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Thread: Do you prefer quiet or loud love?

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    Memory of Tomorrow Reuben's Avatar
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    Depends. I like physical touching & kissing in public, if not I feel like the other person might be ashamed to be with me or not serious about me. I also like the relationship to be known among friends & fam. BUT I cringe at sharing feelings and private details out loud, certain things are private.

    edit: oops im beta
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    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
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    and does not
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    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Hmm... Loud, public declarations would probably embarass me, and same with heavy PDA. I had a friend with whom I was somewhat intimate try to get cuddly in a bookstore once. I was like, "We're in a store; quit it." Looking back, he didn't seem to care about whether he could be spotted doing that sort of thing. I've always felt that I don't need grandiose-but-empty promises or sappy poems penned to me. I don't know how I would react to one; maybe I'd be flattered and embarassed. My expressions of love have typically been to the point. I did once tell someone I would always love him, a promise I later came to regret, but that's about as dramatic as I have gotten; and frankly, he was the closest friend I've ever had (speaking of kindred), and the feelings weren't romantic. But I digress.Edit: I did write him a poem once, but it had more to do with my spiritual and emotional journey + his effect on it than "I looove this person and would die without him".
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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryene Astraelis View Post
    Hmm... Loud, public declarations would probably embarass me, and same with heavy PDA. I had a friend with whom I was somewhat intimate try to get cuddly in a bookstore once. I was like, "We're in a store; quit it." Looking back, he didn't seem to care about whether he could be spotted doing that sort of thing. I've always felt that I don't need grandiose-but-empty promises or sappy poems penned to me. I don't know how I would react to one; maybe I'd be flattered and embarassed. My expressions of love have typically been to the point. I did once tell someone I would always love him, a promise I later came to regret, but that's about as dramatic as I have gotten; and frankly, he was the closest friend I've ever had (speaking of kindred), and the feelings weren't romantic. But I digress.Edit: I did write him a poem once, but it had more to do with my spiritual and emotional journey + his effect on it than "I looove this person and would die without him".
    Interesting. What you described was that you detached yourself from the situation(including your emotional involvement with the person) and looked at it from the Third Person perspective. Your mate was trying to be your mate and you rejected advances because of the environment. Does this mean you value public image over intimacy?
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    Quote Originally Posted by EyeSeeCold View Post
    Interesting. What you described was that you detached yourself from the situation(including your emotional involvement with the person) and looked at it from the Third Person perspective. Your mate was trying to be your mate and you rejected advances because of the environment. Does this mean you value public image over intimacy?
    He was not my "mate". He was a friend who wanted the physical benefits of a relationship without pesky little things like monogamy, commitment, or emotional ties. To answer your question shortly: yes.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryene Astraelis View Post
    He was not my "mate". He was a friend who wanted the physical benefits of a relationship without pesky little things like monogamy, commitment, or emotional ties. To answer your question shortly: yes.
    I take mate to mean friends too, but okay, thanks for the response.
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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryene Astraelis View Post
    He was not my "mate". He was a friend who wanted the physical benefits of a relationship without pesky little things like monogamy, commitment, or emotional ties. To answer your question shortly: yes.
    OK, I can agree with you that being friends without monogamy, commitment or emotional ties is not a mate, it's a f**k buddy.

    But do you honestly think your public image is more important than being in a close intimate relationship? Because I honestly couldn't imagine one without the other. I mean, you'd want to be with someone you could be both intimate with AND who doesn't constantly humiliate you/make you look bad. Right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MisterNi View Post
    OK, I can agree with you that being friends without monogamy, commitment or emotional ties is not a mate, it's a f**k buddy. But do you honestly think your public image is more important than being in a close intimate relationship? Because I honestly couldn't imagine one without the other. I mean, you'd want to be with someone you could be both intimate with AND who doesn't constantly humiliate you/make you look bad. Right?
    The two are not mutually exclusive, nor did I ever state they were. I value intimacy, both emotional and physical; but I believe there is a time and a place for the latter. Does that mean I value image over intimacy? In a sense. I just didn't feel like explaining myself to someone that I felt was asking an unfair question to begin with, and to whom my explanation probably wouldn't matter.
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    Hey Ryene, screw talking to this JerkNi, come snuggle and have cookies with me. I have some sugary drinks, too.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Hey Ryene, screw talking to this JerkNi, come snuggle and have cookies with me. I have some sugary drinks, too.
    Not interested in you like that, to be quite honest.
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryene Astraelis View Post
    Not interested in you like that, to be quite honest.
    Each time you turn me down, I die a little inside.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  12. #52
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    Ah, me too. It actually sends me running to the hills when someone says it. Like I honestly and truly don't believe them. I have very bad self esteem. When I was married and he told me he loved me, I called bullshit on it all the time to the point i think that probably ruined things a lot....he had to keep telling me over and over and I forced him to show it and would get in fights all the time because I didn't believe him and I even told him to stop saying it but I now know you can't force someone to love you.

    I have issues. I hate being the one to initiate physical touch like hand holding because I never know if that person is into me like that. If I know they are, I can easily be all over them but pet names? Hell no. I hate talking about feelings too because I just don't believe them usually.
    I love you, jessie wessie





    Just kidding, I'll decide if I like you when we finally go out Just wondering, are you interested in realistic Nerf battles, or just solo-shooting?


    Hmm... Loud, public declarations would probably embarass me, and same with heavy PDA. I had a friend with whom I was somewhat intimate try to get cuddly in a bookstore once. I was like, "We're in a store; quit it." Looking back, he didn't seem to care about whether he could be spotted doing that sort of thing. I've always felt that I don't need grandiose-but-empty promises or sappy poems penned to me. I don't know how I would react to one; maybe I'd be flattered and embarassed. My expressions of love have typically been to the point. I did once tell someone I would always love him, a promise I later came to regret, but that's about as dramatic as I have gotten; and frankly, he was the closest friend I've ever had (speaking of kindred), and the feelings weren't romantic. But I digress.Edit: I did write him a poem once, but it had more to do with my spiritual and emotional journey + his effect on it than "I looove this person and would die without him".
    Ryene, I don't know if you identify with me, but my ideal partner is someone who will be there for me in late nights, who believes in me even though no one else does, who tries to understand me before she tries to correct me, who loves me with presence, and actions, and soul...and not just words, who listens to advice, but thinks about it before applying, who is wiser than me, because women generally are, who loves her body more than I do (I do not respect women who do not intend to treat their bodies well), who trusts in my love for her even when I am not present, or when I do not speak, or when I am shrouded and lost in myself and in darkness and fear and love is all that can pull me out.

    I don't mean to be dramatic, but I mean to express, to be understood, and maybe understand you, or anyone else who finds this resonant with their own desires and values.

    I don't have cookies, but I have bread and egg and spice. I don't have sugary drinks but I have water, and fresh fruits.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    I love you, jessie wessie





    Just kidding, I'll decide if I like you when we finally go out Just wondering, are you interested in realistic Nerf battles, or just solo-shooting?
    oh. I didn't know we were meeting....news to me haha

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    Memory of Tomorrow Reuben's Avatar
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    for shooting! But not soon unless.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Each time you turn me down, I die a little inside.
    Your heart will go on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    Ryene, I don't know if you identify with me, but my ideal partner is someone who will be there for me in late nights, who believes in me even though no one else does, who tries to understand me before she tries to correct me, who loves me with presence, and actions, and soul...and not just words, who listens to advice, but thinks about it before applying, who is wiser than me, because women generally are, who loves her body more than I do (I do not respect women who do not intend to treat their bodies well), who trusts in my love for her even when I am not present, or when I do not speak, or when I am shrouded and lost in myself and in darkness and fear and love is all that can pull me out.I don't mean to be dramatic, but I mean to express, to be understood, and maybe understand you, or anyone else who finds this resonant with their own desires and values.I don't have cookies, but I have bread and egg and spice. I don't have sugary drinks but I have water, and fresh fruits.
    Not interested in you like that either. And didn't you just hit on Jessica in the same post?
    Johari/Nohari

    "Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."

    Fruit, the fluffy kitty.

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    Not interested in you like that either. And didn't you just hit on Jessica in the same post?
    Huh? I'm not asking whether you're interested in me, I'm asking if these values resonate with yours. And I don't understand the second part. Don't you say things like that to the friends you like? Or maybe you don't.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

  17. #57
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    I dont like being a part of or seeing strong PDA. I dont mind PDA in simplicity, though. I'd rather rest my head in someone's lap or touch someone's face than be a part of or see something with more sexual overtones, including long kisses.

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    You rest your head on a girl's lap? How does that work? I don't even do that to my mum when she asked me to 13 years ago.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

  19. #59
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    You rest your head on a girl's lap? How does that work? I don't even do that to my mum when she asked me to 13 years ago.
    What if you get tired and it's the softest pillow available?

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    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  20. #60
    Creepy-pokeball

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    Its not that uncommon for one to rest another's head into the other's lap, especially at a park or watching a movie, etc. What your mom has to do with this, I dont want to know.

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    Red face

    I like to show my affection in public and in privacy. I don't care.
    Then again it's nice to see the males wanting what I got under my arm. I also like to be seen as a sexist (slapping on the ass, "fetch me this", etc), especially with victims and there are AFCs around.

    I also seem to like to be seen as an total asshole for the shock.
    This one time I hanged around with this IEI girl I wasn't really dating, neither was she just a friend. She hurt herself and got a small bruise and some strangers took it that I hit her and told her to stay away from assholes like me. I found her victim façade exciting and loved the wrong idea they got as they we're shocked. She didn't even clarify it wasn't me
    Last edited by Aquagraph; 10-15-2011 at 10:08 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    True, but not many people can figure it out unless you tell them at least once.
    Which is why I am occasionally drawn to express my feelings once, but never twice unless I've grounds to believe the target of my affection has forgotten where I stand.

    In general, I am only willing to disclose love/infatuation under one of two circumstances.

    1) I'm highly confident the feeling is reciprocated, in which case I don't want to let the opportunity slip away.

    2) I'm highly confident the feeling is not and will not be not reciprocated, in which case I feel dishonest hiding how I feel and desire rejection that I may more effectively get over immobilizing feelings of infatuation. This is tricky cause a poorly executed revelation can destroy a friendship, but I've concluded that doing so is well worth this risk and whatever transient ego damage accompanies facing up to the rejection. For, a friendship in which one party yearns for more than a friendship is a dysfunctional friendship, and I have discovered that with rejection and time I am capable of converting infatuation into platonic love, which is truly a beautiful thing and is conducive to the best kind of friendship that can be had.

    In all other circumstances I find myself in a perverse double bind. Telling someone you like them prematurely makes them wonder if you are desperate, causes them to worry you are idealizing them to an excessive degree, and forces them to make a decision about how they feel about you before they are ready, none of which works to to the persuer's advantage. On the other hand, hiding one's feelings invariably causes those feelings to intensify and develop in unhealthy ways, resulting in unnatural behavior that likewise doesn't help one to win over another person. For me, inaction is the natural consequence of uncertainty regarding to the best course of action, so mum is the word in such instances.

    Although, I find that it is less and less a prerogative of mine to convince others to like me. I've decided that it's much more important for me to love others (and myself) than for others to love me back (although it certainly is easier to love those who will love you back).

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    Quote Originally Posted by korean boy
    You're right though, it sounds like it wasn't a fair question and it was aimed at goading you into forcing a choice.
    Yes, you penis.

    Quote Originally Posted by pizza
    What your mom has to do with this, I dont want to know.
    Orly ^^

    Quote Originally Posted by softest pillow available
    What if you get tired and it's the softest pillow available?
    Wolves don't sleep on pillows. Pillows sleep on wolves.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Come to think of it, using a woman as a pillow is great new way to be a sexist. where my victims at..? *looks to the bed*

    Nah, it's nice when I'm being used as a pillow or as a source of heat.

  25. #65
    Memory of Tomorrow Reuben's Avatar
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    If I ever use my women as pillows, I'll put them in a comfortable pillow case first, tie them up, and spank them hard to a nice fluff.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryene Astraelis View Post
    Your heart will go on.
    How about coffee/tea? You pick the place.
    Last edited by Park; 10-16-2011 at 05:12 AM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I like it loud...bring the noise
    Last edited by Lubingo; 10-16-2011 at 02:13 AM.

  28. #68
    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
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    I honestly would not be embarrassed by public displays of affection. If it feels right then I don't see why not.

  29. #69
    jessica129's Avatar
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    The only thing that really creeps me out is hand holding. I hate it so much. It's so awkward. What if I have an itch, what if my hands are sweaty, what if he doesn't like me and doesn't want to hold hands, etc. I'm so clueless about knowing when to touch people or if they want to be touched..how do you gage it??? It's easier to just go in for the kill and grab his penis.

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    It's so awkward. What if I have an itch,
    Are you right-handed? Date a left-handed man so you can both have your primary hand free at all times.

    LSE
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    The only thing that really creeps me out is hand holding. I hate it so much. It's so awkward. What if I have an itch, what if my hands are sweaty, what if he doesn't like me and doesn't want to hold hands
    1) you stop holding hands
    2) you tell him they are sweaty and you don't want to hold hands
    3) if he doesn't like you he isn't dating you, asdfff

    It's easier to just go in for the kill and grab his penis.
    That seems like a very effective approach, I must say.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  32. #72
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    Reuben, both wolves and rabbits become pillows. Sorry.

    Jessica, lol, uhmm..... I dont think thats legal on a walk in public although probably doable at the theater.

    I actually have a low tolerance for hand-holding, but thats because 1. I like to be able to move at any moment and 2. It makes me feel trapped.

  33. #73
    Memory of Tomorrow Reuben's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessie wessie
    It's easier to just go in for the kill and grab his penis.
    Ok so now I know what you'll be reaching for and when to cover it.

    Quote Originally Posted by abbie wabbie
    Are you right-handed? Date a left-handed man so you can both have your primary hand free at all times.
    <-- Ambidextrous, single and available
    She is wise
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    and does not
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    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by pizzaboy
    Reuben, both wolves and rabbits become pillows. Sorry.
    Apology accepted. I tend to eat my pizza in bed
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    Ok so now I know what you'll be reaching for and when to cover it.
    Now you're just creeping me out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    1) you stop holding hands
    2) you tell him they are sweaty and you don't want to hold hands
    3) if he doesn't like you he isn't dating you, asdfff
    It's weird pulling your hand away from someone who tries to initiate the hand-hold
    Seems like an excuse
    I don't date, really. So if my FWB holds my hand, I assume he wants more? NO NO NO

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    I would say I prefer quite love although I'm not ashamed to show my feelings in public. I like physical touch in general and I feel safe when my boyfriend is near me. However, I don't like anything "sexual" to be shown in public, deep kisses etc it would embarass me a lot. Public word of affirmation would also embarass me a lot on the side of my partner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    It's weird pulling your hand away from someone who tries to initiate the hand-hold
    Seems like an excuse
    I don't date, really. So if my FWB holds my hand, I assume he wants more? NO NO NO
    Interesting... i hate dating as well...
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    Jess/Wawa

    SLI-IEE relationship.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Memory of Tomorrow Reuben's Avatar
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    I hear you. It took me about six months to not feel awkward holding hands with my boyfriend, both in public and in private.
    Clearly non-beta.

    And yes I'm pretty lonely.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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