On duality, marriage, and how much it really matters

[Beautiful sky]

Maritsa, let's not confuse "work" with "effort". Any relationship requires some level of effort to be successful. I don't want to be rude, but want to see you happy; so I will say. Maybe that's why previous relationships for you have not worked out in the past, because you expect everything to be perfect?

I don't know everything, and maybe that's over the line. But I DO know you come here often, brag about how your dating a new dual, and then, after 1-2 things go wrong, you breakup, and say they weren't your dual after all, or they're this and that. Maybe if you expected things to be less than perfect, you'd appreciate some of the little, unimportant things that normally drive you crazy, and you'd be happier, and make things able to work better in your relationships.

Huh? I've never broken up with my boyfriend. WTH?

[Ave]

Huh? I've never broken up with my boyfriend. WTH?

He means your previous boyfriends, Einstein.

[squark]

He means your previous boyfriends, Einstein.

She hasn't broken up with them either.

[Beautiful sky]

I hope it's visible and clear how some here are strategic and some are tactical types. The strategics will try to have a goal, while the tactical will tell you to modify things as you experience life. This is quite a common way for conflict relations to attract one another and hold each other at interest and also another reason why activity relations start so easily too.

[Beautiful sky]

So, are you advising that people marry other types or compatibilities?

[Slacker]

So, are you advising that people marry other types or compatibilities?

Where did you get that?

I'm advising that people just date without worrying about Socionics. The theory is useful but it is also flawed, and it's too easy to mistype people, and IMO it's unhealthy to get too invested in it.

[Blaze]

Where did you get that?

I'm advising that people just date without worrying about Socionics. The theory is useful but it is also flawed, and it's too easy to mistype people, and IMO it's unhealthy to get too invested in it.

yes! what happens naturally is your kind of weed out opposing quadra folks naturally since it's like oil and water. socionics mostly confirms things that have already happened.....it describes what ends up happening naturally anyway. since you could be happy with a non dual, why not try that and use socionics to work out any differences that you might have?

[mu4]

What redbaron says is correct, socionics basically predicts this, some relationships, including relationships like activity and mirror requires a certain amount of distance, otherwise there will be conflict.

[Lobo]

I just don't see the "magic" of duality in real life for me. I'm definitely attracted to LSEs, but meh, haven't found that many who aren't tools or who I can actually trust. I like what Slacker said about just having fun and going out with people regardless of their type.

[Suz]

I just don't see the "magic" of duality in real life for me. I'm definitely attracted to LSEs, but meh, haven't found that many who aren't tools or who I can actually trust. I like what Slacker said about just having fun and going out with people regardless of their type.

I can't say that I disagree with you as I've had a similar experience with my duals. The magic really only comes into play once you're close enough, and that happened for me with just one dual, with whom i was forced to work with for long long shifts of really hard work. With the other dual i now know, it's been hard to GET close enough in the first place. I think that really is the big catch with duality.

[shakealittle]

I just don't see the "magic" of duality in real life for me. I'm definitely attracted to LSEs, but meh, haven't found that many who aren't tools or who I can actually trust. I like what Slacker said about just having fun and going out with people regardless of their type.

I hear you. I have had a relationship with a dual before and I find it very hard to trust them, ESPECIALLY when they are left to their own devices for a period of time. It's hard to trust that they won't stuff up .... I mean it seems like they are oblivious to things that are obvious and important to me. I didn't like having to expel of this Ti on him, I didn't like becoming even more myself.

My ex dual makes attempts to indirectly get into contact with me and maybe I'm misreading his intentions but he is engaged (after only 6mnths with someone), why open that can of worms again for whatever reason he has. It's that kind of thing which made me realise we are so different. Dare I say I find it's easier to love identicals and I'm yet to find that same physical attraction to my identicals with my duals. Life is much more fun with activity partners over other relations. Living together could be a different story though!

[Beautiful sky]

Slacker, you said that duality is easy. That's a pretty strong statement, don't you think? Being a conscientious friend, I would help someone find a dual because of that very statement.

Why would I want, in my good conscience, to help someone find an uneasy relations, if I were a well meaning person?

[Slacker]

Slacker, you said that duality is easy. That's a pretty strong statement, don't you think? Being a conscientious friend, I would help someone find a dual because of that very statement.

Irrelevant to what I said.

[Beautiful sky]

It's quite relevant, I'm afraid and one which you won't own up to unfortunately.

[Slacker]

It's quite relevant, I'm afraid and one which you won't own up to unfortunately.

Not at all relevant. I said it's EASIER, but that doesn't necessarily mean BETTER, and people mistype each other all the time anyway so I wouldn't get too invested because it's risky. Whether it's easier is not relevant to anything else.

[Beautiful sky]

Not at all relevant. I said it's EASIER, but that doesn't necessarily mean BETTER, and people mistype each other all the time anyway so I wouldn't get too invested because it's risky. Whether it's easier is not relevant to anything else.

It's not better? If it wasn't better than why did you choose it?

*My new theory, perceptual/irrational types don't put meaning behind what they perceive.

[Beautiful sky]

Demonstrating Ti isn't uncommon for an SLI. If you had gone by Socionics, than that would only mean that you didn't know how to type or to recognize a person's pronounced function, as all functions are present in every single individual. And you, being a perceptual type, would make sense that you captured or emphasized the person's subconscious functions more so than conscious because you perceive (look at) mere happenings.

[Slacker]

I wasn't noticing Ti or looking for anything because I didn't know about socionics. We just didn't gel the first few dates, and people here seem to think duals are immediately best friends. If they assume they aren't duals because things aren't going how they expected, they could overlook something good. Stop over-analyzing everything.

[Ver]

I agree with you Slacker. First I was so immersed into socionics... I had to stop for 2 years (I banned myself from reading antyhing about that cause I knew it started being unhealthy). I also agree with you that it's just a theory with many many flaws some of which we are not aware of. The reality, however, confirms that socionics works. When it comes to feelings, I was for a few years with my INTj boyfriend even though I knew we were missmatched and reality confirmed that. I'm now with my SLI or LSE boyfriend and when I chose him I thought he was some other type but I just fell in love with him. You should fall in love with people, not with their types. You should trust your gut feeling, not the theory. The theory is here to confirm your feelings, not the other way round.

[Absurd]

Stop over-analyzing everything.

They don't call them analysts for nothing...

[golden]

I think Socionics could be helpful to think about in dating if you're someone whose compatibility antennae are not working all that well, for whatever reasons. Ideally, it'd be not a way to eliminate people from your life, but to help ensure that you are paying attention--that you are not overlooking the possibility of getting closer to someone who might be good for you.

[Ver]

For me socionics is very useful. I understand now why I get on with some people better and why with some I get on worse. It helps me not to get frustrated so much when I deal with some incompatible types. It also allows me to approach people ina way they should be approached .
Still, I don't believe in types, just in people. I can find people of each type whom I like or don't like. I think each function can be "good" or "bad". And I like good Se and good Ti as much as I don't like bad Fi and bad Ne.

[Beautiful sky]

I think Socionics could be helpful to think about in dating if you're someone whose compatibility antennae are not working all that well, for whatever reasons. Ideally, it'd be not a way to eliminate people from your life, but to help ensure that you are paying attention--that you are not overlooking the possibility of getting closer to someone who might be good for you.

You mean, essentially, not passing the person up for superficial reasons.

[Beautiful sky]

There's no really good way to "attract" a dual; the only way to have a dual is to be ready for one, to be ready for a relationship, even if that's a friendship of duality because if all you're doing is trying to be alone, than you're not really ready to have anyone in your life, even if that person is a really important person.

[DirectorAbbie]

There's no really good way to "attract" a dual;

Sure there is.
Don't act like someone else's dual.

[Beautiful sky]

Come now, what are you gonna do to the poor fellow, string him up by his calfs with a rope...heehee!!!

[Slacker]

I think the way to attract a dual is to be natural, be yourself, and not overanalyze your behavior. Forget about Socionics and be natural and people who are naturally attracted to you will be.

[carrina]

For background, I'm married to my dual, and our marriage has been really good and easy and has had longevity.

But I know 1. lots of people in non-dual marriages who also seem very happy and whose marriages have longevity.

I feel like 2. duality makes my marriage easier, but on the other hand there are things unrelated to scoinics involved that make my marriage easy too - similar views on politics, religion, how to raise children, etc.

My friends who are in 3. happy non-dual marriages talk about how they "work on" their marriages, by doing things like having regular date nights, spending certain amount of time each night talking about something other than their children, etc. My husband and I don't have to do anything like that or worry about it, but maybe their work is beneficial enough to make it even better than my easy dual marriage? I've only been in one marriage so I can't compare.

The one thing I do feel confident about is that duality 4. is not the end-all-be-all in relationships. I feel like people should, when they're young and of dating age like so many people here are, 5. go out into the world and just date and enjoy themselves, without so much focus on type. What if there is a wonderful relationship 6. with a non-dual available that you miss? 7. What if you end up with a dual with whom you have such different views on religion or politics that you just sit and argue all the time, albeit argue very well and effectively due to compatible communication styles? 8. And what if you've mistyped yourself, or the other person you're dating or not dating based on Socionics? It all seems very risky to me.

(This is not based on any specific person. It's just a thought I had.)

1. This happens all the time. No problem, non issue.
2. The only reason that matters
3. Marriage counseling is for people who aren't compatible.
4. That depends on who you ask/there is no "end all be all" for anything ever anywhere
5. sounds like an extreme waste of time/completely uninteresting/not my idea of fun
6. I see no problem here. freindships/relationships, its all the same. those who have this problem may not limit themselves. just because you love/like someone doesn't mean you are compatible and should date. nor does it mean you should not date them.
7. the views become more similar in mature people. those views shouldn't matter.
8. Common effect of being an idiot

[Kim]

The thought of living without a dual makes me very sad. If I had never found out about socionics, I'd be happier, but I have, and now I'm permanently sad and alone forever or else I have to sacrifice my religious beliefs.

You really don't need a dual for a happy relationship. I had a better relationship with an SLE than with an SLI (although the dual relationship was easier). Really, forget that Socionics exists and go meet people.

[Kim]

I used to freely meet people before I learned Socionics but now that I have, I can't forget it exists, and it's just a source of misery every day. I'm glad you had a good relationship with the SLE though. IEE-SLE is super ego and it was still good? So that gives me hope. Thank you

Yes it was good and where it wasn't, it was not because of Socionics. It was not as effortless as the dual relationship, but more exciting (which I like).

[MisterNi]

Lol.