Conflicting quadra relations; longterm, your feelings and their effects on you

[lemontrees]

Mm. I have an LSE dad. (E3 sp/so) I can emphasize with what you describe about trying to tell people how to do things "right" without understanding their complexity or underlying reasons for being a certain way.

My dad sees my Te-PoLR as a willful unwillingness to "grow up" and would lose his temper when I made Te-mistakes. He's also shouted to my face that I've failed his expectations in every way, that I'm the major source of suffering and emotional pain in his (and my mother's) life, that he lowered every expectation he had for me but that I can't even meet the lowered expectations because I'm "not normal." I used to have panic attacks in the days after interacting with him, and as a result, strove to avoid him, but he didn't understand why I was so "not caring of family."

However, things seem weirdly to have gotten better with time. My mom said recently that he's scared I hate him, which must mean he's come to some sort of weak understanding (??) Maybe LSE's aren't bricks. Others I've known have been far more nuanced in their understandings of other people, so there's a range.

Anyway, that sucks, it's good to get out.

[betterthan]

Mm. I have an LSE dad. (E3 sp/so) I can emphasize with what you describe about trying to tell people how to do things "right" without understanding their complexity or underlying reasons for being a certain way.

My dad sees my Te-PoLR as a willful unwillingness to "grow up" and would lose his temper when I made Te-mistakes. He's also shouted to my face that I've failed his expectations in every way, that I'm the major source of suffering and emotional pain in his (and my mother's) life, that he lowered every expectation he had for me but that I can't even meet the lowered expectations because I'm "not normal." I used to have panic attacks in the days after interacting with him, and as a result, strove to avoid him, but he didn't understand why I was so "not caring of family."

However, things seem weirdly to have gotten better with time. My mom said recently that he's scared I hate him, which must mean he's come to some sort of weak understanding (??) Maybe LSE's aren't bricks. Others I've known have been far more nuanced in their understandings of other people, so there's a range.

Anyway, that sucks, it's good to get out.

Wow Lemontrees, that sounds so shitty . Yeah I get that, my mum also branded me selfish for avoiding her after her blow outs - it's never them that can be wrong or the cause for any issue. Can't believe he could say things so bad it would cause panic attacks that's really horrible.