I try not to be too mechanistic about complicated human beings, but the connection you speak of between being "in love" and experience a concomitant boost in confidence and security strikes me as possibly attributable to the effects of dopamine.
As for the people who say you need an "attitude adjustment", sometimes it's a case of personality conflicts. Other times, however, I find this is pretty common among people who thrive on having those around them scrambling for their approval. They need other people to be desperate to stay in their good graces. If you show defiance, or (worse) apathy or indifference, it's a threat to them. It makes sense in the military, a setting that's dependent on pretty one-sided power dynamics and which attracts people who get their kicks from that sort of thing.



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