I'm so fu(k3d up

[charabanc]

I can't sleep I want this thread, too.
I am so fu(k3d up. I do not even know who I truly am.
you can see my introduction here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...r-my-username?
I would be able to talk about myself non-stop. So I better won't start that.
I want to know what type am I, what functions are the most commonly seen in me by other people.
So, let's play the most popular game in this forum "Ask me anything and I will answer/respond to your question and then you'll type me".

[Aquagraph]

Why won't you talk about yourself non-stop? This is your thread, afterall. Of course, you can try to talk about yourself only as much as you can convey in an entertaining manner. Or do you doubt your ability in estimating where that line goes?

[Scapegrace]

You can say "fuck" we're big boys and girls.

[Capitalist Pig]

Please put in your own words why you think you're "fu(k3d" up.

[charabanc]

Why won't you talk about yourself non-stop?

Because no-one would bother to read that parchment of excrement. I've no doubt that I am Logical person, but there's a Black Hole inside of my mind and when I'm trying to talk how do I feel about that, well I happen to be a paranoid about everything, afraid of everything, not trusting anything, feeling bad about almost everything but the most - feeling bad about feeling that way. I hate people who wine about everything, so I want to stop being one of them. (There's only one person in the world I sometimes spill my inner emotions to, but even he wants to shoot me down every time I start doing that).

This is your thread, afterall.

If I didn't want it to be read, I would spill all my stuff into a diary.
Threads are to be read.

Of course, you can try to talk about yourself only as much as you can convey in an entertaining manner. Or do you doubt your ability in estimating where that line goes?

There barely happens such situation which I haven't thought about coming. I usually see all the possible ways the which the line can be lead to, but mostly the situation which I thought is the least likely to happen, happens. I mean, based on my social skills, which are absolutely wrong in general.

You can say "fuck" we're big boys and girls.

Half of my relatives are military-field people, and the second half are educators. My mother is The Man of them, in my childhood I was trained to behave as a good girl with an electric collar on my neck, so I'd better not say bad words.

Please put in your own words why you think you're "fu(k3d" up.

Because I do not know who I am. Find seven absolutely different people, let them spend time with me eye-to-eye for a while (isolated from other people), and most probably after that time, they will say something nice about me. Very different things, like "she's so calm and a supportive listener" or "she's so crazy and sarcastic, I love that", "she absolutely knows what real value and morality is", "she's not afraid of doing things which are not "right" (based on basic society rules)"... but all of them will agree and say that "she's different".
I'm too coldly-logical to belong to ethical people, I'm "too humanistic" to belong to logical people.

I want to fit in somewhere.

I am schizoid, actually recovering from that (started taking cure one year and three months ago). I feel really bad about myself, being such dead-cold person. So I want to "fix" that. But I'm not sure which things of me are because of disorder, so it means possible to be fixed, and which ones are just because of my type.
I am most likely LII, because my close friend says he is sure about that.
I just want to know, how pure I am. Why don't I feel "that" way?
And what do other people see in me.

[charabanc]

what's your full name and social security number?

I am named after my father + letter Sh in the front of his name, when he died. He left me his last name in his Will, though. We respect our slain ones, so we're not allowed to say their names loudly, as that wouldn't let them rest in peace.
My mother didn't tell me my social security number so I wouldn't be able to run away.
So, you should ask her that.

[Radio]

Talk about some things you like, i.e. movies, books, music, etc, and what about them you admire. c:

? ← residual question mark from my inability to frame this in terms of a question.

[charabanc]

Talk about some things you like, i.e. movies, books, music, etc, and what about them you admire. c:

? ← residual question mark from my inability to frame this in terms of a question.

The whole world is so awesome and nice and sweet to me...
cough.
Actually, I have many "loves" from different fields.
For example, movies. I stick like a leech to mindfuck movies. My beloved Donnie Darko. Because, comeon, the whole Wormhole thing.... Donnie wasn't surprised by anything even it was not absolutely "logical", he had that "broken-personality" stuff, too. The rabbit who happened to be just a friend-shot-by-Donnie, to the whole story makes sense, even if it doesn't in general (I mean, real world). Well actually, there's still rumors and ideas floating in space about the possibility of such things, so, who knows. The Earth was said to be flat once, too.
Mr. Nobody. It's also about broken person. The whole Alternative Realities thing, again.
Sort-of-psychological movies. Like Martian Child. You should see that child!!! And Bobby Coleman made his role in so natural way... Dennis was so "unreal", but so realistic at the same time.
Mary and Max. I love this one the most. I do not know how to express those feelings. Those two people are so "broken" and so realistic at the same time. I've been in their world in my childhood and even teenage years. I have had the Invisible Friend for a while, too.
"Bad guys with an Idea". Dorian Gray (I actually loved the book much more), Jean-Baptiste Grenouille from Perfume:... Sweeney Todd... if you know any of them, then you know, what I'm talking about. I just simply love the way their mind work. I mean, they're not doing stuff because they're "just bad". They're doing it for a reason. It's absolutely not right in general, but it's absolutely understandable.
In a contrast, I simply loved Kiki's Delivery Service, because Kiki was so naturally kind and sweet and not fake at all. I wish there were a lot more people like her in the world.
All The Invisible Children. I call it as a really sensitive movie; the part with the doll and that rose - it's still printed in my memory.
Animations. I've seen probably all 3D animation movies as I'm into 3D modelling stuff myself. I liked Lorax for the "green idea", Brother Bear for those silly moments and Dragonhunters, How To Train Your Dragon because they have dragons in there, duh. (I'm obsessed with dragons. In all the possible ways.)
Dancing. There's one dumb movie, I call it dumb because I do not see anything intellectual and "worthy" in it, but I still like it for several moments. I like to skip to those several "big dancing" parts and watch them over and over again. But it's absolutely nothing valuable (for me) as I prefer, though.

Books. I've read tons of them. I have an obsession to buy books and I love getting them as presents, even more. Fantasy, because it's fantastic! Philosophy, because sometimes like to "dive deep", encyclopedias, because you are able to learn something from them.
Essays. Not all of them. I only have two writers which I am a big fan of, and I am sure you have never heard about them because they're my natives, Lithuanians.
One of them is Sigitas Parulskis and he is mostly known for his parodying in the "serious-face-way". He is very intellectual, very clever, very... well, he's got Brains. He wrote most of his books, I mean the most successful ones, when he had a deep depression because of his recent divorce, and you are able to see in his essays that his mind was/were affected by that, but you want to laugh very hard when you're reading his "Naked Clothes".
And the second one is Erlickas. He's The Man in absurd poetry of Lithuanians. He's best known for his "upside-down" style, when he's using metaphors by-word and everyday-stuff he expresses as symbols. When you read his essays (they're usually really short), your first impression is "that's absurd". And after re-thinking you get into "wait a minute, he's got the point!" and after a while "no, that's a bullshit. He tricked me!" and then "...but I loved that. Oh damn, I'm confused." And here I am, a leech on his writings, again.
"Once I was walking down the street during the night and suddenly a man appeared, pointing his knife to my face. I showed him my spoon and walked away."
And I grew up with Harry Potter, of course. I devoured all seven books (and eight movies) like gummybears. I was able to recite almost every dialogue or narrate any part of the story. I have even re-read all those seven books for the Nth time, last summer. Because Harry Potter is so easy for my brains and I can almost feel that childish excitement, again.

[LeaT]

Hello there 4w5 with phobic 6 head. Can't decide if I think you're more 6 or 4, but I'm leaning towards 6. Good movie choices by the way (regarding the two I've seen i.e. Donnie Darko and Mr. Nobody). Why does your friend think you're an LII? Why do you think you're a logical type? What do you think of Te versus Ti respectively?

[Radio]

Actually, I have many "loves" from different fields.
For example, movies. I stick like a leech to mindfuck movies. My beloved Donnie Darko. Because, comeon, the whole Wormhole thing.... Donnie wasn't surprised by anything even it was not absolutely "logical", he had that "broken-personality" stuff, too. The rabbit who happened to be just a friend-shot-by-Donnie, to the whole story makes sense, even if it doesn't in general (I mean, real world). Well actually, there's still rumors and ideas floating in space about the possibility of such things, so, who knows. The Earth was said to be flat once, too.

That's cool! c: I like those kinds of movies too.
I loved Donnie Darko back when I watched it. Grew out of it pretty quickly though.

Mr. Nobody. It's also about broken person. The whole Alternative Realities thing, again.

I didn't like that one much. Too much pop-sci wankery.

Mary and Max. I love this one the most. I do not know how to express those feelings. Those two people are so "broken" and so realistic at the same time. I've been in their world in my childhood and even teenage years. I have had the Invisible Friend for a while, too.

Oh, I've wanted to watch that for a while, it keeps showing up on IMDB. Looks good.

"Bad guys with an Idea". Dorian Gray (I actually loved the book much more), Jean-Baptiste Grenouille from Perfume:... Sweeney Todd... if you know any of them, then you know, what I'm talking about. I just simply love the way their mind work. I mean, they're not doing stuff because they're "just bad". They're doing it for a reason. It's absolutely not right in general, but it's absolutely understandable.

Yeah, I understand. Stories where evil (see: intent to harm) isn't something foreign/alien but familiar and human.

In a contrast, I simply loved Kiki's Delivery Service, because Kiki was so naturally kind and sweet and not fake at all. I wish there were a lot more people like her in the world.

I love Kiki too! And most of the rest of Ghibli movies.

And I grew up with Harry Potter, of course. I devoured all seven books (and eight movies) like gummybears. I was able to recite almost every dialogue or narrate any part of the story. I have even re-read all those seven books for the Nth time, last summer.

Animations. I've seen probably all 3D animation movies as I'm into 3D modelling stuff myself. I liked Lorax for the "green idea", Brother Bear for those silly moments and Dragonhunters, How To Train Your Dragon because they have dragons in there, duh. (I'm obsessed with dragons. In all the possible ways.)

Probably getting redundant at this point but: me too. At least in the past. Brother Bear was my favourite movie when I was 12.

"Once I was walking down the street during the night and suddenly a man appeared, pointing his knife to my face. I showed him my spoon and walked away."

Ha, sounds like something Absurd would say.

[charabanc]

Hello there 4w5 with phobic 6 head. Can't decide if I think you're more 6 or 4, but I'm leaning towards 6.

One other forum member mentioned me the same. I've read 4w5 and absolutely see myself in in, however I can't make a strict decision about that because I've never read anything more about enneagrams.

Good movie choices by the way (regarding the two I've seen i.e. Donnie Darko and Mr. Nobody).

well thank you However it's basically hard to hit straight into my taste. Sometimes I'm too picky.

Why does your friend think you're an LII?

because, in her opinion, I am closest to alpha quadra, and based on primary descriptions of types, in her words, LII describes me perfectly. She also says, that my humor is very N-like, and I am too "robotic" to be an F type.

Why do you think you're a logical type?

because I really suck in emotional stuff. I mean, I struggle in being simply quietly supportive, when my F-type friend feels sad because of this or that, which is absolutely not "logical" for me. Instead of comforting that person, I try to find a solution for that situation, when person says that she/he is afraid of something, I try to explain why she/he shouldn't be, giving examples and stuff.
Also, I memorize things by converting the information into pictures, symbols, schemes... I learned reading on my own at a really young age, because those symbols (letters) which my dad had drawn for me when I was 2y.o., were printed into my brain. Also, when I'm asked to explain something, I try to explain it by drawing those schemes I have in mind.

What do you think of Te versus Ti respectively?

Te is for practical thinking, Ti is more "interpretative". So, one point to the Ti-ffindoor as I always make pictures (mentioned above) in my OWN way. I mean, schemes are absolutely logical, but mostly understandable only for me at the first view. Other people find them "too complex". Their impression is: "that absolutely makes sense... But how did you manage to tangle it this much?"
Secondly, Te sees what is effective and what is not, and prefers increasing productivity. Ti makes his own priorities. For example, I prefer doing things for pleasure, not for money. I have been attending Art School for 8 years and Art Studio, too. When I have free time from my duties (I am a last year BSc student of Informatics <- one more point to my T>F because I'm good in it) I love drawing; painting in oil the most. And I received attention from some people, they say "you're good at it, you should make money from it". I tried it, I mean I painted one painting as a commission, but it was more like a torment than a joy. Because I was asked to draw a landscape view from a photo, which was really boring for me. (Painting still was really great, though. I managed to paint it in a quality as I was asked). When I draw for fun, it's usually dragons, other fantasy creatures. Or little realistic critters like small lizards, a fly - those who require a lot of detail.

I loved Donnie Darko back when I watched it. Grew out of it pretty quickly though.

I found this movie when I was 14 and I sort of fell in love with it (the description, and other people impressions). But I was "afraid" to watch it because I thought that after watching, I wouldn't like it this much as I expected. So lol, I kept not watching it for about six years. But when I finally did (because I was forced to), I felt pretty satisfied.

Oh, I've wanted to watch that for a while, it keeps showing up on IMDB. Looks good.

you should really try it, I mean Mary and Max. I'll let you to poke me in my eye if you don't like it.
Actually, I am a big fan of Tim Burton. I've seen all his movies and his macabre style is sort of inspiration for me. For my drawings the most.
However, surprisingly, there are still three movies made by him which I didn't enjoy.

I love Kiki too! And most of the rest of Ghibli movies.

yup, Ghibli is really good. Have whole collection.

Probably getting redundant at this point but: me too.

stop saying that... or I'll start screaming "awwwwwwwwwwww we have so much in common!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let's be BFFs!!!!!!!!!!"
lol, not.

I would just stay a silent stalker instead O.O

[03:31] <@nyarlatho> i feel all dem identical vibes

oh, why I was so surprised back then

[Radio]

I think, you have this tendency to be expository and deliberate — making sure all the boxes are ticked, adding excessive detail in your posts — that strikes me as Delta. It follows with an air of formality and inertia [1], whereas Alphas I find to be more candid in their approach, a little more lighthearted maybe. LIIs also IME have a propensity towards using fewer and fewer words, looking for very specific terms and phrases in order to reduce their train of thought and forgo extraneous detail, which is something I find absent from your posts.

If I were asked to place you on a spectrum, you would be somewhere between Uniden and N1cole [2]. No offense or creepiness intended.

---

Footnotes:
[1] Relying on the ethical known-knowns (swearing is bad in every circumstance) also points towards a more static ethical (Fi) > dynamic ethical (Fe) disposition.
[2] The former of whom is commonly typed as Fi-INFj and the latter (banned) used to be most commonly typed as Si-ISTp.

[LeaT]

I second Radio here actually. When you started to write some longer comments in response to my questions, some things you wrote really resonated with me like how you can only do something if you have the passion for it, otherwise it becomes a chore. Things must come because of active choice etc. I think your MBTI type is INTP though, and I'm a 5w4 with a strong strong 4w5 fix and MBTI INTP as well, no wonder we probably think a little similar.

But doing something out of your own volition and such really points towards strong Fi valuing. Also, LIIs have Fe in their super-id block, they don't offer practical solutions when trying to soothe people. That was another point that rang true for me as well. I also consider myself kind of socially awkward and I'm bad at being openly sympathetic or emotionally expressive. That doesn't mean it must point towards Ti though, but the question is whether you find it to be a problem and you seek someone to help you in this regard (Fe valuing) or whether you actually are fine the way you are. Based on the little interaction I've had with LIIs, they don't try to offer concrete solutions to someone's emotional problems (that's most likely Te at work), but I find them either trying to play on your sympathy heart-strings or start Ti deconstructing your problem why such and such happened so you shouldn't feel bad. With Te, it's more about, all right, so this happened, I know it feels like suck right now so how can we fix it?

And I was also at an impasse between EII and LII but I realized that the fact I have a tendency to offer people practical solutions when they have troubles indicates a stronger Te than Ti valuing. And building complex mental images in your head doesn't have to be Ti at work either. Fi can also build complex mental images, sort of. There are other things I used to help separate myself from LII as well like the Reinin dichotomies, like I'm more of a serious than merry type, aristocratic over democratic and so on.

Also, I think delta NFs are the most robotic out of all sociotypes It's just because the combination of Ne and Fi cam make you seem very sober and polite. Almost all people who meet me the first time IRL or simply observe me from afar say that I always seem to cary myself with a specific style and grace, and that I'm also very nice and considerate to talk to. And I reiterate when I say that I often feel very socialy awkward. I have absolutely no problem to play the snobby aristocrat using such language if I must. It comes very natural to me. Think something like a Briish 19th century movie lol. With strong Fi valuing, you just know those nuances very well and at least what you've written thus far doesn't indicate otherwise.

I think what you've written about ethical types thus far has an inherent bias towards Fe valuing types and of course you won't identify with those if you value Fi.

By the way, based on your last post I'm pretty sure you're a core 4w5. They're arguably the most gloomy types out of the enneagram shortly followed by 5w4s if the wing is strong. I relate too much so there's no way in hell you're a core 6 or alpha lol.

[charabanc]

[...]that strikes me as Delta.

And that means that I "am" Delta or what? Do you mean that Deltas do that? Or they hate that? Me not understood something : |

And about that swearing. Yes, I was "trained" this way, but I am not afraid of doing opposite. I mean, I do not like when people use a swear word after every word in their sentence. I find that sounding stupid. But I was joking that I never ever use bad words and using them is something like wrong in any circumstance. Oh I happen to do that, too :S

[...] I find them either trying to play on your sympathy heart-strings or start Ti deconstructing your problem why such and such happened so you shouldn't feel bad. With Te, it's more about, all right, so this happened, I know it feels like suck right now so how can we fix it?

Well actually I use both of them O.O When I see there's a solution, I offer it. When I see things will fix theirselves or there's nothing can be done - I try to find a logical "support" why this isn't that bad as the person feels. For example, I mostly do this with my friend. When his eyes got tired and his vision kept staying bad for more than several days (I mean not bad in general, but before that, his vision was better - absolutely perfect, actually). So I tried to find a solution how to fix this faster - I started offering him artificial tears to keep his eyes wet, or, better, "eyedrop" medicine which I always use in such situations. As this didn't work out after several days, my friend started feeling even worse because he didn't feel comfortable with his "new vision". He started explaining, that it's really bad not to have a perfect vision and how sad he feels about that. Then I tried to explain him that his vision is still good enough as he doesn't need glasses yet. And that he shouldn't feel bad as he is still able to see very well. And my usual example is random person who has an even worse condition but doesn't care about that. "Come on, it's almost 15 years I am nearly blind, I have a second level myopia and astigmatism, I am not able to cross the street without someone helping me if I'm not wearing my glasses or lens, but I am STILL ALIVE". And yadda yadda yadda.
^ this is why I'm called robotic, because "robots are not capable of feelings -> no sympathy and ruth" not because I were sober and polite :>

Reinin dichotomies

what's that?
I'm actually more merry than gloomy. I mean, nowadays and the last year. I've been gloooooooooooooooomy for half om my life and this came out that I had a deep depression for ten years.
Nobody cared, so.
Lol, crazy things happen.
I see world in brighter colors now. I realize it's still quite dull and boring, but I keep accidentally finding "amusing" things like my cat having a birth in my suitcase or a tiny bait trying to eat off my feet when I kept them for too long in the water while was sitting on the dock. I chase every tiny lizard which cross my path, or a frog... I like playing with them, especially those Pocket Dragons, they feel so comfortable in hands and they're so adorable.
Just look at them:


I would like to be an EII, though. Because if I felt sad and somebody asked me "How do you feel?" I could answer them "I'm FiNe" and that wouldn't be a lie.
EII is my most favorite type, actually.
Like INFP is in MBTI, too.

By the way. Where could I find any drawings made by Delta or Alpha artists? I would like to compare them to mine ones. I'm so curious.

[LeaT]

Well actually I use both of them O.O When I see there's a solution, I offer it. When I see things will fix theirselves or there's nothing can be done - I try to find a logical "support" why this isn't that bad as the person feels. For example, I mostly do this with my friend. When his eyes got tired and his vision kept staying bad for more than several days (I mean not bad in general, but before that, his vision was better - absolutely perfect, actually). So I tried to find a solution how to fix this faster - I started offering him artificial tears to keep his eyes wet, or, better, "eyedrop" medicine which I always use in such situations. As this didn't work out after several days, my friend started feeling even worse because he didn't feel comfortable with his "new vision". He started explaining, that it's really bad not to have a perfect vision and how sad he feels about that. Then I tried to explain him that his vision is still good enough as he doesn't need glasses yet. And that he shouldn't feel bad as he is still able to see very well. And my usual example is random person who has an even worse condition but doesn't care about that. "Come on, it's almost 15 years I am nearly blind, I have a second level myopia and astigmatism, I am not able to cross the street without someone helping me if I'm not wearing my glasses or lens, but I am STILL ALIVE". And yadda yadda yadda.
^ this is why I'm called robotic, because "robots are not capable of feelings -> no sympathy and ruth" not because I were sober and polite :>

Now, the difference is, will you say something like (and this will be crude, I can't recreate alpha Ti well at all):
The source of your feelings stems from the existential angst caused by the emotional trauma you went through after breaking up with X, and X's subsequent attempts to belittle your character after the breakup.

Maybe, a better example would be to refer to the way the character Data speaks in Star Trek.



Of course, IRL, you wouldn't find an LII speaking in such an extreme manner, but my point was more to emphasize the way Ti ego tends to formulate itself not only with how it can sometimes be overly polite and formal but in its attempt to also logically analyze anything. And I have seen people who are most likely Ti base kind of come off like this in text. It's rather funny. So if you feel your overall manner is more reminiscient of Data, then LII wouldn't be a bad option, at least.

Personally, in such a situation, I would probably tell him to see a doctor if he hadn't already as the absolute first option instead of giving him eyedrops if he didn't already. Eyes growing dry with a loss of vision doesn't sound healthy and normal to me. There might be other underlying causes behind that which could require a medical investigation.

what's that?
I'm actually more merry than gloomy. I mean, nowadays and the last year. I've been gloooooooooooooooomy for half om my life and this came out that I had a deep depression for ten years.

Do you mean this kind of merry?

Merry

1. Good at noticing emotional background and perceive the emotional aspect (particularly 'fun') separate from the activity.
2. 'Getting to know someone' happens naturally, and they are well aware of the purpose(s) for which they are meeting. The proper emotional distance is easily established, adapted/regulated, and manipulated, and they easily decrease distance through their emotional 'brilliance'. A person's name (and other formalities) are peripheral to their relation with and interest in them, and thus they don't care much about formal introductions..
3. Not inclined to deduce 'objective truths' from their own and others' experiences – everything is relative. This relativity is perceived as an extenuation of the differing beliefs, opinions, intentions, etc. of each person. Accordingly, another person's actions are judged as correct or incorrect according to a set of subjective criteria. They attempt to compare others' views to their own, and to explain their own views in order to make sure that all parties understand the concepts being spoken of.
4. They are inclined to propose (or impose) another conception of the situation ('look at it this way'). If they think something is done incorrectly, they will ask WHY it was done that way. When talking about optimums, they are inclined to do it subjectively ('optimum compared to what?').
5. “Fun is involvement, active participation; a state of constant excitement that one cannot confuse with leisure or rest.” “I have my own ideas about how things should be done – a 'mind of my own' – but so does everyone else.”

Or do you mean something akin to cheery?

I see world in brighter colors now. I realize it's still quite dull and boring, but I keep accidentally finding "amusing" things like my cat having a birth in my suitcase or a tiny bait trying to eat off my feet when I kept them for too long in the water while was sitting on the dock. I chase every tiny lizard which cross my path, or a frog... I like playing with them, especially those Pocket Dragons, they feel so comfortable in hands and they're so adorable.
Just look at them:

There's a heavy streak of NF idealism here, and more of the Fi kind in my opinion.

I would like to be an EII, though. Because if I felt sad and somebody asked me "How do you feel?" I could answer them "I'm FiNe" and that wouldn't be a lie.

Well, I tend to tell people something like "nothing special" or "as usual" to deflect that question because I don't like to discuss how I feel either. Or when meeting friends, "good" suffices. No need to go into details.

By the way. Where could I find any drawings made by Delta or Alpha artists? I would like to compare them to mine ones. I'm so curious.

No idea. I've never reflected on that. I have some really bad drawings I made over 5 years ago on my DA:
http://leatelamon.deviantart.com/gal...17547#/d1wr1hi
http://leatelamon.deviantart.com/gal...17547#/d1y04bz
http://leatelamon.deviantart.com/gal...17547#/d1wr1ee

My visual art is more focused on GFX. Here's the folder but I doubt you'd get anything out of it:
http://leatelamon.deviantart.com/gallery/35909933