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Thread: Helping EIIs-INFjs relax and recharge

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    Default Helping EIIs-INFjs relax and recharge

    Hi Deltas,

    I have been noticing an EII friend who is wearing herself out with responsibilities and family matters and she never takes any time for herself to relax. I wish I could think of something she would enjoy receiving or doing. What helps EIIs to recharge their batteries? Conversely, what "helpful" gifts or activities would not be relaxing? For example, gifts of plants or flowers stress me out because I am not good at taking care of them, but if it was a gift I feel like I should. (Ugh.)

    Thanks for your help!

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Walking, reflective and quite walking is what I do to recharge. A gentle rub. Someone to cook a meal for me and take me to bed and tuck me in and not let me worry about things and just have me sleep in for a few hours longer.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    What Marista said might actually be useful.

    If you really want to prevent burnout like that, you have to change how she's approaching the problem. They may need to delegate things better or realize that some things are useless or not as fruitful or as important as they appear to be. Or get help, somehow. Depends on your leverage in the situation and the EII's openness to help.

    If they are more or less overwhelming themselves , you may also have to understand why - are they feeling obligated to deal with certain things because they think no one else will? Are they feeling guilty or they have to make up for something? Are they trying to be more functional to compensate for feelings of inadequacy? There are many reasons why a person might be doing too much -- and sometimes it's not simply because there is a lot to do. But other times it is.

    Short term pick-me-ups are important, especially to a diligent EII. But overall, creating a better flow of operations, with appropriate time to rest or have vacation, is necessary -- otherwise the burnouts will just keep coming up periodically, and potentially at an increasing frequency.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Gifts? treat her to a pedicure; if she's that stressed out, she may not be taking care of her physical self and just trying to do things. A nice groom, a pedicure, a facial, a hair style change may be a good gift for an EII. I know I let myself go sometimes, especially when there's just too much to do. Then, I hear it from my ESE sister, "you need a new hair cut, you look xyz."
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    Hi Deltas,

    I have been noticing an EII friend who is wearing herself out with responsibilities and family matters and she never takes any time for herself to relax. I wish I could think of something she would enjoy receiving or doing. What helps EIIs to recharge their batteries? Conversely, what "helpful" gifts or activities would not be relaxing? For example, gifts of plants or flowers stress me out because I am not good at taking care of them, but if it was a gift I feel like I should. (Ugh.)

    Thanks for your help!
    Ask her what she likes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    Ask her what she likes.
    Yes! I don't know why I feel like I need to be so indirect.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa Darmandzhyan View Post
    Gifts? treat her to a pedicure; if she's that stressed out, she may not be taking care of her physical self and just trying to do things. A nice groom, a pedicure, a facial, a hair style change may be a good gift for an EII. I know I let myself go sometimes, especially when there's just too much to do. Then, I hear it from my ESE sister, "you need a new hair cut, you look xyz."
    Good ideas!

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    What Marista said might actually be useful.

    If you really want to prevent burnout like that, you have to change how she's approaching the problem. They may need to delegate things better or realize that some things are useless or not as fruitful or as important as they appear to be. Or get help, somehow. Depends on your leverage in the situation and the EII's openness to help.

    If they are more or less overwhelming themselves , you may also have to understand why - are they feeling obligated to deal with certain things because they think no one else will? Are they feeling guilty or they have to make up for something? Are they trying to be more functional to compensate for feelings of inadequacy? There are many reasons why a person might be doing too much -- and sometimes it's not simply because there is a lot to do. But other times it is.

    Short term pick-me-ups are important, especially to a diligent EII. But overall, creating a better flow of operations, with appropriate time to rest or have vacation, is necessary -- otherwise the burnouts will just keep coming up periodically, and potentially at an increasing frequency.
    Your comments really made me think about the underlying issues. There ought to be more assistance from other family members. I think the real problem is that my friend doesn't mind expending herself. Her mom is this amazing superwoman who has no physical needs and prizes endurance. Because of this, I think my friend has been conditioned to ignore herself. I am not sure how a person can adjust that mindset.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    Your comments really made me think about the underlying issues. There ought to be more assistance from other family members. I think the real problem is that my friend doesn't mind expending herself. Her mom is this amazing superwoman who has no physical needs and prizes endurance. Because of this, I think my friend has been conditioned to ignore herself. I am not sure how a person can adjust that mindset.
    I'd bet her mom actually had/has physical needs, but was, for some reason, also conditioned into thinking that she has to do everything; so there is a trend of someone having to act like a superman flowing through the family for some reason. I've noticed this the more families I've seen. Adjusting that mindset takes a lot, lot of work. So perhaps your real best bet is to simply be a good friend and more or less create a space for her to start to realize that family dynamic (if she doesn't already see it or discuss it), or allow her to express her discontent with it, or whatever. I obviously don't know the background, but, it might be something that takes a lot of time to correct.

    I think your initial desire to try to provide some sort of a break or fun thing to do, though, is very good. The process of helping people with dominant family themes, so that they can overcome them - whatever those conditioning/s are and whatever type the person is - is a long, difficult road, and it only will be successful if love is involved and there is a safe space to express new ideas or ways of seeing things. Delta NFs often have a tendency towards under-representing their own needs and recuperation necessities, Delta STs have a tendency towards burning bridges and letting pride or 'personal comfort' get in the way of working to cultivate relationships.

    Since you're able to see all this and want to help in some form, it sounds like you're being a good friend to this person.

    From a strategic perspective, it may be useful to find other allies - especially within the family, or at least other friends - who acknowledge the amount of work that the EII is doing and are aware of the recouping the person needs. A lot of times there needs to be a sort of social / external validation when habits are changed, and a supportive group of allies is useful in this. Or, at the very least, if a lot of people are relaxing / having fun / saying the person ought to chill out a bit, it simply might help them feel more at east in doing so themselves

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    Ask her what she likes.
    -and she value-

    "The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusion."

    -- Maurice Chapelain

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    My poor friend is married to an ILE who is always injuring himself doing "money saving" projects. In his spare time he injures himself in his recreational activities! Her two children are also Infantiles - IEE and ILE. They are in college but still seem to require a huge amount of attention. My friend helps out in the family business which her husband runs with his brother, another infantile - LII. The good thing for my friend is that she does have a group of close friends who care about her. Thanks so much for your input!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    I think the real problem is that my friend doesn't mind expending herself. Her mom is this amazing superwoman who has no physical needs and prizes endurance. Because of this, I think my friend has been conditioned to ignore herself. I am not sure how a person can adjust that mindset.
    story of my life (eie mum).she keeps injuring herself by multitasking like there is no tomorrow. i think it's gone that bad because my dad is SLI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Iris View Post
    My poor friend is married to an ILE who is always injuring himself doing "money saving" projects. In his spare time he injures himself in his recreational activities! Her two children are also Infantiles - IEE and ILE. They are in college but still seem to require a huge amount of attention. My friend helps out in the family business which her husband runs with his brother, another infantile - LII. The good thing for my friend is that she does have a group of close friends who care about her. Thanks so much for your input!
    Yeaaahhhhh..... this can lead to extreme forms of Si burnout, which is what the EII hopes to receive themselves (their dual's creative function). So now the EII is trying to superman into being "everyone in her family's dual" - ouch.


    You should get some sort of a vacation... and then quarantine the rest of her family so they don't hurt themselves, (stratightjackets?) so that way the EII doesn't have to worry


    Or, as an EII I know used to 'request', get a butler

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    You should get some sort of a vacation... and then quarantine the rest of her family so they don't hurt themselves, (stratightjackets?) so that way the EII doesn't have to worry
    Perfect!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    Yeaaahhhhh..... this can lead to extreme forms of Si burnout, which is what the EII hopes to receive themselves (their dual's creative function). So now the EII is trying to superman into being "everyone in her family's dual" - ouch.


    You should get some sort of a vacation... and then quarantine the rest of her family so they don't hurt themselves, (stratightjackets?) so that way the EII doesn't have to worry


    Or, as an EII I know used to 'request', get a butler
    Heehee. I had to read the rest. Note, we don't make requests...an LSI/EIE pair requests things. I ask.."would you like me to do x,y or z?" instead of a request "would you please do x,y, or z?"
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Going for a nice, scenic walk is one thing I find very relaxing. Especially on summer nights, or in the springtime. It gets my creative juices flowing. It can be a local walk, but nature walks especially. Going for a swim is another thing that is calming for me. Also reading, or drinking coffee/tea. Books about animals, or scifi/fantasy are some of my favorites. It is a form of escapism.

    Listening to music, especially special/meaningful songs can get me in a right frame of mind, and help me to relax. I go through phases with what specific songs, but the genre doesn't really change. Drawing and writing are other ways for me personally, to go into my calm zone.
    9w1-5w4-2w3 sp/so

    Phlegmatic-Melancholic

    These rabbits were in fact on a raft, as were assorted rats and owls. There may have even been a reindeer.
    On a raft. And a boy was sitting on the raft.
    The picture worried me, I must say. There was an otter swimming in front of the raft, and I used to lie awake worrying about this otter, having to pull the raft, with all these other wretched animals on it who shouldn't even be on a raft, and the otter had such a thin tail to pull it with I thought. It worried me.
    Then one day-- and remember I had been looking at this picture every night for years-- I suddenly noticed the raft had a sail. Never seen it before. The otter was fine, just swimming along.


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    I'm not sure of my type, but I do relate to EII in terms of tension. My mom, who I'm pretty sure is an EII seems to have the same quality. It manifests physically. In my case my back is really tense and super knotted. Past boyfriends were shocked by how tight and knotted it was, one of which told me I definitely need to work on relaxing.

    I second the going out in nature. It is amazing what just walking outside feeling a part of and appreciating nature can do. Finding a place with rushing water (which unfortunately it scarce here) is very soothing also. I recently bought a decorative water fountain/machine for this effect. If someone planned out a day to take me to a beautiful spot out in nature with rushing water, animals etc. I would be extremely appreciative.

    I would like to say meditation is helpful, but I've noticed more of an impact on my mind than my body in this respect. Yoga seems like it would be very beneficial and a sort of kill 2 birds with one stone sort of deal.

    I like Froody's idea of books on areas of interest as well. Maybe watching some documentaries together on subjects of interest while drinking tea/coffee/eating something yummy could be good as well

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    It’s more relaxing if INFJ place idiots on ignore lists
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I'm a peach and you're a plum thegreenfaerie's Avatar
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    i like the mention of creating art too actually. i'd imagine this could be very relaxing and intrinsically rewarding for an eii (or any type for that matter). doing art with someone your close and comfortable with is fun, with some music and convo. i've known eii to like going to plays and more chill artistic/performance events as well.

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    the majority of EII I know have creative outlets and regularly produce things. It's almost like a kind of subconscious Te dual seeking, as they create these outputs ...

    I think it's kind of rational / IJ soothing as well, to bring things to completion or at least put constructive effort towards some kind of artifact.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    It’s more relaxing if INFJ place idiots on ignore lists
    so I've heard
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    regular movement
    non-se pressured environments
    general benevolent si advice and presence.

    positive involvement and acknowledgement of emotional space needs
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    so I've heard
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    EII specific:
    pleasant Si related activity as good meal and other
    among Te related may be: crosswords and other puzzles, TV shows about world, reading different factual info, different tops, news

    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    regular movement
    This relates to all J types. And is more about way to do, but not what to do.

    > non-se pressured environments

    eh?
    Also Ti related should be comparably annoying. And the theme is about what to do, but not about what do not do.

    To explain something you start with inputing of an opposite object which links with the 1st. It's closer to Ti related style.

    > general benevolent si advice and presence

    Te related info how to do something better. May match with Si themes too.

    The talking style is too muddy for LSE. It needed an additional interpretation.

    > positive involvement and acknowledgement of emotional space needs

    You talk too abstract for this theme to have LSE.
    Space... - the term associated with Ti related connections, what you may value.

    To place an "official" type related symbol on the avatar fits to Ti value too - to express a formal place in a system.

    > Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

    There is much what to understand yet, as your correct type, for example. Especially with reading heretical nonsense instead of normal typology sources. To read Filatova's and Jung's books would be a good start.


    LSE tend to give clear methods how to do something. In the theme about concrete advices you give muddy answers. As I said before - LSE is not your type. If you'll place a video you'll can get a help with your type as after many years you mistake in it still.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
    the majority of EII I know have creative outlets and regularly produce things. It's almost like a kind of subconscious Te dual seeking, as they create these outputs ...
    EIIs are not IEEs. It is IEEs who need to relax (=Si), EIIs need the flow created by Te indeed:

    https://mavericksocionics.blogspot.c...stive-and.html

    EIIs don't need relaxation, they need someone to manage their activities! Fortunately LSEs are good at the management of day-to-day activities. Problem solved!
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    EIIs are not IEEs. It is IEEs who need to relax (=Si), EIIs need the flow created by Te indeed:

    https://mavericksocionics.blogspot.c...stive-and.html

    EIIs don't need relaxation, they need someone to manage their activities! Fortunately LSEs are good at the management of day-to-day activities. Problem solved!
    LSE do that by planning but they are not my boss. I do what I want 65-80% of the time
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    LSE do that by planning but they are not my boss. I do what I want 65-80% of the time
    OMG, we have a feminist in da house!
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    OMG, we have a feminist in da house!
    Of course I am a total 100% feminist
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  29. #29
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Of course I am a total 100% feminist
    What is a partial 100% feminist?

  30. #30
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    What is a partial 100% feminist?
    I have no idea
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  31. #31
    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Of course I am a total 100% feminist
    Those are typically the ones that secretly have fantasies in which they are being raped.
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

  32. #32
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    Those are typically the ones that secretly have fantasies in which they are being raped.
    Not me!
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  33. #33
    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Not me!
    But you swallow. You like to be dominated, admit it!
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

  34. #34
    a two horned unicorn renegade COVID 007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    What is a partial 100% feminist?
    That's an approximation. There are few things in myriad of things that do not fit hence it rounds up to 100 %. Flexible Ti .
    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

     

    Sincerely yours,
    idiosyncratic type

  35. #35
    I'm a peach and you're a plum thegreenfaerie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult View Post
    EIIs are not IEEs. It is IEEs who need to relax (=Si), EIIs need the flow created by Te indeed:

    https://mavericksocionics.blogspot.c...stive-and.html

    EIIs don't need relaxation, they need someone to manage their activities! Fortunately LSEs are good at the management of day-to-day activities. Problem solved!
    I relate to both of these. The EII one is exactly what's happening with the LSE doctor right now, lol. Cool article.

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