INTjs and your need for an iNtuitive person to talk to

[UDP]

Talk about it.


Honestly, as you can see in the "Any Relations" section, I am really considering the value of N in a partner, especially a close partner.

I'm looking for people like Oyburger to comment about this, as she's mentioned being in a relationship with an ES type.


I myself also am into certain aspects of "fantasy" and so forth, a fantasy world in some ways, or at least that sort of mentall open endedness. I wonder how that would affect you in terms of a close relationship, because especially at this time, I would greatly like to share that with another person. I find that with some ESFjs I am not really able to do that, and wonder if there is more success to be found with NFjs, etc.

I wouild want someone to go on the journey with me. It seems, somewhat, that ESFjs would be good for me, but would be more motherly and focused on the S side of things, where I forsee more of a need for N type relatedness.


Thoughts welcomed.

[xiuxiu]

the best way to find out would be to hunt n females which is not the easiest task sometimes, but in my short while i've observed that Ni feelers are kind of dangerous, and Ne feelers are boring. i don't know anything about nt females besides the entj's, and i think an opposing sex i/e-ntj relationship would be a strange experience to say the least. hope this helps.

[oyburger]

I surround myself with people that have their feet firmly planted on the ground, which would include my ESTp. My INFj mother and INFp sister have to do this to me sometimes too (though I also have to provide this service for them).

I think that if I had a serious relationship with another N type, nothing concrete would ever get done. I rely on the S part of my husband for that. Growing up in an almost all N household, there were a lot of common day-to-day things that I didn't know how to do, nor did I care to learn them. He forced me to learn and forced me to leave my head sometimes and join the rest of the world.

It's true that we can't have the same kind of discussions that I can with other N types, but instead he challenges my ideas and forces me to look at them from angles I would have never considered.

Just my experience :wink:

[Mastermind]

the best way to find out would be to hunt n females which is not the easiest task sometimes, but in my short while i've observed that Ni feelers are kind of dangerous, and Ne feelers are boring. i don't know anything about nt females besides the entj's, and i think an opposing sex i/e-ntj relationship would be a strange experience to say the least. hope this helps.

What?! NT females are like NT males, only in female form.

[UDP]

I surround myself with people that have their feet firmly planted on the ground, which would include my ESTp. My INFj mother and INFp sister have to do this to me sometimes too (though I also have to provide this service for them).

I think that if I had a serious relationship with another N type, nothing concrete would ever get done. I rely on the S part of my husband for that. Growing up in an almost all N household, there were a lot of common day-to-day things that I didn't know how to do, nor did I care to learn them. He forced me to learn and forced me to leave my head sometimes and join the rest of the world.

It's true that we can't have the same kind of discussions that I can with other N types, but instead he challenges my ideas and forces me to look at them from angles I would have never considered.

Just my experience :wink:

Hmm,

I've had a lot of S (predominatly S) in my upbringing, so perhaps that wouldn't effect me so much. I'm not so great with cooking, though.

I see what you are getting at. I suppose ultimately Im just going to have to find out what I can deal better with, S or F, and go from there.

[Polly_G]

I grew up surrounded my mostly 'S' types who constantly reminded me of those weaknesses. It actually drove me even deeper into my intuitive side because of the lack of acceptance or anyone to relate to.

S types can often dismiss Intuitive thought as being silly and not relevant. I think its important to have Intuitive mentors in your life growing up if you are an intuitive just so you can have someone to relate to.

As for relationships, if this amazing ISFp is out there, I haven't found him. I tend to be attracted more to INFj and INTj types. They are also very attracted to me mentally. Many of the difficulties I find with them though are societal in nature I think. I think many of them wish I was more aware in a sensory type fashion....because they don't want to be the one to do it either. I feel sometimes they resent me for it (in many cases these are traditional male/female roles).

Both the INFj and INTj I dated had problems with putting women up on pedestals in an unrealistic way. Again, not something I want to be on. I don't want to look down at my partner.

They also both chased me only to withdrawal as soon as they caught me. The problem I 'think' might be is that they were attracted to my strength and independence but in a close relationship I tend to act a lot weaker and vunerable. They have these ideas of two intellects inter-mingling while I want to be swept off my feet with romance. Our minds can intermingle again later. Its fun time!

But then alas,....they resist my efforts for fun and to be swept along with the romance of it all. Then I feel hurt and feel I need to work on things with them...then they feel smothered. It causes a lot of unnecessary tension in the relationship but in my opinion, not something that can't be worked on if the J's will stop leaping to judgements too quick about stuff.

The INFj was excellent at making me feel protected at all times...very appealing for women. The INTj made me for more secure and calm....also very appealing.

I can see why a more demanding personality than my own might out work better than me unfortunately. I don't tend to fight to get my own way at home and the INTj and INFj's wants kind of overtook the relationship. On my side it wasn't so much giving in as "meh" doesn't offend me so go for it. I think they might like to be challenged a bit more than that.

On my side of things the reason I broke up with them rather than the reverse was because I felt both were searching for something in me that they had to find within themselves. I couldn't take the roller coaster ride of them not making a committment because they had to over think things.

I have found a lack of deep connection with the sensing types I've dated. I feel like there is the whole world and form of communication that I just can't express to them. Its not a side of me they appreciate a whole lot either.

So I guess that means....back to the drawing the bored.

[UDP]

On my side of things the reason I broke up with them rather than the reverse was because I felt both were searching for something in me that they had to find within themselves. I couldn't take the roller coaster ride of them not making a committment because they had to over think things.

Well said -- and from your description, that's how it sounds. I was actually thinking that while reading it. It sounds like both of them were rather inexperienced with relationships.... but at the same time, that is how I was. I hope that next time I don't get that way -- such as putting the women up on the pedastal. For me it was a lack of confidence mixed with insecurity thing, in that I derieved a lot 'my well being' from how I perceived the relationship to be going. It was bad news for me. But like I said, hopefully I don't reproduce that situation in the future. I shouldn't, as I am a lot more confident about myself and my values and what I think about life an so forth ((you could say that I've developed my ego block a lot more, and as such my confidence)). We'll see, though.

It's too bad, Polly_G, because I know a male INFp who would sound great for you--- even more so because he is my friend and we have good intuitive conversations all the time, though he often plays devils advocate.

They're out there, so keep looking

[Polly_G]

Interesting, I actually know an INFp and find him really easy to get along with. He makes me laugh my head off and we can definately bounce witty banter off each other. He cracks jokes at me to stay out of his head and not to analyze him. I think he finds me kind of spooky in that regard. I find him to be quite the talented individual.

Unfortunately he's completely off-limits. He's dating an ENFj friend of mine now who deserves a good guy.

It's definately something to keep in mind though.

[xiuxiu]

the best way to find out would be to hunt n females which is not the easiest task sometimes, but in my short while i've observed that Ni feelers are kind of dangerous, and Ne feelers are boring. i don't know anything about nt females besides the entj's, and i think an opposing sex i/e-ntj relationship would be a strange experience to say the least. hope this helps.

What?! NT females are like NT males, only in female form.

I have noticed this in the m/f ENTj's I know and almost elaborated on it. For some reason I still cannot conceptualize accurately (or maybe I am only unsure of my own imaginery models.. not sure) or imagine the female versions of the NT males I am aquainted with.

[UDP]

( hooo-was)

[Ms. Kensington]

On my side of things the reason I broke up with them rather than the reverse was because I felt both were searching for something in me that they had to find within themselves. I couldn't take the roller coaster ride of them not making a committment because they had to over think things.

I was also going to quote polly's comment about the searching for something in someone else.

I think it is odd that both statements seem to make sense-- first, that one should not be looking for someone to make you more complete (unhealthy, some call it), the second, that one cannot do everything so one should find someone whose help you accept best (your dual).

Because it seems to me that the second requires the first. Because when someone accepts someone's help they are looking for satisfaction from completion. They are not looking to the betterment of the economy (in general).

You know how they say in an identity relation, one partner often takes the dual role? I think if you are alone you are also forced to be your own dual.

[anndelise]

You know how they say in an identity relation, one partner often takes the dual role? I think if you are alone you are also forced to be your own dual.

I think it is for this reason that duals are considered the "ultimate" relationship. Because it relieves each of the people from having to attend to the informational elements/behaviors which their dual prefers to attend to. [insert usual disclaimer regarding mutual communcations/efforts and connections between the two people]

[UDP]

• I think, because I have spent so much time alone, I have dualized a little bit. And I am actually talking 'solitude' alone - times where I didn't see or hear someone for a day, etc.
  
• One thing that tends to repel me from ESFjs is that I feel like I am being babied too much, sometimes. Yeah, it's very nice to be thought of in that way, but I don't really want to be someone who has to be taken care of -- that would seem like I'm forfeiting responsibility. It would seem like "I can't do it on my own". And I realize I cannot do everything by myself, or whatever. But I would much more be interested in learning how to do those things for myself, than just 'accept help' from someone. I don't know. Maybe this is just a Pride thing.
  But I really can't stand being treated like a child, or approached as a child.
  
  I mean... I guess I wouldn't mind 'being taken care of', but I don't know. Things have changed.
  I really am looking more for a companion, as opposed to someone who will just balance out my psyche. I guess part of the matter is that I haven't anyone like that anyways, S or N type, T or F. Is anyone in a dual relationship - and would like to tell about the sense of companionship that they feel?
  
• Of course, and this is the most practical thing -- I'm just being selective and picky right now. I know that I'll be lucky if I can find someone I can get along with, whatever the type. And, a comfrotable, safe bet like an ESFj would probably be a good thing anyways. I know I shouldn't compare people against an unreachable ideal --- not too much anyways.

[Ms. Kensington]

I think I also feel that way about being babied. It has to do with the implication that the other is incompetent. But i think this sort of thing can be minimized if you just stay out of discussions about the others' ego block. I remember an SF woman arguing with her NT husband that he should not tell her how to sew or what looks good, she'd been doing it for years. In this case, it inhibits "optimal production from the ego". So that's the point. You are not similar in that conscious way. It is a trade off.

EDIT: The example i gave is not one of duality. In my experience, though, when duals fight they "make up" by talking about things tangental to the actual topic. if that makes sense. Its like -- they are arguing about something and one starts going off topic, feeding the superid block and then all is ok. Its like how sex just makes everything better.

[detail]

the best way to find out would be to hunt n females which is not the easiest task sometimes, but in my short while i've observed that Ni feelers are kind of dangerous, and Ne feelers are boring. i don't know anything about nt females besides the entj's, and i think an opposing sex i/e-ntj relationship would be a strange experience to say the least. hope this helps.

What?! NT females are like NT males, only in female form.

Questioning > Assuming.