Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
you also don't understand connections between others well, like you don't really gauge the emotional distance people have with each other very well. So you will sometimes mock the connections people have w/o really understand it because you're SO busy trying to find this rational/logical/intellectual viewpoint.

unity just can't be perceived in the way you are going about it, which is ironically what you seek to feel whole, because what person really wants beef with others? It's inherently self-destructive.
Eh. It's the easiest thing for me to intellectually atomize my close relations and lose the forest for the trees, so you're right in that respect. At the same time I can easily see those connections in others or with me, and then deduce the course of their development and maintenance. However, I don't really feel or value these except with rare individuals. There are certain people with whom I ought to have a closer bond and I realize this, and I'm sure to be sad for a while if they should kick the bucket before I do, but a definite sentiment toward these people feels faint and remote.

Either/or, I understand human connections, just in my particular way, which I know is alienating to some people because it's a coldly analytical approach that often reduces human experience to neurological states. Regarding empathy and all that shit, I don't mind helping people out of a jam and I've got a soft spot for animals, so I'm not completely dead in that regard.

And the unity I'm looking for is far less social and terrestrial than it is ontic and cosmic. The first is tricky to achieve in my life and the second, if at no other point, is guaranteed in death, woohoo!