that's a lot of trust to place in somebody who is already having an emotional affair.Originally Posted by Hemoglobin
You're judging her by your own set of morals. If the OP thinks she's worth the wait then he should wait. He has full control over whether or not to stay.
Let him judge her by what he thinks is right.
How one is in a relationship is no way indicative of how they will be in another. People change, and relationships are different.
Ime LSIs can be incredibly cruel to someone if they're committed without love/passion (at that point in time), aka only on Ti grounds. I'd be curious though to know exactly what's keeping her there .... if it's uncertainty regarding the future (everyone's future, including hers if this is also about changing careers) or some other kind of interest. I think LSI never stays with someone out of compassion or friendship. They're likely to be bound by a form of responsibility or on a social basis (status or smth. involved..? is the dude rich ..?).
You're completely right. It can be a financial matter for example. Or waiting for the best moment to leave so that the damage has less of an effect.
Last edited by Hemoglobin; 06-13-2014 at 12:37 PM.
Hah, ITT gamma quadra is trying to establish order in beta "chaos".
To me it's not the main, practical issue, but sure there is some moral horseshit in this situation. She's going to dump her boyfriend at a preordained time, letting him waste a whole fucking year of his life on her? Meanwhile she says she wants to be with the other guy and expects him to wait for her? Nice how the whole world revolves around this woman and her machinations.
And someday when she's in a long-term relationship with the second guy, they can wistfully look back on how it all began, with her being dishonest to one guy while stringing the other guy along--how sweet, what an auspicious beginning.
But my earlier response was only about the practical issues. The way I'd handle it is yes/no/see ya. My moral take on the scenario is I think it's shitty and I wouldn't want to be with the woman, but that's the OP's problem. My asshole-dar pings that she will probably never come through and is immature at best. So I can't blame anyone for focusing on what she's up to here, even though the OP expressed distress at people commenting on that.
(It's a forum. You post looking for opinions and advice, but want to control the responses. Doesn't usually work.)
Last edited by golden; 06-13-2014 at 09:09 PM.
I don't know extra details about this whole situation, but judging by the LSIs I know, I think you're misunderstanding LSI mindset :
ISTj, LSI (Ti-Se): LF (LSI), as a rule, does not believe in luck but prefers being the "architect of his own happiness." Therefore, he plans everything and steadily moves toward his goals, being distinguished by high capacity for work and absolution from ups and downs of moods. He is responsible, accurate in detail, not afraid of difficulties, both mentally and physically tough.
For all his merits, he has several shortcomings. He is suspicious, poorly versed in the motives and capabilities of other people. Despite the fact that the LF (LSI) can be a pleasant companion, capable of giving compliments and praises to someone whom he likes, he quickly grows tired of this. Then withdraws from the public, submerges into himself. He is not inconvenienced by prolonged solitude. Dispassionate by his nature, he seldom sincerely grows attached to anyone, and for this may be considered an aloof and cold man. He needs an emotive, communicative partner who would be able to affect his feelings, arouse his sociability, fuel and revitalize the relationship with his emotions.
Terms of dualization:
1. ET (EIE) should comply with the main requirements of LF (LSI) regarding planning of affairs and maintenance of order. Do not try to break the habits of LF (LSI) or change his established methods and views on life. If it is difficult to adapt to him, you can try to persuade him otherwise over a period of time.
2. LF (LSI) stubbornly imposes on his partner his methods of work and his own worldview. It is best to accept him as he is, be respectful of his pursuits and interests, giving only the necessary advice along the way. Periodically make compliments and demonstrate your affection.
3. LF (LSI) should give more attention to and trust the advice and requests of his dual, especially when it concerns relations with other people and future prospects. ET (EIE), in turn, may rely on his partner in the official-business and domestic matters, gratefully accepting his care and assistance.
4. With regard to psychological, emotional and sexual aspects of these relations, you need to know that LF (LSI) finds appeal in a partner who is passionate, poetic and willingly talks about his feelings, who is able to "melt the ice" with his strong emotions. At the same ET (EIE) should not rush to close the distance, so that his partner would not consider him too accessible and lose confidence in him. First, the right emotional tone should be created, without resorting too much to candid confessions. Then wait for when reciprocal feelings will ripen, and only then go on offensive.
When it comes to intimacy, ET (EIE) should not rush to show his skill in seduction. LF (LSI) likes a sublime yet modest partner, whom he can teach and show "what is needed" to the extent he deems it acceptable. In this pair, ET (EIE) takes lead in emotional life of the dyad, while sensing remains the sovereignty of LF (LSI). Otherwise there will be disagreement and dissonance.
In sexual behavior of this dyad, ET (EIE) experiences a few problems: he may either be too shy or too direct and frank. His partner needs to show him an optimal style of behavior. Then there will be no need to overcome uncertainty and timidity, nor excessive brazenness and looseness. Without such guidance, ET (EIE) will continue to exasperate and torture himself, and project his dissatisfaction onto his partner. He is in much need of various signs of attention – words, gifts, and gestures – that will confirm the love of his dual.
Relationships in this dyad are built on the principle of "infliction and endurance" ("Kama Sutra"). Therefore, it is sometimes difficult to say who is the "aggressor" and who is the "victim". Both types show obstinacy in relations and often this leads to quarrels. ET (EIE) is able to assert his independence in the psychological play-fighting with his partner, and frequently he wins. However, if he, after all, does not acquiesce and admit to being defeated even a bit, he will have a very difficult time. It is recommended to develop a more harmonious style of communication: ET (EIE) – be more flexible and diplomatic, and LF (LSI) – do not overuse volitional pressure and practice tolerance for weaknesses in another.
Maybe the dude went too far, too soon with striptease and the LSI wants him to cool off a bit.
I. Not misunderstanding anything and I long ago lost interest in combing through socionics jumbo-jumbo to justify various behaviors. I think you misunderstand that I am saying I can see why some people are going to call BS on the whole situation.
Can you not understand why someone would see it that way?
You seem quite stubborn for something you deem as BS. Wtf do you care after all? You speak as if you have godlike knowledge on this whole thing, whatever it is in reality. To me it seems the OP approaches the stuff lousily, not the LSI.
Blah blah socionics blah.
yeah, you're speaking it
here: BLAH-BLAH : LSIs are bad at relationships, blah-blah
Noo.
They're loyal and one time my bf who is LSI also insisted that he was emotional.
That's more of an beta NF thing..(status or smth. involved..? is the dude rich ..?)though the two of us are currently broke students.. but I definitely evaluated his ability to make money and status in our dating phase
How about this. Rather than ooh this person is LSI so I am going to take their behavior at face value because socionics sez so, let's say socionics is right, and if this is actually someone's dual then they can fully call them on their behavior. Who else but your dual is going to deliver that message effectively?
Or maybe socionics just covers here for someone being crappy. Why is it that the possibility cannot be entertained that this is about childishness or narcissism or something ... Just because it's all so very beta?
Nonsense, our lives are not infinite in duration so it's obviously very relevant. People have projects and stringing them along making them waste their time with lies will hinder their progress towards these projects.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
This makes absolutely no sense. What's your type, Fi creative?
Lol, yep.
OP: If you really are EIE, you should be the most charming mofo in the building. you should have a cult of disciples and loads of LSIs grunts to chose from. Just look at Justin Bieber. You think he is being strung along by some LSI bitch? Nah, brah. If you don't have a cult of personality thing going already, then you are a shitty EIE and need to fix this immediately.
/thread
Che Guevara would have probably not contemplated the thought of watching porn&eternally waiting for a half-committed LSI.
Hey, thank you to all those who posted responses regarding my question. There are certainly a litany of details I have withheld for sake of brevity, and I do appreciate being able to read some LSI perspectives on the situation as presented. As for everyone else, you're all too funny. It's like a thread post becomes a soap opera of competing moral and ethical reasoning, each type believing their own to be the superior (or at least worth sharing regardless of the situation). What a fun little microcosm of a pseudo-anonymous social interaction. Let the circus continue!
Mr. EIE, you should have browsed through some posts a bit to warm up. You´ve seen nothing. Some people will apply subjective moral judgement from their personal experiences (and relationships) even to a hen or a cock on this forum, NTR.
she sounds like a dick. I'd be furious if someone wasted my life for a year (as her current boyfriend) or asked me to as the OP.
It's a personality/psychology forum, you know...
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
