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Thread: Quasi-Identical Relations: Stories and Experiences

  1. #121
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    I think it depends on how mentally healthy and stable the LSE is LOL. I mean, obviously, but crazy LSEs are crazy.

    If you think about it, a Quasi-Identical is almost like a dual in a way. Almost. Because if you have exactly the opposite values in the same order of strength (like a flipped over negative of you), then it’s easy to divide resources and things to focus/work on between the two of you. In some ways it’s better than duality because if you mess things up it’s less painful and disappointing between the two of you.

    I also think that it’s obviously going to be better if there is no power imbalance, just IME, because this is considered a balanced ITR. Things exploded between an LSE supervisor and I recently. I also had a bad relationship with my LSE mom growing up. But things are improving a bit with my mom now that I’m getting older, and with LSE clients and colleagues where things are balanced between us, it’s pretty good with them.
    Last edited by sbbds; 04-28-2019 at 06:01 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackberry View Post
    However I don't think there's much in common to get some real "friendship" going on in there beyond basic politeness.
    This has been my experience with them as well. However I’ve seen some good ILE-LIE friendships, and decent LII-ILI ones for instance, as well as others going beyond politeness between ethical types. I wonder if our experience may be different as STs because those “NF” friendship and people-oriented IEs may be harder to access.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    I think it depends on how mentally healthy and stable the LSE is LOL. I mean, obviously, but crazy LSEs are crazy.

    If you think about it, a Quasi-Identical is almost like a dual in a way. Almost. Because if you have exactly the opposite values in the same order of strength (like a flipped over negative of you), then it’s easy to divide resources and things to focus/work on between the two of you. In some ways it’s better than duality because if you mess things up it’s less painful and disappointing between the two of you.

    I also think that it’s obviously going to be better if there is no power imbalance, just IME, because this is considered a balanced ITR. Things exploded between an LSE supervisor and I recently. I also had a bad relationship with my LSE mom growing up. But things are improving a bit with my mom now that I’m getting older, and with LSE clients and colleagues where things are balanced between us, it’s pretty good with them.
    I dont think u get what quasi identical is

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    This has been my experience with them as well. However I’ve seen some good ILE-LIE friendships, and decent LII-ILI ones for instance, as well as others going beyond politeness between ethical types. I wonder if our experience may be different as STs because those “NF” friendship and people-oriented IEs may be harder to access.
    I actually think that shared activities together can get both types to get along or grow some friendship. But often I don't think there's much initial interest like for getting to that point. I have this LSI girlfriend irl, I remember she was pretty suspicious about me because of other ppl at first, she's basically interested in everything that I'm not (lol), so we don't have much in common, but we have the same humor and laugh about the same things. Quasi probably need someone in the middle to get each other close, in my case, in this case (and in my family too) there's ESE who's the reason why we get together. Without this, there's literally no reason to each other to interact. The person became the "mutual" or shared interest, so both can have something in common. Do you think this happens also with the N types?

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    It's strange. I do find myself in friendships with ISFp's (I think they are), one of my friends got ISFP on the test and it fits her really well (could also be SEE). However we aren't super close, more like acquaintances, but we get along really well and she's even said we're the same. I've known a few others in high school too. I don't know how it would be in a LTR, but at least on the surface I seem drawn to them.

    My closest friendships go, I think would be IEI...or IEE..two of my best friends were definitely either of these. My best best friend who was also my first love and promptly rejected by ( he was straight but made me come out and was the most unfazed reaction ever ) was most likely IEI even though he got ENFP on the test. The other guy could be IEE not sure...he was so bubbly/zany, but not really manipulative or cunning. Maybe he was IEI too.
    Last edited by Moou; 04-28-2019 at 07:54 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    I dont think u get what quasi identical is
    Really? Then why is everything that I said right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackberry View Post
    I actually think that shared activities together can get both types to get along or grow some friendship. But often I don't think there's much initial interest like for getting to that point. I have this LSI girlfriend irl, I remember she was pretty suspicious about me because of other ppl at first, she's basically interested in everything that I'm not (lol), so we don't have much in common, but we have the same humor and laugh about the same things. Quasi probably need someone in the middle to get each other close, in my case, in this case (and in my family too) there's ESE who's the reason why we get together. Without this, there's literally no reason to each other to interact. The person became the "mutual" or shared interest, so both can have something in common. Do you think this happens also with the N types?
    I don’t know about the origins of the friendships that I mentioned, but I do know that with all of them, they hang out on their own separately just the two of them, so it’s eventually progressed beyond that point for them.

    With LSEs and I, I notice that we interact with people simply because they are around us. It might be because we’re extroverts. However at the same time, deepening and keeping a friendship strong is probably more difficult for us too.

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    I love my quasis, but they don't seem to love me as much as I do. everytime I see my INFJ best buddy I tell him "I'd love to see you more often : ))" and he "no, stay at home".

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    To quote myself () :

    "Relationships with one’s Quasi-Identical commonly resemble the Facebook friendship you have with someone you are not close to. Your Quasi-Identical is interesting enough for you to accept their friend request and “like” certain (club-related) posts of theirs, but beyond that there is no deeper interaction, for the relationship is lacking in psychological merging capacity, so to speak.

    Conclusively, Quasi-Identicals often become friends, but no close ones – which is exactly the best kind of relationship to have with a Quasi-Identical, if one at all."
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    Besides that, I found it quite helpful and beneficial if your Quasi-Identical has the same instinctual stacking. It gives you more common ground. And this applies to all ITRs, but is especially crucial with the opposite Quadra ones. A compatible instinctual stacking, especially if it is the Identical one, can bridge the gap between opposing Quadras more easily. It is almost like being in the same Quadra instinctually. So I have found friendship with Quasi-Identicals who are the same stacking as me more do-able. Same for any other less favorable ITR.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    Really? Then why is everything that I said right?
    yea totally

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    Usually one wants to get somewhere while the other one is progressing via processing. This generates tension. Trees and the forest are in opposite representative places.
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    Been there done that. They are not good. They were great as a point of reference when I originally typed myself though because my mom is my quasi (ESI-D) and my aunt who Ive spent a lot of time with as a child is also ESI (N). ive dated ESIs also for quite a long time (too long maybe). Funniest / craziest ESI ive met was a young C-ESI girl.

    Other people have said enough about this already. At the end of the day quasi is boring and very unfulfilling.
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    I worked with an EII for a few months and we hated each other. He was 30 years older than me but I found him to be so petty.

    In general I love how witty and creative EIIs are but on the downside I also find them controlling and manipulative. And I'm always in shock when other people are oblivious to what they are doing because from where I stand I see it very clearly. It could also be that I am the only one to care or to see it that way. I'm thinking it might be because I see the world through Ni first of all whereas they see it through Fi? Maybe that's why I look at what they do and find them manipulative.

    I remember one day when I was working with the EII, I decided to invite some of my colleagues over (the youngest ones) to have diner and to make a cake that we would then bring to work the next day. To me this was very innocent and I just did it because I thought that it would make for a nice evening which it did.

    So the next day we bring the cake and everybody is happy except for the EII. He started to complain about the fact that we didn't invite him. He then spent the whole morning making "jokes" about how much I disliked like him. At first it annoyed me because I felt like he was reading to much into it. I mean it was just a cake, chill. But then I realize that he was actually right. When I invited my colleagues over I really didn't think about the people that I liked or disliked. I was simply thinking of a way to spend a nice evening. But the EII not being a part of my vision of a "nice evening" kind of meant that I didn't like him. The thought process was different but in the end it was pretty much the same. And because he receives information through Fi first, his first reaction and the first thing he expressed was "Ok, that guy doesn't like me".

    In the same way, they have high Ni but because it's their demonstrative function they can be reckless with it and unaware of what they are doing. That might explain why I often find them manipulative.

    All in all It's not the worst IR but I think that it requires a lot of adaptation and a conscious effort to go past the first judgment that we make of each other. Past that, we could bring each other very interesting insights because we see the world through very different points of view even though we are similar in a lot of ways.

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    Quote Originally Posted by YXPR View Post

    So the next day we bring the cake and everybody is happy except for the EII. He started to complain about the fact that we didn't invite him. He then spent the whole morning making "jokes" about how much I disliked like him. At first it annoyed me because I felt like he was reading to much into it. I mean it was just a cake, chill. But then I realize that he was actually right. When I invited my colleagues over I really didn't think about the people that I liked or disliked. I was simply thinking of a way to spend a nice evening. But the EII not being a part of my vision of a "nice evening" kind of meant that I didn't like him. The thought process was different but in the end it was pretty much the same. And because he receives information through Fi first, his first reaction and the first thing he expressed was "Ok, that guy doesn't like me".


    I haven't met yet another type who cares, wants or needs to be liked/loved as much as EII does (sx/so probably).

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    No

    just No

    Never seen one single quasi relationship not one single one not even among movie stars
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    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
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    No two people are the same.

    If you think that "Oh I've had a good/bad experience with Quasi-identical, it must mean that all Quasi-identicals are good/bad!", then you'd be wrong.

    But that's just the penalty of trying to extrapolate generalizations from limited experiences. It's just Extreme Stereotyping.

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    Quote Originally Posted by YXPR View Post
    So the next day we bring the cake and everybody is happy except for the EII. He started to complain about the fact that we didn't invite him. He then spent the whole morning making "jokes" about how much I disliked like him. At first it annoyed me because I felt like he was reading to much into it. I mean it was just a cake, chill. But then I realize that he was actually right. When I invited my colleagues over I really didn't think about the people that I liked or disliked. I was simply thinking of a way to spend a nice evening. But the EII not being a part of my vision of a "nice evening" kind of meant that I didn't like him. The thought process was different but in the end it was pretty much the same. And because he receives information through Fi first, his first reaction and the first thing he expressed was "Ok, that guy doesn't like me".
    Why didn't you just think that he felt excluded?

    I mean it could be that he is merely sensitive about this because he had a history of being excluded or not being accepted by his parents or family or something. It could be that he is merely insecure.

    But... of course, there's a huge non-sequitur when you suddenly make a not-so-clear leap to this being about Fi or EII.

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    Quote Originally Posted by YXPR View Post
    I worked with an EII for a few months and we hated each other. He was 30 years older than me but I found him to be so petty.

    In general I love how witty and creative EIIs are but on the downside I also find them controlling and manipulative. And I'm always in shock when other people are oblivious to what they are doing because from where I stand I see it very clearly. It could also be that I am the only one to care or to see it that way. I'm thinking it might be because I see the world through Ni first of all whereas they see it through Fi? Maybe that's why I look at what they do and find them manipulative.

    I remember one day when I was working with the EII, I decided to invite some of my colleagues over (the youngest ones) to have diner and to make a cake that we would then bring to work the next day. To me this was very innocent and I just did it because I thought that it would make for a nice evening which it did.

    So the next day we bring the cake and everybody is happy except for the EII. He started to complain about the fact that we didn't invite him. He then spent the whole morning making "jokes" about how much I disliked like him. At first it annoyed me because I felt like he was reading to much into it. I mean it was just a cake, chill. But then I realize that he was actually right. When I invited my colleagues over I really didn't think about the people that I liked or disliked. I was simply thinking of a way to spend a nice evening. But the EII not being a part of my vision of a "nice evening" kind of meant that I didn't like him. The thought process was different but in the end it was pretty much the same. And because he receives information through Fi first, his first reaction and the first thing he expressed was "Ok, that guy doesn't like me".

    In the same way, they have high Ni but because it's their demonstrative function they can be reckless with it and unaware of what they are doing. That might explain why I often find them manipulative.

    All in all It's not the worst IR but I think that it requires a lot of adaptation and a conscious effort to go past the first judgment that we make of each other. Past that, we could bring each other very interesting insights because we see the world through very different points of view even though we are similar in a lot of ways.
    may I have a picture to VI? The IEI friend that I have goes to church with an EII; she said the only noticeable difference is that the EII will dedicate to doing something and will do it and the IEI says "why can't I do it when I FEEL like it?"
    -
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    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singu View Post
    Why didn't you just think that he felt excluded?

    I mean it could be that he is merely sensitive about this because he had a history of being excluded or not being accepted by his parents or family or something. It could be that he is merely insecure.

    But... of course, there's a huge non-sequitur when you suddenly make a not-so-clear leap to this being about Fi or EII.
    Yeah I think the majority pf people here are already in the understanding that this person may have felt excluded, for instance. That is clearly so. All the things you mentioned could be true as well..they could be true with or without socionics.

    At the same time, I think most people here are okay with drawing the conclusion that some kind of Information processing and metabolism are going on...

    To continually discount this just seems unnecessarily contrary.

    As far as what YXPR said, yeah it makes sense.

    I think the real issue is you and why you want to be a poor sport about it all the time?

    Really it comes off as grandstanding all the time, as in, look at me guys, I'm being so reasonable here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finaplex View Post
    Yeah I think the majority pf people here are already in the understanding that this person may have felt excluded, for instance. That is clearly so. All the things you mentioned could be true as well..they could be true with or without socionics.

    At the same time, I think most people here are okay with drawing the conclusion that some kind of Information processing and metabolism are going on...
    Then what's the connection to Fi and EII?

    Quote Originally Posted by Finaplex View Post
    As far as what YXPR said, yeah it makes sense.

    I think the real issue is you and why you want to be a poor sport about it all the time?

    Really it comes off as grandstanding all the time, as in, look at me guys, I'm being so reasonable here.
    It's simply misinformation and mischaracterization of people's motives.

    Really do you actually want to understand this guy's motivation, or do you just want to say "Look it confirms Quasi-identical relation!"?

    Do you honestly want to pre-judge a relationship before it has even begun? Because that will end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    If his motive was that he felt excluded or something, then you could simply say something like "Hey man sorry if you felt like you were excluded or something, I certainly wasn't aware of it. Maybe you can join us next time", and then all will be well. But if you think that this is due to "Quasi-identical relation", then you're just going to think that misunderstandings and mutual antagonism are normal, and therefore you wouldn't even bother to try doing anything about it. Which is exactly what happened.

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    To be honest I just want to look at it through this little lens. I know it sounds dumb.

    Otherwise its just never ending speculation and life is WAY to messy to collect it all. Who has time or desire to even do that?

    or maybe I’m just so good at naturally doing that I don’t think twice about it. As in, it goes without saying.

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    When you get up in years honestly the desire to do anything about it* reaches like a 3 out of a 10 for me.

    Unless there is some common need for me and ‘x’ person to be around each other, I’m just going to turn into a Husky and wander away.

    People are a bottomless black hole of psychological challenges from their relevant histories, it’s all relative.

    I’m like several years past caring about the individual Oprah story. Bin there, done that. I want to see the over arching patterns, which are far more interesting and less fraught with loss.

    -> you want to be a evolutionist then go all the way, don’t pussy out. Make us biological clockwork which therefore means your psycology is clockwork as well. Meat computers a collection of cells interlinked with incoming sensory info coding into the nerves.

    Sounds pretty freaking horrific to think that way.

    You up want to say socionics is not real then prove it. Get up right now and tomorrow go and start a massive company. See if you have what it takes. Go and become a massage therapist because anybody can be anything it’s all magical. Go and become an actor and get up in front of thousands of people, or build your own home right now.

    Its all all good to undermine a theory by thought experiments, it’s another to actually go and walk the talk and prove everyone wrong by doing anything possible in the world.
    Last edited by Finaplex; 04-29-2019 at 05:27 AM.

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    As yes I absolutely want to prejudge a relationship esp if at what level of closeness it’s at. Haha. Like what a silly question.

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    Quasi-identical is an unfortunate labelling of this relationship because of common interests; it should be labelled relationship of 'opposites' because they take opposite approaches and priorities (processing wise) to these interests. This relationship is second from the bottom in being able to constructively work together toward common goals; they typically share the same pasture but view the other as capable of not much more than pooping in it......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singu View Post
    Why didn't you just think that he felt excluded?

    I mean it could be that he is merely sensitive about this because he had a history of being excluded or not being accepted by his parents or family or something. It could be that he is merely insecure.

    But... of course, there's a huge non-sequitur when you suddenly make a not-so-clear leap to this being about Fi or EII.
    If you look at 2, 10, 50 or 100 people of the same sociotype, there should be common characteristics. Otherwise they wouldn't be sharing the same sociotype. Otherwise, how could you even type someone? Same goes for intertype relationships.

    The whole point of this thread (as for many threads on this forum) is to identify those common characteristics.

    The story about my EII colleague was an example to illustrate the pattern that I have noticed when it comes to my relationships with the different EII I have met and our difference in points of view.

    The EII was the only one to care about being excluded like that and no I don't think that this is due to his history. He seemed to have very balanced personal life and I trust that would be able to grasp it if his behavior was linked to such trauma as what you are describing. But I'm fine with you being skeptical as long as you don't do it just for the sake of being a pain in the ass. I'm just sharing my experience anyway.

    And sorry if my "leap" wasn't clear enough for you. I read my post once again and it is very clear for me. I don't really care to make it any clearer. Maybe you should go back to the definition of Fi and the definition of base function. It will help you understand.

  27. #147
    YXPR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    may I have a picture to VI? The IEI friend that I have goes to church with an EII; she said the only noticeable difference is that the EII will dedicate to doing something and will do it and the IEI says "why can't I do it when I FEEL like it?"
    If you want to VI me yes but if you want to VI him no, I don't any picture of him.

    I agree with what your friend said. I think Te suggestive vs Te polr makes for very different approaches to the handling of tasks and duty.

  28. #148
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    I'm in Quasi-Identical relationship with my mother.
    It is like "common lifestyle relationship" in which, under critical external circumstances we can very successfully attain a common goal. However, after task is finished we tend to spend most of time apart. That's when SLI starts to complain and nag and fish for Ne and Fi (she is strong SLI-Te subtype) and even when I try to pretend it she is still not pleased (at least not in a way I would expect) and ever wants more, so I feel humiliated and annoyed. I think that it is good relation for work, when both sides are equal and not competition for each other, but there is little understanding and no warm feelings. Can’t imagine romantic relation there.
    I wonder, if feeling types have similar issues or opposite: there is a lot of warmth but they may struggle with daily activities or any common goals. I think that every IQ relation will lack real understanding and honesty so intimacy would be doubtful....?
    There is a lot about EIE-IEE in this topic and that’s great because I’m so always interested in EIE-s.
    I think that EIE female with IEE male would be far more fragile. IEE should soon annoy EIE and she may have LSI persistent admirers. Or IEE could get scared by EIE drama and run away.
    But with IEE female and EIE male I think it would be going on as long as IEE feels intrigued and safe. EIE-s are definitely not boring and can make you feel well. Male SLI would also not be serious competition, right? Or I am getting it wrong – IEE couldn’t trust EIE man in long term?
    (I sort of wish they couldn’t because this relationship occurs to me as a total waste of EIE potential; I would really want to protect them all from the “laymen” from another quadras, sic. If you know what I mean. Everyone tries to smoother EIE, when I think that we absolutely should go on this war for justice/better world, constantly challenge ourselves and have a lot of sharp, philosophical talks before, during and after. But there will be no progress if EIE wastes time to accommodate themselves to overprotective/cowardly/mundane/enjoying life as it is people. Let’s do things for them but not with them).

  29. #149

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    I used to work with my quasi-identical (LIE) on the same project. I would say that the relationship with him was fairly positive, and we had a lot of mutual respect for one another, but at the same time there was no feeling of closeness; we never became friends in any sense of the word. We would discuss work-related topics very thoroughly, listening carefully to one another's very different outlooks and ideas, appreciating the different perspective, and then we'd just go our own separate ways to work on our own personal corner of the project undisturbed. I think this was for the better, as every single time the time pressure or other reasons forced us to actually work together on the same piece of functionality, it led to immediate friction and persistent mutual feeling of "WTF is wrong with you?", which would sometimes break out into raised voices, minor verbal fights, etc. However, that would be quickly solved by just keeping apart for a short while so as to not escalate the perceived problem, e.g. working on something else for a short while.

    I would say that our relationship was defined by short discussions to see "the other side" of an issue, followed by longer periods of separation to process and apply the received information; as well as respectful understanding that our goals and approaches are radically different, but also valid and useful for the end-goals of the project: a sort of "you do your thing, I will do mine, and everything will be okay in the end" attitude. To me, this particular quasi-identical relationship was comfortable, but distant, and I was completely okay with it.
    Most likely the most negative alpha you have met
    My life experiences may be tainted by living with an LII and an ILI I lovingly call Satan.

  30. #150
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    At work, I've noticed that SLIs tend to simplify rules and LSIs tend to multiply them.

    LSI: "We need to specify the exact alloy and heat treatment and surface coatings on these parts according to MIL-spec definitions on every drawing, and label every part and add a unique serial number to the production parts so we can track them to find out if the suppliers made the part right and so we have a record of it if anything goes wrong. We also need individual part drawings and detailed assembly drawings that call out every procedure used to assemble the parts, and we need these before we start to assemble a single part to make sure that procedures are followed. We also need an overall assembly drawing and an assembly procedure listing every part, the order in which it was installed, and all the tools and adhesives which were used to put this together. We need to know this stuff."

    SLI: "Well, heh heh, I don't know if we need to go into that much detail. Ernst and I prototyped this layout with some parts we found in the lab and it pretty much worked."

  31. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    At work, I've noticed that SLIs tend to simplify rules and LSIs tend to multiply them.

    LSI: "We need to specify the exact alloy and heat treatment and surface coatings on these parts according to MIL-spec definitions on every drawing, and label every part and add a unique serial number to the production parts so we can track them to find out if the suppliers made the part right and so we have a record of it if anything goes wrong. We also need individual part drawings and detailed assembly drawings that call out every procedure used to assemble the parts, and we need these before we start to assemble a single part to make sure that procedures are followed. We also need an overall assembly drawing and an assembly procedure listing every part, the order in which it was installed, and all the tools and adhesives which were used to put this together. We need to know this stuff."

    SLI: "Well, heh heh, I don't know if we need to go into that much detail. Ernst and I prototyped this layout with some parts we found in the lab and it pretty much worked."
    That is the exact problem that I am having with SLIs, sometimes but not as much as ILIs at work. Might be Ti-lead, Te-creative clash instead of quasi-identical clash.

    From my point of view, it seems like they want to sweep problems under the rug. So they don't have to work much because they are lazy or they think it doesn't worth it. They either manage to maneuver by putting a veil on those problems or they just suffer at the end.

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