Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: INFjs trusting at first but unforgiving of betrayal later?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    601
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default INFjs trusting at first but unforgiving of betrayal later?

    I just realized something interesting about myself and perhaps other INFJs too.

    In the beginning, trust is easily given. Perhaps not the unbreakable trust but still, you don't suspect the other person to be capable of EVIL THOUGHTS/betrayal possibilities...such. We're cynical unless we have a reason to be.

    So...once the trust breaks, there's no way to regain that sort of freedom/easily given trust...I'm always wondering if I'm right to trust the person or... even if I pretend I do or do my best to...it's just...not the same, not pure anymore, there'll always be this nagging suspicion that since I suspected someone of betrayal once, it could happen again...
    INFP

  2. #2
    Creepy-pokeball

    Default

    Im still stuck on this trust thing cause it seems that all 4 NFs are highly trusting yet highly distrustful at the same exact time. It's like there are different flavors of trust and some are like trojan horses

  3. #3
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    I'm a spy, but on your side, you see. East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,892
    Mentioned
    47 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    NFs are idealists. It makes sense to me
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    192
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yup, I'm the same way. Once the trust is broken it's very hard to get it back. The better I know someone the more it takes before that happens though, because I'm sentimental like that. If I really want to I can work on trusting someone more, but it's only happened a couple of times in 30 years. It takes a lot of work. A lot.
    INFj

  5. #5
    Froody Blue Gem's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    A Place within a Place in the Universe Where they will never suspect. *Cackles like a witch.*
    TIM
    EII H-Ne
    Posts
    342
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I have trouble letting people in on the deeper level, but I see the good in everyone. I am cautious who I let in on that level, but there is still a level of rapport, and trust that is being formed. There have been times when I missed out on the negative because of this, but it's certain personalities that I can see things coming from a mile away. Other people, it just isn't as obvious. I also try to be on good terms with most people who I interact with. Well, until they do things to wrong me, or break my trust. I may still act superficially polite to them, but I avoid them as much as possible after that.

    Once someone does something to hurt me, or other people I care about, I can hold onto it for years, and I don't let things like that go easily. If we did get to the point of complete trust, it's even harder to earn my trust back.
    9w1-5w4-2w3 sp/so

    Phlegmatic-Melancholic

    These rabbits were in fact on a raft, as were assorted rats and owls. There may have even been a reindeer.
    On a raft. And a boy was sitting on the raft.
    The picture worried me, I must say. There was an otter swimming in front of the raft, and I used to lie awake worrying about this otter, having to pull the raft, with all these other wretched animals on it who shouldn't even be on a raft, and the otter had such a thin tail to pull it with I thought. It worried me.
    Then one day-- and remember I had been looking at this picture every night for years-- I suddenly noticed the raft had a sail. Never seen it before. The otter was fine, just swimming along.


  6. #6
    Rebelondeck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1,480
    Mentioned
    127 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    All types can be trusting at first then unforgiving of betrayal. Now, many XIIs can often be (sometimes erroneously) perceived by others as trusting, naive and blind - ripe for deception. However, you seem to be describing more of an Ip phenomena where walls are built higher and higher over time. Mature XIIs usually are detached enough and take lots of time before fully committing to be hurt by betrayal as much as some other types - caught off-guard and scarred perhaps but able to quickly rationalize what has happened and recover......

    a.k.a. I/O

  7. #7
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    25,348
    Mentioned
    630 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    INFP are far more "head over heels" in romance than myself in the beginning but yes INFP and INFJ are so similar being quasi - identical. You do one step further than myself being INFP. I don't wonder if I'm right to trust someone I just DO (it's more of an infantile approach to things I suppose, unassuming, pure, free of doubt or some would call evil thoughts), but you are not evil in being you, just to clarify, it's just different than myself. If someone breaks my trust I watch to see if they are going to do it again. I don't wonder if it COULD happen as I don't look at behaviors in the future but I look to see if it's coming up again. Then I have a line...cross it and you are out. LOL
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  8. #8
    Rebelondeck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1,480
    Mentioned
    127 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    ...... I don't wonder if I'm right to trust someone I just DO .......If someone breaks my trust I watch to see if they are going to do it again. I don't wonder if it COULD happen as I don't look at behaviors in the future.....
    Perhaps it's word choice but these seem atypical for an EII because they usually stand back for quite a while to analyse, and imagining future behaviour (albeit often from an idealistic perspective) was their thing; the ones I've known had the mantra: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Now, IEIs seem to often require several metaphorical smacks to wake up but once they did, they immediately started putting bricks in their walls and lines in the sand.

    a.k.a. I/O

  9. #9
    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,657
    Mentioned
    102 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Perhaps it's word choice but these seem atypical for an EII because they usually stand back for quite a while to analyse, and imagining future behaviour (albeit often from an idealistic perspective) was their thing; the ones I've known had the mantra: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Now, IEIs seem to often require several metaphorical smacks to wake up but once they did, they immediately started putting bricks in their walls and lines in the sand.

    a.k.a. I/O
    This is how I know EIIs too: there are no second chances. But that being said: EIIs is capable of forgiving you, but you will need to get on your knees, do a full confession in such a way they understand that you are really convinced of your wrongdoings on the emotional and ethical level. Just saying "Sorry" is not enough. Even not saying "I'm really, really sorry!" is enough. Only your explicitly stated and authentically presented understanding of why and what you have done wrong can convince them of you having altered your ways. You have to demonstrate that you have gone through a process of reflection. But since that in practice hardly ever happens, the EII can wait till Kingdom Come and the break is permanent.

    IEEs can have the same traits too, but at some point may come to an understanding they have been too harsh and final in their judgements, and might actually themselves offer an apology for their over reactions at some stage, even when they still feel the other person has done them wrong and as such, may still want to keep a respectable distance.
    Last edited by consentingadult; 06-02-2020 at 01:25 PM.
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •