Oh Eliza, my sweet; come back and marry me so we can get together and cook delicious new foods.
Oh Eliza, my sweet; come back and marry me so we can get together and cook delicious new foods.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Ann, do yourself a favour stop giving a shit. Some people will never quit it and I know it's really annoying, but I'm sorry for all the time you wasted for writing those replies.
„Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
– Arthur Schopenhauer
But, @anndelise, consider that that line, the one that oft-repeats, that starting line of Intro and Verse 1 -- what if the motive you attribute there is in error? Could be, because we can all easily misjudge others' motives, not being able to be inside their heads. If it were wrong, then everything that came after it would be in error, right? At least the point I am making is that "starting stuff" may not have been Marista's object at all. I suspect it was all about sharing her knowledge/understanding. That one might find what she shared to be in error in ones own opinion is beside the point. To me, its all about motive. Was she trying to "start stuff"? Or was she trying to share?
Last week my love's grown daughter said she realized in her teen years that her Dad was "abusive" because of some off-things he had said to her when she was young, venting his frustration with a bad situation with her Mom, leaning on his daughter too much for her age when he needed a confidant. But she did not get at all what abuse is. Abuse is all about motive. This was definitely not abuse because an abuser knows he is hurting and says the things because he wants to hurt. All her father was guilty of was saying some inappropriate things that hurt and/or confused her (and none were directed at her angrily)... Like so many things, its all about motive.
And @Maritsa Darmandzhyan, I want to tell you, yesterday I made a tasty meal from Sunday leftovers that was so good I want to make again. At least I think it was good; I might have just been starved! Its a high in carbs, though. Leftover white rice (that I had made with chicken broth, butter, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper -- I was trying to keep it simple for his visiting family who favor plain foods and no veggies), leftover fresh cob corn, cut off the cob, and plenty of extremely finely diced slices of roast pork, all mixed together and heated up in a pan with some ghee (clarified butter with a nutty flavor) and, what I think was the perfect flavor addition: a drizzle of sesame oil. My SLI and I really enjoyed this, and I enjoy introducing new things to him.
Hahaha. You both can eat delicious new foods off your naked bodies. Spice it up with some objects like rice and some Fe.Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Oh Eliza, my sweet; come back and marry me so we can get together and cook delicious new foods.
Last edited by Absurd; 08-29-2012 at 11:43 AM.
Not at all. Something isn't abuse only because someone means to hurt; it can be abuse even when they don't mean to. My stepfather is someone who would probably qualify as mentally abusive: we must agree with him, or he will keep talking until we "understand" his viewpoint; we're not allowed to tell him when we don't want to hear him talk anymore, because God gave him the authority in the house and we have to respect that; and don't get me started on the religious issues. Living with someone who does not allow you proper boundaries can be extremely damaging. He would tell you that what he does is done for our benefit. He has told me that to my face. I don't care what his motive is; he is causing us lasting harm with his methods.
Last edited by Cuddly McFluffles; 08-29-2012 at 01:41 PM.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
Absurd, that's really gross. Please. Really. Its safe to assume that most people, of whom you do not know otherwise, have the more-typical heterosexual orientation, and that for the vast majority of us, imagining ourselves in this position is extremely disgusting. So don't offend, please!
Absurd, it's ok for people to feel a sense of closeness to one another, without the need to express it sexually.
Dual type
Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Meat and "the other potato;"
Dual type
Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Oh, Ryene, I am sorry, that is abusive, and an exhausting situation to live in. My SLI love, however, if he is told that something he does/did irritates or hurts, remembers, and makes quite sure not to do it, because he does NOT want to hurt. He feels very bad when he finds out that he unintetionally does, as, in his T and with his low Fe he can at times I suppose (I haven't seen it, I only know that he is aware that he has been surprised to find he has offended elder aunts in social situations before). Your stepfather sounds like a blowhard. Your Mom should be defending her children from this. However, he sounds like the type that would resist correction, denying he hurt anyone and asserting his right to "be himself".
I abhor it - and I am sure God does, too - when people use "God-given authority" to be systmeatically abusive. Because you have certainly given plenty of feedback to communicate how you feel, and he chooses to ignore it. Honestly, I would not be surprised ONE BIT if he knows he is bothering you and is doing it anyway to assert his prominence over you. He will NEVER admit thats the real motive. Thats why I think he is in fact in my category of what is abuse - abusing on purpose. In his case, purposely ignoring/discounting/dismissing the clear feedback to lay off.
Not that saying this to him would make a bit of difference, but if he is trying to take what he considers to be a parental authority, the fact is, the Bible admonishes parents not to provoke their children to anger. But really, this fact to him will mean nothing. These types are of the legion who use the Bible to say what they want it to say and could care less what it is actually saying..
There is a good in this sad and difficult situation for you, and that is that any tricks you learn along the way to deflect him will come in useful later in life when you run across blowhard in, for example, your workplace. Oh, and an even greater good. After this experience, you will have a real radar for blowhards and will be unlikely to be in the more-horrible position of marrying one.
In the meantime, a book that can offer you some useful coping tricks is Patricia Evans' Verbally Abusive Relationships: How to Recognize them and How to Respond. Besides clearly validating how damaging and wrong that experience is to you, it offers great, easy-to-use responses, along with good explanations of why these responses are efficacious. That book has been printed so very many times that its available in most libraries and you can get a copy for 75 cents on half.com. Her other books on the subject are interesting, too.
We should add an entry in wikisocion for Maritsian socionics.
He is a meat and potato man! That must be why he liked it so much! (And I normally avoid starch/carbs with meat, even though I do like the combo, too].Meat and "the other potato;"
Stand by for regret without contrition, part II.
Your sympathy is noted and appreciated, but you avoided the main point of the post - that being that abuse can occur regardless of the abuser's motive (good or bad).
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
Well, well, well. Thanks.
Hmm, werd. More people get, like, the same on this forum.
Sorry to ignore that. I actually sort of skirted around it. IMO, your step-father does know he is annoying, and that's just fine with him, so, IMO, that makes him abusive. As to your point here, still I am not not ready to abdicate my idea on that. Of course, there are always be exceptions to any rule. I am telling you what I have concluded over the years from intimacy with this issue. People can offend me, make me feel bad, shout and swear or be crass and I have a similar reaction to as if someone is being abusive, but then I am immediately tuned into motive, and trying to discern what is behind it. And I do not find it deeply hurtful at all if I do not perceive there was ill intent. To me, intent is a big deal.
Speak for yourself.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
Yeah, speaking of abusive behavior...God some people have no manners. You can't treat people like animals at the zoo just because they are different.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
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