Cause if they miss something and you die from it then that'd suck. Also cause they get money for the tests.
Cause if they miss something and you die from it then that'd suck. Also cause they get money for the tests.
Well its not exactly happening to everyone so they are probably right to make sure you're not dying.Originally Posted by Allie
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
My parents wanted to prescribe me antidepressants but I fought them to the death about it. They were in denial that they were the core cause of their negative perception of me.
"everytime I see you you're depressed or sullen"
"Yeah its because you and dad piss me off constantly and I don't feel like talking to you."
*I'm grounded*
Perfect<------------------------------------------------------------------------------>Loops and Tings
Ambivert / Aggressor / Trailblazer / Nomad / Alpha Caretaker / Free Spirit / Kevlar Speed Demon / Ninja
Yeah, if you go to the ER, they have a legal obligation to check off all the big stuff especially when your experiencing chest pain, they can't just turn you around and send you on your way..
I did mine at an urgent care, with no MRI.
This reminds me of how I was a few years ago. I used to internalize everything and it came out in severe chest pains, panic attacks and dizzy spells I couldn't even stand. That was all when I was on benzos and antidepressants. Not trying to scare you but the best thing in life I ever did for myself was to stop everything and get to the root of what was wrong and start from there. I feel like all those drugs do is mask it. It might work for some people and that's great but what happens when you want to get off them? Being drug free was like a fog being lifted. When you're on that stuff, it's like take one thing and it gives you a side effect so you take something else to treat that then that causes another bad side effect so you take something else and before you know it your brain is like what the fuck. Have you ever just tried to be free of all these chemicals? I never thought I could survive in life without valium and when I went off it there were times I felt like jumpin off a bridge but when you deal with it and realize you can do it on your own without chemical help is when you really feel amazing. I dunno, I feel like the more you rely on these drugs, the more you give up on yourself.
B12 is pretty awesome.
I haven't. I've never taken anything besides antibiotics (and rarely) and morphine after c-section for my twins. Literally those are the only drugs I've taken in my life. (tylenol, not often, doesn't count anyway)
oh, and birth control pills when I was first married for about two or three years. But didn't like them cause they killed my libido (discussed in some other thread here).
Last edited by redbaron; 07-13-2012 at 08:01 PM.
IEI-Fe 4w3
.....You're taking birth control pills? Most likely one of the reasons.
Holy Basil works very well. It lowers cortisol, so of all the recommendations here, it is unique. The doctors seem to obsess with serotonin and tend to ignore high cortisol levels.
These are the symtoms of high cortisol
•Waking up in the mid-portion of the night
•Unable to fall asleep
•Anxiety
•Depression
•Increased susceptibility to infections
•Midday Fatigue
•Reduced tolerance for stress
•Craving for sweets and salty foods
•Allergies to things you were never allergic to before
•Chemical sensitivities
•A tendency to feel cold
Socionics -
the16types.info
edited for gayness
Last edited by strangeling; 07-20-2012 at 08:08 PM.
yet I think a truly helpful guide or counselor helps the person to figure it out for themselves. doesn't just spoon feed them what they believe themselves. sometimes particular questions need to be asked, things you don't think about on your own. And guides can be helpful in knowing what questions to ponder and what things to focus on. It's up to the individual to take the advice or leave it but I don't think there's anything wrong with *seeking* advice. As long as you're able to use your own brain and experiences as a filter.
IEI-Fe 4w3
i just feel shittier than i did before i started taking them. i know i'm being impatient and it's only day 6 (apparently i need to wait 3-6 weeks) but god damn. i'm constantly yawning and the headaches drive me insane. i feel the need to take xanax because i'm otherwise mentally uncomfortable from the celexa. it makes my brain feel weird but hopefully that'll be over in a couple weeks. but then because i have to take xanax, that combined with the drowsiness of celexa just makes me sleepy so im forced to take adderall to stay awake for work. ugh i just feel like a mess. sure i do a lot of drugs recreationally, but having to combine so many just to function for work feels shitty. its not fun.
today was the first day i tried taking the celexa by itself without the help of xanax and adderall and i thought i was gonna freak out on my boss. it was dead at work, i literally had no tables so he had me and the two other servers clean the restaurant all day for $2.13 an hr instead of cutting some of us. and i mean DETAIL the place, moving ovens so i can clean behind them etc. i wanted to shoot myself. when a table finally came in i didn't even want to serve anymore because i felt so disgusting and covered in grime and my headache had gotten worse from the anger. their tab came to 48$ so i was expecting a $10 tip because i gave them excellent service, but then after i bring the bill she shows me a $30 off coupon on her fucking iPhone so i only got a $5 tip, despite leaving both the original receipt next to the discounted one as a hint that they should tip based on the original. sigh. so i left with $5 today after working from 11-4. and i'm a double today so i have to be back there at 6pm.
oh yeah, and it hasn't killed my sex drive at all. however, it has taken away my ability to orgasm. which is even more frustrating. i WISH it'd take away my desire for sex at this point. fml. i broke up with my hot bartender boyfriend last week because we never get to see each other. we have opposite schedules and only get to see each other at work. it was more or less a means of me saying "hey, i still like you, i just don't want us to call it a relationship if i can only see you once every couple weeks" but he didn't take it that way. instead he got hurt. but god damn it i keep trying to give him the message that with a little bit of effort on his part to act like a boyfriend, i'd let him be one. because god fucking damn it i really need sex in my life but this dumbass doesn't get it.
i've been handing out resumes all week. job market is not looking good in charleston, sc at the moment. but i can't work for this cokehead anymore. knowing i have to walk back to work in this heat and humidity to a job i hate and fake being happy until 10pm... i'm really dreading it. not to mention i'm completely broke. this 10$ i made today is all the money i have to my name cause since the last hostess got caught doing cocaine in the stairwell with the daytime bartender, they've had me filling in because i'm young and pretty. and thats only hourly so i haven't seen a paycheck yet and when i do get waitressing shifts we're always dead. i spent the last of my money buying these fucking prescriptions that make me miserable and basically i feel fucked. plus the general manager's boyfriend asked me to get them shrooms for this gay pride festival this weekend and then didn't respond to my texts when i came through. and i got them on a front so now i have these mushrooms i don't need and i owe a dealer money. but that's the least of my worries tbh since i can get rid of them in a heartbeat. but still. fuck. another thing to worry about.
i want to stop taking the celexa but i'm already 6 days in so i feel obligated to stick it out til i can at least feel the effects. but at this point i feel worse than i did to begin with.
maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
go ask the frog what the scorpion knows
hmm.. why don't you just say exactly what you wrote here, to him?
and I'd flip the fuck out on those people if i came through and they never got back to me. track that mofo down.
waitressing sucks. i did it for two months at a popular bar here and i quit. absolutely hated every minute of it.
<2
<2
@ blackburry: i did but only in bits and pieces whenever he doesn't have bar customers. it's hard to talk to him. he's always busy or i am. the other day i was hostessing and he was the upstairs bartender and i got ready especailly cute in a little black dress etc. after he comes in for his shift and starts setting up the bar, i walk up the stairs and ask him when the bar is open because some guests downstairs were wondering (we have a downstairs bar too but it's not as cool). he asks who wants to know and because it was just an excuse to go upstairs i just grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him and he kissed me back and started moving backwards into the bar. i'm 5'3 and he's 6'2 so it was hot to push him up against the bar. we stopped and i only said "i just wanted to do that" and went back downstairs. i feel like i'm being totally obvious that i want him back but he's being all stung about me breaking up with him. we can't be in the same room without making eye contact. so much sexual tension i'm going insane.
maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
go ask the frog what the scorpion knows
That sounds so insanely unprofessional.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
I really do not believe in medications that create a wanted effect via an unknown cascade of effects, such as those in SSRIs.
In regards to PTSD, the only thing I have ever stuck with is the alpha blocker, because it simply just blocks the chemical being mass produced from the disorder -- norepinephrine. And that is all it does. The end, really.
Allie when I come to charleston you should tell me where you work and I'll give you a big ass tip. Waitressing sucks so unbelievably bad...you work so hard and your paycheck almost completely depends on whether your customers are cheap or not. They should pay more, you do more work than I do in a weeks time. But sounds to me like you just need to get away from it all for a minute and just be alone and take a deep breath.
Yeah, when the externals dont fit the internal's need, something must change.
edited for gayness
Last edited by strangeling; 07-20-2012 at 08:08 PM.
lol truth
IEI-Fe 4w3
So basically, me, who is also emotionally clueless is doomed to a life of solitude /empty relationships unless I become a lesbian.
Yeah, Jess. Poon on poon or gtfo
JK. You gotta remember that there are your counter-halfs in the male department, who are equally clueless, yet slightly more skilled at reading between the lines.
I think there would be absolutely no change if you were lesbian.
Socionics -
the16types.info
personally I think anyone who's done a moderate to high amount of lsd can only benefit from these kinds of meds in the most exigent situations; and even then you'll have just as much to sort out after. xannies and adderall is pretty much the worst combination to allow for chemical changes, let alone ones that drain you for the first month before 'taking effect.' the predatory pulse will always tell me to bar entry to entities that receive money in exchange for your problems, but shrug, you can only know so much about yourself at the time. however being a server is part of the issue; I 'quit smoking' several days before a menu final, hopped up on some self-righteous existential bullshit, and found myself in a semi-bipolar haze, forgetful of half of what I had memorized. bought some royals and poof. the point being that we are already incredibly chemically conditioned by our environments and genetic predispositions to ever make finding a solution a reasonable possibility; the best you can do is understand how the given imbalance you have can be best manipulated. so I can either have a cup of coffee at night to cancel out excess dopamine, or endure a headache for several hours under a pretext of 'balance.' happiness is a chemical reaction.
4w3-5w6-8w7
I'm with strrrng on this one...you have to learn to find the predictable patterns in your apparent instability; knowing and harnessing the ways in which you are unstable, learning to push your own buttons and pull your own levers is basically a vital life skill for anyone who lives with a greater-than-normal chemical variability. It's not about finding the most stable undercurrent; that's probably wishful thinking at this point. You might have been able to dock and make camp a couple of years ago, but you're along for the ride now, it seems.
Being on a regular cocktail of any kind is a pretty dangerous thing though. If you are regularly mixing antidepressants with benzos and stimulants, your nervous system is going to start taking hits before long...you can only pull yourself in so many directions at once. Honestly at this point I would say you should pick the one you think really does the most for you and ditch the others, and if you really can't do that, well its probably time for detox.
Seriously though, that kind of 3 drug cocktail maintained over a prolonged time period isn't going to do you any good, you're making a petri dish in your brain. This is coming from someone who has tripped for days on end and abused pharmaceuticals since middle school; that kind of load is going to take its toll on you one way or the other. If you really can't get off adderall and Xanax long enough to titrate up the dose on your antidepressants, my guess is you are probably physically dependant on both of them, and should probably be working on getting off them first. My advice: take a 4 day weekend detox somewhere, preferably away from your everyday life/places, with a bunch of weed and someone you really trust to look out for your health; if that's not available, psych wards are always fun. Then maybe get back on the Celexa.
By the way I'd say fuck the therapist for now, they are pretty useless unless you find one you feel comfortable with on a personal level.
Last edited by Gilly; 07-16-2012 at 01:14 PM.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
Sorry, so why were you arguing against my point @ page 1 of this thread?
Anyway, Allie, your financial situation sounds really stressful, and that's likely a big source of anxiety. It's not something you can get rid of that easily, either, thus I'm not sure if taking away anti-anxiety meds would be a good idea at this point in time.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
Oh and for fucks sake make sure your pill doc actually knows about everything serious that you put in your brain; don't be an idiot and play coy with someone you are trusting with your medical care, its both hypocritical and stupid.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
I wish I could help you, but I really don't know what to say. I can see so many problem areas and I'd like to comment on how to fix them up, but it's just one of those things. I'm not going to get pinned down and held responsible for advice that is shitty or doesn't work, I don't want to promise miracle cures and advice. What I can say off the cuff though is....
- Drugs fuck with your system, perhaps try to take a break and cool things down versus loading more in, also if you are doing this remember to do so gradually so as not to shock your biochemistry
- Therapists are useful but try to depend on your own inner guide, try to inspire yourself in a way that's real, other people's advice isn't bad but its not always going to gel well with you, you can't depend on it. Therapists are human as well and make mistakes.
- Don't get too obsessed with the relationship problems with the bartender, you are still very young and will have time to experience a lot and grow in this area as well as others, in several years such problems will be of nothing and already resolved for better or worse, try to seize the moment and enjoy what is present while it lasts.
If you are having problems now isn't the time to immediately flock to some medication or person to fix things, rely on yourself and do what's in your own interest until you can regain some control on your problems. I wish I could help you, but I don't know where to start -- you need to place yourself on a trajectory towards something long term and positive and find ways to subtly incorporate things constructively towards this. This is where I can't help because I have no idea about you, I can't define what's a good goal -- I don't know what is important to you, I can't define what's a realistic constructive way of moving towards this -- I don't know any details.
*puts on therapy glasses*
Ms. Allie, the root cause of your issues is that you don't know how to be alone, truly at peace alone with yourself. I'm not talking about 'getting a job and being independent' (that's more my issues actually =p) I'm talking about not being so tied up in the drama of other people. I'm talking about psychological aloneness. You're like the opposite of me. Realistically when I see drama in real life I run the other way. I only like drama in fake fiction and tv shows from a safe distance.
But you're waitress-y and grounded and you can be with all those people in the photos that you upload. I don't know how you do that, for me personally - that would just be too much of a headache. I'm a loner by nature, perhaps we came into each other's lives for balance.
@HaveLucidDreamz is correct, other people really can't cure depression for you. If you actually follow through on their advice, they will be pleased with you - because most people want control. Society is so harsh and cruel for these 'invisible rules' that Jew Sages avoid anyway.
It's hard for anybody to 'help' because truly understanding people is complicated. We as humans read between the lines too much, and we're unable to comprehend *exactly* what the person is talking about unless we're really close. And even in best friends there are gaps and differences. And so a doctor prescribing you with pills is going to be the same way. It's mostly about profit and/or social control for them, not true understanding or compassion. So they give you something right off the bat on the first visit and it rarely ever works. Then later down the road if you are lucky and you end up with somebody that actually really understands you and you can feel their genuine empathy, it's a pretty amazing feeling and like the whole world opens up.
I think personally your fatal flaw is that you are absorbing too many perceptions of others. I also think you are too much out of touch with your own emotions, even though your social skills are better than mine. And I honestly feel that a lot in life to deal with others is based on luck and being brave enough to have your ass kicked until you do find the Ones That Really Care (tm). I think perhaps we all made life difficult and more complicated than it needs to be, for the fun of it.
I guess I got a better sense of how often she is taking all three, and probably more stuff on top sometimes I'm guessing...there are combos that work for some people, but being on speed AND Xanax AND antidepressants all day every day is really a lot.Sorry, so why were you arguing against my point @ page 1 of this thread?
Anyway, Allie, your financial situation sounds really stressful, and that's likely a big source of anxiety. It's not something you can get rid of that easily, either, thus I'm not sure if taking away anti-anxiety meds would be a good idea at this point in time.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
IEI-Fe 4w3
I think you have the right idea generally, but my impression is that it's probably not a good time for therapy. She hasn't had success before; having too many things fail at once, and the combo of trying to come off/go on serious drugs, is a recipe for a major meltdown.
Allie I do think you could benefit from therapy eventually, but only if you find someone you're comfortable with. I am pretty sure your most recent therapist was trying a rejection technique on you, because you are an attractive female who, in his mind, is probably not used to being "rejected;" he may have assumed you would come crawling back. This is something therapists often do when they suspect a patient knows they need therapy but is holding back/not telling them everything; the message is supposed to be "you're wasting my time, so let's get to the goods." Doesn't always work though, obviously, but it can be a powerful technique.
That's all speculation, but it might not be a bad idea to go back to him eventually just to see, especially if you had the feeling that you were getting/could get somewhere with him vs your past shrinks.
And yeah, seriously, be open with your pill doc; they don't care to therapize or lecture you usually, so just go ahead and give them all of the raw data. Don't leave anything out, drug interactions can be really shitty; I got "asked to leave" college because I look acid while I was on a full therapeutic dose of lithium carbonate and I had a grand mal seizure, bit half my tongue off, and my brain might have swelled up and killed me if I hadn't had a seroquil on hand to kill the trip. So yeah, play cat and mouse all you want with therapists, but for Heath Ledger's sake, be real with your prescribing doc; it's worth an occasional lecture to NOT DIE.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
Can you discribe your depression in socionic terms? Like you feel that you cannot use your role function with stability? Does socionics seem useful to you with this type of distress?
Personally, learing my role function --> lead function, and mobilizing function --> creative function and their relationship to each other has helped me be more pro-active and I seem to bounce back from difficulties faster.
Socionics -
the16types.info
Not the time or the place brah, sryz; she's been around way longer than you, if that was gonna help, it woulda done helped by now.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
hey guys I appreciate all of your responses and i'll get back to them more fully when I have computer access. just wanted to say a few things.
a.I know I don't have a physical dependence on either xanax or adderall because I run out about a wk and a half early each month due to selling so many. i'd probably experience withdrawal if that.were the canaly meant I had to take them both everyday since starting celexa. I only normally take adderall when I haven't slept the night before or i'm hungover etc so like once a week
b. i'm scared.to talk about other drug use with my psych cause I feel like he'd view me as a druggie and either lower or take away my current regime. the only other drugs i've done this week are cocaine, molly, mushrooms, alcohol, and weed. coke only cause my drunk spinning underage ass can't be caught throwing up or falling down in public or i'm in serious shit so I needed to sober up. shrooms only cause I had to test them out for my boss etc. alcohol cause I work in a bar and my roommates showed up there right at the end of my shift to sit at.the bar last night, plus the bartender won't let us pay for any of our drinks which makes saying no difficult once you start.
then something crazy happened, this beautiful gay man came into the bar and was apparently hot shit because he was a dick to the bartender and that's like rule.no. 1 not to do. however he loved me and my roommate, I sold him xanies and he turns out to be the fiancé of the grandson of some stock market figure i've never heard of... dow jones family I believe idk. it was believable, showing me his multi million dollar engagement ring and pics of him and his fiancé with obama etc. kept buying me top shelf liquor shots i'd never tried before and showing me pics of his infinity pool in jamaica etc. however at this point i'm beyond wasted and our friday night downstairs bartender comes in and starts making himself a drink behind the bar while the other bartender runs to take a piss. anyone this bartender is kinda hot shit himself as in he only bartends one night a week just to pay the govt cause he makes so much money shipping drugs into this country etc. so the gay dude and him start gettingx into it and the bartender is just like I don't give a fuck who you are so me and brenna book it to the bathroom to avoid taking sides. when we get out the bartender was gone and the.gay dude was on the phone with the cops claiming he got assaulted and before we could get our underage asses out of the bar they had already pulled up and stopped me because I was in uniform still they wanted to talk to me. i'm completely wasted but in that moment the gods granted me sobriety and they didn't even ask me for identification. i'll say this once and i'll never say this again but thank god for southern gay hatred because the cop gave rich ****** so much trouble that me and my girl were able to stumble home without getting fucked with. by the time we get inside i'm spinning bad and ross, brenna's bf and my other roommate, comes out of the bedroom rolling balls telling us he just got the purest most amazing molly (mdma) ever and he can't feel his legs. so we weigh out my mushrooms into 3 piles and eat them all and then my spins start getting bad and i'm like fuck guys i'm going to throw up the shrooms before they kick in so they have me ingest this fire molly to sober me up. so i'm lying down on the comfort of a bathroom floor trying my hardest to hold everything down for at least another 30minutes but then it came up and the rest was dry heaving and then the molly kicked in so not only was I nauseous but my heart was beating out of my chest and I had no water in my body to speak of. it was the most horrible I had felt in a long time.
but thank god for my roommates. ross came in and rubbed my shoulders and told me about how many tribes view throwing.g up as a purging of any negativity and although I knew it was alcohol I was vomiting up I let myself believe it for the sake of feeling better. so I chugged water and kept throwing up all the negativity and when I finally felt cleansed we all went into their bedroom played some music and cuddles together with their pitbull, dre. the mushrooms actually took effect despite the vomiting and we all really connected. real conversation about our past and how we felt about the world. it really humbled me and brought me back to my senses. exactly what I needed.
this afternoon I woke up in bed with my roommates and the dog and I got a phone call from the manager of a nightclub called Torch offering me a position as their friday night cocktail waitress. not full time but it's a start.
I realize now b&d was right and my anxiety was making life more complicated than it really is. sure things suck and i'm broke as a bitch. but I am young, I am beautiful, I am talented, i am loved, and most importantly I am free. and no one can take those things away from me.
tomorrow is day 8 which means i'll be upping my celexa from 20mg to 40mg just as my psych instructed. with this newfound optimism and spiritual awakening i've.decided to.give the meds 30 days and by then I should know whether they're right for me. i'll do my best to keep other drug use to a minimal and focus on finding a better job in the meantime. thanks for readding.
allie <2
Last edited by Lotus; 07-16-2012 at 10:40 PM.
maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
go ask the frog what the scorpion knows
I realize now b&d was right and my anxiety was making life more complicated than it really is. sure things suck and i'm broke as a bitch. but I am young, I am beautiful, I am talented, i am loved, and most importantly I am free. and no one can take those things away from me.
IEI-Fe 4w3
(((((Allie)))))
Lol best to do more than the bare minimum but yeah.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
yeah i used to do that but at this point i kind of have an intuition for what will kill me or not. if i'm not sure i have a smartphone. wee
maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
go ask the frog what the scorpion knows
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