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First off, in order to accomplish your goal I think you just need to ignore the society issue on it. I mean, this sounds kinda enneagram 4 ish but really, society is shit- and most 'trends' that exist, are just to make people have the herd mentality. I understand it feels good to get a lot of objective encouragement when you do something but ultimately it has to be your own spirit.
I think that's the core issue, based on some of the stuff you tell me that you like. I think you might be listening to the media/society too much. You can't do your goal because you are listening to external pressures instead of the voice within. I could be wrong, it makes me feel kinda creepy to psychoanalyze people but... i hope u found my advice useful.
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