Alrighty. I remember that a while back, when everyone was ENTp, everyone would complain a ton about
PoLRs. You'd hear people talking about how they're soooo0oo00OO00o handicapped because of their "lack of Fi." People would often use it as an excuse to be nasty bitches towards others, claiming that they're entitled to do so, because they don't understand social norms and such. As a SLE, with a
PoLR myself, I can safely say that it's all bullshit. Make use of a little bit of
, and all social issues tend to resolve themselves.
Having as a PoLR isn't really a problem at all in social situations, but rather it takes its effect in another form:
An over-simplified description of
:
In myself and other SLEs I have observed, it seems as if one of the main manifestations of the
PoLR is having difficulty of establishing close relations with others, whether good or bad. (I can't really speak for ILEs here, because I'm not one of them, and it is possible that they behave somewhat differently with their PoLR). One day, an ISFp friend noted, "You know, it seems as if you don't actually dislike anyone, really. That's kinda cool!" In a way, she was right. If you asked me to name off all of my enemies, there would be no one on my list. If I get angry or irritated at someone, it'll last at most a couple of days. After that, all grudges disappear, and I return to a neutral state towards that person. It's kind of a state of not liking them, but not hating them either. My way of thinking is that it feels like shit to hate people, so therefore, in order to not feel like shit, I don't hate people. I do this on an unconcious level.
But there is a flipside to the coin! Just as it's hard for me to hate people, it's also very hard for me to love people. Besides my immediate family, I have never loved anyone. The closest I have ever came to loving someone (but never did) was towards my IEI friend, as well as another SLE, simply because we understood each other so well. Both were guys. Otherwise, my "neutrality mechanism" begins to kick in again. With people I consider friends, I joke around with, play sports with, party with, and talk with them. The catch is, that once they move out of my life for a short while, I tend to forget about them, and get new replacement friends. I have lost contact with tons of people, as much as I don't want that to happen. They become neutral again, just like any people whom I actually dislike. It is very hard for me to establish close relationships, and when I do, it takes an extremely long time for me to actually feel anything towards that person. I have reached this point with the IEI and the SLE only. When I don't see them for a while, I don't really miss them, but once I see them again, I remember how great friends they were, and that I should really stay closer with them. Of course, it's hard for me to follow through with that, thus repeating the cycle.
One of the last major ways that the
PoLR has an effect is on how I interact with people. I could use all the
I want, and that creates a happy-effect on the people I talk with. However, I rarely actually feel the things that I show outwardly. One way I notice this is when my ESI mom introduces me to one of her friends, I smile until my jaw gets tired, do the hand-shaking, high voice, pleasant language, etc. It gives my mom and her friends what they're looking for me to do. However, in reality, I don't really give a shit! It's sort of a pseudo-feeling; I can trick myself into believing that I care and feel the same thing that I'm expressing about whatever I'm doing the
to, but that soon passes. This often times takes place when I'm trying to be polite, during social situations and such. I go home sort of empty at times, because of all that faking. If I do it over a long period of time though, like when interacting with the IEI and the SLE that I mentioned previously, I do actually feel these things. This is an extreme rarity, though, and it's most likely not a cooincidence that they're my dual and identical pairs.
There is is. I hope that this post can help people realize that having a poor
DOES NOT make one socially inept. I'm not what one would consider socially retarded, and most other SLEs aren't either, despite the
PoLR! People should learn to make the best of their PoLR, rather than bitching about it. A better way of dealing with it, is understanding how it manifests itself, identifying it, learning to work with it, and discovering alternatives and ways to work around it. I did so by forcing myself to not hate or dislike people, in the manner that I described above. It's both a strength and a weakness, and I am learning to accept that, learn from it, make the best of what I've got, and to not stress about it when someone hits the PoLR. Chances are, they didn't do it on purpose anyways, and people will not think of you much differently if that does happen.
Peace.
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Originally Posted by Diana
)
oh well yeah but what red and diana are saying is right...you can't really offend us, we'll tolerate a lot. the only ones who can offend is somebody who's super concerned with Fi all the time. it's Fe that keeps it movin for us. yeah, that's the way we roll lol. it's better for us not to be in charge of relationships...we're better off to handle things and plans and strategies and logistics. leave the relational stuff to our Fe ethical compadres.
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