Quote Originally Posted by WolfgangsMirror View Post
I'll try and be brief, linear and to the point without extraneous details. I am an ENFj involved with an ISTj. She lives with another man whom she admits is a rebound from her failed marriage and she does not want to marry him. I am from her past and was not around for her during her divorce, or we'd already be together. My return to her and her life was a surprise, and she has said it will take time, maybe even a year, for her to get everything sorted and lined up for us to be together. I have no problem with this, as I there is no question about the emotional bond she and I share, and she is the only ISTj I've ever felt the "dualization". I know I'm not waiting for nothing. However, she still lives with this other man and has a relationship with him while their lease runs through. We talked about it (I brought it up) and she has twice told me to casually date and get my sexual needs met while I wait. I have honestly tried to go on some dates, but I keep cancelling and confusing poor ladies who probably blame themselves because in my heart I feel like I'm hurting myself.

I know ISTj's have a reputation for "saying what they mean", but I truly don't know in this situation. Is it possible she wants me to be sexually active so she can avoid guilty feelings? My intuition says she wants to know how serious I am and prove my devotion, but I'd love some feedback from some other folks.
Dude (..?). You sound a bit affected by the whole complicated situation. You´re probably trying to turn LSI simple words and actions on all sides and filling in dots. My advice is to REALLY go dating others and check out on her somehow once in a while. This way you can also notice if what she´s offering you is really what you want. LSI is not complicated - really not any more complicated than a typical Aggressor (what´s been previously said here). But they don´t like insecurity, they admire independence - they judge via Se first and too much imbalance in the power dynamics can make them pull back. They respond well to a form of being attentive and accommodating to them ...in a self-assured and teasing way though. You just sitting there repressed and waiting for her while she's fucking another doesn't sound very healthy. Actually it would be a bit pathetic.

P.S. LSI ime doesn´t consciously want you to "be serious and prove your devotion.". They just process relational content more slowly. They may like seeing that you´re still into them as time goes by, but only if they are already emotionally hooked and invested in you. Otherwise the thought alone that someone's so devoted means nothing to them.