOT interested ... I will be very stand-offish. I'm not like those people who are friendly to every single person .. huggy and whatnot. I'm ONLY like that with CLOSE friends and guys I like.

There is one other major thing. The way they LOOK at you. You just know... hard to explain, but it's like a very loving look, as if they are seeing you for the first time, gazing at you for longer than normal.

**FDG** · 08-26-2006, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by ScarlettLux

There is one other major thing. The way they LOOK at you. You just know... hard to explain, but it's like a very loving look, as if they are seeing you for the first time, gazing at you for longer than normal.

Kinda "bulging" eyes, wide open, the body-posture towards your co...your figure. The word attributed to the eyes is not carefully chosen, since it unfortunately evokes an animalish scenery, nonetheless nothing better was available at the moment.

**Animal** · 08-26-2006, 06:25 AM

Disclaimer: Again... might not be INFp...

Originally Posted by Herzy

See that's the problem though. I got TONS of mixed signals from this guy. Sometimes he stares/grins/goes all

, and other times he flat out ignores me.

That means he's comfortable around you.

But, yeah, you're in for a lot of mixed signals if this guy is anything like me. It's not so much what we DO that you want to look for, but what we DON'T. The more permissive the guy seems towards you, the better. Basically, watch for what he LETS you get away with.

The thing to remember is, don't be phased by passivity. Negative reactions (this does not include ignoring you, but rather outright hostility) would mean he isn't into you, but passivity is just lack of initiative. We're insecure. It's hard for us to judge someone's feeling's towards ourselves so we end up in this sort of hot and cold thing and having battles with ourselves. Imagine: sex hormones and raging romanticism, but being really unsure whether you and this person are in the same league. This is from an old, old thread you might remember:

Originally Posted by BabyBackInTheDay

I agree with Harry. Basically, what an INFp guy wants a woman to say is:

"Look, I'm really into you and really would be willing to pursue a relationship - but only if you want to yourself. If you don't, that's still totally cool."

Now... I've never had a girl be that direct with me, so I'm not exactly sure how I would react to it. But, I know that's what I have found myself really wishing for when I've been tossed into mind-games sometimes.

If you do go the direct route, Kim, be prepared for a vague/half-assed answer... heh... we INFps are so confusing sometimes we don't even understand each other. If he says "Yes" but really means "No" he wants you to ease off. If he says "No" but he really means "Yes" then he need a buffer period of time to think about it first and then (perhaps a few weeks/months later) it's time to be direct again. If he says "No" and really means "No" then it's better to let it go. If he says "Yes" but really means "Yes" then it's best to keep your cool and go about it so that you don't make him feel obligated. Are you confused yet?

After actually having been in a relationship with an ESTp since posting that, here's sort of how it played out: Suprisingly, I made the first move, even without knowing what she thought of me. We were with a group of friends, and this ENTp was drunk and being an ass and hurled a beer bottle at me. I sort of did this funny hop to the side, which made the ESTp laugh. I forget what I said, but we ended up walking out onto the porch and just talking. We talked for almost two hours. Time flew. I sort of thought of her as a social butterfly, who had the sort of life I couldn't really dream of - out of my league, definitely. But I actually asked her if she wanted to go to a club sometime. We exchanged numbers and AIM info, and next day she IMed me.

The first date, she came up from behind and squeezed me really hard. I like being squeezed. That made me happy.

From there she kind of opened up a lot, we started hanging out a lot more, and then the laughing, and the punching, and the ass-touching, and the sex insued.

Originally Posted by FDG

Ewww, this is so INFp that you shouldn't really think you aren't I have observed them all 100%. Butt slapping too but since you're a male we aren't allowed to do it without looking like sexual maniacs even if we are

Lol, yeah you could get sewed for that if you're not careful. Best to start out with something above the belt first. Like tickling. Tickling is good.

**Animal** · 08-26-2006, 06:59 AM

Aw, thanks. Oh, and one thing I wanted to mention from your post, Starfall:

Originally Posted by Starfall

You have to be careful with some INFp’s though, they have a tendency to be charming with everybody (even if they have distaste for that person). For instance, some guys think I am flirting with them while I’m really not... they develop feelings that I can’t return. Don’t get confused by this (you probably wont anyway if you’re an intelligent ESTp)

OMG, this has happened to me so many times. I play along and end up feeling obligated to reciprocate when I want nothing to do with the person. My advice to an ESTp who isn't sure whether the INFp is just playing nice or actually has an interest - I'm almost certain you guys can tell when we're faking it when other types can't. In fact, I think you're more sensitive to us than anyone else and more accurate at reading us (to the point of being a bit TOO sensitive). Things to look for:

- he smiles and nods politely when you talk, and answers questions appropriately (perhaps even with a sense of wit) but immediately stops smiling when you stop talking and looks off into space - long breaks in the conversation
- keeps hands and arms close to himself
- you might get the feeling he's not really "there" - like he won't really follow you when you talk; the conversation is less than spontaneous

The above are signs he's not really into you, but hopes he doesn't have to tell you and that you'll get the clue.

To summarize:
Spontaneous, free Fe-filled conversation + some touching on his part and willingness to be touched by you + occasional bouts of passivity = good

Forced, stilted, boring conversation with lots of breaks + no touching on his part and backs off or asks you to back off when he's touched + overall passivity = bad

Now there's no hard and set rulesabout this, so you're better off judging intuitively. Really, we're impossible to deal with. But generally, it's impossible to get an INFp into something he truly doesn't want without him throwing big signs at you. Only the completely and utterly clueless, stupid, and insensitive wouldn't get these clues. If you DO happen to be that clueless, stupid, and insensitive (which I don't think you are) and REALLY overstep yourself, I'd get outright bitchy, and not back off until I'm free of you. That's when you should back off.

**meatburger** · 08-26-2006, 07:57 AM

What someone said earlier is correct, sometimes a sign someone likes you is that you give you less attention

I used to be like that all the time. If i liked a chick, i would give her less attention and kind of ignore her. The reason i did this was due to a mixture of insecurity, nervousness, fear & trying not to submit. I also knew that ignoring someone actually can spark some interest in them. If you keep ignoring them totally that interest wont last long though.

Herzy, write a note to him or wink/wave at him babe. Let your

be known.

**FDG** · 08-26-2006, 08:04 AM

Originally Posted by meatburger

I used to be like that all the time. If i liked a chick, i would give her less attention and kind of ignore her.

Really, never been able to understand this. A girl once was also like "ehehe, you're using the play hard to get strategy" and I "No I just don't like you". If you want you want if you don't want don't want and if you want you want now and if you play hard to get you get later even if maybe when you get it is hard

**misutii** · 08-26-2006, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Herzy

How do you guys show interest in someone?

ok, i'm an INFp guy and I kind of have a crush on an ESTp girl and we only see each other maybe once a week cause i just recently met her through friends and she seems most comfortable in groups so i can tell you what i think would work....

I understand you're shy and unsure about this so instead of immediately getting him 1 on 1 why not first invite him into a small group? do you have any female friends? if he's around two of you and you girls are taking turns asking him questions while talking with yourselves i think you will easily be able to differentiate his reaction to each of you... cuz you're with a female friend, when you say bye make sure to give him a hug and make sure your friend hugs him first and judge his reaction and then hug him yourself (for one second longer) and judge his reaction. then when you're walking away make sure to turn around and wave - then judge his reaction... if he waves back then he most likely likes you, if he just stands there and looks depressed then he obviously doesn't... if the results are inconclusive then repeat this a couple times... ~the fact is that we like attention but still he may react conservatively the first time you talk like this... once he's more sure that you actually think he's better than other -more typical- guys. then he will open up more. this should happen by the 3rd/4th time you focus attention on him for a reasonable period.

Once he's comfortable with you and your friend in a general non-intimate setting then it's time to raise the stakes.... for example, have you and your female friend invite the INFp to a random non-girly movie (i.e. snakes on a plane). Now have it so you meet him at the theatres, furthermore make it seem like your female friend is late (while meanwhile you've already planned with her that she not arrive at all). This will give you one-on-one time with the INFp before the movie, then right before the movie starts you can pretend you got a text message or just tell the INFp that you're female friend can't make it but that it's fine and that the 2 of you can still have a great time.......

ok so you have him alone, after the movie hang out with him outside instead of hurrying home, talk about the movie and if he's interested in you, then you will be able to see that his reaction to you (alone) is different than his reaction to you and your friend together. this is when you can get to know about his hobbies cuz you can start by talking about the movie then move to the topic of his favourite movie to music blah blah blah...... if he likes you then you will notice that after he answers your questions on these things he will than throw the same question at you because he will care what you're favourite movie/music etc. is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyways thats the easiest/least direct way that i could think of... so:

1) make him feel comfortable and acceptable (cuz he thinks he's weird)
2) feel free to use means of deception like lying that you're friend can't make it to the movie, to get him alone, even if he found out he'd find it sexy if he was attracted to you
3) after 1 and 2 if he likes you he will have started behaving a little differently than he did when you first talked to him with your friend... if he does then you will literally be able to do whatever you want to him so have fun...

umm if you need more specific info then feel free to ask me, i merely based this advice on things i've noticed and thought about in my own experiences with hindsight in my possession...

**meatburger** · 08-26-2006, 09:23 AM

misutii You have made some nice suggestions but i think your complicating the situation. Over Analysis kills.

Look. Guys aren't really that complicated. If you get the guts to show him your interested and ask him out your 3/4 of the way there. He would be flattered.

Anyway i will leave this thread now as i am not an INFp

**ScarlettLux** · 08-26-2006, 01:05 PM

HERZY.

Time for you to spill the beans on how ESTps act if they are interested/attracted!!!

**FDG** · 08-26-2006, 03:18 PM

As for me, there are usually 2 possible situations:

1)I don't know any of the girl's friends/acquaintances
2)I know at least one of the girl's friends/acquaintances

If 1, then I usually try to position myself somewhere in order to have the possibility to look at the girl, but from an advantageous place, so that I can look away if she turns around. However, if I see that the girl is looking at me, I stare shamelessly directly in the eyes

. If you haven't noticed me though, I can be very good at not making my gazes noticeable. It's likely that I'll try somehow to enter in a group of people that are friends of the girl. When I get acquainted with one of them, I ask him to tell the girl that I'm interested and judge her reaction. If the reaction is at least slightly positive I get her mob phone number/IM and somewhat contact her, but in a really casual fashion. If there is a positive response I don't waste time with chit chat via IM/sms: I immediatly ask for a date. However if the response is disinterested I don't keep pushing. I'm very good at detaching from a girl that doesn't like me and I never really develop feelings until I have had a rather strong feedback.

If 2, then I directly jump to asking my friend to tell the girl and give me her phone/IM number. I'll usually try to hang out in the nearbies but it's highly unlikely that I'll approach directly risking an open rejection, unless I dunno, you start licking your lips and touching your genitalia making strange faces towards my direction

Anyway, if I like you, and I know that you like me, I'm really straightforward about it so really, it's unlikely that you won't notice. If you don't notice, then I don't like you. Though don't expect eloquent expression of feelings via words but much more via deeds/physicality/witty double-meanings.

**betterthan** · 05-15-2009, 10:05 AM

Haha sorry, for ANOTHER thread on IEI loving.

!

But I really need your help

How does an IEI act when they are attracted to someone?

How do they act when they love someone?

I know that I am one, LOL but different IEIs and all...I can't work it out

.

Should I give examples for psych 101ing?

:redface:

Thankyou!

Edit;
Seriously. Aha, how'd you know if they are playing head games or for real?

**betterthan** · 05-15-2009, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica

Depends in what way I like someone.... Not that I'm out there looking for love anymore, but back when I was, I think this is how I acted:

If I was "only" sexually attracted, I used to pretend to be SLE, and tried to impress him. I'd often make the first step, and be a lot more active and aggressive than I normally am.

If I just "liked" someone, but weren't really interested in anything more than to be liked back, I'd try to be "my best". Normal. And loveable. But I'd dogde any invitations from his side by talking it away.

If I was in love, I often went a bit more quiet. But relaxed. All focus on him, not on me, so I lost the self awareness I usually have/had. I bet I could sit and stare for hours. Or even close my eyes and just be in the moment. And I almost became a bit passive. And somehow dreamy. Or so happy I felt sad. Maybe naive, even? And when I spoke to them, I ended up expressing my surprise at the feelings I had completely honestly by saying really strange things like "I hear music in my head when I meet you" or "I feel like I'm floating in a beautiful city made of glass and crystal when we are together".

Yikes, I get that feeling too ^. Lol aww, that's so sweet

.

Well we don't say that to each other, but we often say sentimental things...

He will say, how we have an amazing connection and that he can't go a day without talking to me. He's always saying things like; I came back to school just to talk to you.

**Warlord** · 05-15-2009, 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica

If I was "only" sexually attracted, I used to pretend to be SLE, and tried to impress him. I'd often make the first step, and be a lot more active and aggressive than I normally am.

Hmmh, I've gotten that from NiFe's. They have been like SeFi's, except more emotionally demanding. I've just haven't trusted that they are serious at all. So I have interpreted that as that they either joking or trying to get me to tell them that they are hot to feed their ego.

**Warlord** · 05-15-2009, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica

I think all people (women in particular) when young and/or immature, look for others to feed their egos, only the way it's done differs from type to type.

Yeah, that might have been the case, or might have been not. I mean that type of impressions I get from girls are probably worth nothing, and probably have no bearing whatsover with what they were actually feeling and what they motivations were. I just interpet that type of things how it seems "safest" for me. I see many options what it could be, but that "safe" option is what I decide it to be.

**betterthan** · 05-15-2009, 05:39 PM

LOL.

meh at this. I know I want the SLE now. But I will most likely change my mind tommorow. ha.

I really did think I was falling in love, but I just don't know anymore.

:tongue:

Creepy-male · 05-15-2009, 05:47 PM

Mystifying.

How can you not know when you're falling in love?

Srs question.

Creepy-male · 05-16-2009, 12:22 PM

True.

I suppose it's an Alpha thing to lump the two together.

**shakealittle** · 05-17-2009, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by Gulanzon

Mystifying.

How can you not know when you're falling in love?

Srs question.

How do you know Gulanzon?

Creepy-male · 05-17-2009, 01:58 PM

It's that anxious, clenchy feeling. It's hard to miss.

**shakealittle** · 05-17-2009, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Gulanzon

It's that anxious, clenchy feeling. It's hard to miss.

Couldn't those signs also be associated with infatuation? What's the difference?

Creepy-male · 05-17-2009, 02:13 PM

That's a good question.

The answer is, "I can never tell at first, but one winds up lasting, and the other doesn't."

**betterthan** · 10-28-2009, 11:51 PM

Seriously. How do you tell if they are playing head games or if they are actually into you haha?

Like say, if you were 'friends'?

**betterthan** · 10-29-2009, 12:08 AM

Originally Posted by ollobollo

I'm interested in this, too. I can't quite figure out a nice probable IEI I know. I've had long and deep conversations with her online, but IRL, it's a mix between having short conversations and her seemingly ignoring me (won't look at me when I try to gain eye contact).

Feelings aren't easy. *sigh*

Lol, I would say she likes you...but as if I know.

- Ignores you because she doesn't want you.
- Ignores you because she's wicked into you and needs you to initiate.
- Ignores you because she knows you're into her and hasn't made her mind up yet.

I do all of the above.

Take your pick =/

**sarinana** · 03-24-2010, 03:25 PM

All(not depressed) INFps I met communicate with people in a very seductive way. And you can't tell if they like somebody or they are just playing around and having a good time.
They are smiling at you, laughing at every of your joke and so the atmosphere gets more and more pleasing with every new hour... and then you start wondering maybe this INFp is like that with you cause he likes you?

But the answer is always left unknown since INFps really lack straightforwardness.

So please INFps open up yourselves here.
What is the difference between:
A: I want to have good time with you
B: I really like you

**redbaron** · 03-24-2010, 04:03 PM

hmmm, they might not know the answer to this themselves. It's kind of irrelevant at first anyway? Have fun and then see what develops. They might walk away from a really fun time and then decide later that they like you or it might take a lot longer. It may depend too on how they think you feel about them.

**sarinana** · 03-24-2010, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by redbaron

hmmm, they might not know the answer to this themselves. It's kind of irrelevant at first anyway? Have fun and then see what develops. They might walk away from a really fun time and then decide later that they like you or it might take a lot longer. It may depend too on how they think you feel about them.

maybe i should sing this song to the infp next time? just to make things clear...

**redbaron** · 03-24-2010, 05:16 PM

nah, too much focus on what she's feeling. Just go out and feel and stop talking about it!!!!!

**sarinana** · 03-24-2010, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by redbaron

nah, too much focus on what she's feeling. Just go out and feel and stop talking about it!!!!!

Me and him had 3 dates already. Tomorrow we are having our 4th date. The problem is that he is committed to his guitar on the first place.
and i don't believe he will ever change that. He was single for 3 years.

We are having really good time with each other. our dates would last around 7 hours each time. and i stop feeling time with him.

He enjoys telling awkward things to me just to see my reaction since I am not very emotional.

He is turned on by my impudent openness.

That's all I could observe so far.

**717495** · 03-24-2010, 05:56 PM

When an Fe-INFp likes someone, they will dance around them, make flamboyant faces with their lips and eyebrows, and invite them for a nice dinner and wine.

**sarinana** · 03-24-2010, 06:05 PM