INFjs trusting at first but unforgiving of betrayal later?

[dreamer]

I just realized something interesting about myself and perhaps other INFJs too.

In the beginning, trust is easily given. Perhaps not the unbreakable trust but still, you don't suspect the other person to be capable of EVIL THOUGHTS/betrayal possibilities...such. We're cynical unless we have a reason to be.

So...once the trust breaks, there's no way to regain that sort of freedom/easily given trust...I'm always wondering if I'm right to trust the person or... even if I pretend I do or do my best to...it's just...not the same, not pure anymore, there'll always be this nagging suspicion that since I suspected someone of betrayal once, it could happen again...

[Creepy-pokeball]

Im still stuck on this trust thing cause it seems that all 4 NFs are highly trusting yet highly distrustful at the same exact time. It's like there are different flavors of trust and some are like trojan horses

[UDP]

NFs are idealists. It makes sense to me

[pesto]

Yup, I'm the same way. Once the trust is broken it's very hard to get it back. The better I know someone the more it takes before that happens though, because I'm sentimental like that. If I really want to I can work on trusting someone more, but it's only happened a couple of times in 30 years. It takes a lot of work. A lot.

[Froody Blue Gem]

I have trouble letting people in on the deeper level, but I see the good in everyone. I am cautious who I let in on that level, but there is still a level of rapport, and trust that is being formed. There have been times when I missed out on the negative because of this, but it's certain personalities that I can see things coming from a mile away. Other people, it just isn't as obvious. I also try to be on good terms with most people who I interact with. Well, until they do things to wrong me, or break my trust. I may still act superficially polite to them, but I avoid them as much as possible after that.

Once someone does something to hurt me, or other people I care about, I can hold onto it for years, and I don't let things like that go easily. If we did get to the point of complete trust, it's even harder to earn my trust back.

[Rebelondeck]

All types can be trusting at first then unforgiving of betrayal. Now, many XIIs can often be (sometimes erroneously) perceived by others as trusting, naive and blind - ripe for deception. However, you seem to be describing more of an Ip phenomena where walls are built higher and higher over time. Mature XIIs usually are detached enough and take lots of time before fully committing to be hurt by betrayal as much as some other types - caught off-guard and scarred perhaps but able to quickly rationalize what has happened and recover......

a.k.a. I/O

[Beautiful sky]

INFP are far more "head over heels" in romance than myself in the beginning but yes INFP and INFJ are so similar being quasi - identical. You do one step further than myself being INFP. I don't wonder if I'm right to trust someone I just DO (it's more of an infantile approach to things I suppose, unassuming, pure, free of doubt or some would call evil thoughts), but you are not evil in being you, just to clarify, it's just different than myself. If someone breaks my trust I watch to see if they are going to do it again. I don't wonder if it COULD happen as I don't look at behaviors in the future but I look to see if it's coming up again. Then I have a line...cross it and you are out. LOL

[Rebelondeck]

...... I don't wonder if I'm right to trust someone I just DO .......If someone breaks my trust I watch to see if they are going to do it again. I don't wonder if it COULD happen as I don't look at behaviors in the future.....

Perhaps it's word choice but these seem atypical for an EII because they usually stand back for quite a while to analyse, and imagining future behaviour (albeit often from an idealistic perspective) was their thing; the ones I've known had the mantra: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Now, IEIs seem to often require several metaphorical smacks to wake up but once they did, they immediately started putting bricks in their walls and lines in the sand.

a.k.a. I/O

[consentingadult]

Perhaps it's word choice but these seem atypical for an EII because they usually stand back for quite a while to analyse, and imagining future behaviour (albeit often from an idealistic perspective) was their thing; the ones I've known had the mantra: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Now, IEIs seem to often require several metaphorical smacks to wake up but once they did, they immediately started putting bricks in their walls and lines in the sand.

a.k.a. I/O

This is how I know EIIs too: there are no second chances. But that being said: EIIs is capable of forgiving you, but you will need to get on your knees, do a full confession in such a way they understand that you are really convinced of your wrongdoings on the emotional and ethical level. Just saying "Sorry" is not enough. Even not saying "I'm really, really sorry!" is enough. Only your explicitly stated and authentically presented understanding of why and what you have done wrong can convince them of you having altered your ways. You have to demonstrate that you have gone through a process of reflection. But since that in practice hardly ever happens, the EII can wait till Kingdom Come and the break is permanent.

IEEs can have the same traits too, but at some point may come to an understanding they have been too harsh and final in their judgements, and might actually themselves offer an apology for their over reactions at some stage, even when they still feel the other person has done them wrong and as such, may still want to keep a respectable distance.