Insensitivity toward one's own feelings

[intjguy]

A friend of mine brought to my attention that I might be insensitive toward my own feelings.

How does one go about being sensitive to one's own feelings? Why would someone be insensitive to their own feelings? Pride? Insecurity?

Which reminds me of another question. What is to mean by the word insecurity (psychological) in a human being? In the literal sense it would mean an exploit that someone else could take advantage of, no?

[717495]

In one sense reminds me of Fe vs Fi problems. Fe valuers trying to make light of a situation they don't want to dwell upon because it's too serious, it sometimes feels like they're being fake to me and just putting on a face, even though from Fe valuers including Ti dominants, they've said they just don't "feel right about doing it" when it comes to situations they see as too "selfish" or "self-serving", like say if an Fi wanted to ask to cut people in line because they want to get ahead in a race, an Fe valuer might feel hyper-sensitive about doing it because they want to keep positive ethics and a sense of justice, and to Fi point's of view including my own it feels like they're being untrue to themselves and their own desires, and its seems like a mix of politeness and keeping things light, and the Te side is saying "but these ethics are pointless" and the Fi egos understand this.

I think Fi doms have more of a neutral stance on politeness, like because they realize they're ethically distanced they want to keep this distance comfortable with others, which is where the shy smiles come from, or some act like others wear do-not-disturb signs.

To Fi I think it feels like Fe is distancing their feelings from their personal desires, and to Fe maybe it feels like because Fi's are being too individual about it that they don't seem to show the feelings that others are or that they "should" be showing, which is where the "serious" and "unemotive" attributes comes from. Fi has the same amount of feeling, it is just more internalized.

[intjguy]

Insensitive to your own feelings? Wtf, you're a guy. You're supposed to be that way.

That's what I thought! Thanks.

[intjguy]

In one sense reminds me of Fe vs Fi problems. Fe valuers trying to make light of a situation they don't want to dwell upon because it's too serious, it sometimes feels like they're being fake to me and just putting on a face, even though from Fe valuers including Ti dominants, they've said they just don't "feel right about doing it" when it comes to "selfish" or "self-serving" situations, like say if an Fi wanted to ask to cut people in line because they want to get ahead, an Fe valuer might feel hyper-sensitive about doing it because they want to keep positive ethics, and to Fi point's of view including my own it feels like they're being untrue to themselves and their own desires, and its seems like a mix of politeness and keeping things light.

I think Fi doms have more of a neutral stance on politeness, like because they realize they're ethically distanced they want to keep this distance comfortable with others, which is where the shy smiles come from.

To Fi I think it feels like Fe is distancing their feelings from their personal desires, and to Fe maybe it feels like because Fi's are being too individual about it that they don't seem to show the feelings that others are or that they "should" be showing, which is where the "serious" and "unemotive" attributes comes from. Fi has the same amount of feeling, it is just more internalized.

I think I lack both Fe and Fi. But from your example, if I valued Fi more than Fe I would probably have a healthier level of being sensitive to my own feelings?

I find what you're saying is interesting, but I didn't know that Fi was a lot of just "my feelings" and Fe was "your feelings".

[intjguy]

All you need to remember, is that feelings are gay and make you unattractive to women.

Amen brother.

[717495]

I think I lack both Fe and Fi. But from your example, if I valued Fi more than Fe I would probably have a healthier level of being sensitive to my own feelings?

I find what you're saying is interesting, but I didn't know that Fi was a lot of just "my feelings" and Fe was "your feelings".

Not saying Fe is really at all others feelings and Fi was your own feelings technically, since they're all the subjects feelings, but I think Fi is based on the subjective factor, and Fe can be quite subjective and personalized to where you can't recognize it as being that open, but the fact of the matter is it's still basing things on the objective factor. Maybe I don't have the best example available (the one I gave wasn't illustrating a behavioral difference, but just more what an Fe person may look like), but I encounter examples every day between Fe and Fi valuers, stories similar to that one, and overall it's just the feel they give off I've gotten used to.

It's not always the initial stimulus of the feeling, but how each factor shapes it. An Fe might want what an Fi wants, but will react differently because of external circumstances. Likewise an Fi can feel differently at different times just as well because circumstances create more of a general feeling resonating inside. In fact I don't think there's much difference there as far as any feeling goes.

Like, the example I thought of for the first sentence I posted earlier was more about someone's whole attitude. Fe valuers might lighten things up or even the surfaces out like they want to keep the connection to the outside and not dwell on their own subjective factor, even if their main feeling about it is negative they will express this when in private with people they trust and they still have to keep most of it to themselves because they value their conduct, and by subjective factor I do usually mean something that can be quite internal and not fit the situation at all.

An Fi valuer can easily come across as over emotional to an Fe, when their feelings just go over the top, but to Fe is just comes across like they're being too self-centered and to me feels as though they're saying Fi sucks at the actual presentation, and Fi doesn't consider how others are supposed to react to them, but they want to give their feeling a fair representation even when it serves no point (to quote the words of my ILE brother: "what's the point?") It doesn't mean the emotion is more or less real to the person though, either way, it's just all along Fe wasn't on the same wavelength, they were feeling around a kind of external measure, and somewhat about some of the more objective ramifications, and Fi was ignorant to most of it because their subjectivity is so focused.

[Absurd]

Polikujm, do you fink intjguy is SEE?

[FDG]

Insensitive to your own feelings? Wtf, you're a guy. You're supposed to be that way.

Yeah, pretty much. Any deviation from such behavior is going to attract ridicule.

Of course some degree of positive feelings (i.e. smiling) and some degree of negative feelings (i.e. telling other people to fuck off) are welcome.

[717495]

Polikujm, do you fink intjguy is SEE?

Oobu moonju

[Reuben]

All you need to remember, is that feelings are gay and make you unattractive to women.

Don't listen to him, he's naked and single.

[Nico1e]

A friend of mine brought to my attention that I might be insensitive toward my own feelings.

How does one go about being sensitive to one's own feelings? Why would someone be insensitive to their own feelings? Pride? Insecurity?

Which reminds me of another question. What is to mean by the word insecurity (psychological) in a human being? In the literal sense it would mean an exploit that someone else could take advantage of, no?

I think yeah, insecurity means you think that someone else will hurt you if you do something. Like, if I believe that I'm ugly, and if I talk to other people about the way that I look, I might tell them that I'm ugly first, before they get the chance to tell it to me, because maybe it hurts less badly if I'm the one who says it, and if they say it, it hurts more. So someone who feels insecure might try to 'hurt themselves first' before other people can hurt them.

So if you wanted to cry, or something, and then said to people, 'I'm just being a baby,' that might seem like you are being insensitive towards your own feelings.

I'm not sure what I would tell someone to do instead of that. 'Self-acceptance' is the word that some authors use. You accept that you feel a particular feeling, even if you don't like that feeling, even if you're embarrassed about that feeling. It's just part of who you are at a particular moment in time.

I also wrote about this in another thread, but, there are physical things people can do to relax themselves so that they can accept their own feelings. There's something called 'emotional freedom techniques' or EFT, which is a way of tapping or pressing on particular places on your skin to relax your body so that you don't feel as anxious. That helps if an emotion is associated with anxiety. Like 'oh no, I'm starting to cry, that means I'm being a baby and people will make fun of me, I have to stop crying right away!' So if that happened, you would use the tapping and acupressure technique (EFT) to reduce the fear and anxiety and then maybe it would be easier to just cry without being afraid of it or calling yourself a baby.

I'm just trying to think of examples when I say 'crying.' Every other feeling could be included in this too, but crying was the easiest one for me to think of.

[GuavaDrunk]

Yeah, pretty much. Any deviation from such behavior is going to attract ridicule.

Of course some degree of positive feelings (i.e. smiling) and some degree of negative feelings (i.e. telling other people to fuck off) are welcome.

[Beautiful sky]

Don't listen to him, he's naked and single.

LOLOLOLOL ROFL

Those things are so seemingly related to giving attention to another

[VILEvenezuelan]

It usually feels like I don't have feelings- I have principles. I have a general "do unto others" principle, and I have about enough skill to know when I've crossed that line with someone. This means that I usually ignore how I feel about something if it will be an imposition on someone else. Some might call this insensitivity to my own feelings, which I guess doesn't bother me. What does bother me is how dangerously close this can flirt sometimes with martyrdom(holier-than-thou is no fun for anyone, but it can be an armor for my POLR sometimes when people question my motives).

The only time this is different is if another more important principle overrules "do no harm." Like my low tolerance for intolerance. Or my low tolerance for arbitrary authority. Or my low tolerance for being made to wait : )

Are those feelings? 'Cuz they feel a whole lot more like principles that I can't violate or I feel at odds with myself.

[Wavebury]

All you need to remember, is that feelings are gay and make you unattractive to women.

whatever, emo ;p

[chip]

This could mean your not as fully emotionally aware as you could be. Having the ability to recognize your emotional state and control that emotional state is the best way to be. To be self-affirmative is to be self-empowering. I might add emotions stem from the body in such a way that you really need to listen to your body and get outside of your head. In some respects I agree that acting overly emotional and dramatic would give people the impression your a flamer, as acting emotionally expressive is womanly and acting emotionally in check is manly. However there is an alternative to the preconceived notions of masculinity and feminity. What I mean to suggest is emotions have a real importance in your life and can not be repressed and the same holds true for the lives of others. Women may appreciate a man that has a softer side who can understand her alittle but that all depends on the women. In sum basically acting too hard will make your an asshole but acting too soft will make you pitiful. Having zero emotional response is no better than emotionally overreacting. You need to find a balance that works for you. However do not make the mistake that changing your life will instantly change the lives of others - like becoming more emotionally aware does not mean that girl you like will reach that same state of awareness.

Among other things being insensitive to one's true feelings sounds like your emotionally withdrawing from the world. That is very inappropriate of you!

[krieger]

this whole "emotions you're not aware of" thing is bogus. if you're not feeling anything there is no emotion. the definition of having emotion is that you feel something.

[squark]

this whole "emotions you're not aware of" thing is bogus. if you're not feeling anything there is no emotion. the definition of having emotion is that you feel something.

True. But it is very possible to feel something and have no idea what the emotion is or why you're feeling it.

[Reuben]

True. But it is very possible to feel something and have no idea what the emotion is or why you're feeling it.

I can't help but want to take advantage of females who have poorer emotional intelligence than me.

[Wavebury]

I can't help but want to take advantage of females who have poorer emotional intelligence than me.

Keep looking.

[Beautiful sky]

Don't people think about the causes (factors behind) the things they are going through that cause emotions? I can understand not knowing where they are coming from from lack of analysis or awareness and just letting them assume control over you and your life.

[FDG]

I can't help but want to take advantage of females who have poorer emotional intelligence than me.

So none?

[1981slater]

So none?

ALCOHOLIC DRINKS matter.