Dio asked about the differences between the Fi of an ENFp and the Fi of an ESFp. I told him I would work on a tentative response. Here is what I have thus far:Originally Posted by anndelise
ENFp Fi: The enfp gains information about an object's internal qualities by relating themselves to those internal qualities.
ESFp Fi: An esfp gains information about an object's external qualities by relating themselves to those external qualities.
ENFp: What would it be like internally to be crippled? What goes on in the mind, emotionally and mentally? How would it feel to see people's attraction/repulsions to the sight of me? How would it feel to want to be autonomous but having to need and rely on someone's aide?
ESFp: What would it be like externally to be crippled? What goes on in the body…what would it look like? What position would my limbs be in? what parts would retain strength/power and which parts would lose it? How would this affect my physical energy?
Real World Examples:
Example 1: At the pool my daughter and I go to, there are a number of physically and mentally "handicapped" people. There are a couple of them who have very obvious physical contortions. My daughter, upon seeing these particular people, would almost immediately contort herself into the position they were in, and attempt to walk and talk as they do. She and I would have arguments as I tell her to stop. (I'm thinking "what would it be like to have these problems and see someone mimicking me?"). I would tell her that they might think that she is making fun of them. She'd counter with, "but I'm NOT making fun of them." I'd counter with, "how would it feel if you were in that position and people were copying you?" Her response, "I'm NOT making fun of them!"
(note: lately, she has a slightly easier time of viewing that these people might be hurt by her copying them…stress the slightly easier. I think that it's more because, it's a huge step to go from trying to get info about the external qualities to getting info about the internal qualities. And vice versa.)
Example 2: Manta regularly comes in crying because one of the kids she plays with doesn't want to play the game Manta wants to play. I'm finally learning (after 10 years) that it's almost a waste of my time to get her to see things from the other kid's pov, and that just cuz the kid doesn't want to play THAT game, doesn't mean that the kid doesn't want to play with Manta. Why? Because I think Manta is viewing the game as "What would it be like to be playing that game? What movements would I be making? Which movements would my friend be making? Etc." She has, in essence, identified a part of herself with the game that is being rejected, hence, she herself is being rejected.
Example 3: I have complained before about my daughter getting upset when I call her coat or sweater a "jacket". It drives me bonkers because she takes it as if I insulted her person somehow. She is getting a little better about this. She still corrects me "it's a coat mom". And once in a while she'll say it in an exasperated slightly hurt tone. I'm not sure exactly what part of a coat or a sweater she has identified with. This concept is …foreign …to me. However, I think it has to do with her sense of identity with her world view….just as I have my identity with my world view. We just have very different world views!
Example 4: One of the common arguments which I have with ESFps is when they get upset at someone for doing something, and respond with, "Well, I wouldn't have done that, I'd have done this." "If he really loved me, he'd have talked to me about it". (Never mind the fact that this ESFp has clearly shown in a number of previous interactions that she would dismiss his internal emotions/thoughts, hence keeping him from talking to her about it.)
Basically, the major differences are that the ENFp is using their Fi to gain more information for their Ne perceptions. And the ESFp is using their Fi to gain more information for their Se perceptions. For them to come to an understanding of each other, one of them has to suppress aspects of their base function and put some effort into their role function. For example, an ENFp would have to stop seeing the internal qualities of an object and turn their attentions to the external qualities of said object. The more in tune the ENFp is to attending to internal qualities, the less in tune they are with attending to external qualities. The ESFp would have to do similar…suppress their seeing of external qualities so they can attend to internal qualities. And, as socionics points out, the more a person must suppress an ego function, the more self esteem that person loses.
Which reminds me of one of my previous threads: ENFp vs ESFp…winner? Nobody.
Now, I am pretty sure I'll get some flack about how ENFps and ESFps can get along great and be best friends and all that jazz. I'd like to point out, though, that
1. at least one of them is having to suppress aspects of their natural self in order to fully work together
2. the longer the ENFp and ESFp are together, the more self-esteem gets lost by at least one of them
3. consider, if you will, the effects of an ESFp parent with an ENFp child, as well as the effects of an ENFp parent with an ESFp child; there is very little time off from extended times of suppression with which to spend with people who allow you to be yourself. The strain is quite dominant in the singleparent/child enfp/esfp relationship.