Social inclusiveness - Delta or Fe?

[kadda1212]

This is the sort of social/group setting I really don't like. In a way it feels like being included in a way that makes you feel excluded if you don't like that sort of setting. It gets loud, which is tiring in and of itself and also makes it difficult to have any sort of conversation because you can't always hear what the other person is saying. It also makes me feel like I can only have shallow conversations because I don't feel comfortable talking about things I actually care about in front of a bunch of people (even if they're all people I could talk to individually). Mostly I just end up listening to the people next to me or looking out a window.

A couple of years ago they rearranged the furniture in the lunchroom at work and instead of three smaller tables there was now one large table. The sound level went up (and it was already loud before) and there was just no way of actually relaxing during your break. After a while they added a few armchairs with small tables in the corners and I started using those instead. They also allowed me to put my feet up which was nice considering we were walking or standing most of the workday and if anyone asked why I didn't sit at the main table I could just use "resting my feet" as an excuse. People got used to it pretty quickly and soon a few others started using those chairs as well. Despite still being in the same room it was much easier to relax a little bit when not trapped in the middle of all the noise but off to the side a bit, feeling at least a little bit more secluded. My lunchbreaks were much better after that though I still wished people wouldn't be quite as loud (but I do understand some people get energy from that sort of thing instead of being drained by it like I am) and if the morning had been especially stressful I'd even sometimes eat in a different room just to have some silence and because people were already used to me sitting off by myself a bit no one gave me any grief about it when it happened.

It doesn't need to get too loud. In case of my family it gets loud, because my grandma always gets very agitated over some topics. I know some people can't stand that kind of setting. My father for example always feels excluded when we meet with the whole family, because he is not interested in the topics they are talking about, he also cannot talk as fast and loud as most of my family members and demands that you listen to him. The ex-wife of my uncle was also similar. She didn't like it when our discussions turned to loud and when she was talking she wanted everybody to listen to her (she was a teacher). My grandma actually admired her enough, so that whenever my "ex-aunt" was talking she would shush everybody else. I couldn't stand those long monologues of my ex-aunt, desperate to make comments on what she said and interrupt her, which used to be always allowed. But if I did it she would glare at me and feel offended and give me that look a teacher gives a student who's making noise in class.

I actually really like my family as a group: My two uncles - both more cerebral, calm, from time to time very funny. My older uncle is the master of telling dirty jokes. Then my mother who I see as the voice of wisdom and reason. My grandma who is always agitated about something, may it be the local news, politics, the weather, who has died and who is sick, why some people are unable to keep their house clean, constantly reminds us of the fact that there is still plenty of food left on the table that should be eaten and at the same time already wants to start cleaning the dishes ("Sit down and relax." is something she's then constantly told by the rest of the family). My father who is always tired and exhausted and desperately wants to go home to lie down on the sofa or hide in his cellar room to work on his self-made circuit boards. My older aunt who has the best way of laughing I have ever heard. My uncle's girlfriend whose mood depends on the ranking of her favorite soccer team. And me whose job it is to make ridiculous comments. xD