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    Default Duality makes you a better person?

    So does it? I read that experiencing duality makes one have a more stable psyche, more intuned with their functions?

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    Absolutely. First your neurosis goes away, then what happens is that you stop stressing about all those things that confuse you and deadlock your mind; then, you start to do your main function stuff and feel super confident and appreciated for doing what you are without apologies for being you. Just don't cheat on your dual; you don't want to break duality when you have it.
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    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Depends on the dual. Duality is put on a pedestal as the sole type of relationship for true interpersonal compatibility, which I don't entirely buy. I've met plenty of ISTps who I haven't been particularly interested in, or if I have then there would still be remaining interpersonal incompatibilities like lifestyle, culture, priorities, etc that would get in the way. Sure we'd get along and learn from each other's basic thought patterns which might influence our own for the better, but if that interpersonal interest isn't there in the first place then such lessons can only be learned as a cognitive thought exercise.

    There's so much more to people and how they get along with others than whatever Socionics would have them believe. If nothing else, the intertype relationships should be taken as general outlines of how communication may happen between two people given that all other variables aren't an issue.

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    ....Having a hard time even trying to engage with my dual, wish I could atleast experience it for once.

    But what I mean is...does it make you a better person, period? With or without your dual.

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    ....Having a hard time even trying to engage with my dual, wish I could atleast experience it for once.
    They're around, trust me. But ending up with a dual shouldn't be the end-all be-all in relationships, I find that personal growth can come about from interaction with anybody of any type.

    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    But what I mean is...does it make you a better person, period? With or without your dual.
    I'm not sure what you're asking here: does duality make you a better person even when you aren't with a dual?

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    Yeah I see a few of my duals, I just don't think i've ever experienced duality itself.

    Im going to try and find the several articles i've read, but they basically said that experiencing duality allows one to become more comfortable with themselves and their ego/base functions, to become your more natural self.

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Yeah I see a few of my duals, I just don't think i've ever experienced duality itself.
    Well how can you find your dual if you don't have a typing? At this point your goal would be more akin to "finding people I like."

    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Im going to try and find the several articles i've read, but they basically said that experiencing duality allows one to become more comfortable with themselves and their ego/base functions, to become your more natural self.
    I wouldn't say that it allows you to *become* your natural self per se, more that being around people who share IE values allows one to express themselves more comfortably without as much fear of misunderstandings.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    ....Having a hard time even trying to engage with my dual, wish I could atleast experience it for once.

    But what I mean is...does it make you a better person, period? With or without your dual.
    I think that you make yourself a better person, not duality. Duality can provide for a somewhat better staging point for conducting your life, but what you create of yourself ultimately originates with you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by siuntal View Post
    I think that you make yourself a better person, not duality. Duality can provide for a somewhat better staging point for conducting your life, but what you create of yourself ultimately originates with you.
    I think this says it best as far as being a better person.
     
    The idea of duality is having people who are theoretically the best matches to let yourself be yourself without psychological discomfort and I believe that, obviously, just as I believe there's a reason why people have different thinking styles and some styles are more compatible than others...that's just common sense and socionics tries to explore that and proposes a theory. However, being a good person or a better person is a conscious choice, I think. If someone doesn't try at all, another person, duality or not, won't be able to do much good on that.

    Concentrating on experiencing duality or whatever isn't really helpful. Things will happen if you listen to your gut and if you try to live in a way that you feel proud of and happy with. But I guess that's common sense, too. Of course, I see socionics as an explanation I personally believe in based on experience more than I see it as a guide for life. Same goes with other things that have added to my broader understanding (i.e. gender theory, spiritual philosophy, and whatever ideology that has made an impact).

    It seems true and I try to make the best of that understanding where relevant and not let the idea of an ideal relation be a reason to miss out on other great relationships that may not be the socionic ideal. But I guess I'm just pointing out the obvious like I tend to do.

    But I believe if people live their lives and try to go after what is right for them, personal success, and all that, it'll happen...whatever good thing that is. No need to read a lot of articles to necessarily do that.

    In less words, you can't engage another person if they're not willing or if the circumstances don't really allow for it. But as in a lot of things, to validate yourself and accept yourself as you are and become stronger and better, whatever, is the first step to finding stability, happiness, contentment, a happy relationship, and so on.

    Without intending to sound like I'm talking down or being condescending towards your inquiry.
    Last edited by aixelsyd; 05-06-2012 at 09:05 AM.

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    I don't think anybody just makes themselves be a better person. It's silly to think that just YOU alone do it. Nobody got where they were *completely* by themselves. It plays a huge part sure, but they also learned how to trust the right people. I remember I started changing for the better when I actually found people who were empathetic to how I was feeling and didn't just take me hyper literally. It's such a nice feeling when I can talk to somebody and not feel judged or hurt. Most people you gotta put on some sort of mask or just fake it because they will be too harsh with your feelings. And I mean that's okay, that's just how "the world" is you know... but I would have probably killed myself w/o the empathy of others sometimes haha.

    And honestly I believe the right emotional energy from somebody else can heal/cure almost anything. We've all read the inspiring story about the person during childhood who was sociopathically bullied and tormented all his life. He couldn't "Just get over It" because they were so mean to him, but then later on he found a supportive family who really cared about him and grew to be a very successful and powerful person.

    I know it's wrong to get too attached to just one person because it's like stuck-y death (though I wish people wouldn't always be so cynical in romantic relationships). But we need community and we need each other. It goes hand in hand. Once the emotional boo-boos are truly healed that person can grow to be even more independent. I don't believe in socialism but I believe in community.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    ....Having a hard time even trying to engage with my dual, wish I could atleast experience it for once.

    But what I mean is...does it make you a better person, period? With or without your dual.
    I dunno. Define better then ask yourself why you want to be it. What about your personality so disturbs you that you think someone else has to improve you without even really defining how they have to do it? I mean Gandhi was an awesome dude and all but, plenty of evil people have done things just as impressive, evil... but impressive.

    My point is that you can do the things you want to do, you can be your dreams without your dual. . .

    You want to find some IEIs try a library though, it's cliche but true, plenty of them in theater too. They also really like to write in my experience, so online forums, newspaper journalists, authors what have you. In fact you can find any type in pretty much any field of interest so take my suggestions with a grain of salt.
    Easy Day

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    I understand Galen, but have you ever experienced this -need- to meet your dual again, overwhelming urge to be with them...even if you've never spent much time with them or even met them before? Im not talking about the certain occasions where you weren't that interested in your dual, im refering to an ideal situation where you are attracted to your dual. (Im not making much sense right now, im half asleep).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    I understand Galen, but have you ever experienced this -need- to meet your dual again, overwhelming urge to be with them...even if you've never spent much time with them or even met them before? Im not talking about the certain occasions where you weren't that interested in your dual, im refering to an ideal situation where you are attracted to your dual. (Im not making much sense right now, im half asleep).
     
    I'll chime in and say that "overwhelming urge" is a bit much, but otherwise, yes. I have felt a very strong desire to talk with and be with a dual, who was attractive, even though I had not personally spoken with them, then (this was before I self-typed as I do now but helped get the process going). I also felt myself becoming a better person and a more authentic person in my attempts to cross the distance, so to speak. It was like finding myself just as it was finding the kind of person who I would want to be my "better half" so to speak without feeling any unease in the prospect of uniting with that sort of person.

    I experienced similar with platonic attractions towards ILIs (my best female friend and one of my best guy friends). We had an instantaneous draw to each other when we met and talked and it was pretty obvious we would seek each other out again. It also helped that we both had a lot in common, especially with my female friend who was a college mate. Even after she graduated classmates who were also classmates with us in the same classes commented how connected we were since we would talk about anything despite people being around (rather personally things, too). At least a girl I typed as ESI remarked as to how close the two of us were. I hadn't even paused to consider it because it felt so natural.

    It was easy to talk, really. I felt extremely calm and accepted with the guy and girl friend and just acted like myself. I felt stable, at ease, content, and so on in a way I don't normally feel. It was easy to drop my insecurities and express my strengths and still express deeper and more intellectual thoughts that I might feel self-conscious talking about with a lot of other people.

    I mean, some of the duality descriptions seem over the top idealistic and not all dual relations play out as well as it depends on the actual individuals, of course, but I think having people in your life, who you are close to, is important in promoting psychological ease and balance. I also think duality is easy to take for granted because it is as comfortable as it is, too. So the idea that duality is some magical feeling like falling in love is silly, but if you do fall in love and with someone dual to you, I think it could be closer to the exhilarating descriptions common to socionics duality.


    My take.
    Last edited by aixelsyd; 05-06-2012 at 09:07 AM.

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    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    I understand Galen, but have you ever experienced this -need- to meet your dual again, overwhelming urge to be with them...even if you've never spent much time with them or even met them before? Im not talking about the certain occasions where you weren't that interested in your dual, im refering to an ideal situation where you are attracted to your dual. (Im not making much sense right now, im half asleep).
    I have experienced this before fairly recently with a Te-SLI 9w8 sx/sp. Despite our sexual incompatibilities, we made an instant connection with each other and we're now best friends. He's sort of on a different wavelength emotionally from me (very much a positive-outlook variant of E9 versus my self-involved E6 reactivity), but it's still very easy for us to open up about ourselves and what we want; no real need to explain our positions to each other, it's just a matter of "oh yeah, I get that." I still posit that instinct stacking is more influential in how we get along, and without that our attraction to each other wouldn't have been as strong.

    FWIW I've had that experience with a non-dual as well, a Te-INTp. So don't let the prospect of duality be everything in terms of how two people get along.

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    ugh

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    Being in a "positive" relationship generally makes you a better person; since duality is one relationship among many, then when its development is positive it'll generally make you a better person.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    I understand Galen, but have you ever experienced this -need- to meet your dual again, overwhelming urge to be with them...even if you've never spent much time with them or even met them before? Im not talking about the certain occasions where you weren't that interested in your dual, im refering to an ideal situation where you are attracted to your dual. (Im not making much sense right now, im half asleep).
    Yes, yes, yes. I can't live without extraverts taking me out of my submersed and introverted feeling states; I just need to live outside my head for a few minutes; today, I took my SLI nephew to the movies; during the trip, I discovered how quiet we both were, he was living out the sensory perceptions he gathered from the movie in his own mind and I was wishing there was someone with us who can engage us on the movie related discussion; we were very quiet, as you may expect. I need to be brought out to live in the external world, otherwise I get lost into a fantasy land in my mind that assumes stories that are not worth while.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Absolutely. First your neurosis goes away, then what happens is that you stop stressing about all those things that confuse you and deadlock your mind; then, you start to do your main function stuff and feel super confident and appreciated for doing what you are without apologies for being you. Just don't cheat on your dual; you don't want to break duality when you have it.
    DUALITY DOES NOT CURE NEUROSIS

    DON'T LISTEN TO THIS CRAZY FUCK
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I agree that Maritsa is overidealizing but man, being around people who are emotionally compatible with me feels really good. It just heals and fixes me up and yeah the problem is I don't always need that. I don't always need balancing or whatever... it's just very nice if I'm in a harsh situation. There comes a time when everything is whole and balance and you found your perfect ideal romantic little love that you always whined about emo-ishly and then it's just like "Now what?" Other relationships and yourself is still important.

    And I don't like always picking apart why I get along with people and why I don't. It's just a vibe. It's like, crudely, either the person is sapping my energy and sort of socipathically breaking me up, or they're giving me a positive energy. (with all the complicated nuances in-between) There's not much objective or moral about it... all about vibrational wavelengths.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I agree that Maritsa is overidealizing but man, being around people who are emotionally compatible with me feels really good. It just heals and fixes me up and yeah the problem is I don't always need that. I don't always need balancing or whatever... it's just very nice if I'm in a harsh situation. There comes a time when everything is whole and balance and you found your perfect ideal romantic little love that you always whined about emo-ishly and then it's just like "Now what?" Other relationships and yourself is still important.

    And I don't like always picking apart why I get along with people and why I don't. It's just a vibe. It's like, crudely, either the person is sapping my energy and sort of socipathically breaking me up, or they're giving me a positive energy. (with all the complicated nuances in-between) There's not much objective or moral about it... all about vibrational wavelengths.
    I think it's nice being with a dual. I'm married to one and I'm glad about that. But I don't think it makes me a better person. It might make me a happier person, but that's it.

    And I'm tired of every thread turning into a discussion of Maritsa and Maritsa's life.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    And I'm tired of every thread turning into a discussion of Maritsa and Maritsa's life.
    I don't even have her on ignore nor anyone else on here. I just read what I want and respond to what I want.

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