IEEs-ENFps in endless search for themselves

[meatburger]

Hi,

I wrote a similar post in another thread but i know this will go down a lot better here. Do other people, especially ENFp's have a bit of an endless search going for themselves? I think i have always had this to some extent.

I think what really drives this is feeding with information.

Let me give you an example of how this might happen in say my life

I Wake up and I think. Lets be nicer today
Im nice to someone. He takes advantage of me because im nice and convinces me to swap a shift with him that stuffs me up.
+ goes well that sucks. Lets try to be a bit hard
So i turn into a bit of a hard person. A street person asks me for some money. I say no not today.... BAM kicks in and tells me off. You have plenty of money where is your compassion asshole? So then i decide i need to become good again.

I seem to have all these contradictions like
If im nice, i seem to get a lot of angry customers. They smell weakness
If im nice to girls, they think im being to fake / nice when its really me
If im tougher to girls etc they can probablly tell its not me

ENFp enjoy fitting in with everyone. It seems we can do this extremely well, however in doing so we can loose sense a little of who we are.

[schrödinger's cat]

True.

Other possible reasons could be...

Empathizing with everyone and forgetting to empatize with oneself. Seeing people's behaviour from all possible angles.

Our ENFP-ishness is so WEIRD that we do our best to tone it all down and fit in (because of our not wanting to shock people, and because of being quick to pick up other people's expectations of us). So we lose ourselves.

Perfectionism. We pick up all the things we could be, all the qualities we should have, and off we go to develop them. And since we can't obviously be all things at one and the same time, we lose our real selves. Sort of.

[meatburger]

Perfectionism. We pick up all the things we could be, all the qualities we should have, and off we go to develop them. And since we can't obviously be all things at one and the same time, we lose our real selves. Sort of.

Exactly!!!

Its like i see in the ESTp at work. I admire it and see how useful it is and try to cultivate it. The truth is i am not . Sometimes i think im a bit like a Chamelion. When i meet someone new, i will change the way i stand, the way i talk, the level of volume, the things i talk about so i can relate to the person. Even though its a wonderful ability it does have its toll. I suppose some could view it as superficial.

Your right we never really lose our view of who we are, we just experiment with other types a little.


From a guess, Cat are you the N subtype?

From my understandings of the subtypes:

N - Quirky, more Extraverted, More funky, Perhaps more creative.
F - Not as quirky they feel the need to fit in more, More introspective, dont quite weird people out as much as they repress that aswell. Show their emotions less.


Maybe we would make good Police Negotiators?

Some of us would be crazy enough to walk into a room with a bomb strapped to someone. Quickly appraise how to close the psychological distance and use some charm to get them to feel why they need to live.

[Rocky]

Interesting, since the whole "Who am I?" thing is also said to be an INFP thing.

[schrödinger's cat]

INFps seem to like it, though. "I'm a tortured soul! - isn't that interesting?" Probably a very good view to take of the whole identity crisis thing. I found mine always rather embarassing. No idea why. - No, I know why. Because I was afraid people would think I'm self-centred or woolly-minded. The important thing is what you do; so what does it matter who you are? (I'm paraphrasing the opinion of people around me.)

I'm the F subtype at the moment.

[Slacker]

For me it's like trying to figure out who your authentic self is and trying to make it happen. It's hard to explain. Like who am I really inside, when I get past society pressure and expectations? And how can I get as close to that as possible? What's keeping me from getting there?

And it is embarassing. I feel stupid when I find myself acting in a way that isn't me.

[Topaz]

For me it's like trying to figure out who your authentic self is and trying to make it happen. It's hard to explain. Like who am I really inside, when I get past society pressure and expectations? And how can I get as close to that as possible? What's keeping me from getting there?

And it is embarassing. I feel stupid when I find myself acting in a way that isn't me.

Ditto. I agree with all of you. ENFPs are wierd. Ive gone through so many stages of trying and not trying to be one way or another. Ive actually given up to an extent. Im tired. Im not so interested in peoples approval. I want my own approval, to know that Im living with integrity and am growing into the person I can be proud of.
Once a friend (ENXJ) told me that some guys he knew said they didnt like me. He was puzzled why they felt that way because they didnt even know me. Before I would have made and attempt to win their approval in some way, to prove to them I was cool. What a pussy I was.
I told him that it was fine they didnt like me. Then I wouldnt have to be nice to them. I could say exactly whatever I wanted in whatever matter I wanted and not give a hoot about their feelings. How refreshing! I decided to not even bother specualting why they felt that way. I said just tell them to stay away from me. If they get in my way I will kick their ass. I have too many friends I dont get to spend time with. Why should I worry about what those morons thought of me?
Switching from an external to an internal lotus of control is one of the most significant developement a person can make. Theres just no way you can get every ones approval. Forget it. Getting your own approval is hard enough and even in that case you have to accept you wont have it all the time either.

[Topaz]

OK I got that little rant out of the way, there is another aspect of knowing myself that is totally wierd. Like when Im at home I look in the mirror a lot. I keep trying to see who I am. I dont think its vanity (maybe a little) Its more of trying to see myself objectively. Like if I was someone else looking at me how would I seem. I sometimes get another hand mirror so I can look at myself from the side or the back of my head to see what I look like when Im not looking directly at myself. Its freaky and wierd but I do it. When I leave the house I dont think about how I look much at all. Its usually too late to do anything about it then anyway. Every now and then someone will video me in a group or at a party and I freak out when I see how I move and what I do when Im not thinking about it. Its facinating.
I am actually interested in other people in a similar matter. I want to examine them. I mean up close. Naturally no one will sit still for me to poke and examine them in all these aspects so I have to be content with what little I can get. For example I went around with a magnifying glass for a time examining peoples eye patterns. It was facinating and I began to look up information about eyes and compairing them. I must have seemed very eccentric.

[oceanlife]

INFps seem to like it, though. "I'm a tortured soul! - isn't that interesting?"
I'm the F subtype at the moment.

This is what I was about to ask, what's the diff b/t ENFp and INFp, seeing as I can't come to a conclusion.

ENFp's try to reconcile their inner questions with the outside world? Whereas like you said INFp's are less inclined to really shift with the outside wind?

[oceanlife]

also, what's F and N subtype?

[Rocky]

also, what's F and N subtype?

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[schrödinger's cat]

OK I got that little rant out of the way, there is another aspect of knowing myself that is totally wierd. Like when Im at home I look in the mirror a lot. I keep trying to see who I am. I dont think its vanity (maybe a little) Its more of trying to see myself objectively.

Ahaha! I do that too! It's like - sometimes I'm so adrift in a sea of shifting possibilities and ever-changing frames of reference, it's like I have to reassure myself of my own identity - find out again who I am. So I stare in the mirror to find out who that person is. My own sense of identity is a bit fluid, like meatburger suggested of himself - all those possibilities, all those potential qualities I could have... and I sometimes get a bit lost in all that.

My interest in others has the same intensity. Eye colour, people's facial expressions, smiles, movements, style, hidden complexities - all that is so fascinating. So I do the equivalent of looking in the mirror - I take photos. It's a pity so many people hate to be photographed. It's one of the best things, taking a photo of someone and catching their essence. People tell me I'm rather good at that. * smug grin *

[schrödinger's cat]

Ive gone through so many stages of trying and not trying to be one way or another. Ive actually given up to an extent. Im tired. Im not so interested in peoples approval. I want my own approval, to know that Im living with integrity and am growing into the person I can be proud of.
Once a friend (ENXJ) told me that some guys he knew said they didnt like me. He was puzzled why they felt that way because they didnt even know me. Before I would have made and attempt to win their approval in some way, to prove to them I was cool. What a pussy I was.
I told him that it was fine they didnt like me. Then I wouldnt have to be nice to them. I could say exactly whatever I wanted in whatever matter I wanted and not give a hoot about their feelings. How refreshing! I decided to not even bother specualting why they felt that way. I said just tell them to stay away from me. If they get in my way I will kick their ass. I have too many friends I dont get to spend time with. Why should I worry about what those morons thought of me?
Switching from an external to an internal lotus of control is one of the most significant developement a person can make. Theres just no way you can get every ones approval.

...which is why our Duals are so good for us, isn't it?

ENFp: They don't like me, and I don't even know why...
ISTp: Simple. They're idiots.

Your response sounds very ISTp, in a good kind of way. I'm learning the same thing, and it's so healthy and relaxing.

[Newbie]

Wow! Okay, I can identify with EVERYTHING said here -- even down to the mirror thing!! I do that too -- ever since I was a kid, it's like I'm trying to get to know the person on the other side of that mirror. LOL, I thought I was the only one who did that, and was just weird.

For some reason knowing other people are like this makes me really happy.

[meatburger]

Thanks for all your reponses. I do look at myself in the mirror a little, have never done the hand mirror thing tho ;P. I think it is a little bit of vanity, and more so curiosity.

I have never felt the weird thing. I have always felt different but not really weird. As i mentioned above i think this could be a subtype difference. Btw im not saying its bad, i would be the first person to admit i was weird if i thought this was the case . We all have a degree of weirdness.

Yeah, turning thoughts externally can be a very powerful feeling. Some of the times when i feel great are when i dont think at all, i just be. Im totally within the moment. Those are cool but rare.

Newbie btw i think your an ENFp welcome

[Topaz]

Wow! Okay, I can identify with EVERYTHING said here -- even down to the mirror thing!! I do that too -- ever since I was a kid, it's like I'm trying to get to know the person on the other side of that mirror. LOL, I thought I was the only one who did that, and was just weird.

For some reason knowing other people are like this makes me really happy.

[stefana]

[Rocky]

Schroodinger's Cat put it well, actually.